Jessiegurl44 Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 I have been dating a guy since April 2013. We also work together which makes it harder. We got along really great for a while we would stay at one another's house every night. He is not good with expressing his emotions which is quite frustrating. When I try to have a real conversation is leads to a fight. The Wednesday before thanksgiving he broke up with me out of the blue. I still saw him at work and I took the breakup hard. I would try to talk to him but he would never answer the phone. Last week he texted me and said he wanted to work stuff out so that made me very happy.. But now he won't come over my house or let me at his it's weird since we were together 24/7 before. He said he wants to get an apArtment so we can be with each other every night. I get the feeling something really shady is going on, so basically he says we can't get an apartment because we don't have money saved but not being able to just hang out at the house requires spending money so I'm seriously confused.. And when I question him about this we end up fighting and him saying take it or leave it pretty much.. I just want to be with him and be happy but he is making it so complicated.. We never hang out long enough for me to get answers to any of my questions I love him what does all this mean?!
TaraMaiden Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 It means he is a somewhat messed-up individual and that you should really keep this relationship on a purely professional level. He's your colleague. I really would honestly keep it that way. If he's proving to be contrary, confusing and 'emotionless' now, you really think planning to move in together is anything near a wise move? You really believe this relationship could be beneficial and constructive? You already suspect something 'shady' and he refuses to engage in logical natural relationship discussion.... Honey, really..... Look, read your post as if it had been written by someone who's a complete stranger to you. What would YOU tell her? Right? Exactly. 1
mortensorchid Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 This sounds odd, truly it does. His mood swings or hot/cold could be caused by a variety of things, ranging from mental illness to alcohol abuse to something you have no idea what is/isn't going on. I think it's best you get out while the getting is still good. This reminds me of this guy I dated for a flash a few years ago who told me he had some kind of mental illness which had caused him to be hospitalized. I backed off, then got a bad reaction from him. After that, I decided to use some reverse psychology on him and get him to leave me (which worked). He unfriended me from MySpace (as these were the MySpace days) after that. Six months later he came back with a friend request, I accepted it out of curiousity. Long story short, he said he felt horribly guilty about ending things the way he did, then he got angry with me for a second time over something, unfriended me again, then came back with a friend request again. Needless to say, I rejected it. He's married now with a kid. Lucky for me he didn't chop me up and eat me, he might do the same with them.
KatZee Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 Honestly, just because he doesn't want to talk about his emotions doesn't mean he's "emotionless" nor does it mean there's something "messed up" about him, nor does it mean he needs to be "hospitalized." I can be this way as well. I have many emotions. Sometimes too many. But I am NOT in any way, shape or form, comfortable verbalizing them, talking about them with others, specifically, a significant other. It makes me feel awkward, uncomfortable, and it's not a pleasant feeling. Most of them time I have all these emotions and even if I tried to verbalize it, I can't even explain them correctly. There are different ways people show their love for others. Yours is obviously speech, talking, and sharing emotions. His is obviously not. His "love language" may be to SHOW you he loves you by DOING things for you. Is he good to you otherwise? Does he SHOW affection, rather than speaking about it? How does he treat you as a person? Is he respectful? Does he do nice things for you? Do you feel safe around him? Appreciated? Do you trust him? Also, you continuing to nag, and harp about talking about emotions is making him clam up even more. You're pushing him into a corner, and obviously he doesn't feel comfortable enough to open up yet. This is how I get as well. When people push me and push me, I run away even faster. I need to warm up in my own way, and on my own time. If someone is whining to me, crying, sad, complaining that I'm "emotionless" it causes me to retreat much further, become increasingly distant, and not even willing to speak to that person. I'm not sure if this is how he is for sure, since you're the one that knows him but I'm just giving my side of what it could be. 1
Leigh 87 Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 There is no excuse for disappearing for two weeks without calling or texting you. It takes a mere 30 seconds to send a quick text stating that " I am not in a good way, I will get back to you I promise, this isn't over between us but I just need a week or so to sort my affairs out. I won't just disappear don't worry" Ok, so perhaps one min to send all that in a text. He could have done it. Everyone knows that it is upsetting to have a person you are dating suddenly disappear on you. If he actually had a lot of empathy and consideration for others, he would not just disappear like that; HE KNOWS that when you had sex with him and became close to him, that you would, from that point, be HURT if he were to just "disappear". I would go no contact and not talk to him again. You don't want a guy who just ups and leaves whenever he sees fit. Good riddens, why do people put up with this crap?
KatZee Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 There is no excuse for disappearing for two weeks without calling or texting you. It takes a mere 30 seconds to send a quick text stating that " I am not in a good way, I will get back to you I promise, this isn't over between us but I just need a week or so to sort my affairs out. I won't just disappear don't worry" Ok, so perhaps one min to send all that in a text. He could have done it. Everyone knows that it is upsetting to have a person you are dating suddenly disappear on you. If he actually had a lot of empathy and consideration for others, he would not just disappear like that; HE KNOWS that when you had sex with him and became close to him, that you would, from that point, be HURT if he were to just "disappear". I would go no contact and not talk to him again. You don't want a guy who just ups and leaves whenever he sees fit. Good riddens, why do people put up with this crap? I think you're on the wrong thread.
deathandtaxes Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 This all means you have issues if you want to be with somebody with which you have a fight every time you try to have a real conversation. This is toxic. Take a hard pass.
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