kornic0528 Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 (edited) Hey y'all - PS/ read the last two paragraphs to get straight to the point.. New member here. I lurk every now and then and it's been really helpful to me so far. I have a topic that I don't see specifically discussed (although I see many post breakup stores, sorry if repost) so here it goes.. my situation: I'm 22. I met my ex girlfriend when I first moved to Santa Barbara for college. Within the first two weeks of moving here we became good friends and eventually transitioned into a serious intimate "in love" relationship. My first time experiencing true love. It was most definitely mutual although I ended up falling much harder in love in the end. Stayed together for a lil over two years, moved in together, go to the same college and study photography where we took most of our classes together. It was a great relationship while it lasted but it ended a few months after moving in together. We did everything together and got really good at working together on our photo shoots and as creative (and emotional) support for each other. She was really bad to me in the end (g.i.g.s for sure) so I broke up with her and moved her stuff out. We still have months left at school together. It's a small school so we run into each other a lot... most the time unintentional and much more than I like to admit. I'm learning her schedule now so I know where NOT to be at those times.. I tried everything. Took plenty of time to grieve .. NC as much as possible, then I tried contacting her, sincerely forgiving her (in person, she apologized too), keeping myself busy (working out, meditation, psychotherapy, 3x jobs, more photo projects, etc), writing, hooking up with other girls. But everyday my mind finds its way back to her. So anyways... to my point. Post breakup blues. 6 months after the matter I still feel so numb. I'm hardly attracted to any girls anymore but the thought of her can light me right up. I've been with other girls and haven't enjoyed it.. my head (mind) wasn't in it at all. I've quit causal sex for now. I stay busy all day hanging with great friends, incredible spiritual mentors and amazing people but at the end of the day I still feel lonely as **** coming home and waking up alone. It's hard for me to stay motivated with my work on my own even though I started photography alone and came a long way by myself. I grew tremendously when we were together and reached my biggest goals to date with her.. grew into a healthy lifestyle, did a lot of my best work, was the happiest ever, etc. I've been doing REALLY well for myself since we've been apart. In the best shape I've been. Doing some really great projects and working with some great professionals that will provide to boost my career if I play my cards right. Unfortunately through it all I feel very empty and generally unexcited even though it's my life dream unfolding in front of my eyes. I became very emotionally co-dependent on her during our relationship. Each time I see her it just rips my heart out afterwards even though we generally only have friendly conversation (although I try to avoid that when I can resist). I just don't understand what it'll take to get over this chick. Time probably. How long did you go without a partner after your serious relationship? How about sex? How about dating where you can actually feel affection for another person? I feel so much pressure to **** as much as possible and try to find a girlfriend but I'm not down to be with people I don't feel anything for. After reading that maybe I'm closed off too. I suppose what I'm looking for is to hear your post-breakup blues. I know NC is best to get through it but it's so hard when I run into her randomly. How are you maintaining? Does this sound accurate to any of you? Any random advices? Thanks Nick Edited January 19, 2014 by kornic0528
Mr me to Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 Hey Nick I'm feeling exactly the same way as you finding no enjoyment in anyone or anything. Think it's just a normal part of grieving. I know the NC rule is like a cliche but seriously it is essential I've broke it many times. I have children with my ex and I've realised she is like a drug to me. Whenever I speak to her about anything or even if we have an argument I immediately perk up and think things aren't so bad but then a couple of hours later I feel worse than I did in the first place. Next time you speak to her be aware of how you feel then monitor your feelings later that night guarantee you'll feel worse than you did before contact and worst part is it takes days to recover. Time is a healer but that time needs to be ex free to count, don't delay your healing mate, you don't owe her anything if you see her smile maintain your dignity and walk on
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