countryrider13 Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 (edited) I'd like feed back and point of views, especially from men. I'm in a loving relationship, were very open and honest. I know my boyfriend loves me for me he shows it and I feel it. I know most people have insecurities about something and mine is my physical appearance. Most days I feel beautiful, I'm not shy in being naked in front of my bf and showing it all. I've been in pretty bad relationships where I've been put down and called names. My first husband even said he didn't live me cause I didn't look good enough for him. My last bf told me how beautiful I was all the time but I still had a hang up of myself. My bf now who I love dearly, I've brought this issue up to him of my insecurity he assures me that he lives me for me and that will never change. I don't doubt anything that he tells me. But I can't seem to shake this insecurity of do I look good enough for him. I think both sexes notice cue/pretty/attractive people, it's natural. My boyfriend will occasionally say someone is hot (someone from TV or magazine) one of those models I will never be. It brings out my hang up. I wonder if he'll really happy with me when he finds those body types so attractive. Yes I think there's guys out there who are hot but I don't bring it up out of respect. I guess what I want to know is, even though you find people attractive do you compare your gf/other half to those people or do you see those flaws on your other half? What's your thoughts on getting over this hang up, and should I even bring it up more cause I don't want to upset him of bringing up often. Edited January 19, 2014 by countryrider13
Eivuwan Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 He may be not censoring his thoughts because he's just so comfortable with you. Thinking that other people are hot doesn't take away from your attractiveness. How shallow do you think your boyfriend is? That's the question. You feel insecure about your appearance, but you also do not trust that he likes you for more than just your appearance.
mammasita Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 I think you answered your own question. You said you find others attractive, you just don't bring it up out of respect.....no where did you say that you compare those guys to your man. I would venture to say for most men it's the same. Just because he says "she's hot" out loud doesn't mean he's comparing. Remember men are simple and very rarely have the complex thoughts that we do. I know for me, I don't ever compare. I've forever had a crush on mark wahlburg....I've never compared his body to any man I've dated or slept with.
MrCastle Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 (edited) As touched on already, just because you find other people attractive doesn't mean you don't find your SO attractive, nor does it mean you act on it. You can admit someone is attractive while actually not being attracted to them. And for the record I'd never compare a woman to another woman in terms of anything. Looks or otherwise. Remember men are simple and very rarely have the complex thoughts that we do. Yeah. We're only responsible for the overwhelming majority of medical and technological breakthroughs and inventions. Edited January 19, 2014 by MrCastle 3
Frank2thepoint Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 I never compared my ex-girlfriends to other women, whether celebrities or real people. I always found my ex-girlfriends beautiful physically and cherished them for it. Except toward the end of the relationship, I didn't find their personalities attractive. Ironically, a few of my ex's compared me to other men. I guess that's one of the reasons I broke up with them.
mhm407 Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 It's human nature to still notice and be attracted to others while in a relationship, and as previous posters have said, no it doesn't mean that he's comparing you to them necessarily. Personally though, I think it's disrespectful to one's partner to voice those opinions or obviously gawk at other people, etc. And I would have no problem asking him to refrain if I were you.
Grumpybutfun Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 The issue here isn't what we think because it has no bearing on your relationship at all. Plus, do you honestly think the way I think as a forty year old man isn't different from a nineteen year old kid who only knows attractiveness as a value at this point in his life? There is no way to gauge men's real thoughts on this because it is fluid as we grow up. The real issue is that you feel unattractive due to your ex husbands verbal abuse and manipulation. How can you erase those massages that are still affecting your life? It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, you have internalized what he thinks to such an extent that you have became someone other than who you really are. You can replace those words with your own, but no one else's. You have to ask yourself if he said those things because he is the worlds judge of beauty or because he wanted to control and hurt you in some way. Then you need to ask yourself if you are ready to stop letting him have all your power and ruining your love life I from afar. What is the worst thing that can happen if someone finds you unattractive? They leave? Logically would someone who finds you unattractive for physical appearances have been with you in the first place? Hell no, so logically your exes claims that you are unattractive isn't even practical or honest. He was an ass, don't let him make you into a victim. If men in your life make you feel less than a beautiful and desired woman, move on. End of discussion because they are douches. You deserve better than this, and it is time you believe that, Grumps 1
Guitarisgood Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 Think of it this way, it's like when a hot chick walks past a group of guys and one goes 'daaamn' and the other agrees and then they continue on with what they were doing beforehand. Obviously beauty is out their but it is just acknowledging something much like when us guys jump with joy when our team kicks the winning goal or something. The thing to address here but is your insecurity. As guys we are not touchy feely emotional stuff type people. So when we say we care about you or anything about you, we mean it. Take it as it is. If you still feel such insecurities, then use it as a drive to get yourself in better shape. Thats how I have brought in the new year after not being happy with how I looked. I've up'd my fitness regime, eating healthier and rather than be a scruge, spend money on making myself look better to the opposite sex. It helps and is noticable trust me. 2
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