ithappenedagain Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 I have been NC for about 3 days. I have been staying at a different place, however I will more than likely see her in a few days - as I have to move my stuff out. The thought alone hurts me, so I can only imagine how much pain I am going to be in when I finally close the door to the apartment we once shared one final time. I am really REALLY REALLY not looking forward to it. In fact, tears are shedding as I type this She really has no idea how much pain I am in. On top of her walking away from the relationship, I am also dealing with the stress of looking for a new place to call home. She thinks it is easy. Well it is definitely NOT easy. Finding the courage to start looking for new places is causing terrible anxiety. I wish she truly realized how much she meant to me and how bad I am feeling. Sorry to be debbie downer but I am having one of those mornings
rosedl Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 I'm sorry. Often we don't talk about the practicalities around break ups. If you were living together or shared finances and other responsibilities, it is highly stressful to change all that on top of heartbreak. It is a lot of change all at once. And, change can be frightening, especially unwanted change that puts you in situations where you are dealing with basic survival stuff (shelter, money). Try to stay in the moment and not project worst case scenarios. Be gentle with yourself, it is easy to be hard on yourself when you are feeling overwhelmed and believe you are weak. It isn't true. I have become a bit paralyzed by the fear as so much has been raining down on me, I am getting to the point where I am scared to make a move which is not helpful. So, I empathize with the struggle you are in. On another note, perhaps you could ask your ex to leave the house while you get your things. I am sorry you are going through this....
Author ithappenedagain Posted January 19, 2014 Author Posted January 19, 2014 Thank you so much for the reply. It means a lot. I am trying to take things one day at a time, one minute at a time and not look down the road - but it's hard. It's hard knowing that everything I was used to is now gone. I guess I am scared on top of being depressed. I think you are right about asking her to maybe leave the place while I get my stuff. I finally had the courage to call U-Haul to reserve a truck and also a storage locker. So I guess that is positive advancement for me.
rosedl Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 (edited) Hang in there It is a psychic car crash right now. Just do the bare necessities and keep it to one day at a time. Allow yourself to grieve the loss. I am sooo sorry. Heart break is a lousy card. I know the feeling of being scared. You aren't alone. I'm scared too. It's normal to be scared. It is unknown. It is a big change of plans. Life gets turned upside down and you don't know where you will land. Definitely ask her not to be there when you get your stuff. It is so triggering to see them. It is too tempting to not just let some out of your hurt, fear, and confusion out and it can get ugly, and then you will have to recover from that (should it happen) on top of everything else. Good for you and getting the truck. Everything you do to move forward is a step forward. They add up, but it takes time. Edited January 19, 2014 by rosedl 1
Author ithappenedagain Posted January 21, 2014 Author Posted January 21, 2014 The day I was dreading finally came. Movers came to and moved out all of my things this morning :-( She wasnt home, but let me a note basically saying she wishes me the best. The place looked completely different, and anything that reminded her of me was taken down. I just wanted to get in and out as soon as I could. The feeling felt like a thousand pounds of weight being pushed against me. As I sit here at the bar, drinking a cocktail, our song comes on the radio. Wtf. this cruel game I am in or what?!? What are the chances. It is not even a radio hit.. It was an old Dave Matthews song. Ugh. I feel so weird right now. I did write her a final message today. I told her I was not looking for a response, and she has respected my words..so far...I feel good about it. Should I have sent it? Probably not. But I did. And it was respectful and mature. If you want me to share it, I will - whenever I get home.
chris21422 Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Share it.. also be sure this is your final words.. Now disappear and let the healing begin. You'll make it bro.. 2
btvdts Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 sorry to hear that bro. I know the feeling. I had the pleasure of moving myself out in the rain. she did help me pack....by taking all my pictures down and throwing them away. guess the new bf didn't want to look at my pictures. I think that's when my heart really broke. The fact that she couldn't even wait until I was gone or took them down myself. I was out of the house a week before I could move my stuff out. it sucks. I know. 1
jphcbpa Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 damn that is rough bro. prayers i hired a moving company to do it for me. there is no way I could have been there. it is currently in storage and not sure what was put on the moving truck. i am moving into my new place in mid feb. it will interesting to see if there is anything that I will want to discard. luckily my friends/family will be with me to help me sort it all out. 1
rosedl Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Picking up stuff time. I hate picking up stuff time. I went and got my stuff from his house about a month ago. Scoured the place. Only my grill is left, there was simply no way to move it through the deep snow. That, I can get in the spring when he isn't home and send a couple of friends to move it for me. We never lived together, so it wasn't quite as bad. We didn't spend hardly any time at my place, his place is full of our memories. I don't know how he can be there and not have it haunt him. We were mostly pretty happy. This is actually a smaller break up for me, though my heart was broken. It is recovering slowly now. Three years ago, I got out of a long term relationship of over a decade. He moved out but I had to come back and get stuff to bring with me while I temporarily moved out, so he could remove his stuff and make other living arrangements. I remember coming back and seeing half our stuff in boxes and the place was half empty. I feel like I had the wind knocked out of me. I know this is hard, but it is a big step in moving forward.
mtnbiker3000 Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 It's rough. I had to live with my ex for 2.5 months after we broke up. It was pure hell!!! And when I finally moved out, it was a sureal experience. The good news for you is that this is now a beginning rather than an end. Now you can start to heal and move on properly... Best of luck Funny thing is when we broke up I asked my ex to move out as I wanted to stay in our house (which I found). She refused, so I found a new apartment and finally moved out. Then 3 weeks later she moved out too. WTF??? Typical 2
Raena Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Honestly, at this point, I'd rather have been the one to leave instead of being the one to stay and have the memory of what I thought we had constantly gnawing at me here. Just rest easy knowing that is what she's going to have to deal with... your memory everywhere she looks. She can take down the pictures, repaint the walls, change the furniture and redecorate... doesn't change a thing... your presence will still be there. 1
JDPT Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Hang in there and know that nothing remains stagnant, absolutely nothing. You will live on and will experience a new chapter in your life. It's up to you to make the best out of this experience and make it work for you in the future. I know you are in a bad place right now and it's ok to feel, it's ok to be hurt take your time with it and embrace the pain for now. And also know that there is a lot of work to do, your journey continues. 1
fixing Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Stay strong man. And dont go drowning your sorrows in too much alcohol. 2
LostConfused123 Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Stay strong man. And dont go drowning your sorrows in too much alcohol. That's true You probably feel like getting wasted. Can't say I blame you, even though that's probably about the worst thing we can do during our grief. I'm so sorry for your pain. I remember you mentioning this (last week I think) If you do get hammered, please please please take a taxi or call someone. . . . I'm not at all implying you're irresponsible or anything. . . I just understand how much you must be hurting right now. Best of luck. My thoughts are with you! ((hugs!!)) 2
Author ithappenedagain Posted January 22, 2014 Author Posted January 22, 2014 Thanks everyone - It was rough yesterday! But I somehow made it through. As someone else said - "at least the hard part is over"... That is true. Also, thank you for your concerns regarding me out drinking yesterday. Everything is good there. I only had a few with my friend - he has been by my side since day one, so I wanted to treat him to lunch and some drinks. Lately, when I start to think about her and what she could possibly be doing, I have been repeating in my head "she left me. she doesn't love me anymore. stop thinking about her'' over and over and over.. until my mind just stops running. Surprisingly, this has been working.. I also recieved a text message from her LATE last night - around midnight. All it read was: "Oh no! You forgot your Ipad and laptop charger" I dont understand why she just didnt text my friend that. She knows that NC is 100% on. I made it clear in the last message I sent her, (my fairwell message if you want to call it that) that that would be the last message I send her. I will have my friend text her to arrange a time to grab the stuff I missed.
mtnbiker3000 Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Be extremely thankful you've got a mate to help you through this. That is HUGE!!! I had to do it on my own and it was extremely difficult and I think drew it out longer than if I had a solid support network. Thank goodness for LoveShack...
Author ithappenedagain Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 Back story: Dated 2 years. Lived together for the final 8 months of the relationship.. It has been a little over 2 weeks since she told me she didn't want to be with me anymore and that I should move out. I fought for the next few days to get her back, but after thinking about it and going back and forth, she decided that her mind was made up. I got movers and moved my stuff out last Tuesday (5 days ago). I sent her a 'farewell' text that morning - basically telling her what she meant to me and how much I will miss her, but at the same time I need space now to fix my broken heart and that it would be my last message I sent her. Later on that night I get a text from her saying 'Oh no. You forgot your iPad and laptop charger" Didnt respond. The next day, she sent my sister a message stating the same (that I had forgotten a my iPad and charger)... Sister did't respond either, but I had my good friend message her stating that he heard from my sister that I left a few things at the place. Today: I haven't heard from her since. This weekend was pretty bad. I think it is because I had work off which caused her to be on my mind 24/7. I tried going out, Tried working out, Talking to family, etc etc. but I feel like nothing is changing. I know time heals all wounds, but this wound is pretty deep I miss her so much. I miss everything about her. But we did have our arguments - and sometimes they were heated. But we always resolved them. I guess I am struggling to accept that she wont be coming back. I am struggling that she hasn't text me or left me a breadcrumb. I am struggling accepting that I moved out and it is over for good. She is drop dead gorgeous and can get any man she wants. I am sad that she will find another guy, with a ton of money, and then completely forget about the memories we onced shared - which ironically - are the same memories that are causing me to go crazy right now. UGH. This sucks.
Author ithappenedagain Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 I guess I also forgot to mention that last night I had my first dream/nightmere (whatever you want to call it) where she was in it. I woke up feeling all sad. Good for you that you can enjoy your weekends. How long did it take you to start enjoying them after having your heart stomped on? Another added dimension to my story is that I am temporarily living at my sisters place. The added stress of looking for a new place doesnt help.
LostConfused123 Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Back story: Dated 2 years. Lived together for the final 8 months of the relationship.. It has been a little over 2 weeks since she told me she didn't want to be with me anymore and that I should move out. I fought for the next few days to get her back, but after thinking about it and going back and forth, she decided that her mind was made up. I got movers and moved my stuff out last Tuesday (5 days ago). I sent her a 'farewell' text that morning - basically telling her what she meant to me and how much I will miss her, but at the same time I need space now to fix my broken heart and that it would be my last message I sent her. Later on that night I get a text from her saying 'Oh no. You forgot your iPad and laptop charger" Didnt respond. The next day, she sent my sister a message stating the same (that I had forgotten a my iPad and charger)... Sister did't respond either, but I had my good friend message her stating that he heard from my sister that I left a few things at the place. Today: I haven't heard from her since. This weekend was pretty bad. I think it is because I had work off which caused her to be on my mind 24/7. I tried going out, Tried working out, Talking to family, etc etc. but I feel like nothing is changing. I know time heals all wounds, but this wound is pretty deep I miss her so much. I miss everything about her. But we did have our arguments - and sometimes they were heated. But we always resolved them. I guess I am struggling to accept that she wont be coming back. I am struggling that she hasn't text me or left me a breadcrumb. I am struggling accepting that I moved out and it is over for good. She is drop dead gorgeous and can get any man she wants. I am sad that she will find another guy, with a ton of money, and then completely forget about the memories we onced shared - which ironically - are the same memories that are causing me to go crazy right now. UGH. This sucks. Hey guy, I'm sorry you're hurting so much right now. I know you have this vision of her getting any man she wants and moving on to some super star life with no problems ever and completely forgetting about you and that's just totally unrealistic. Just because she has moved on doesn't mean she will forget about you and all you had. Never! Also "gorgeous" people get dumped all the time. Heartbreak doesn't discriminate. . . . just sayin. Besides, what you think is beautiful, someone else may not. I don't know if this is helpful to you but I just didn't want you sitting there thinking you will be completely wiped from her memory and she will go off and live this perfect life with no troubles just because she's beautiful. . . . . trust me. Doesn't work that way. You are awesome!!! and you will find someone better. I know that's almost laughable to you right now but you will feel better!! We are all here for you! ((hugs)) 2
LostConfused123 Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 I guess I also forgot to mention that last night I had my first dream/nightmere (whatever you want to call it) where she was in it. I woke up feeling all sad. Good for you that you can enjoy your weekends. How long did it take you to start enjoying them after having your heart stomped on? Another added dimension to my story is that I am temporarily living at my sisters place. The added stress of looking for a new place doesnt help. The dreams are normal, but nerve racking as well. I looked at it as my brain's way of purging. Looking for a new place is stressful but it can also be exciting! It will be brand new (to you) You have lots of new happy memories to make and no "triggers" to deal with. I wish you all the best on searching for your new home. You will feel much better in new surroundings that are all yours. 1
deathandtaxes Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 I read your first post, OP. Sounds like you will be better off without this lady. I am sorry that you have the stress of finding a new place. But this lady - not for you. Looks like she never unstuck from her exbf?
purplehues Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 This is so incredibly encouraging to me, though I can't imagine feeling this way. Thank you so, so, very much for sharing. It's been 6 days since she broke up with me and I've not had any contact. It sucks! But reading posts like these keeps me going. About 6 months from accepting it and going full NC is where I'm at now... and it really is night and day. I often go entire days without thinking at all about the ex. I can tell soon it will all be a faint memory... Nothing wrong with staying at the sisters house. Is she in a hurry to get rid of you? Take your time.. throw her a little bit of cash to make it a business agreement. Don't launch off into an apartment until you can afford it. It's also better to be around people right now rather than totally alone... The nightmares will fade. They remind me of when I quit smoking cigarettes I would have dreams where I was smoking cigarettes. I would wake up hating myself for screwing up but then realized it was a dream..
Author ithappenedagain Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 Thank you all for the "pick me up".. It means a lot to me that you guys actually take time to reply back. One more thing I am struggling with is my obsession with this site. Is it healthy that I am on here all of the time. Part of me is telling myself that being on this site(posting, reading, etc) is hindering my ability to move on. Does that make sense?
purplehues Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 I have wondered the exact same thing. Seems like I've been on here non-stop since my relationship ended 6 days ago I found that it's helpful to only browse threads that I feel might be conducive to my healing. For me, this means staying away from anything suggesting 2nd chances/reconciliation (trying to at least). Advice on here is very helpful, a good reality check, but it can stir up some unwanted feelings of hope as well. On another hand, all these stories about people moving on after a broken relationship are freaking amazing! That being said, I'm extending myself extra grace when it comes to playing around online, especially this website. If it helps me right now, then why not? I also look forward to re-reading my threads/posts when my ex is hopefully a distant memory and encouraging others on here as well. Thank you all for the "pick me up".. It means a lot to me that you guys actually take time to reply back. One more thing I am struggling with is my obsession with this site. Is it healthy that I am on here all of the time. Part of me is telling myself that being on this site(posting, reading, etc) is hindering my ability to move on. Does that make sense?
LostConfused123 Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Thank you all for the "pick me up".. It means a lot to me that you guys actually take time to reply back. One more thing I am struggling with is my obsession with this site. Is it healthy that I am on here all of the time. Part of me is telling myself that being on this site(posting, reading, etc) is hindering my ability to move on. Does that make sense? Makes perfect sense to me. I think about that too sometimes but I figure, it's not only helping my recovery but I'm also helping others with theirs. (at least I hope so . ) I the "old days" before the internet, I remember my dad going to meetings after divorcing my mom. I imagine it was a lot like LS. The difference is they had to physically attend them. Also, one had to go to the library or book store to get information about what we are all experiencing. I don't know, I think it's pretty much the same thing. Only, now we can attend "meetings" from our own home. If it makes you feel better and you are recovering then I think it's probably a good thing. (just my opinion) ((hugs!!)
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