How do you fall out of love with someone

[sugarpea]

So having a difficult time not having feelings for him, and just wondered if anyone knows how to fall out of love with someone? I know it's an odd question to ask but really no contact is not really working for me. I'm doing my own thing and fine but when it comes to him I just can't get rid of the feelings and he has a gf.

[David87]

So having a difficult time not having feelings for him, and just wondered if anyone knows how to fall out of love with someone? I know it's an odd question to ask but really no contact is not really working for me. I'm doing my own thing and fine but when it comes to him I just can't get rid of the feelings and he has a gf.

 

Unfortunately you can't fall out of love with someone, I still love my ex from 2012, we dated for 3 years, and I still love my ex from dec 2013 we dated for 1.5 years.

 

What you can do is keep your self bussy and avoid memoris of them, today I looked at some pictures and it hurt so bad..... I almoast cryed.

 

I truly believe that once you love someone with all your heart you will always love them.

[ikilledacockroach]

I'm sorry, getting over someone is never an easy thing! My relationship is currently at its breaking point and so I know how hard it is to stop feeling something for someone who obviously does not feel the same way. One of the best ways is not to sit around rehashing the past and thinking 'what if', there was nothing you could have done to save the relationship and it wasn't your fault. Do not look at the relationship through rose-tinted glasses and ignore the fact that there were issues that caused it to not work out. It will hurt and it will take a lot of time but remember that this was just a life lesson and that you will meet someone who puts you on a pedestal and you will feel stronger and better than ever.

[David87]

The truth always hurts, but there's no on/off switch for your filings.

 

You have to live with your losses.

 

It gets better in time.

[sugarpea]

Thanks everyone, how is it that he could fall out of love with me then?

Yet tell me he did love me and does love me but not in love with me?

Really how does that work he has a gf now, can you love two people at the same time? Isn't that cheating? :S

 

I know it does get easier and I was at the point where I was ok for a while, until he wanted to be friends and I'm not sure I can, at least not right now. But I really don't know when. I want to, I want to be there for him like I was and if ultimately he can't be happy in a relationship with me then that's fine but if he needs me there I want to be there for him.

 

He said he missed us being friends, and really I do miss him a lot.

 

I think I f***ed it up though as I told him no we can't right now but I think he took it as we can't ever. Not too sure what to do now as he's gone full blown no contact.

[ikilledacockroach]

My boyfriend has just recently told me that he loves me but that he's unsure whether he still wants to be with me. I think there is a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. I think that you should just stop talking to him and thinking about him. Forget about trying to be friends at the moment as it seems like you are still too raw and it is too soon to be friends. You may be friends in the future or you may never be friends as it may be too hard, either way you need to move on and focus on yourself. Don't think about how you both aren't talking to each other, he is in a new relationship and he shouldn't be giving you mixed signals. You deserve better and you will wake up one day thinking why was I ever upset about this <3 be strong <3

[sugarpea]

My boyfriend has just recently told me that he loves me but that he's unsure whether he still wants to be with me. I think there is a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. I think that you should just stop talking to him and thinking about him. Forget about trying to be friends at the moment as it seems like you are still too raw and it is too soon to be friends. You may be friends in the future or you may never be friends as it may be too hard, either way you need to move on and focus on yourself. Don't think about how you both aren't talking to each other, he is in a new relationship and he shouldn't be giving you mixed signals. You deserve better and you will wake up one day thinking why was I ever upset about this <3 be strong <3

 

Thank you so much. I think I just feel a bit immature about it all because his current gf is friends with her ex (though the guy never had sex with her) my ex thinks he's gay. I think just cause the guy didn't want to have sex with her doesn't mean he's gay, she's not that attractive, actually I find her unattractive but that's not the point. The point is I think my ex probably thinks less of me cause I can't be friends with him and yet his current gf and ex are friends and they are way younger just 22.

 

In terms of being friends I'm not really thinking about it now I'm just worried and I just want to know that the door is open and that he would want to be friends in the future. From the message he sent it sounded like goodbye forever and here is some closure.

[sugarpea]

He also did use that line the we can't be anything right now but maybe some time in the future, and I don't know I'm not that delusional to believe it or wait out for that to happen but I do hope that our paths will cross again and we could be something when we're both in better places/situations.

 

Still something quite weird to say when you're currently with a gf. Maybe its just one of those lines like the famous 'it's not you, it's me' or the 'I love you, I'm not in love with you'.

 

Trying not to think to much of it and keep doing my own thing. Just really didn't want things to end like this, but oh well, not like I have any control of it now, depends on him. Balls in his court.

[ikilledacockroach]

Thank you so much. I think I just feel a bit immature about it all because his current gf is friends with her ex (though the guy never had sex with her) my ex thinks he's gay. I think just cause the guy didn't want to have sex with her doesn't mean he's gay, she's not that attractive, actually I find her unattractive but that's not the point. The point is I think my ex probably thinks less of me cause I can't be friends with him and yet his current gf and ex are friends and they are way younger just 22.

 

In terms of being friends I'm not really thinking about it now I'm just worried and I just want to know that the door is open and that he would want to be friends in the future. From the message he sent it sounded like goodbye forever and here is some closure.

 

I don't think that you're immature! Some people are just able to be friends with their exes and some people aren't. I haven't stayed friends with many of my exes and its because at the time it was too hard and now that I've moved on I don't want to choose to bring people who brought me down into my life again.

 

You shouldn't care what your ex thinks, it's YOUR opinion that matters. You cannot push yourself to be friends with someone when you know it will hurt you, the friendship will end up running itself into the ground. From the state of things you just have to keep moving on with your life and if you do decide to be his friend in the future then go ahead and try. If he doesn't want to give it a shot then you've lost nothing and you can hold your head up high and say at least you tried.

[ikilledacockroach]

He also did use that line the we can't be anything right now but maybe some time in the future, and I don't know I'm not that delusional to believe it or wait out for that to happen but I do hope that our paths will cross again and we could be something when we're both in better places/situations.

 

Still something quite weird to say when you're currently with a gf. Maybe its just one of those lines like the famous 'it's not you, it's me' or the 'I love you, I'm not in love with you'.

 

Trying not to think to much of it and keep doing my own thing. Just really didn't want things to end like this, but oh well, not like I have any control of it now, depends on him. Balls in his court.

 

I hate when someone uses that line on me, it's just a whole bunch of mixed signals. I'm not saying you should or shouldn't hope that you both will be friends again but for the moment you should just put that to the back of your mind and not think about whether he will or will not get into contact with you. You will be so much happier for it. It'll be okay hun <3

[sugarpea]

Yeah that is true. I think I just need to remember to concentrate on myself. I am a huge giver and I find a lot of the time I do take myself for granted, and really I broke the friendship off for me but I think I could have worded it better, I just didn't want to come off as weak, and for him to know that I'm still not over it, and it's been a year, to be fair the r. was 6yrs. It's annoying as I ended up telling him anyway the reason why we can't but really it's also probably best for him as I couldn't stop bringing up the pain and anguish I felt because of the BU, and that made him miserable, think why he initiated full blown no contact.

 

Oh well, should get better with time, just hope sooner rather than later. I don't really want to deal with another sucky year.

[Frivolous]

He also did use that line the we can't be anything right now but maybe some time in the future.

 

 

 

I used this line to end my only long term relationship!..... 2 years later and I still have feelings for my ex. I still even think that if we started dating again it wouldn't be long before I asked her to marry me! (shes now living in Oz though).

 

 

HOWEVER, I do believe that its just because I haven't felt the same for anyone since and I don't have strong bonds around me (friends and family) which is increasing my want for love.

 

 

So if you keep busy, stay close with friends and get dating then love won't control you so much (in my experience).

 

 

Then its just a waiting game for the right one to turn up

 

 

Good luck!

[sugarpea]

I used this line to end my only long term relationship!..... 2 years later and I still have feelings for my ex. I still even think that if we started dating again it wouldn't be long before I asked her to marry me! (shes now living in Oz though).

 

 

HOWEVER, I do believe that its just because I haven't felt the same for anyone since and I don't have strong bonds around me (friends and family) which is increasing my want for love.

 

 

So if you keep busy, stay close with friends and get dating then love won't control you so much (in my experience).

 

 

Then its just a waiting game for the right one to turn up

 

 

Good luck!

 

Thank you for your insight. Yeah I do get on great with his family, not so much his friends, he got new ones and I didn't want to meet them we were already ex's then and I didn't see the point especially when they were giving him advice to ditch me and ignore me and saying things like 'who care she's your ex'. He was really supportive post BU, makes me want to be there but it's ultimately too difficult.

 

In terms of dating I think I'm still not ready and really I'm fine being single, I know major shock, (mutters of 'she can't say that') . But I am, I had this moment of clarity the other day and here it is:

 

My family love me, my friends' love me, I love me (well learning to) so why does it matter to have the love of one additional person, a random stranger for my life to be complete/ fulfilled?

 

At this point in time I don't think I need it and I don't want kids and I don't really care for marriage. I think I'm good. I mean I'm only 25 but I know people that have got married at 40+ and I know others who got married at 21 but I'm not in any rush. Plus it is a lot of work to be in a relationship, a lot of compromises to be made and a lot to deal with financially, emotionally, physically, mentally. It pretty much takes your all.

 

Just prefer to be single, alone and independent, for the moment at least:D

Edited January 19, 2014 by sugarpea

[Frivolous]

At this point in time I don't think I need it and I don't want kids and I don't really care for marriage. I think I'm good. I mean I'm only 25 but I know people that have got married at 40+ and I know others who got married at 21 but I'm not in any rush. Plus it is a lot of work to be in a relationship, a lot of compromises to be made and a lot to deal with financially, emotionally, physically, mentally. It pretty much takes your all.

 

Just prefer to be single, alone and independent at the moment at least:D

 

 

 

#Highfive

 

 

Promise me you will keep that attitude up! I'm 27 now and feel exactly the same. I just seem to be surrounded by babies, marriage and people telling me I should settle down every time I mention I'm going on a date, like I'm about to expire :/

 

 

It's nice to know that there is still level-headed girls that aren't baby/marriage obsessed as I was starting to worry about my future dating prospects haha.

[realfriends]

Stay NC.

Ive been NC for about 60 days which is still pretty short on the time scale of most people here and I no longer love my ex. How?

 

I love somebody that I used to know. I have no clue who my ex is anymore, what she does, or anything about her. She is simply now just a stranger to me.

 

I think it helps to tell yourself this. You love someone in the past and memories of the past, however, if you stay NC long enough you will soon realize that loving them would be like loving a random person.

 

And when I say NC, I mean no pictures of them, no talking of them, no surfing the web for their tweets. NOTHING!

[sugarpea]

#Highfive

 

 

Promise me you will keep that attitude up! I'm 27 now and feel exactly the same. I just seem to be surrounded by babies, marriage and people telling me I should settle down every time I mention I'm going on a date, like I'm about to expire :/

 

 

It's nice to know that there is still level-headed girls that aren't baby/marriage obsessed as I was starting to worry about my future dating prospects haha.

 

Hell yea! Yup definitely going to be single for a while, not cause I can't get anyone, but I choose to be. Nice to also hear from someone not obsessed with babies too. Really it's like people actually have a ticking time-bomb when it comes to babies.

 

It really also doesn't help when people pressure you into these things, his family were very much hinting for kids and marriage, we were in a relationship 6yrs so I think it was expected also he was 27 when we broke up. I don't think he wanted marriage and kids either, but not sure if that's changed. I mean I wasn't totally against marriage but not at that age. I suppose I would have liked to be married to him but not at 25 really. I still feel very young.

[sugarpea]

Stay NC.

Ive been NC for about 60 days which is still pretty short on the time scale of most people here and I no longer love my ex. How?

 

I love somebody that I used to know. I have no clue who my ex is anymore, what she does, or anything about her. She is simply now just a stranger to me.

 

I think it helps to tell yourself this. You love someone in the past and memories of the past, however, if you stay NC long enough you will soon realize that loving them would be like loving a random person.

 

And when I say NC, I mean no pictures of them, no talking of them, no surfing the web for their tweets. NOTHING!

 

Hi

 

Yeah that should be do-able. I mean I know he's changed. The person I knew would never go out with her, mainly because of long-distance but also because of her age and her...well she's not his type. He even made fun of some of those physical traits that she actually has when we were together. I don't know maybe he's with her cause she was almost like forbidden. It's actually quite a turn off really. Not that it really matters anymore.

[rosedl]

Time.

 

And, not focusing on the feelings. I am not saying to ignore them, just don't cling to them. Don't try to push the feelings down either, they will just pop up at another time. Allow but don't hold.

 

I think that is pretty much it. I believe some people you always love, but it changes and it doesn't have the urgency or the quality that you want to get back with them.

[Frivolous]

Hell yea! Yup definitely going to be single for a while, not cause I can't get anyone, but I choose to be. Nice to also hear from someone not obsessed with babies too. Really it's like people actually have a ticking time-bomb when it comes to babies.

 

It really also doesn't help when people pressure you into these things, his family were very much hinting for kids and marriage, we were in a relationship 6yrs so I think it was expected also he was 27 when we broke up. I don't think he wanted marriage and kids either, but not sure if that's changed. I mean I wasn't totally against marriage but not at that age. I suppose I would have liked to be married to him but not at 25 really. I still feel very young.

 

 

Good on you! I just read your post and I think after a 6 year relationship it will do you the world of good. My opinion of being single definitely changed after a LTR. Although it was devastating that it ended, it was also a huge release to be free, do what you want, when you want and with whoever you want. Enjoy those little things like going out without any chance of arguments put you in a bad mood all day (mood swings and bickering is a thing I really don't miss). Focus on things that you don't miss as that will help.

 

 

Its been nearly 2 years for me now and I still appreciate my freedom and care-free lifestyle! So I would suggest taking full advantage of it!

 

 

One thing I do find hard about being single at 27 is not having as many friends to relate too as a lot of them have kids already. So if your having one of those feeling sorry for yourself single days or just feel like a chit chat ill back you up

 

 

Don't want you to be sat crying on valentines day hehe

[pickflicker]

 

can you love two people at the same time? Isn't that cheating? :S

 

Yes, of course you can love 2 people at the same time. How do you think people have affairs? They're not just about sex. Most affairs start because of an emotional connection. The person cheating falls in love with 2 people - their partner, and their affair partner.

 

It's entirely possible.

[NoMoreJerks]

Well, in my case, he really didn't leave me with much of an option but to fall out of love with him... after he broke up with me 3 times, and wanted to get back together with me, after verbally and emotionally abusing me for a year, he then cheated on me (found pics and vids on his phone, of them having sex), it was obvious that I could be anything BUT in love with him. It wasn't as easy as I make it to be now, though. It still hurt, I still went through the withdrawal phase, etc. But it helped to tell myself, every day, all the reasons that he was not good for me, that I deserved better, that I deserved someone who treated me with respect and love, and not like just some vagina that he could have sex with then throw away.... Believe it or not, that helped me tremendously. I am glad to say that I pulled through, singlehandedly, without any help or support from family or friends. Just will power to stick to NC and the knowledge that I deserved a million times better than the best he could give me. That really made it easy to maintain NC anyway, as I felt like I'd be stooping too low by contacting him or responding to his pathetic messages that were intended to keep me on a leash.

 

Now, it's not that I don't think about him. I do, every now and then. It's not even a conscious choice to put him out of my mind anymore.. I don't really think about him much, if at all. In the past, I used to remember him every time I passed by all the places that we went to together, etc. But now, not really. Only very few hotspots, but only in reference to moments that meant something to me: like the morning after I lost my virginity, etc. Even so, when I do remember that stuff, it's not him that I remember, just that feeling I had, on that particular day. That feeling of being over the clouds, etc. When I visualize those memories, I don't even see him there -- the guy's face is just blurred out. I am not making this up, btw. It's true. I don't even remember his looks much, truly. I haven't looked at any of his pictures lately, and I think subconsciously, I have blocked him out in that way, as a way to deal with the trauma of finding those pics and vids.

Edited January 20, 2014 by NoMoreJerks

[NoMoreJerks]

He also did use that line the we can't be anything right now but maybe some time in the future.

That, to me, does not indicate that he's out of love with you. It indicates that he's a jerk. He wants you to keep hoping that he'd come back, and to wait for him -- basically put your love life on hold, with the hope that when, "some time in the future," he ends up being without a gf who he thinks is better than you, you will still be there for him.

[d0nnivain]

English is an imprecise language. There are many kinds of love. You love parents & siblings. You love a favorite food. You love romantic partners. those are all different. That is how he loves you -- platonically -- and his new GF -- romantically.

 

 

As for falling out of love some of that is time. You also use what you have. With a guy who broke my heart because he wouldn't commit I used a combo of pain & anger. With the guy who dumped me, I kept focusing on what a sap I would be for continuing to pine for a man who rejected me. Pride got me through that one.

[SadNLonley]

Stay NC.

Ive been NC for about 60 days which is still pretty short on the time scale of most people here and I no longer love my ex. How?

 

I love somebody that I used to know. I have no clue who my ex is anymore, what she does, or anything about her. She is simply now just a stranger to me.

 

I think it helps to tell yourself this. You love someone in the past and memories of the past, however, if you stay NC long enough you will soon realize that loving them would be like loving a random person.

 

And when I say NC, I mean no pictures of them, no talking of them, no surfing the web for their tweets. NOTHING!

 

I am also at 62 NC with my ex (except for the FB stalk a week ago) and Im still a miserable mess. In my head, I am still his GF and he by BF. I have trouble thinking of anything negative about our relationship and I know that doesnt help. In my heart, at this time, I feel as though I will never move on to love anyone the way I loved him. YET, he says he no longer has feelings for me after just 2 weeks prior telling me he couldnt imagine being with anyone else, that I was the love of his life, and he's afraid he's missing out on the best thing that ever happened to him. So, i ask the same question.... How do you fall out of love with someone? How the hell did he do it???

[realfriends]

I am also at 62 NC with my ex (except for the FB stalk a week ago) and Im still a miserable mess. In my head, I am still his GF and he by BF. I have trouble thinking of anything negative about our relationship and I know that doesnt help. In my heart, at this time, I feel as though I will never move on to love anyone the way I loved him. YET, he says he no longer has feelings for me after just 2 weeks prior telling me he couldnt imagine being with anyone else, that I was the love of his life, and he's afraid he's missing out on the best thing that ever happened to him. So, i ask the same question.... How do you fall out of love with someone? How the hell did he do it???

 

You can't do that to yourself. I know the first two weeks I was checking twitter instagram and vine(all of which I never use) religiously and it literally just gutted me everyday.

I can't say this works for sure because I only know what is currently working for me (still hard at times to completely accept the fact of the matter).

 

I have picked up a lot of things. Picked up football where I met new friends, doing dodgeball, have been trying yoga, some community service, went out downtown for the first time ever (not a drinker and have always had a girlfriend), went to counseling for a month or two.

 

You really just have to stay busy. I know its hard. The first month, I literally cried everyday, couldn't eat, couldn't focus on school, had no energy, couldn't sleep. I was a straight up mess.

 

It gets better with times. They are scars. They are permanent but slowly with time the fade. What helps them fade is to take care of them the best you can so take care of yourself. Find new things to do. Tell yourself you are better than this.

 

I understand what you mean. I thought me and my ex were perfect, thats why I was so gutted, but so did a million of other people on LS. Sometimes, you just have to play with the ****ty hand of cards you were dealt, but with enough skill and practice you can still win with that hand. Just try to keep a positive outlook and do all that you can do.

 

(PS I know how hard it is. I do. I have my down days every now and then. You just have to move one inch at a time and every time you fall down, brush yourself off and pick yourself up.)