lumberjoe Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 Hi there, I try to make this as short as possible. I know this woman for over 6 years now. She was with my best friend for 5 years and they moved togehter to NZ. Somehow their rs didn´t worked out and she came back home on her own. I helped her out with anything I could to make her feel better, but she was really suffering from what happend. For her the relationship wasn´t over.. I always had a crush on her but couldn´t show my feelings for obvious reasons. A couple month later she called me and we spendt a weekend togehther. She seemed to be better and I could finally show her my affection. It went pretty well, sometimes her mood swings were pretty ruff to take, but it was ok in general. After a month of time with her, her ex messaged her that he would come for a visit. At this point the situation changed totally. She blocked me, was verbally abusive and gave me blame for things I wasn´t even doing to her...she pretty much freaked out about the message. I gave her space and she met with her ex, cause they never had a final talk about things. A week later she called me again, saying that she is sorry for not contacting me, that she met her ex and that they had a talk... But she would like me to spend time with her. It was on and off for the next month. She was verbally abusive one day, and nice the other. She complained about things, gave me silent treatment and accused me of totally irrational things like being a sex addict, being too insecure, being childish and so on... I never gave her a hard word for that, cause I thought that she wasn´t over her former rs and that she was still suffering ( sometimes she cried and said to me that she would compare me to her ex..) I was willing to take it all, cause I really love her. So this went on for a couple weeks and I finally decide to ask her how she was thinking about where we two were going like relationship wise.... She said that she only has friend feelings for me and only needs me as a friend and not as a partner right now. She asked me for some more time.... ( must add here that we had sex all the time and I am not really able to devide sex and emotions and she can do that..) She wanted to be friends without physical contact. I wasn´t able to step back, cause unless her mood swings, rage sometimes about nothing, I thought we had quite a chemistry and that we would fit very good togehter. So I said to her that I neede time for myself and that I couldn´t be the friend she needs right now.. The next following 6 weeks we had barely contact and I decided to go visit my friend in NZ. When she called me I mentioned it to her and she started crying and said that this would make her sad... One week before I was supposed to leave, she wanted to meet again and we had a great funny evening togehter. Unfortunately I wasn´t able to hold my emotions back and confessed my love to her and that I needed to leave her forever, cause she couldn´t reprociate it. I went back home and left my phone there, hit the woods for a couple days to calm down and figure things out for me...when I came back she had left about a dozend messages and calls for me, telling me urgently to talk to me again, cause she had made up her mind and that I really mean something to her more than a friend. The last weekend before might flight went, we met up again, had a great time, sex and fun....I felt that this would be great now and that she was really feeling more for me. I still went on my trip to NZ and we maintained contact the whole time. We spoke about alomst everything like vacation plans for the summer, how happy she is and that I would make her feel beloved and adored again. On time she confessed that she had sex with someone else during the time in the summer, when we had barely contact..... I was frustrated and hurt about it, but I didn´t shown it to her...I forgave her in my heart. So, I cut my time in NZ to get back earlier and to be with her on her birthday. She picked me up at the airport and we had a wonderful first night togehter. But not even 24 hours later, her mood had swung again and she was withdrawn and not open to me. I tried to relax about it and to make it clear towards her that I wouldn´t wanna pressure her just taking it easy and light. But something must have happend, cause she started to be verbally abusive to me again, complained about things. That wasn´t easy for me and I decided to hit my brothers place to give her space and recovery time (for unknown reason) Her birthday came and she was changed like 180 degrees. She blocked me, showed no affection towards me, said that I would pressure her, that we were different, she needs her space and loves her freedom and I would seek for being close with her, she said that she has no feelings for me...that all is so complicated and that she only can see me as a friend. I was confussed! I went back earlier from my trip, while I was away she had spoken constantly that I would make her happy and that she wanted me to come back soon (she used the word relationship for us, not I) she already known about my feelings for her and my interest in having a commited relationship. And all this changed in a couple days??? I made a terrible mistake. At the weekend she broke up, her sister asked me what was going on between us and I told her kind of the whole dating story. Which was bad, cause there were some things with my grifriend that I not really liked about her: ( she is very open sexually, has still contact with some ****buddies, is very flirtitious even in front of me with other men, likes to get alot attention from guys, and she gave me often the feeling that there was someone else she was interested in.....made me jealous). So I was totally down and told her sister pretty much everything... When I left my ex, she said to me that she would give me a call. Two days later, her sister sendt me a message, that she had talked to my ex about the break up with me and that from her point of view, no message from me would be replied positvely. Now I am totally down. First I was frustrated of being dumped by her. She lured me back from NZ, gave me the impression of now wanting a relationship and spending time with me, we alreadey had made plans for a summer vacation, she seemed to really wanting me....and then dumped me without any regrets, her explanation was kinda weird and she just took all of me.... Now, seven weeks after the breakup, she hasn´t made any contact yet. I am afraid that her sister might have told my ex everything I disliked about her and that now she hates me and will never talk to me again.....I realized that I´ve made a very big mistake and talking to her sister about these things was very disrespectful....what can I do now??? Help please! (to add: my ex is a very pride, dominat person. She is selfish and most of the time interested in what she can get. She is often not aware of possibly hurting others with her words or actions and as I know her she would never admit that she had made something wrong...) I really regret talking to her sister, I really wish I could make this undone.... What can I do??
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