johncourtz Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 I wont go into details about the past. You can read my prior posts. Anyway, since my friend told me she spotted my ex, she has been on my mind. I guess i wondered deep down if i could rekindle anything, and i wanted to check one last time. After being talked into it by my coworkers, i sent a simple email stating that i was checking to see if she got help for cutting herself. She responded later that night and we begin going back and fourth on the email. She told me that the grass basically isnt greener, and that she feels she made a huge mistake returning to her ex boyfriend. That they argue constantly and she only sees him on saturday nights/sunday morning. That she cant go to his home cause his mother hates her and he cant come to hers and he constantly checks her phone, accuses her of cheating, slaps her around and allow his family to call her names. She told me that she still cuts herself. After setting my emotions aside like a fool, told her if she truly needed help i'd try to be there. She told me that she had split up with him for once and for all because she couldnt take it anymore and hoped that one day i could forgive her. This was Tuesday. On Wednesday morning she shows up at my front door crying. I opened it like a fool and allowed her in. She looked bad, not at all how i remember her. She lost alot of weight and looked stressed. We sat and spoke briefly. She told me that she spent Xmas alone with her daughter and New Years as well because his family doesnt care for her she couldnt be with him. She said she missed me and my daughter alot and realized just last xmas we was all together, and she said she wish she had the baby who would've been 1. She tried to hug me but she looked and felt diff to me and i shrugged away. She told me that she hopes we could be friends one day. That she wanted to eliminate the negativity, leave him alone for good, get therapy and move on with her life and that she already went to one session that her friend took her too. That she wanted to take her daughter to her childhood home in Puerto Rico in March for her bday and she wanted to save for an apt and get her life together. Stop living lies and finally grow up. I told her that was great and i was happy for her and willing to support from afar if needed. The whole face to face was akward and she emailed me all day saying she was depressed and she was going for a walk to clear her mind. That she cut herself again. Thursday morning she emailed me some more random jokes and saying she felt better, then the emails stopped. Haven't heard a thing since. All Lies! Her sister told me the truth behind the scenes naturally lol. That she took him with her to 1 therapy session and he couldnt go in and that she never went back again. That she says she loves me but refuses to leave him. That he actually broke up with her on Wednesday and she ran to him Thursday to save their relationship. That she's broke (she told me she makes good money at work now) and shes all into him because hes flashy with money, but he still lives home with his mom and told her and her family that he has no intention of moving in with her, marrying her or giving her a child. And that she somehow feels he will turn around. So many other truths as well that hurt to hear but i had to hear it regardless. She wanted to make sure i was still available in case they didnt work out. And she's not going to PR in march. He bought tickets for her, her daugher and him to go to Disney in Orlando. lol All lies. She's lied to him and me. Was living a double life basically and he's so insecure that all they do is fight constantly. And here i am ready to give her all that she wished for. In the end she chose him, and in a way its a blessing because she needs serious help. I felt like a total fool, but i'm actually good cause i got closure. She doesn't know that i know the truth and its only a matter of time before they fight again and she reaches out, but this time she will get nothing. I'm no longer accepting breadcrumbs and i wish her well for the sake of her child. I made peace with being alone and i've actually started dating a really nice woman and taking things slow. So if you cant take heartache, leave them be and continue NC. Everything everyone said was true, but i had to go down this road and reach out so i wouldnt have any regrets. I know who and what she is now, and she isn't the person i thought she was at all. The lady i fell in love with died the day she walked out of my life. She is now his problem, and all the money in the world can't save their relationship. She still lives in her sisters home in a bedroom. He hasnt moved her out yet and mind u i had an apt set up for us lol. He hasnt proposed and doesn't look like he ever will. Not my problem anymor though. Do yourself a favor and stay NC if you cant take the truth. I wish i would've cause it still hurts, but im glad i know.
Author johncourtz Posted January 24, 2014 Author Posted January 24, 2014 (edited) I wish i could shake how i feel. 5 years of friendship and 3 years of being together. I still have so many questions. I wish i didnt take that breadcrumb and reach out. It's set me back alot. Last night i had a lady over and all i did the entire time was feel guilty for her being there. It sucks being a dumpee. I want to call, text, write do something but i know she ultimately followed her heart and left me for the dude who was always in the background. I wish i never bothered to go down this road. How do you treat your best friend much less somebody you loved hard for so long like this in the end? I can't make sense of it. Just venting this morning smh. I'm so tired of being alone and going home to nothing, and i cant fill the void no matter how hard i try. This sucks big time man smh. Edited January 24, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
firefly2613 Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 I know how you feel. We have similiar stories. In my case she left me for a guy that she had just met and married him three months later. I know it's tempting to have other girls over and things like that but it won't help. For the next few months you are going to have to face the pain. Trying to avoid it or move on quickly will just makes it worse. It's awful but you have to go through this. Stay No Contact - don't talk to her, don't try to figure out anything about her - and you will come out stronger on the other side. Best of luck. 2
Author johncourtz Posted January 25, 2014 Author Posted January 25, 2014 I know how you feel. We have similiar stories. In my case she left me for a guy that she had just met and married him three months later. I know it's tempting to have other girls over and things like that but it won't help. For the next few months you are going to have to face the pain. Trying to avoid it or move on quickly will just makes it worse. It's awful but you have to go through this. Stay No Contact - don't talk to her, don't try to figure out anything about her - and you will come out stronger on the other side. Best of luck. Thanks for the kind words. I'm sorry that you had to experience that as well. It's a shame you give your all to something to be dissapointed time and time again. I guess I gotta face it head on
Author johncourtz Posted February 11, 2014 Author Posted February 11, 2014 Sucks. On Sunday i was hanging with my 7 year old daughter. Ingot out the car to pump gas and when I got back in she was crying. I asked why and she said that a song on the radio reminded her of my ex gf daughter. She said that she wish she was her sister and she missed her. Up unto that moment in had been doing pretty ok but that stirred up,old emotions. I was able to calm her down but what do U tell a 7 year old girl who grew up with this other little girl for 3 years? I seriously hate my ex for this. For ripping us apart and leading me on for 3 years while dealing with her ex all the while. What kind of a human does that? If you didn't want me why didn't unhust leave me and my kid alone? Just venting today cause last night she was in my dream and I couldn't sleep. I seriously dread everything right now.
RaidDolEm78 Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 I completely understand how youre feeling. I have a son and my ex has a son. They saw each other as brothers for seven years...half of their lives. The breakup crushed both of them. Thankfully at one point I had gotten a phone number for my son to reach out to my ex's son a few months after the breakup. That phone call helped both of them. My ex's son still called my son his brother during that phone call...made me happy and sad to hear that.
Author johncourtz Posted February 12, 2014 Author Posted February 12, 2014 I completely understand how youre feeling. I have a son and my ex has a son. They saw each other as brothers for seven years...half of their lives. The breakup crushed both of them. Thankfully at one point I had gotten a phone number for my son to reach out to my ex's son a few months after the breakup. That phone call helped both of them. My ex's son still called my son his brother during that phone call...made me happy and sad to hear that. I hope one day my daughter will be able to reach out to her daughter. It's unfair to the kids. She's free to do what she wishes but to rip them apart like that especially when they are young and they dont understand really sucks. I live alone and my daughter comes on the weekends so she was accustomed to them being around. How do i explain to a 7 year old what happened? its just so messed up
Author johncourtz Posted February 25, 2014 Author Posted February 25, 2014 So i've doing pretty well with moving forward. Been on a couple of dates. Started hitting the gym, keeping myself busy with producing music (my #1 hobby) and even went on youtube to learn how to solder and i've been creating my own boombox out of a lunchbox for my daughter. Things have been ok. I still think about my ex every now and again but i dont pine for her at all. The last encounter she seemed like a diff person to me, didnt even look the same. Anyways the day after Valentine's day her sis hit me up to tell me that she's been arguing with her, followed by a bunch of info that i didn't really care about, namely whats going on in my ex's life now. Strangely my ex calls a mutual friend while me and her sis are talking stating that she didnt know who's number it was (bs). I have since asked her sis to not tell me anything about her in order for me to finish healing. Her sis told me that the family misses me and she hopes i can still come around to see her son and her boyfriend from time to time which was sweet but weird. Last night im home chillin and her sis hits me on whatsapp with a joke. usually i would respond but i didn't . I dont wanna be rude cause she's been nothing but nice and respectful to me but i dont want to hear a think about my ex. If she's happy or miserable let her be that. I just want to move on with my life. Guess my question is am i wrong for ignoring her sis? I feel like i dont want to be a douche but at the same time ignorance is bliss and im sure if they're arguing she gonna wanna unload on me. Let me know what yall think.
Chi townD Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 To be honest, it's starting to sound like the sister is getting a little too friendly with you, if you know what I mean. And doesn't she have a boyfriend? Watch it, sounds like that entire family is a bit screwy. 1
Author johncourtz Posted February 25, 2014 Author Posted February 25, 2014 To be honest, it's starting to sound like the sister is getting a little too friendly with you, if you know what I mean. And doesn't she have a boyfriend? Watch it, sounds like that entire family is a bit screwy. Oh nah i maybe explained it wrong. The sister does have a man and they have a child and live together. I would NEVER do that anyways..i dont need the Karma lmao. The funny thing is she's my ex's twin..so looking at her pic on whatsapp freaks me out sometimes.
lolablue17 Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 You can just answer her sis asking not to contact you any more. Ignoring is always bad.
Author johncourtz Posted February 27, 2014 Author Posted February 27, 2014 so u think i should tell her sis to stop contacting me? i feel its kinda harsh as she got nothing to do with it..and im good so long as she dont bring her up. I could care less whats going on in her world. Im trying to rebuild mine
ThatGirl213 Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 so u think i should tell her sis to stop contacting me? i feel its kinda harsh as she got nothing to do with it..and im good so long as she dont bring her up. I could care less whats going on in her world. Im trying to rebuild mine I think you should just stop contacting her sister. One way or the other she may always bring your ex up. Better to cut ties with any and everything that reminds you of your ex. 1
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