Softie Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 3.5 months on and the pain has faded. Yes I still very occasionally miss him but the pain & hurt that used to go hand in hand with that is gone. I have started dating, I mean the odd date not dating someone new. Enjoying my own company, not feeling like I have to keep myself distracted all the time. It's a mindset I believe, you can either mope & spiral down, or try & you might just feel a bit better. Sure there will be the odd set back but inch by inch, step by step & day by day that pain, hurt, anger, upset does all fade & you get back to your normal self or if your like me a more improve version of your old self :-) There is no magic wand & we are all different. What did I do.... NC for 6 weeks now after I had to break to get my stuff back (personal choice) Exercised Mediation & mindfulness Yoga Massage a tip I got years ago it helps with the missing of physical contact Enjoyed times out with friends & family, realising that there is still many great things out there to be had Lost about 8-9lbs - your self esteem takes a right bashing in a BU Took more care of my skin Read a few books about BUs, relationships, mindfulness Took up a new hobby Revived some hobbies that had taken a back seat. 11
margot13 Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 Sounds like you are doing great. My problem is I just don't have the energy to be around other people. It seems more exhausting to pretend I am happy then to just be alone. Did you experience this too? I am nearly 2 motnhs BU. The rest I manage, excercise, meditation, lost lots of weight (no trying, just part of the grief). Just people make me anxious.... 3.5 months on and the pain has faded. Yes I still very occasionally miss him but the pain & hurt that used to go hand in hand with that is gone. I have started dating, I mean the odd date not dating someone new. Enjoying my own company, not feeling like I have to keep myself distracted all the time. It's a mindset I believe, you can either mope & spiral down, or try & you might just feel a bit better. Sure there will be the odd set back but inch by inch, step by step & day by day that pain, hurt, anger, upset does all fade & you get back to your normal self or if your like me a more improve version of your old self :-) There is no magic wand & we are all different. What did I do.... NC for 6 weeks now after I had to break to get my stuff back (personal choice) Exercised Mediation & mindfulness Yoga Massage a tip I got years ago it helps with the missing of physical contact Enjoyed times out with friends & family, realising that there is still many great things out there to be had Lost about 8-9lbs - your self esteem takes a right bashing in a BU Took more care of my skin Read a few books about BUs, relationships, mindfulness Took up a new hobby Revived some hobbies that had taken a back seat.
True Gent Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 Sounds like you are doing great. My problem is I just don't have the energy to be around other people. It seems more exhausting to pretend I am happy then to just be alone. Did you experience this too? I am nearly 2 motnhs BU. The rest I manage, excercise, meditation, lost lots of weight (no trying, just part of the grief). Just people make me anxious.... You've got to make yourself be around other people. It is a hard thing to do, but I've been doing it. It does help you, even if your ex is constantly on your mind it's a distraction. It helps you realise that you can interact with other people and life isn't just about you and your ex. It isn't easy and at times it may even make you miss them because you aren't getting that connection you used to with your ex. However the reality is it gets you out of the house, you have a laugh, you see places and do things. It all helps you rebuild your self. Softie your post is very inspirational, thank you. 2
ikilledacockroach Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 Your post has given me something to think about, thank you! My relationship is currently in the grey area and your post has made me think about just being able to live my own life away from my partner and focus more on myself instead. 1
Author Softie Posted January 19, 2014 Author Posted January 19, 2014 Sounds like you are doing great. My problem is I just don't have the energy to be around other people. It seems more exhausting to pretend I am happy then to just be alone. Did you experience this too? I am nearly 2 motnhs BU. The rest I manage, excercise, meditation, lost lots of weight (no trying, just part of the grief). Just people make me anxious.... You have to sometimes push yourself. Sometimes I isolated myself for a day or two but then my little determined streak would come back & I Would go out or visit friends. I could of quite happily stayed in alone on NY eve gone to bed early after many vodkas but I forced myself to go out & I had a great time, there were a few tears yes but I still enjoyed it. Misery loves company in as much as if you keep that way you'll spiral downwards whereas push yourself just a little & you'll spiral upward, your mood will spiral upwards. I refuse to let someone keep me down. Can shake me, but no one can break me. Liao months into BU some Pratt crashed into my car, I felt so miserable & suffering from whiplash but I went & has reiki, massages, Physio, counselling. Even that wasn't & still won't keep me down. And yes I still suffer with me neck. But I'm still training to do a half marathon in 4 weeks time. 1
jphcbpa Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 Thank you. Needing this today. 4weeks today. Mixed with anger and sadness
margot13 Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 Yes, I had the car crash last week........ Your advice makes sense and I will force myself out of my cave :-) You have to sometimes push yourself. Sometimes I isolated myself for a day or two but then my little determined streak would come back & I Would go out or visit friends. I could of quite happily stayed in alone on NY eve gone to bed early after many vodkas but I forced myself to go out & I had a great time, there were a few tears yes but I still enjoyed it. Misery loves company in as much as if you keep that way you'll spiral downwards whereas push yourself just a little & you'll spiral upward, your mood will spiral upwards. I refuse to let someone keep me down. Can shake me, but no one can break me. Liao months into BU some Pratt crashed into my car, I felt so miserable & suffering from whiplash but I went & has reiki, massages, Physio, counselling. Even that wasn't & still won't keep me down. And yes I still suffer with me neck. But I'm still training to do a half marathon in 4 weeks time. 1
Author Softie Posted January 19, 2014 Author Posted January 19, 2014 Yes, I had the car crash last week........ Your advice makes sense and I will force myself out of my cave :-) Go for it - you will feel better, not physically but mentally :-)
Author Softie Posted January 25, 2014 Author Posted January 25, 2014 So another week on and am doing great. Really great. No tears no missing him no, obsessive thinking. Been exercising a lot as am in training for a race. Started to lower my anti depressants as I don't feel I need them. Donno it's hard to explain but if you put your mind to it, you really will feel better, hurt less, if at all. Time and a good mindset are the best healers out there. Make no mistake, you will feel so hurt, you will feel low, feel like the @$$ has fallen out of your world! driven to distraction by the overthinking but I'm just here to tell you it does get less and less and eventually yes it goes away. When you think about them it's doesn't come with hurt anymore, no more anger, pain just thoughts of someone same as if it was a friend you no longer talk too anymore, just thoughts no hurt with those thoughts. Take positive baby steps, look after yourself and you too will get there.
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