Did sleep evade you?

[experiencethedevine]

Something that struck me as being significant in that it affects how we function. Sleep. Or lack of it.

 

 

As most betrayed spouses would suggest that they get little to none initially, and sleep is grossly disturbed, I pose the question to the wayward spouse predominantly, but also to the other person after the affair has been outed.

[compulsivedancer]

Not really. During the affair, maybe sometimes. But usually I stayed up late texting OM and went to sleep when I was tired. Often I walked around like a zombie during the day because I was tired from staying up too late, and ended up taking naps when I got home.

 

After DDay, the long conversations and the emotions were exhausting, so I slept fairly easily. H had difficulty sleeping because of his dreams. I usually didn't have bad dreams, but occasionally I did have one about OM's betrayed GF, who was a classmate of H's.

 

After DDay I was worn out all the time, for the first few months. I dropped about 15 lbs and I remember getting a bug that made me throw up. Other people in the household got sick, but none of them were out for days throwing up. I think my immune system was shot.

[Ladydrib]

Something that struck me as being significant in that it affects how we function. Sleep. Or lack of it.

 

 

As most betrayed spouses would suggest that they get little to none initially, and sleep is grossly disturbed, I pose the question to the wayward spouse predominantly, but also to the other person after the affair has been outed.

 

I slept a lot less before d day. It was nearly impossible to sleep during the entire affair.

[not-so-sure]

I haven't slept properly for 10 months.

 

I'm still processing a lot of post affair stuff. My wife doesn't look like she's having any problems on that front at all..

 

Sleeping during the affair was fine.

[compulsivedancer]

I slept a lot less before d day. It was nearly impossible to sleep during the entire affair.

I don't think it affected sleep much, but during the A, my head was spinning constantly. I was amazed how much quieter my brain was after DDay, even with all the heavy issues to deal with with H.

[TaraMaiden]

Sleep deprivation is a widely-used and extremely effective means of torture.

 

Even going without one night's full sleep, can seriously mess your thinking pattern up.

 

I would also add that subliminal messages are sent to the brain DURING sleep; so if you're going to listen to anything, listen to something soothing, relaxing, positive, beneficial or calming.

 

I used to go to sleep at night listening to BBC Radio 4, which then turned into the BBC World Service.

 

Little wonder I used to wake up in a foul, depressed or disturbed mood; I'd been listening, in my sleep, to news stories from around the world, and articles on topical international matters. Sadly, there was little uplifting or enjoyable to be heard.

 

The moment I stopped listening to such audial material, my sleep pattern greatly improved - as did my morning moods!

[MuddyRock]

I literally did not sleep AT ALL for 5 days. Then I finally was able to sleep a couple hours a night, and gradually 6 months later Im back to normal. I usually could sleep 10-11 hours easy so this was totally strange for me. I took ambien, benedryl, unisom, melatonin. Nothing helped.

I also wasn't able to drink for 48 hours, then forced myself to drink small amounts after that. The day after D-Day I was able to eat one chicken nugget but after that I was unable to eat anything whatsoever for an entire week, then small amounts.

I always thought people died if they didn't sleep eat or drink that long.

 

I weighed 107# about 1 month post D-day.

[painfullyobvious]

I haven't slept properly for 10 months.

 

I'm still processing a lot of post affair stuff. My wife doesn't look like she's having any problems on that front at all..

 

Sleeping during the affair was fine.

 

 

 

Reminds me of a parable involving murder suspects. Arrest all the suspects and put them in a cell charging them all with murder for the night. The one that falls asleep is guilty because they know they did it. The others stay up, panicking about their freedom and future and do not sleep the entire time in jail.

[EverySunset]

As a BS, through multiple DDays, I could barely sleep. Function. Study. My life was a wreck.

 

After the last DEVASTATING Dday, I fell into an EA which became more after I left my WH. So I became a MOW/OW I guess, and you know what? I sleep pretty good.

 

Why? Because my WH is not laying next to me anymore.

[HtotheN]

After I discovered WH's first affair, I could barely sleep and when I would sleep for a bit, I would wake up with a start. I clearly remember having some hallucinations due to lack of sleep - crazy stuff! I don't know how I functioned well enough to care for a three year-old and a barely one year-old but I did. I do not miss those days at all.

[Ap22]

2 months out from dday and the whole affair was a complete and utter surprise. I think the last good nights sleep I had was the day before dday. I'm getting much better, the first few weeks were very brutal sleep wise.

 

I'm getting to the point where I can get a decent nights sleep but I still wake up a lot and still have dreams about whats going on which makes things worse.

[harrybrown]

The rotten dreams seem to become less and less now.

 

I think I am doing better and then another one comes along. She does not seem to lose any sleep.

[RightThere]

It's funny. I'm a BS and although sleep for me was a huge issue post D-Day, I know my STBXW struggled with getting good sleep for longer than I did after D-Day.

 

I think it had/has a lot to do with having to now be on her own without my support (financially). Now that she is no longer able to have her cake and eat it too, she's finding real life very difficult.

[janedoe67]

I had horrible nightmares. Horrible. I still do at times....some of it seems to depend on how stirred up I allow things to get. But then if I don't punish myself on a regular basis that isn't good either. Maybe I'm just not meant to sleep.

[Fluttershy]

Id fall asleep exhuasted, sleep fitfully and wake up... Exhuasted. For about a few months. It was actually when i did the stop sign and the elastic band at might that sleep imporved.

[Confuddled1983]

After finding out my sons father had been cheating I couldn't sleep properly for weeks, he, however, slept soundly, which furthered my anger towards him. He'd done the crime but it was ME doing the time (That's how I felt at that point).

[Sofie2013]

During my affair I slept well most nights. The only time it did affect my sleep was the first time it went physical I really couldn’t really sleep that night. Now and since Dady I haven’t been sleeping well at all. Wake a few times a night just to stare at the ceiling and think about everything it way worse then my kids are with their dad.

[whatatangledweb]

Something that struck me as being significant in that it affects how we function. Sleep. Or lack of it.

 

 

As most betrayed spouses would suggest that they get little to none initially, and sleep is grossly disturbed, I pose the question to the wayward spouse predominantly, but also to the other person after the affair has been outed.

 

I couldn't sleep. My mind wouldn't shut off. He slept like a freaking baby. I was so pissed. I would wake him up. He said he was able to sleep because that burden had been lifted off him ( the lying, secrets, hiding, etc). To which I replied "Yes, and it landed on my shoulders. It isn't my burden to bear. You did the crime and I get the punishment. You got the fun and excitement and I got heartbreak and pain." He started waiting for me to fall asleep before he would. That lasted a couple of months.

[compulsivedancer]

It was actually when i did the stop sign and the elastic band at might that sleep imporved.

 

The what? Stop sign? Elastic band?

[Fluttershy]

The what? Stop sign? Elastic band?

 

While falling alseep everytime my mind would "go there" I would snap a rubber band on my rist and visualize a stop sign. Nightime, when you are dealing with insomnia is not the time to think about the affair. It took a while but it really worked for me.

[confusedandhurt2002]

Heh. My husband was like this. Up late texting her and a total ass to our son and I during the day. he slept all the time and yelled at us that he needed more sleep all of the time. I found out later that's because he was up until 3 a.m. talking to and texting her.

 

Not really. During the affair, maybe sometimes. But usually I stayed up late texting OM and went to sleep when I was tired. Often I walked around like a zombie during the day because I was tired from staying up too late, and ended up taking naps when I got home.

 

After DDay, the long conversations and the emotions were exhausting, so I slept fairly easily. H had difficulty sleeping because of his dreams. I usually didn't have bad dreams, but occasionally I did have one about OM's betrayed GF, who was a classmate of H's.

 

After DDay I was worn out all the time, for the first few months. I dropped about 15 lbs and I remember getting a bug that made me throw up. Other people in the household got sick, but none of them were out for days throwing up. I think my immune system was shot.

[confusedandhurt2002]

Same for my husband in some ways. A burden was off of him, but was on me. But for the last couple of months he can't sleep and he has panic attacks. It's all coming down hard on him. It doesn't help a family member hit on me and offered to meet me for sex after it all...he seems to realize I could have done the same to him...had I been as cruel as he was a the time.

 

I couldn't sleep. My mind wouldn't shut off. He slept like a freaking baby. I was so pissed. I would wake him up. He said he was able to sleep because that burden had been lifted off him ( the lying, secrets, hiding, etc). To which I replied "Yes, and it landed on my shoulders. It isn't my burden to bear. You did the crime and I get the punishment. You got the fun and excitement and I got heartbreak and pain." He started waiting for me to fall asleep before he would. That lasted a couple of months.

[experiencethedevine]

I myself was suffered severe sleep deprivation for some considerable time afterward, and have spoken to a large number who have experienced grossly disturbed and abnormal sleep patterns for some length after dday.

 

 

For some it is difficult to reconcile the fact that the wayward spouse appears able to sleep soundly without conscience after dday, possibly due to the relief of the burden of secrecy, while the gargantuan weight of discovery and all that it entails makes sleep for the betrayed spouse almost impossible.

[Ap22]

For some it is difficult to reconcile the fact that the wayward spouse appears able to sleep soundly without conscience after dday, possibly due to the relief of the burden of secrecy, while the gargantuan weight of discovery and all that it entails makes sleep for the betrayed spouse almost impossible.

 

 

Oh man this would piss me off. I never had problems sleeping until dday. Its only recently that my sleep patterns have gone back to being somewhat normal.

 

I cannot express to you the pure anger I would feel when its 3am and I'm tossing/turning, falling in and out of sleep even though I'm dead tired, and then see my WW sound asleep.

 

I told her at one point I would wake her and keep her up. She did this to me, I never asked for any of it. She slept with someone, betrayed the family for her own selfish reasons, and now I'm the one dealing with it all.

[experiencethedevine]

Oh man this would piss me off. I never had problems sleeping until dday. Its only recently that my sleep patterns have gone back to being somewhat normal.

 

I cannot express to you the pure anger I would feel when its 3am and I'm tossing/turning, falling in and out of sleep even though I'm dead tired, and then see my WW sound asleep.

 

I told her at one point I would wake her and keep her up. She did this to me, I never asked for any of it. She slept with someone, betrayed the family for her own selfish reasons, and now I'm the one dealing with it all.

 

 

 

 

I believe it appears in polar opposition by the very nature of what you describe in a great many cases AP22.

 

 

In the throes of the trauma of betrayal, the tendency to be accusatory is due in part to the fact that perception of the wayward spouses apparent 'comfort' in sleeping relatively undisturbed is what irks the betrayed spouse most, as they struggle to come to terms with the event, and the physical effects take their toll.

 

 

Sleep deprivation is the result, and animosity toward the wayward spouse is rife for a time.