arxct Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 (edited) My girlfriend and I have been together for nearly three years - two weeks ago she told me she needed to talk, but it seemed like she was set in her ways from the outset, she wanted "some time." I don't want to interpret that as definitely meaning we are done (she did give me all of my things from her apartment in a bag) but I'm still in limbo. We didn't have any dealbreakers or unforgivable mistakes, it was all about communication and what she had interpreted as a difference in our goals / motivation in acquiring them. This is something that has come up a few times and has very slowly gotten better but I will be the first to admit that we don't communicate at the highest level because even though we have talked about it we have not taken the time to sit down and focus on it. She let the feeling boil up to the point where she could not take it anymore. The first week after this happened was horrible. I fought as hard as I could to keep my mind off of her, and to respect her and not contact her. My thoughts finally started to go from desperation to actually thinking about things and it became so clear to me what the issues were and what things I need to fix about myself before she can see it working out. As week two progressed, I wrote a few letters and didn't deliver them because I always got a second thought about them. As each new letter was written, it was a little less needy, a little less desperate, a little less weak. Yesterday, I wrote one that I felt was a good mix of acceptance of her opinion, what I have done in two weeks to work on myself and my situation and then a little bit about my general feelings about her - no begging, no "let's work it out" statements. I left it at her apartment. While I definitely got some relief from putting the ball in her court, I can't help but question if it was a mistake to do it now. In my head I don't really mind if I don't hear from her for a week or two or even a month as long as I DO eventually hear from her and have another chance to talk about us with a clearer picture in my head. It was a fairly open ended letter, it didn't finalize us, it didn't ask for a meet-up or a talk and it doesn't really require a response from her. Is there a point at which I should follow-up and directly ask for a phone call or meet-up if I don't hear back? I wouldn't do it too soon, but if a few weeks go by, I would think that it was an appropriate amount of time for her to think and just have a talk with me, even if it was just to finalize things. Also, without any other outstanding issues, do people generally believe that communication problems are something that cannot be overcome? With all of the time that I've had to think, it's seemed more and more crazy to me that we may not get a chance to work on this. The things that are not workable, love, trust, respect are all there for us, and communication habits just seem to me to be something that can be fixed. Edited January 19, 2014 by arxct
Recommended Posts