How Can You Tell When..

[Leigh 87]

How can you tell whether or not a person is "thrilled" with the idea of finding a nice enough person to date, or if they are thrilled with the fact it is YOU.

 

What are the stand out things you think a person DOES when it is YOU that they are really into, opposed to a person who just loves being in relationships rather than being truly crazy about the person they are with?

My own boyfriend did not seem that head over heels crazy in love with his ex, and actually was a lot more into the ex before her! Yet HE STAYED WITH HER for nearly 3 years.

 

He was really into me initially, invited me to meet his family and friends after the first date, initiated texts daily and wanted to see me every week; he even told me he was crazy about me and acted as such. Buying me nice gifts for birthday and X mas despite not earning much.

 

I am not worried about MY partner in particular, but it makes me wonder in general; how do we KNOW when a person is smitten with US, or whether they are the type to just latch on and fall for ANY old person they come across:lmao:

A friend of mine said he met girls who were more into the idea of HAVING him as a partner to show to their friends and family, than they were into the fact it was HIM as a unique individual:lmao:

 

It is also worrisome at the amount of people that settle for partners they were lukewarm about at the start, and merely "grew" to love after many months or even after a year or more (before they said I Love You).

Personally, I don't date guys I am not really into from date one. I don't give them a second date. I prefer being in a relationship, because I love regular sex and I enjoy having a partner in life (and I dislike casual sex).

Still. I would not forge a relationship unless the guy got my heart racing with good chemistry from date one.

 

I know women tend to, more than men, latch onto the first decent father figure and provider once they get to a certain age. Which is fair enough!

With both young women and men with a lot of time left before much thought needs to go into starting a family; is it that you don't believe in the fairy tale romances where two people are actually crazy about each other? Therefore you settle for the first person who is attractive enough and also a good match to spend your life with?

 

How many people actually hold out and wait for the special chemistry you feel where, after the first date, you are both really into each other and are really excited about seeing each other again?

 

 

 

 

How many of you admit to falling easily for any person?

 

I personally tend to give anyone I have strong chemistry with a try out, as long as they act nicely towards me and don't have anything wrong with them.

[Els]

The way they treat you.

 

People who are in Rs for the sake of being in Rs are usually quite self-centered. It's all about them, what they want, what they can get out of the R and from you. They may sweet talk you up, have sex with you, even cuddle you, but when push comes to shove they are never going to inconvenience themselves for you or do genuine nice things for you without expecting anything in return.

 

People who are in Rs because they love you will want to make you happy and care about your well-being too.

[Leigh 87]

Very good points.

 

I know of one guy who doesn't want to be with his partner, but she moved a few hours to live with him and he simply cannot be bothered breaking up with her. Has no will to look for true love.

 

Then I know of a guy who did NOT want a relationship, and enjoyed one night stands every weekend, only to stumble upon my good friend who he just fell head over heels for.

 

He recently told her that he didn't want a relationship, yet NOT having a relationship with her was NOT an option, due to his strong feelings he instantly had for her, from the first night they met.

 

Sigh. And then you get those people who want the convenience and comfort of a live in girlfriend. When they will just leave her when a girl they are really into comes along, if they ever do...

 

Some men do not even KNOW they are doing it! My ex sure didn't.

[GemmaUK]

Only time will tell with some.

 

I dated a man who treated me like a princess, nothing was too much for him to do for me and he took me out, spoiled me etc etc.

 

After a little while it became apparent he was very needy and then a little later he tried to control me in a multitude of ways.

He was still treating me like a princess but basically I was also in trouble for something or other most of the time.

The things I got into trouble for were ridiculous so I told him so and brushed them off for a while so he came up with something new that i had done wrong every few days. (an example of me doing wrong: logging into a website while having coffee first thing in the morning before starting a text conversation with him).

 

Narcissists and controllers work this way and lavish a lot but also have the darker side to them.

 

If anyone else ever puts me on a pedestal and treats me like a princess in the beginning again I will be watching out for other signs of controlling type behaviour.

 

He said he loved me but I think he was just in love with the idea of being in a relationship.

If he had actually loved me then I wouldn't have been in his bad books over petty little things so much.

[Leigh 87]

Only time will tell with some.

 

I dated a man who treated me like a princess, nothing was too much for him to do for me and he took me out, spoiled me etc etc.

 

After a little while it became apparent he was very needy and then a little later he tried to control me in a multitude of ways.

He was still treating me like a princess but basically I was also in trouble for something or other most of the time.

The things I got into trouble for were ridiculous so I told him so and brushed them off for a while so he came up with something new that i had done wrong every few days. (an example of me doing wrong: logging into a website while having coffee first thing in the morning before starting a text conversation with him).

 

Narcissists and controllers work this way and lavish a lot but also have the darker side to them.

 

If anyone else ever puts me on a pedestal and treats me like a princess in the beginning again I will be watching out for other signs of controlling type behaviour.

 

He said he loved me but I think he was just in love with the idea of being in a relationship.

If he had actually loved me then I wouldn't have been in his bad books over petty little things so much.

 

 

Still, some guys do treat the girls they are really into like a princess. My friends partner does. As does my boyfriend with me.

 

Hmm, do you think that guys like your ex simply do not have the capacity to love ANY women?

 

It is probably not just you they couldn't "love".

 

Where as, on the flip side, my ex DID have empathy, he simply wasn't in love WITH ME; hence he cheated and crap, when I know he would not just do that to the right girl ( he just did it to me).

[GemmaUK]

Still, some guys do treat the girls they are really into like a princess. My friends partner does. As does my boyfriend with me.

 

Hmm, do you think that guys like your ex simply do not have the capacity to love ANY women?

 

It is probably not just you they couldn't "love".

 

Where as, on the flip side, my ex DID have empathy, he simply wasn't in love WITH ME; hence he cheated and crap, when I know he would not just do that to the right girl ( he just did it to me).

 

No one has ever treated me like a princess and it was all massively too much for me to be fair. He told me he loved me after one meet up and talking for a week! I should have run for the hills right there and right then.

I like healthy equal relationships.

 

He went into mega happy mode when we got together (I had known of him online prior to getting together) and then his whole happiness or lack of it was a responsibility that ended up on my shoulders (which is why it was not a healthy and equal relationship).

He also had no real hobbies or anything much other than work to take up his time each day. I was his hobby!

 

When I finished with him I think his pride was dented more than anything else but during the relationship I was some kind of angel, princess, diamond and so very special to him. It's a long way to fall from that kind of pedestal!

Mutual friends commented and said he 'adored me'. But I think he adored the idea and the person he 'expected' me to be.

One of my many failings was not reacting to him the same as previous girlfriends had done.

 

I didn't end up falling in love with him as at the point I was probably about to was the point he got more clingy with me.

[OpheliaSong]

When I was with my fiancé he knew what I was thinking and feeling even without words. He paid attention to my hopes and dreams. He knew my favorite shampoo and book and he never let me go to bed without telling me he loved me. I think when a guy just wants any old girl, it is more about them and less about you.

[GemmaUK]

When I was with my fiancé he knew what I was thinking and feeling even without words. He paid attention to my hopes and dreams. He knew my favorite shampoo and book and he never let me go to bed without telling me he loved me. I think when a guy just wants any old girl, it is more about them and less about you.

 

I agree with that last sentence completely!

 

Some people are very good at giving the 'impression' of it being about the other person involved.

[Leigh 87]

When I was with my fiancé he knew what I was thinking and feeling even without words. He paid attention to my hopes and dreams. He knew my favorite shampoo and book and he never let me go to bed without telling me he loved me. I think when a guy just wants any old girl, it is more about them and less about you.

 

 

How nice, when a guy remembers little things about you...

 

My boyfriend has a short term memory problem due to a brain injury he had when younger, yet he still remembers my fave colours!

 

On viber or whatsap, he will put two hearts together in the colour combination I love (blue with pink, or green with pink together).

 

 

He can also sense when I am sad and he will, in turn, be sad.

 

 

Pretty standard stuff I guess!

 

 

What told me he was into me and not just the IDEA of a having a girlfriend...

 

 

Well, after a great first date, he texted me afterwards, and the next day or so after, he invited me to his 30th; he said he was a really special time in his life and he wanted me to be there, to meet his friends and family. He said he would be very happy to call me his present:o haha!

 

 

He has maintained his level of interest after 2 months so I am hoping he is not just some co dependant guy who is in love with the idea of having a girl!

 

He DID say he really liked my look and always liked the look of me, so hopefully IT IS ME he fancies and not just the actual relationship. Although he does prefer to have a girlfriend than to not have one, which is somewhat normal?

[greenfairie]

If one and I have really strong chemistry and we treat each other well with respect… the relationship isn't all about drugs…. then I would give it a try out.. One day at a time…. I've had my heart broken and I'm sure many of you have had your heart broken too… I'm taking it slow but sexually intimately… we didn't take it slow so I worry we jumped a bit too fast on that and that could ruin things such as we're supposed to spend time getting to know each other as friends first? I'm not sure… I'm still young and still figuring things out in relationship and love…

[greenfairie]

Oh, and I love when the guy listens to your needs and wants. I'd spend a day with this guy on vacation and unfortunately, I wake up one morning with the flu! It was terrible. I felt horrible. He felt bad, but wanted to help me feel better so he went to the store, got me cough drops and cold meds. It was awesome of him to do that. He even spoiled me on dates and this super nice hotel…. Super nice…. Definitely shows you that they are interested and are making an effort of making you happy…. If I get giddy and I have butterflies.. I know I'm interested just as much…

[Leigh 87]

Greenfairy, that is lovely how he took care of you when you were ill.

 

My boyfriend is a bit more hard in that way; he cares very much about me, which he shows, however; his mum is a doctor and when he was sick growing up, his mother would just tell him to toughen up and get over it pretty much.

 

I was wish and he just said " well I better go home" in order to let me rest.

 

I burst out crying! He had NO idea that some women expect that, if a guy is really into them, he will bring them chicken soup and look after them when they are sick!

 

He, in turn, started crying, as it hurt him deeply that I felt he didn't care!

[Leigh 87]

If one and I have really strong chemistry and we treat each other well with respect… the relationship isn't all about drugs…. then I would give it a try out.. One day at a time…. I've had my heart broken and I'm sure many of you have had your heart broken too… I'm taking it slow but sexually intimately… we didn't take it slow so I worry we jumped a bit too fast on that and that could ruin things such as we're supposed to spend time getting to know each other as friends first? I'm not sure… I'm still young and still figuring things out in relationship and love…

 

 

 

I went through the same thing recently with my current boyfriend.

 

I had really great chemistry with previous guys, who ended up just disappearing on me once they realised that the chemistry was all they had in common with me and they wanted out (or maybe they lied about feeling the hot chemistry mutually with me to begin with)

 

So after having a few guys claim to be SUPER interested in me only to disappear or lose interest quick, I was VERY apprehensive about getting intimate with my current guy.

 

I took a risk and slept with him after two dates - albeit, they were both 6 hour dates, and we had one date per week PLUS we talked online for a couple of weeks prior to meeting and we were already hoping things would translate into real life with us.

 

Only time will tell if he is a jerk or not, but he seems like a genuinely nice guy.

I don't know him well yet and it is still very early days, but just let go of the past failures and fully try to embrace the new guy.

 

Just push forward whilst at the same time acknowledging that your guy could turn out bad.

[GoodOnPaper]

How can you tell whether or not a person is "thrilled" with the idea of finding a nice enough person to date, or if they are thrilled with the fact it is YOU.

 

How many of you admit to falling easily for any person?

 

Speaking as a guy who was driven by seeking relationships in order to validate my self-worth, masculinity, etc., I don't think this issue is nearly as black-and-white as you are trying to make it. You can think you are truly attracted to a woman only to realize much, much later -- for me, it was often well after the relationship was over -- that it was more about having the relationship rather than having that particular woman.

 

The excitement for a new relationship is real ("My God, she's actually willing to date me!") and can feel just the same as the excitement for seeing a particular woman. At the same time, the woman you're dating really isn't random. Deep down, there is at least some degree of individual connection that you won't feel with just anybody.

 

Bottom line, I think this issue falls under the heading of "People Have Baggage". I think trying to make your BFs prove that they want you instead of just wanting a relationship with you is like trying to undissolve salt that you have just added to water.