lanamarie Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 I met a guy at law school, we're both 25. We dated talked/texted every day for 2 months, then started dating for about a month. Early on, he made comments that a relationship was "something he wanted but didn't want at the same time", that "relationships are hard" and that he had only had 1 girlfriend, and it lasted 3 months. At the time, I ignored these comments since things were so new. Things were great and he was a gentleman, things didn't get physical. He called me after our last date and said "I don't want to lead you on and get what I want, without giving you what you want, which is a relationship. I do like you as more than a friend, and I also got you a birthday gift (not for another 2 months), but I can't be in a relationship." I took that as a polite rejection, assumed he didn't like me enough, and didn't contact him again.I didn't hear from him for 2 months, until the week before my birthday. He texted asking me to meet him on campus so he could give me a gift, one of his paintings. I went, but he was very cold with me and didn't talk to me for more than a couple minutes after handing me the gift. From that point, he has texted me about once every month, just asking me stupid questions regarding school that he could ask anyone else. Though I've responded to them, I've been really short in my responses. A month ago, he texted me again but kept persisting no matter how short my responses were. I thought I'd give it another shot, and this went on for 2 weeks with him contacting me every day. Eventually he asked if I wanted to see a movie/get dinner on the weekend. I agreed. We went out and had a great time, but he treated me like a friend, which I guess wasn't surprising. When I got home that night, he texted again and told me a funny story until I went to bed. The next day, I decided to finally initiate a text for the first time since he had first ended things. All I got were 2 word responses, and he eventually stopped responding all together. VERY confused! But I didn't contact him again. He texted me 2 weeks later with a photo of his new tattoo, to which I didn't respond for a few days. When I did answer, he just said "thanks" and that was all. Now, another 2 weeks later, the semester started and coincidentally, he's in the same class of 150 people. The seats next to me were taken, but him and his friend sat down in the row in front of me. The night after the class, he texted me and joked that one of us should switch seats so him and I could sit together. He was nice, and just a tad flirty. I was nice, but quickly ended the conversation and told him I had to go to bed. That was Monday, and I haven't seen or talked to him since. Basically, I'm just totally confused. I get it, he doesn't want a relationship. I assume this means he didn't like me enough for one. So why keep contacting me, why keep coming in/out of my life? He's not trying to sleep with me (won't happen anyways), but he won't stop coming up with excuses to contact me either. Am I just someone for him to talk to when he's bored, or what the heck is going on here?
bolase Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 Well yes, you do know the answer I believe; he doesn't think that you two are couple material (and you are probably on the same page about this by now) but he probably still thinks you're a cool person who he connected with, apparently has respect for, and maybe wants to talk to when he is bored, but probably has dumper's guilt over ending the relationship so does't want a close friendship with you. It's annoying that he acts weird around you, and a bit hot/cold, but that's often the case with guys after they dump you, no matter what. He needs more time to be a cool friend to you, if that's going to happen at all. I would ignore the guy, entirely actually, and if he asks for a reason you can tell him that you'd like to be friends but you can never tell how he's feeling because he's inconsistent, so you can't be bothered with him any more.\ Good luck! 1
Author lanamarie Posted January 19, 2014 Author Posted January 19, 2014 I guess maybe he does just want to be friends. I posted a photo on instagram tonight about a poetry slam event I went to, and he left a comment saying "Thanks for the invite -_-." I don't think he'd expect ME to invite him anywhere if he was interested in me as anything other than a friend. This sucks.
Leigh 87 Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 He made it clear as day he only regarded you as a friend. Guys who are into you in THAT way will not go weeks without texting. This guy seems to really like you as a person and as a friend, otherwise he just wouldn't bother to continually contact you time and time again.
Author lanamarie Posted January 20, 2014 Author Posted January 20, 2014 Thanks, that makes sense. I guess what had me confused is that he's told me multiple times that he doesn't have or keep female friends. Sure, it could be a lie but he didn't seem to be lying about it. Maybe he's starting now -_-.
pickflicker Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 No more replying, he sounds like a bit of a douche. Move on to someone better! 1
FitChick Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 It seems like he wants you to chase him because he sulks and pouts and becomes passive aggressive later in response. Very immature and probably still a virgin. NEXT.
Poppygoodwill Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 I think he's been very clear - to his credit - that he's not into anything romantic with you. So I'd forget wondering what's up with him. Think about what you want. Are you getting anything out of these strange periodic encounters? Do they inspire or amuse you in any way? Does it serve you in any way to be in touch with him? If the answer is no, then I would just ignore him and he will fade away entirely. It doesn't matter why he's doing what he's doing. You don't have to play along.
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