Is he just not that into me?

[Wonderlander]

Okay so I'm getting a little frustrated... wait scratch that, A LOT frustrated. My significant other of nearly 3 years now seems to have no sexual interest in me what so ever anymore. but let me start at the beginning.

 

our relationship started out long distance, I lived in the states and him in Canada. I didn't meet him in real life until after a year & a half of dating and we had some incredible kinky sex until I had to leave and even when I came back that winter things were amazing. but ever since I actually moved in about 7 months ago things have slowly tapered off. first we weren't able to because we were in his parents house (boy was that the suckiest 1 month ever) and after that we had our own apartment and everything but he just slowly hasn't seemed that interested. now its always "oh I'm tired" or "oh my head hurts" I mean why is it that the movies always portray the girl like that!? and its not just the sex he's not interested in dates anymore or being romantic I have to drag him everywhere and plan all the dates and initiate any sex we have.

 

I just feel really horrible about myself because I'm not the thinnest sexiest girl in the world and I'm worried its because of my slightly elevated weight that he's not interested, or that its because I complain about his hygiene (which mind you isn't the greatest, especially when it comes to brushing his teeth, but that's to be expected from a teenage guy I'm sure) I just dont know what to do! I cant do anything super sexy when he's not growing up in the hygiene department and when he seems to be totally uninterested in sex I have nothing to tempt him with. the worst part is he gets really touchy feely during the day (humping, grabbing my boobs, etc) but its like when I head for the bed he is headed in the opposite direction. and other than weight I dont think its me. I keep very clean and nice.

 

so I guess I'm just saying other than losing weight what can i do!? I love him so much and he's perfect in every way he's just so unromantic and uninterested in sex anymore he might as well be my best friend/room mate. I know I'm not alone I just want someone to tell me what to do...:(

[Barbarossa]

Have you tried getting him drunk? Maybe watch porn with him? If he humps you or grabs your boob maybe have sex with him wherever you are sex doesn't need to be confined to the bedroom.

[beach]

There's no reason to beg someone to love you the way you want to be loved.

 

You may want to consider finding a better match for your needs/wants.

[Wonderlander]

Have you tried getting him drunk? Maybe watch porn with him? If he humps you or grabs your boob maybe have sex with him wherever you are sex doesn't need to be confined to the bedroom.

 

Well I use Bedroom more as an innuendo... if I even hint at sex when he does those things he turns and runs, I've asked him about it but he still says "well duh I think you're amazing" or sexy or whatever else but he's showing me something else... also I shouldnt need to get him drunk to have sex

[nomadic_butterfly]

Okay so I'm getting a little frustrated... wait scratch that, A LOT frustrated. My significant other of nearly 3 years now seems to have no sexual interest in me what so ever anymore. but let me start at the beginning.

 

our relationship started out long distance, I lived in the states and him in Canada. I didn't meet him in real life until after a year & a half of dating and we had some incredible kinky sex until I had to leave and even when I came back that winter things were amazing. but ever since I actually moved in about 7 months ago things have slowly tapered off. first we weren't able to because we were in his parents house (boy was that the suckiest 1 month ever) and after that we had our own apartment and everything but he just slowly hasn't seemed that interested. now its always "oh I'm tired" or "oh my head hurts" I mean why is it that the movies always portray the girl like that!? and its not just the sex he's not interested in dates anymore or being romantic I have to drag him everywhere and plan all the dates and initiate any sex we have.

 

I just feel really horrible about myself because I'm not the thinnest sexiest girl in the world and I'm worried its because of my slightly elevated weight that he's not interested, or that its because I complain about his hygiene (which mind you isn't the greatest, especially when it comes to brushing his teeth, but that's to be expected from a teenage guy I'm sure) I just dont know what to do! I cant do anything super sexy when he's not growing up in the hygiene department and when he seems to be totally uninterested in sex I have nothing to tempt him with. the worst part is he gets really touchy feely during the day (humping, grabbing my boobs, etc) but its like when I head for the bed he is headed in the opposite direction. and other than weight I dont think its me. I keep very clean and nice.

 

so I guess I'm just saying other than losing weight what can i do!? I love him so much and he's perfect in every way he's just so unromantic and uninterested in sex anymore he might as well be my best friend/room mate. I know I'm not alone I just want someone to tell me what to do...:(

 

This is sad but you moved too fast. You cannot fully count the 1 1/2 yrs of "dating" when you haven't met the person then move in, that's going from 0 to 100. It was way too much to fast like you not even knowing before he had bad hygiene. It takes time to get to know people; time in real life.

 

But that's already done. It's sad but I would tell him how I felt and if he didn't feel like he should make me feel wanted I would break up. You're only human with needs and no point in suffering like this; there are no kids and no ties involved so it should be a clean break provided you wont have to give up a job and start from scratch again or that your visa is contingent on this relationship working out.

 

Next time don't be so sold on a stranger you haven't met in real life and going as far as calling it "dating" when there wasn't even a "date." This leads you to have the proclivity to project fantasies onto the relationship that are short-lived once reality sets in. I believe that a discerning, not over-desperate for a mate kind of person can tell if online will translate into real life but even then, it's too much of a risk to put all eggs in that one basket without a good amount of extended visits. I hope it works out for you since you sacrificed to be with him in his country.

[Wonderlander]

This is sad but you moved too fast. You cannot fully count the 1 1/2 yrs of "dating" when you haven't met the person then move in, that's going from 0 to 100. It was way too much to fast like you not even knowing before he had bad hygiene. It takes time to get to know people; time in real life.

 

But that's already done. It's sad but I would tell him how I felt and if he didn't feel like he should make me feel wanted I would break up. You're only human with needs and no point in suffering like this; there are no kids and no ties involved so it should be a clean break provided you wont have to give up a job and start from scratch again or that your visa is contingent on this relationship working out.

 

Next time don't be so sold on a stranger you haven't met in real life and going as far as calling it "dating" when there wasn't even a "date." This leads you to have the proclivity to project fantasies onto the relationship that are short-lived once reality sets in. I believe that a discerning, not over-desperate for a mate kind of person can tell if online will translate into real life but even then, it's too much of a risk to put all eggs in that one basket without a good amount of extended visits. I hope it works out for you since you sacrificed to be with him in his country.

 

I'm really not sure this has anything to do with it. lots of couples have this problem and they weren't long distance, and so far the hygiene is the only thing I didn't anticipate. he is and was not a stranger by any stretch of the imagination, I know everything about him and him, everything about me. just because we hadn't gone on a real "date" doesn't mean anything. and I Know its not over desperation. wanting to have sex with the guy that I love more that once every 2 weeks is hardly desperate.

 

and its not like I ever really fantasized about what he would be like, I knew what he was like and in every way accept the bedroom and romance he has stayed like he was from that very first day (with some obvious growing up since he was 16 at the time) but its still the same sort of personality and traits. we already knew what the other one looked like, and I liked it. and he was romantic to begin with, back when we had money he would take me on dates and do all kinds of fun stuff, and right after we moved in with the sex. but since this is such a common problem among couples I really dont think its "reality setting in"

 

also everyone keeps making it out like I'm miserable, I'm not miserable. frustrated and a little upset, but miserable no. he is still amazing and sweet and caring and fun. its just in this one aspect that I feel something is wrong.

 

(sorry about the long reply the whole long distance thing is a touchy subject for me)

[Leigh 87]

There are two options:

 

- he is just not that into you in a romantic sense (but he may still love and respect you as a person)

 

- he is truly into you in a romantic way, only he has a low sex drive.

 

 

 

Those are the only two possible explanations.

 

If you're serious about continuing in this relationship, you need to get him to agree to go to a doctor to check whether there is a medical reason he lacks sex drive with you.

 

YOU NEED sex from a guy, you NEED your boyfriend to show you that he finds you sexy and desirable.

 

So. Either carry on without these things from him and stop complaining, OR, be proactive and fight for your relationship; get to the doctors, test to see all is well, and clearly tell him that you don't want this to go on long term.

 

He wont magically just start to want you. This is as good as it will ever get UNLESS you break up with him OR get to the bottom of the real reason he is not that into sex with you.

[nomadic_butterfly]

I'm really not sure this has anything to do with it. lots of couples have this problem and they weren't long distance, and so far the hygiene is the only thing I didn't anticipate. he is and was not a stranger by any stretch of the imagination, I know everything about him and him, everything about me. just because we hadn't gone on a real "date" doesn't mean anything. and I Know its not over desperation. wanting to have sex with the guy that I love more that once every 2 weeks is hardly desperate.

 

and its not like I ever really fantasized about what he would be like, I knew what he was like and in every way accept the bedroom and romance he has stayed like he was from that very first day (with some obvious growing up since he was 16 at the time) but its still the same sort of personality and traits. we already knew what the other one looked like, and I liked it. and he was romantic to begin with, back when we had money he would take me on dates and do all kinds of fun stuff, and right after we moved in with the sex. but since this is such a common problem among couples I really dont think its "reality setting in"

 

also everyone keeps making it out like I'm miserable, I'm not miserable. frustrated and a little upset, but miserable no. he is still amazing and sweet and caring and fun. its just in this one aspect that I feel something is wrong.

 

(sorry about the long reply the whole long distance thing is a touchy subject for me)

 

Oh, sorry if I came off abrasive; all I am saying is in the future, just be careful if you meet someone online in thinking you will know the full nitty gritty, and nuances. This is undeniably only confirmed in real life. I think it was very brave on your part to be confident enough to move without a lot of real world interaction first; I'm a super cautious and calculated person so for me such a sacrifice is too scary without a significant amount of in person meetings; to each his own.

 

I don't think you are miserable at all; it's perfectly reasonable given all you've done for the sake of the relationship especially, for him to make you feel desirable. I remember the one time in my life I cheated on someone it was because he would put me down and complain about my slender frame (even though I have curves) and I never felt so undesirable in my life. It was weird because I would get hit on all the time by all these men except the one man I was with. So he cheated on top of that so I figured I would render an eye for an eye with a man who made me feel beautiful and desired. I had to pretty much beg him to sleep with me (took him 7 months!) and he was very selfish and I never climaxed once with him and he didn't care. Women normally cheat when they are emotionally unfulfilled.

 

You've got to address this with him because this is so serious no matter how much you love someone it will drive you into another man's arms. It's completely unfair to you. And also what sacrifices has HE MADE for the relationship? So far it seems pretty one sided...

[mammasita]

Wait, did you say he is a teenager?