startingover1028 Posted January 11, 2005 Posted January 11, 2005 I've been sitting here most of the day... trying to work up the courage to close the e-mail account. (the one used solely for the purposes of communicating with the MM) For days I've been wondering if there might be one final thing that I could say to him that would suddenly cause him to wake up and say, "Gee, I forgot how much I loved you... I must have been dazed and confused over the past few months and these few words from you have snapped me back to reality and I am now, once again, forever yours." Do those words even exist? It's a scary thing... contemplating the end... in all its finality. The end of all hope of ever having a relationship, a life, those feelings with him, again... We've played the "friends" game for a few months now... me holding onto the hope that he would realize what a mistake it is not to have me in his life. It hasn't happened and I'm torturing myself everyday, waiting for the words... the innuendo... the one remark that will give me a spark of hope... What a pitiful, foolish idiot I have become. I'm hoping before the end of the night I will muster the courage to "close the account" and turn my back on, what the rational side of me knows is, a dead-end for me. Words of encouragement are encouraged and greatly appreciated.....
Owl Posted January 11, 2005 Posted January 11, 2005 You know what Startingover....you'll close the account here in just a few minutes. Because you're going to sit there and realize something...you are better than this!!! You are better than this...there's no reason for you to sit around waiting for this weasel!! It's not like you aren't an awesome person. You've got a ton of things about you that are nothing short of spectacular...he's the one missing out...not you!!! Think about that....and go find a guy who might....just barely....deserve you!!! This buffoon clearly doesn't!! Close the account...get up, go get yourself looking good....and go out and buy yourself a victory dinner. While you're at it...flirt with the waiter if he's good looking!!! (oh yeah...and if there's no ring on his finger! ) Come on....you already know all of this...you've just let yourself get bummed out by "what if's"! How about this for a what if....what if you get up, go do something tonite, and meet someone REALLY worth it??? Why not...crazier things have happened. Do it...do it now!! Post back here when you close the account....then let us know tomorrow morning how you went out tonite and made yourself feel GOOD about your choice!!!
Teag Posted January 11, 2005 Posted January 11, 2005 Do you really want to be "second" in someones life forever? You will find a SINGLE man that will love and charish you & treat you like you desearve to be treated & you'll be number one in his life. Try & think of all the positive outcomes there is in the future. Think about how selfish he is for cheating on his wife & for hurting you. Bringing you into his life, making you believe there was "something" there and then just ripped out you heart. See closing that acct as closing him out of your life. You'll find some out there. But until then cheer up & good luck.
Zoot Posted January 11, 2005 Posted January 11, 2005 If you are waiting on him to come through like some knight in shining armor to save the relationship, you'll be waiting until eternity. Then on the edge of eternity, he'll still be where he is and you'll be sitting there all alone. As much as it hurts to walk away, it's the only chance you have of regaining your sanity and finding a love who belongs only to you. Anyone who has been in your position understands how you feel. Anyone who has found their way out of an affair relationship will tell you to close the door and walk away. Anyone can tell you, but only YOU can do it for yourself. Owl is right. Close the account.
Author startingover1028 Posted January 11, 2005 Author Posted January 11, 2005 I DID IT! I CLOSED IT! It is finally over. And now, as I sit here with the tears streaming... I feel nothing... I can't say I'm happy... I don't feel relieved... I'm just numb.... and scared. I'm scared that tomorrow or next week or next month I'll open another account and try to start it back up again. I'm afraid I won't be strong. I know I can't go back. It took me so long to get to this point. Thank you all for your help... Just reading your words helped take me to the final step. I don't think I would have done it otherwise. Thank you so much. and Owl.... thank you, especially... your words made me cry because I DO know that I'm worth it and I DO know there will be better days ahead... without him. I pray for strength....
Owl Posted January 11, 2005 Posted January 11, 2005 When you get weak, and get ready to open a new account....come here instead. Re-read the advice you got today. Think about it. Then move forward without opening the account, because you know better. Now...go party and flirt with that waiter!!!
ww Posted January 11, 2005 Posted January 11, 2005 Cheer up! I am about to do it too! yet better I am about to not contact him anymore in my life! U will do it! It will get better U`ll see
Owl Posted January 11, 2005 Posted January 11, 2005 OK...now both of you call my wife and let her know what an awesome man she's got here!!! Tell her she'd better never mess up again!!! ROFL!!!
Author startingover1028 Posted January 11, 2005 Author Posted January 11, 2005 OK...now both of you call my wife and let her know what an awesome man she's got here!!! Tell her she'd better never mess up again!!! ROFL!!! Yes... she's a lucky girl, Owl!
DoggyDog Posted January 12, 2005 Posted January 12, 2005 SO...Just read your thread. YOU DID GREAT. I did the same and it's two months now....NC..If I can do it after 20+ years...ANYONE CAN. I know you will think about him everyday for a long time, but as others have said, just keep saying NC to yourself. The days and nights will finally be calmer without thinking what your MM is doing. Don't forget, you were a good spirit before him (that's what attracted him). The New Year is here and and the NEW YOU will be too!. Take Care L DD
Author startingover1028 Posted January 18, 2005 Author Posted January 18, 2005 One full week later and I do feel stronger. I did see him over the weekend and he must have noticed a change. I avoided all eye contact and made sure that I didn't carry on a lengthy conversation with him. He seemed baffled... He's a big boy... he can figure it out. Thank you all so much for your help... on this post and on all the others that I've read, that have helped give me the strength that I needed to do this. It's time for me to move on and concentrate now on the things in my life that really matter!
savethedrama4allama Posted January 18, 2005 Posted January 18, 2005 Originally posted by startingover1028 I did see him over the weekend and he must have noticed a change. I avoided all eye contact and made sure that I didn't carry on a lengthy conversation with him. He seemed baffled... He's a big boy... he can figure it out. Boy, I bet that felt good. When you feel yourself getting weak (which will inevitable) remember that moment. Cherish the strength you felt, and the confused look on his face!
whichwayisup Posted January 18, 2005 Posted January 18, 2005 I'm really proud of you SO! That is wonderful and just take it slow. You're heading in the right direction. You put yourself first always, forget his needs, his thoughts, whatever is going on with him and his life just doesn't matter anymore!! YOU are what is important! Big hugs!! WWIU
uberfrau Posted January 19, 2005 Posted January 19, 2005 Originally posted by startingover1028 I've been sitting here most of the day... trying to work up the courage to close the e-mail account. (the one used solely for the purposes of communicating with the MM) For days I've been wondering if there might be one final thing that I could say to him that would suddenly cause him to wake up and say, "Gee, I forgot how much I loved you... I must have been dazed and confused over the past few months and these few words from you have snapped me back to reality and I am now, once again, forever yours." Do those words even exist? It's a scary thing... contemplating the end... in all its finality. The end of all hope of ever having a relationship, a life, those feelings with him, again... We've played the "friends" game for a few months now... me holding onto the hope that he would realize what a mistake it is not to have me in his life. It hasn't happened and I'm torturing myself everyday, waiting for the words... the innuendo... the one remark that will give me a spark of hope... What a pitiful, foolish idiot I have become. I'm hoping before the end of the night I will muster the courage to "close the account" and turn my back on, what the rational side of me knows is, a dead-end for me. Words of encouragement are encouraged and greatly appreciated..... You can't do it because you are a doormat. Do women like you LIKE being a doormat? Is there some maschostic pleasure to be had from it? So many excuses, and you all eventually fall back on the the 'well, I LUV him!" I say "Jeez Jenny, he slept with 15 different women, and gave you herpes! " (true story!) Jenny says "Well, but I love him!" HEard that ONE so many times in my life. Women constantly use their emotional neediness, and their need to to be needed as an justification to tolerate abuse...and to rationalize staying in an abusive situation "yeah, he slugs me, but I love him and he NEEDS ME" There is NO GLORY in martyrdom. Personally, i think 'other women/men" don't mind that status. It doesn't bother them. They've already transgressed social norms anyway by sleeping with someone's elses spouse. Or maybe they like the 'drama' that comes with being an 'other'. IMO, boring people with boring jobs use their love life as entertainment-the more ****ed up it is, the more entertained they are. Or maybe it's an act of rebellion in our conformist world.
2Confuzed Posted January 19, 2005 Posted January 19, 2005 Apparently, there are some select few (one actually) who obviously has some personal issues ~ maybe he/she was cheated on? Whatever.... we are here for support and people like that are just trying to make themselves feel better about the crap their in by making you feel bad ~ misery loves company. SO ~ I hope you are able to stay strong and I wish you the best of luck. Take it one day at a time. Most of us can identify with you, believe me, you are soooooo not alone in this one. Like Owl and the others have said, use LS as a crutch when you feel as if you may fall. I commend you for taking the first step. Good Luck
Author startingover1028 Posted January 19, 2005 Author Posted January 19, 2005 After months of reading the various posts on this Forum I have come to realize that there are people here who are comforting and warm and there are people who are depressed and rejected and then there are the people who are bitter and scornful who feel it is their duty to preach to the rest of us ... and sometimes in a very accusatory tone. Maybe it is deserved at times, but I doubt that it is ever truly appreciated.
LuckyStar Posted January 20, 2005 Posted January 20, 2005 I totally agree. Being on both sides of the fence, Right is right and wrong is wrong and the truth really hurts. What matters is having the strenght to do what's best! This forum has been very inspirational in my life. All the best!
stormywind Posted January 20, 2005 Posted January 20, 2005 Is your story on here in another thread? I'd like to read it. Thx.
Owl Posted January 20, 2005 Posted January 20, 2005 So how is the NC going, Starting?? And have you started flirting with that cute waiter I mentioned??? LOL Seriously, I hope all is going as well as it can be. Hang in there friend!
Author startingover1028 Posted January 20, 2005 Author Posted January 20, 2005 Starting on my 2nd week of NC. Saw him this weekend but I remained very distant. At times, I feel very strong... Sometimes, tho... I just want to pick up the phone.... No flirting with anyone for me... as I am still married. But, not for long... that's another issue.... Is your story on here in another thread? I'd like to read it. Thx. My story is here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t50811/
Owl Posted January 20, 2005 Posted January 20, 2005 Woah....sorry Starting. For some reason, I thought you were OW...didn't realize you were married as well. Wouldn't have suggested the flirting with someone if I had realized that. Regardless...good luck. I hope everything works out for you.
Gem Posted January 26, 2005 Posted January 26, 2005 starting over, Uberfrau aside, i agree with everyone else, that you did great...and yes, it sounds familiar that it takes a long time to give up the hope and take the steps leading away from the MM and toward SINGLE GUYS! Highly recommend you start a match ad, and rustle up some good conversations and dates to take your mind off of MM... Gem
Gem Posted January 26, 2005 Posted January 26, 2005 starting over, Gee, same here! Nix the match ad...(flirt with husband?) Gem
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