memyselfi Posted January 19, 2014 Share Posted January 19, 2014 4 days ago when i start having a problem with my internet connection, then he would just get mad, get angry talking to me, he said he couldnt understand me. Thats understandable, for me. But I was hoping with not much talk I guess I was hoping he would miss me. I started to be the one calling him, this past week I dont know, I just do, I get worry when he dont answer. Then now that my internet connection is a bit better, I asked him to call and he did, but then I started asking him lots of questions. I asked if we are ok/fine and he said yes, cause he was acting strange, not messaging me and all that, last night i keep calling him and his line is busy, i just thought maybe its just my connection, I was starting to think he's talking to somebody. I even told him that now, but he never say anything about it, he just remain silent, then i keep talking and explain myself why is he like that, that i am just questioning things based on how he show me. Then he said why do i have to question him everytime we were talking, then he said, " why dont you back off and shut the **** up", then i stop, then silence, i was thinking what does he mean with back off or what kind of backing off you want me to do, ill do it, he just told me, "I think I am done talking for tonight why dont you just google it." I say goodnight, then hang up while crying. Btw, he was also stressed and tired and pressured for the past days from work, I wish to help him get through all those, but i guess its just makes me overthink everything he is acting, i keep telling myself, being busy is not an excuse not to get in touch. I just need your comment guys. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 19, 2014 Share Posted January 19, 2014 He is fed up and frustrated. And he was a real jerk to be rude to you. It's one thing to ask for space, it's another to tell someone to shut the F up and to back off. He is telling you to leave him alone. Don't call, don't email, don't text. Right now you questioning him and asking him stuff is bothering him, whatever reasons why you feel insecure about your relationship with him, he's sick of hearing, this isn't fun for him anymore so he is doing what (unfortunately) many men do - Be an ass.hole and act like a jerk. instead of communicating with you what it is that's bothering him, and you two talking, he's being mean, hoping you'll get the hint and back off of him. Honestly, is there any good in this relationship? Or have things been like this for a while? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author memyselfi Posted January 19, 2014 Author Share Posted January 19, 2014 He is fed up and frustrated. And he was a real jerk to be rude to you. It's one thing to ask for space, it's another to tell someone to shut the F up and to back off. He is telling you to leave him alone. Don't call, don't email, don't text. Right now you questioning him and asking him stuff is bothering him, whatever reasons why you feel insecure about your relationship with him, he's sick of hearing, this isn't fun for him anymore so he is doing what (unfortunately) many men do - Be an ass.hole and act like a jerk. instead of communicating with you what it is that's bothering him, and you two talking, he's being mean, hoping you'll get the hint and back off of him. Honestly, is there any good in this relationship? Or have things been like this for a while? There has been a lot of things happen to me and him for almost 2 years now, when we broke up last year August, and he wanted to get back with me, i was sure of moving forward already, so he asked me what i want, then i told him, he know what i want, for him to come over and visit and make this relationship official, so he said ok in two month he will so because i love him, i gave him another chance and hoping that in two months ill see him, then he send me things, we talk every night every morning, then here comes the almost 2 months and no ticket no reservation, not anything, i demand but he just turn it all back to me, that how will he able to come over when he is sending me some things, and he doesnt have enough money. So i tried to make myself calm and at ease and just wait whenever, then one time i told him that mom is not really convince of him yet, because he havent been able to visit, maybe ill get there when its really so cold here by February... so its mid of january and earlier this year, we had a fight again over this, i dont know... i was thinking if this is right to continue, there has been lots of words said about coming over and its not happening, but then he still keep trying to keep me by sending this and that, my needs.. i wanted to think this is gonna happen i just need to be patient, i dont know until when should i wait... i dont know... Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted January 19, 2014 Share Posted January 19, 2014 First do not have relationships with people you have never met. You are NOT in a committed relationship because you have never met each other. Everything he is telling you could be a lie or he could have six other internet gfs. Second, never allow anyone to speak to you in that way. You need to tell him that you do not deserve to be treated like that especially as you have never met. You need to sit down and talk to your mom about why you are so attached to someone you have never met. You are basing your happiness on the validation of someone you have ever met therefore you need some attention from your father or mother and something going on in your life. Best, Grumps 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted January 19, 2014 Share Posted January 19, 2014 Rarely do men like their temperature being taken every five minutes, particurlay if the counter part is behaving in a needy way. Men cringe at the "where are we in the relationship chat"...Its just not needed most times. I'm a lady and even I would find it annoying if a person kept questioning where we were in the relationship.... If a guy says...step back, back off....then take it at face value and do it. 99% of the time they don't mean it offensively...they are actually doing the relationship a favor when they want to deal with things on their own... He will though owe you an apology for the unkind way he approached it, but given the dynamics....its fair to say ....both parties added fuel to the overall scenario.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author memyselfi Posted January 19, 2014 Author Share Posted January 19, 2014 Rarely do men like their temperature being taken every five minutes, particurlay if the counter part is behaving in a needy way. Men cringe at the "where are we in the relationship chat"...Its just not needed most times. I'm a lady and even I would find it annoying if a person kept questioning where we were in the relationship.... If a guy says...step back, back off....then take it at face value and do it. 99% of the time they don't mean it offensively...they are actually doing the relationship a favor when they want to deal with things on their own... He will though owe you an apology for the unkind way he approached it, but given the dynamics....its fair to say ....both parties added fuel to the overall scenario.... Isnt that I only question him with the way he acted, that make me question him, and he said he hate question. At times when we have some things to talk about and he doesnt like it, he would just say bye and never talk about it, and the next day, its like acting that nothing happened, is it a healthy way of treating the relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted January 19, 2014 Share Posted January 19, 2014 How old are both of you? This guy doesn't want to spend the money to meet you. You are just a pleasant diversion although now he is getting bored and annoyed. He'd rather have sex with someone locally. There are plenty of Americans in the Philippines. At least you could actually meet them. Otherwise don't they have marriage agencies in your country, where American men can shop for a bride? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted January 19, 2014 Share Posted January 19, 2014 Don't harrass someone who is blowing you off. It pushes them further away and makes you look desperate. He is annoyed with you and basically over it. Also, as others mentioned, don't invest in someone you haven't even MET. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted January 19, 2014 Share Posted January 19, 2014 " why dont you back off and shut the **** up" After something like that, nothing else would do other than a hearfelt apology down on his knees, literally. I mean it. Otherwise it's NO CONTANCT for good. Don't let anyone take the liberty to treat you like dirt. Ever. Have some self-respect and don't put up with that kind of language/behavior. i demand but he just turn it all back to me, that how will he able to come over when he is sending me some things, and he doesnt have enough money Don't buy that. He works and he's a man. Men are usually very practical. If he's broke, it's not because he spent $15 to send you something by mail. And even him mentioning that is just mean. Did you ask him to buy you this or that? I guess not. What to send you was just up to him, right? And I don't think that $100 - had he even spent that on you (which I doubt) - could compromise his ability to travel. You draw your conclusions. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted January 19, 2014 Share Posted January 19, 2014 After something like that, nothing else would do other than a hearfelt apology down on his knees, literally. I mean it. Otherwise it's NO CONTANCT for good. Don't let anyone take the liberty to treat you like dirt. Ever. Have some self-respect and don't put up with that kind of language/behavior. Don't buy that. He works and he's a man. Men are usually very practical. If he's broke, it's not because he spent $15 to send you something by mail. And even him mentioning that is just mean. Did you ask him to buy you this or that? I guess not. What to send you was just up to him, right? And I don't think that $100 - had he even spent that on you (which I doubt) - could compromise his ability to travel. You draw your conclusions. They are penpals at this point. They haven't met, and the more I read this, the OP may well be a cyber stalker in this guys mind....Sometimes we have to put the brakes on when it gets to this level of distorted ideals.... Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted January 19, 2014 Share Posted January 19, 2014 They are penpals at this point. They haven't met, and the more I read this, the OP may well be a cyber stalker in this guys mind....Sometimes we have to put the brakes on when it gets to this level of distorted ideals.... I understand what you mean. But he let her in his life, she even talks to his children. She's on his facebook and his family knows her as his girlfriend. You just think he's in good faith, waiting for the right moment to fly out there and visit her. BUT he's not making any plans. As I said, men are very practical in general. So that's a red flag. Also, he should have been more cautious before 1) calling her his GF (did this really happen?) and 2) introducing her to his family, when he's not even met her and can't know if he even clicks with her in person, or if they get along IRL. Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted January 19, 2014 Share Posted January 19, 2014 This guy is someone who you know nothing about who has been verbally abusive to you. Would you accept that from a friend or co-worker ? No, you wouldn't. Fitchick sums it up here This guy doesn't want to spend the money to meet you. You are just a pleasant diversion although now he is getting bored and annoyed. He'd rather have sex with someone locally. Cut your losses and move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author memyselfi Posted January 20, 2014 Author Share Posted January 20, 2014 (edited) After something like that, nothing else would do other than a hearfelt apology down on his knees, literally. I mean it. Otherwise it's NO CONTANCT for good. Don't let anyone take the liberty to treat you like dirt. Ever. Have some self-respect and don't put up with that kind of language/behavior. Don't buy that. He works and he's a man. Men are usually very practical. If he's broke, it's not because he spent $15 to send you something by mail. And even him mentioning that is just mean. Did you ask him to buy you this or that? I guess not. What to send you was just up to him, right? And I don't think that $100 - had he even spent that on you (which I doubt) - could compromise his ability to travel. You draw your conclusions. He spent more than that usually its $50 to support me or more, buy me things i dont ask, cause he said it will make me happy, he chose to do that because he wanted to make me feel like he's real, he's sending real money, so, he wanted to keep me, and wait. He is an easy go lucky men, he doesnt like to be sad, he just like to talk, whatever he want, he could just say shut the **** up, **** you, **** it, its like its the way he is, sometimes he said to me, yeah when he's mad. You're right, cause when he said it, i just go silent, try to be calm, sometimes try to fight but dont say those words, when we joke around we said it. Last night we had a talk, he called, he said he is burnt out with his job and when he feel like that he just want me to be a friend, talk like a friend, so i told him that at times he put me in an awkward situation wherein I dont know what to say, I dont know what will make him good, cause its like he's not even absorbing what im saying or not hearing me, kinda disappointing. I told him all this. I reminded him of what he told me, i said i never said that to him, he said he just said what he has in mind, i said well i dont, cause i think and i respect you then he stop silence, he never said any apology any sorry. Overall in our conversation, we never get to fix anything and all just sounds like its me being impatient, not understanding, me its my mistake. Edited January 20, 2014 by memyselfi Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 As you make your bed, then you lie in it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 Read the thread in this forum "She disappeared 100 days ago..." He lives in the Philippines and makes a lot of money. You are very similar in that you hang on to hopeless cases. You should date each other. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 He spent more than that usually its $50 to support me or more, buy me things i dont ask, cause he said it will make me happy, he chose to do that because he wanted to make me feel like he's real, he's sending real money, so, he wanted to keep me, and wait. He is an easy go lucky men, he doesnt like to be sad, he just like to talk, whatever he want, he could just say shut the **** up, **** you, **** it, its like its the way he is, sometimes he said to me, yeah when he's mad. You're right, cause when he said it, i just go silent, try to be calm, sometimes try to fight but dont say those words, when we joke around we said it. Last night we had a talk, he called, he said he is burnt out with his job and when he feel like that he just want me to be a friend, talk like a friend, so i told him that at times he put me in an awkward situation wherein I dont know what to say, I dont know what will make him good, cause its like he's not even absorbing what im saying or not hearing me, kinda disappointing. I told him all this. I reminded him of what he told me, i said i never said that to him, he said he just said what he has in mind, i said well i dont, cause i think and i respect you then he stop silence, he never said any apology any sorry. Overall in our conversation, we never get to fix anything and all just sounds like its me being impatient, not understanding, me its my mistake. I'm going to be blunt because you need to hear this and really let it sink in. He is not into/interested in you that way anymore. He may have been but not anymore. Men who are in love do not treat their gf's the way he has been with you. Please, cut him out of your life. Grieve the loss, kill the fantasy of who you *think* he is and get some counseling to help you cope with this. Then when you're ready, date men face to face, not online and long distance. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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