erica512 Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 I have been back in the dating game for a few months after taking a long break following the end of a long-term relationship. I recently met a great guy that I am really interested in, but I am afraid that I may have messed it up. We've had great dates together and all of the elements seem to be there-good conversation, great chemistry, similar values etc. On our 5th date he made me dinner at his place. I spent the night at his place but have not had sex (I am not ready). Everything was great until we got out of bed in the morning. It was soooo awkward and he seemed like a different person. He made breakfast for me and coffee, and I left after not too long. But, I felt terrible when I left because I really felt like he didn't want me there in the morning. So, I called him to tell him how I felt. He apologized and said he didn't mean to make me feel that way. I haven't heard from him and I am afraid that I really blew it with a great guy! Did I overreaact? Should I move on or is there anything I can do to fix it at this point?
Barbarossa Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 I would give him some space if he's interested he will contact you. He was probably just sexually frustrated in the morning but at least he made you breakfast. Your phone call might have thrown him off maybe he's just not a morning person? 1
Leigh 87 Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 IF a guy is really that into a girl, NOTHING you did is enough to turn a guy who is REALLY interested in you off. Another thing to consider; my boyfriend gets very frustrated if he fools around with a girl WITHOUT it leading to sex OR the girl finishing him off in another way. He gets blue balls:lmao: Yet still, he would NEVER have made me feel awkward if I had, on our first night we spent together, only let him, say, fool around with me with NO sex. He would have still been perfectly welcoming the next day. The fact your guy did NOT make you feel very comfortable the morning after is a BAD sign, but at this stage leave it... ...Do not contact him, and see if he contacts you. If he doesn't for a day or more, contact him, just a nice, normal text. If he still doesn't initiate texts and dates to see you and he takes more than two days to text you, just forget about him; he only wanted sex and casual relations with you.
TT25 Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 I think maybe you shouldn't have slept over. Especially after only a few dates. Maybe your new relationship was not ready for that kind of intimacy.
Author erica512 Posted January 19, 2014 Author Posted January 19, 2014 Thanks for the advice. When I called he did say that he is not a morning person and is slow to get going in the moring. It has been so long since I have been in this position, I have forgotten when the beginning of relationship are supposed to be like. Is it supposed to be awkward at the beginning? Should I expect to know when we are going to see each other again if we are spending the night together? Or, am I am just expecting too much and have to be more patient? Why is dating so hard!!!????
Hopeful30 Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 Classic female. You are assuming YOU did something wrong just because HE is acting weird. If he has a problem, that's HIS stuff, not yours. Just move on girl. You're worrying about something that literally has nothing to do with you. If he has a problem or something happened, and he's not mature enough to talk to you about it, then find someone else. I think you should move on. You haven't even really started a relationship and you're already having to deal with stuff like this. Take it from my own experience, if he's already like that during the "honeymoon" stage, it won't get any better.
lonesurvivorever Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 you deserve the awkwardness. what's the point to stay over at his place not doing anything? I think it is even worse than having sex. Sorry to be blunt, it only shows you have no boundaries. You don't want to have sex so soon, just kiss goodbye and leave after having dinner.
lonesurvivorever Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 IF a guy is really that into a girl, NOTHING you did is enough to turn a guy who is REALLY interested in you off. I like to see this, but I respectfully disagree. I guess it depends on the stage of dating, no?
KatZee Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 you deserve the awkwardness. what's the point to stay over at his place not doing anything? I think it is even worse than having sex. Sorry to be blunt, it only shows you have no boundaries. You don't want to have sex so soon, just kiss goodbye and leave after having dinner. Uh sorry, but no one "deserves" awkardness. She straight up said she wasn't ready for sex. What's the point in staying over? Have you ever heard of actually having a conversation with a woman? Spending time together? Creating emotional intimacy? Not everything always boils down to inserting point A into hole B. Some people do honestly look for something more, something of substance, and actually HAVE boundaries to say "No, I'm not ready." How does her staying over reflect a lack of boundaries??? :confused: Her staying over, saying she wasn't ready for sex, and then letting him manipulate her or convince her to do it would show a lack of boundary. 1
superb Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 I.think it's good that you contacted him and told him how you felt. Be yourself. Be honest. Relationships don't evolve if you're not open about your feelings.
Fondue Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 If you're not planning on having sex, don't stay over. Especially on your first sleep over. That sends a lot of mixed messages. There's a good chance you confused him. You're able to sleepover sexless once you've established a relationship. But the first time around? Yah, that's awkward.
Rjbb2 Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 If you're not planning on having sex, don't stay over. Especially on your first sleep over. That sends a lot of mixed messages. There's a good chance you confused him. You're able to sleepover sexless once you've established a relationship. But the first time around? Yah, that's awkward. I agree 1000 percent. Why in the world would you sleep with this guy the first time and not have sex with him? "he was grouchy in the morning?" SO, big deal. You pounded his male ego 8 feet under and you expect him to be your knight in shinning amour? Nope.....HE deserves better. Why did you not just go home to your place and sleep? You made this guy feel like a complete failure. If I were him, I would be seriously re-thinking YOU. His grouchiest in the morning was him reacting to your sexual rejection of him. You took him for a false ride for no reason Do you honestly think it is ok to sleep with a man the first time and to withhold sex? After this ego deflator you threw him, he still made you breakfast! And you are complaining again because, why? I don't get it. Sorry, but I am on his side. He deserves better than you. Calling it the way I am reading it. You might be able to patch this up, but if I were him, I would have already mentally dumped you. He probably was mentally dumping you while making you breakfast and his grouchiest was him being angry at himself for wasting his time on you. Sorry if my reply sounds harsh, but I call it the way I see it.
Rjbb2 Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 I realize I did not actually answer your question. Yes, I think you can patch this with some communication to him about how you were "uncomfortable sleeping in a new environment and how you have to feel comfortable in your environment before having sex" blah blah blah. If he buys it, at least he will not think it had anything to do with him........so you might have a chance IF you hurry and do some fast talking and acting. You asked too if you should move on. Actually, that is not your question to ask. He should should be asking that question; not you.
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