Rorrie Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 Hi!I am new to this board. I am hoping to get some honest advice.I am 39 and have been seeing a younger guy that is 33. I am older enough to know the answer but want advice. I have been seeing him for 7 months. He still lives at home with his mother, works p/t, no kids. Here is the problem I should have dumped him after the first date when he said he didn't have his debit card! He also drinks and smokes weed. We see each other on the weekends and usually don't go out. I tend to speak my mind and lately he has told me I am too bossy.I feel he is too sensitive and it's like walking on eggshells with him. The last time we saw each other was dec 14 everything was fine. When he didn't call the next week and didn't see me, I got upset and sent a text "it would have been nice if you let me know you wasn't going to see me"2 weeks go by and no response. I sent another text dec 29 telling him "your a real piece of work,you need to grow up, stop using and manipulating women. He then responds back right away "what are you talking about? I am really going through something. I then say "how am I suppose to know that if you don't contact me? He then says "something has been bothering me since I was a kid and only my mom and brother know what I am going through. He then says what I said completely turned him off. I am now thinking maybe he was molested as a child and that is why he is always drinking, getting high and distant with me sexually. Am I right?
Frank2thepoint Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 There is not enough information that leads one to assume he was molested, but the real question is, what are you doing with him? He clearly isn't a functioning member of society, does not have his life together - even at 33, and indulges in caustic vices. What is the attraction? 2
Tayla Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 Assumptions will get ya everytime! Step back and be polite to the feller, sounds like he was honest and told you that he is gong thru somethings. Respect his boundaries.
Leigh 87 Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 I am going to be harsh here. He smokes pot and drinks, lives with his parents (is there any good reason for that? is he at least studying towards a better career if his current one won't provide for him to move out on his own?) I stopped at he part where you said he didn't contact you for 2 weeks. NO man who is head over heels in love with a girl would go even A FEW DAYS without texting or calling.... My ex lost his mother, who he was very close to, and his ex looked after him from the day she passed away. He always LONGED for messages from that girl, even though he was going through a really hard time. Some guys shut down when they are under great stress, where as a lot of guys do not ignore those they really care about; some guys, such as my ex I spoke of, reach out to the girls in their life whom they truly care about. For some men, when they are going through a tough time, contact with a girl he really cares for brings them great joy with each email text or phone call. It is not YOUR fault something bad happened to him. If he really cared for you and he was a decent person, he would have spent 30 seconds sending you a text: " sorry, going through some hard times right now, I'll get back to you in a few weeks" The fact he just disappeared for weeks at a time signals that he is 1 OR BOTH of these things: - he is a jerk without much consideration for other peoples feelings - he simply isn't all that crazy about you enough to bother making an effort. .......................................... The other thing I wanted to get through to you is: I think you need to get some better standards. Find guys who are crazy about you, who don't go days or weeks without contacting you EVEN if they are going through a tough time. Also, if a guy lives at home after he turns 30, there better be a good reason for it; my boyfriend, for instance, had a stroke and was very ill in hospital for nearly a year. To get back on his feet, he lives with his dad BUT he is a chef currently and has a long term career goal ( a business that will earn him a decent income, that him and his friend have very carefully thought out) AND, he is saving hard to buy his own house SO he is only at daddies until he can save for his house.... He also doesn't smoke pot:sick: or drink besides on weekends only, in social settings. He is well enough spoken, educated and he simply had bad luck with his health. THAT is why he is at home at age 30. He is NOT satisfied with this arrangement. There ARE guys who smoke pot and drink a lot and yet have professional careers. However, they don't also live at home. ........................................ This guy is a mess and needs to sort out his own life. He is in his 30's. He needs to go about leaving home and quit his pot habit. Guys that are like this are generally very irresponsible. 1
Author Rorrie Posted January 19, 2014 Author Posted January 19, 2014 The only thing that I like about him is that he is attractive and fun to be around. I think I feel I can rescue him, but it's obvious he doesn't want help. He is at home because he is lazy and rather pay his mom a few dollars to live there. he has no career aspirations and rather just work p/t at an airport. I believe his mother is the blame for how he is. The reason why I said I think he was molested is because he is always requesting odd things : he wants us to make a porn tape, do a threesome and anal. That was the last straw!
TT25 Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 I agree. I think you need to let this one go. Your picker was off on this one. And don't allow the wrong one to waist your time when you could be free and available for Mr. Right.
Leigh 87 Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 The only thing that I like about him is that he is attractive and fun to be around. I think I feel I can rescue him, but it's obvious he doesn't want help. He is at home because he is lazy and rather pay his mom a few dollars to live there. he has no career aspirations and rather just work p/t at an airport. I believe his mother is the blame for how he is. The reason why I said I think he was molested is because he is always requesting odd things : he wants us to make a porn tape, do a threesome and anal. That was the last straw! A threesome, a porn tape... Dump him. Run. Please get higher standards.
Author Rorrie Posted January 19, 2014 Author Posted January 19, 2014 I definitely agree with everyone here, I just needed confirmation. I think I was just trying to save him from himself. He has issues that I can't help him with. He is use to this behavior and no one probably told him about himself before.
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