FineFreshFierce Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 So I've been friends with a group of 3 girls. When I met them, they were practically inseperable.. the closest group of girls I have ever seen. I was never close to them up until a few months ago when the friendship split apart because one of the girls had a revelation that she was being horribly mistreated them (according to her side of the story). But the other 2 girls remain close friends and have a very different version of the story, and all three of them don't talk. I've been getting close to the 1 girl and we've become good friends. But I've also been talking to the other two girls and the three of us have hung out a couple times, and they want to start hanging out a lot more. By hanging out with them, I feel like I'm betraying the one girl (cause we're closer).. but technically we all became friends/acquaintances at the same time so I don't want to ignore the other 2. I'm torn because if it was me and one of my friends spent time with the people I told her were horrible to me, I would feel upset.
preraph Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 Loyalty is about the most important thing in friendships. These other 2 girls could just be "courting" you to piss your friend off, and it will. Why don't you keep those 2 girls in a non-one-on-one role and only see them when it's a larger group. Or you can talk to your friend and tell her what is going on and just ask her how she feels about it, but I think you already know. That type of stuff can really blow up on you. I have an old old friend who, when Facebook first started, ended up with one of my old bf's ex-wife friending her. Now, I had nothing against this woman until 20 years after the fact, she started trying to blame me for their breakup on a public forum, which my friend was right there and saw her do but chooses to overlook. The truth is, I was in love with someone else, not her husband, who I worked with, and then she cheated on him, which he didn't tell me, but 3 of his male friend/acquaintances did much much later on, probably when they saw her start talking trash. Anyway, went to my old friend's for dinner one time and she couldn't shut up about how neet it was that his ex-wife lived someplace out in the boondocks. She couldn't shut up about her. Being an adult, I didn't want it to go all juvenile, so I told her do whatever she wants with her but don't talk to me about it, and reminded her why. She ignored it. She didn't hang with her, but she never shut up about her even though she'd never see her again probably. I just thought it was very rude and disloyal. Likewise, she recently supported a film effort of this old creep who used to be engaged to a roommate of mine and who stalked her when we lived together. She thinks I'm silly not to want to go to the film and all that. There's lots of reasons why I don't, but not wanting to support a jerk is the main one -- and loyalty to my old roommate. Loyalty matters. That's all I'm saying. Your friend will only be as trustworthy to you as you are to them.
Author FineFreshFierce Posted January 20, 2014 Author Posted January 20, 2014 Thanks for the advice! But I don't think they're trying to use me to piss off the other girl, cause they actually don't know what we've gotten close
Confuddled1983 Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 I really hate situations where you feel you have to "pick a side" - you should be able to hang out with whoever you want. All I would say is be very careful of any bitching that goes on and don't get involved in it. These group of girls may just reunite and if they do and you've been getting involved in bitching about either party it could get back to them and you could find yourself in a very difficult position.
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