realfriends Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 Its been two months NC and the girl I used to know is gone. She's never coming back. She's dead. I loved her and the time we spent together, however, she is no longer anything to me but a memory. Just a stranger. How can you love someone you don't know? YOU CANT. I don't love her, I love somebody that I used to know. This is what helps me move on and maybe it will help others. 2
AnyaNova Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 Its been two months NC and the girl I used to know is gone. She's never coming back. She's dead. I loved her and the time we spent together, however, she is no longer anything to me but a memory. Just a stranger. How can you love someone you don't know? YOU CANT. I don't love her, I love somebody that I used to know. This is what helps me move on and maybe it will help others. I know that his has really helped me. Realizing that the man I loved no longer exists. Not only in the fac that he is a stranger now because of all the elapsed time and experiences we haven't shared, but also, he said that he was a totally different person around me, one that was much less soft spoken, much more confident and enthusiastic. He said that he experienced this as much more himself than the persona he usual adopted. That man that I saw only existed around me. He's not around me. Even if someone else evoked a similar effect, it would be different. Literally, in more ways than one, the man that I loved no longer exists. 3
ayudorama Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 I know that his has really helped me. Realizing that the man I loved no longer exists. Not only in the fac that he is a stranger now because of all the elapsed time and experiences we haven't shared, but also, he said that he was a totally different person around me, one that was much less soft spoken, much more confident and enthusiastic. He said that he experienced this as much more himself than the persona he usual adopted. That man that I saw only existed around me. He's not around me. Even if someone else evoked a similar effect, it would be different. Literally, in more ways than one, the man that I loved no longer exists. You're really speaking my heart today AnyaNova. Same story with my ex. He said something along those lines to me a long long time ago. It's been about 10 months since the separation, and I don't even recognise myself anymore. I've grown, become a different but stronger person as a result of that heartbreaking experience. I'd envision he would be a different person too. And that helps me move on, oddly. We're really strangers now. In so many ways. I've come to a point where if I ever see him again, I'll convince myself it is really his twin (he doesn't have one) because that is really all he is now. Someone who looks like the man I loved, but I no longer recognise. 1
Mariposa10 Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 This is soooo sad, but true... They're all gone... 1
Reels Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 Well, you love her for what you had liked in her. What else can be said, now its up to you, whether you want to live with someone else or stick to the memories. 1
AnyaNova Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 You're really speaking my heart today AnyaNova. Same story with my ex. He said something along those lines to me a long long time ago. It's been about 10 months since the separation, and I don't even recognise myself anymore. I've grown, become a different but stronger person as a result of that heartbreaking experience. I'd envision he would be a different person too. And that helps me move on, oddly. We're really strangers now. In so many ways. I've come to a point where if I ever see him again, I'll convince myself it is really his twin (he doesn't have one) because that is really all he is now. Someone who looks like the man I loved, but I no longer recognise. This thread is difficult to read today. Between my B vitamins playing havoc after that really hard workout I did on Friday, and a stupid event that showed me one last piece of stupid hope I had hidden from myself that my ex and I might, I don't know, something. I am sitting here not feeling good. And it is very difficult to tell today, is it the vitamins lower in response to that stressful workout or is this actually (and perhaps finally) the psycho and the social of the biopsychosocial model? On the off chance that my ex found me on here and has been reading my posts, he must think I am one heck of a mixed up mess.
MoooOinkBaaa Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 I noticed whilst in my LDR of seven years how my ex was always different when we were apart. I saw her life without me through videos on FB and Twitter. She was like a different person around me and I always used to say to her how I'm not sure if I really know the real her. She would always say only I know the real her - that her friends only see the fake her. Well now I do see the real her after breaking up. She's not the person she acted as around me, she's much much worse than the person I thought she might be when we were apart. So she's not even someone I used to know, just a chameleon who tuned herself into someone she thought I would want to be with. I'm glad in the end because I don't want to have to pine for the lovely woman I thought she was. I think it's hard to think of them as someone you used to know because you miss that person they were. I could think of her as the person I thought she was but that makes me miss her, it's easier to just think of her as the person she became, not who she used to be. Off topic but AnyaNova if you're tired I doubt it's because of vitamins, I'd put money down that you're not getting enough carbs/calories. The body runs on carbs and if you don't get enough you'll feel tired from lack of sugars. Consider eating more sweet fruits and starches, the body runs off glucose for energy. The only vitamin anyone needs to take is B12 because it's hard to find in our over sanitised society. 1
Author realfriends Posted January 20, 2014 Author Posted January 20, 2014 Thats true, but how do you know who they really have become. I havnt a clue who my ex is simply after 2 months NC. Her dog could of died, she could have gotten a tattoo, she could be in china, she could have a new boyfriend for all I know. The only thing I DO KNOW is a memory of the past.
AnyaNova Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 I noticed whilst in my LDR of seven years how my ex was always different when we were apart. I saw her life without me through videos on FB and Twitter. She was like a different person around me and I always used to say to her how I'm not sure if I really know the real her. She would always say only I know the real her - that her friends only see the fake her. Well now I do see the real her after breaking up. She's not the person she acted as around me, she's much much worse than the person I thought she might be when we were apart. So she's not even someone I used to know, just a chameleon who tuned herself into someone she thought I would want to be with. I'm glad in the end because I don't want to have to pine for the lovely woman I thought she was. I think it's hard to think of them as someone you used to know because you miss that person they were. I could think of her as the person I thought she was but that makes me miss her, it's easier to just think of her as the person she became, not who she used to be. Off topic but AnyaNova if you're tired I doubt it's because of vitamins, I'd put money down that you're not getting enough carbs/calories. The body runs on carbs and if you don't get enough you'll feel tired from lack of sugars. Consider eating more sweet fruits and starches, the body runs off glucose for energy. The only vitamin anyone needs to take is B12 because it's hard to find in our over sanitised society. Because of my gluten intolerance, I can tell you that until I began injections, I haven't experienced what it feels like to have enough B vitamins anytime in living memory (interesting side note, as a kid I had major failure to thrive, I was way underweight for so long and nobody could figure out why, I think we know now> :-)) But I also majorly overtaxed my body by doing a super intense (for me, anyway) workout when I was already low on the vitamins (and due to scheduling and the doctor changing the days that she is in), I was a day late in getting them. I will definitely be sure to add in some more fruit and carbs, but given some specific symptoms I get with the low b's (low mood, peripheral neuropathy etc) I am pretty sure that in my case the problem is that. :-)
AnyaNova Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 God this thread is hard to swallow I think perhaps it is like good medicine that you need. Quite bitter going down, but helpful after you've taken it. 1
MoooOinkBaaa Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 Thats true, but how do you know who they really have become. I havnt a clue who my ex is simply after 2 months NC. Her dog could of died, she could have gotten a tattoo, she could be in china, she could have a new boyfriend for all I know. The only thing I DO KNOW is a memory of the past. You can't love a stranger but you can love yourself and a part of you will always last with your ex. The amazing thing about the internet is it's very easy to see into someone's life. I knew who she became by following her Twitter and FB. It's hard because the truth hurts but it's worth it to see the real person you're pining over, not the person you think they are. I saw who my ex became and it's not someone I would want to be with. I can't love the real her. People change when they get into relationships, no doubt she will changed again because she's a chameleon people pleaser who changes her colours to suit others. She's a total stranger to me now. It would be weird and strange to get back together, it would feel like going backwards. I wouldn't trust her. Being around her friends and family would be awkward as the once "ex". I think we can all move on though and find someone else. They will be different and may be better, or worse than our exes, but if they are better we'll fall in love again. Do you really believe your ex is the best woman on the planet? Once you get in a relationship with someone you share your energy with them, the same energy you shared with your ex. This brings the new partner up to a certain level that your ex would of shared because we are the same person your ex experienced. Maybe even better now, which is good for both partners. What I'm trying to say is your new partner will change a little too just by being around you. It's like meeting a new friend, you both share each others energy and change together. For example my new friend has helped me become more social and has helped me get back into an old hobby of mine he also shares. I've opened him up to things I enjoy too like riding and health. I showed him some of my favourite movies and got him into sci-fi. You share all sorts of things but bones basic you are sharing your energy with each other. This makes someone less of a stranger and you could be happier with someone else other than your ex after getting to know them. This is so obvious when I see some of myself in my ex still. Just simple things like still loving the food/meals I used to cook her. Still talking about some of my favourite movies. I saw some of her opinions and attitudes she picked up from me is still there. Like not having to drink to enjoy yourself at a party. You can't love someone the same way who broke your heart for whatever reasons, in the end up you have to realize this person chose to leave and didn't want to workout any problems. My ex left for someone else so it's easier for me to realize this and move on. They will never truly be a stranger, but we can love a real stranger after getting to know them and sharing positive energy. Don't let your ex take away the energy you shared with them because someone else out there might appreciate it more, more than you thought your ex did. AnyaNova I sent you a pm. 2
Jord11 Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Thanks for that man, I've been in no contact with my ex since last march! 8 months not one word nothing it's a weird feeling to have, too be in so much love with a girl being so close to her family and puff here I am now almost a year in without speaking to any of them kinda sad really because I do miss them all but that's life and I have to roll on, if she ever contacts me again I don't know what I'll say if she ever does because I will not be the one to start it
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