Hoosfoos Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 I am a strong believer in NC and I am keeping a very strict policy in maintaining it. However, I am naturally wired to be highly anxious. Based on the way I feel right now, I can tell you that I never want to see her again. On the other side of the coin, i would prefer to have the strength down the road to be able to face her and become completely indifferent. But this won't happen until the stress and anxiety of the breakup is gone, and until I am able to reinvent myself somehow and be proud of the progress I have made. I have employment/career issues in my life unrelated to her that are putting me through a lot of stress and uncertainty, and I don't know when they are going to be resolved. They are part of the reason we broke up. Until then, I will avoid her at all costs, but how healthy is that? I have the right to go anywhere I want in my city, yet my life is compromised due to the fact that I have to avoid places that she frequents. But I know, if I was forced to face her right now, the anxiety would become panic and panic would become fear and even possibly terror. She would undoubtedly be cool as a cucumber. This is an interaction I will go to many lengths to avoid. Is it realistic to "never want to see someone ever again"? My preference to run into her is when I'm 100% over her, and I have no idea when that's going to happen. I hate what this breakup has done to my life.
Mondmellonw Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 Idk if that particular desire of not wanting to see her ever again is realistic or not, I just know I wish the same on my situation. I never, never want to see my ex again. I also feel identified with your anxiousness, but I would say that you should keep the NC for the long run. If you ever have to see her, it will happen. You don't have to create that scenario/run into her.
FortunateSon Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 There is nothing wrong with not ever wanting to see your ex again. I would be fine if I never saw mine again for the rest of my life. Having said that, I am going to live my life and go to the places I want to go, I am not letting the remote, uncontrollable possibility of seeing my ex stop me from that. 1
d0nnivain Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 Adopt the attitude of what will be will be. There's no need to seek her out; it's OK to avoid the streets where she lives & works. If you do see her, take a deep breath, square your shoulders give her a tight smile & a nod of your head but move away. Repeat as necessary. 1
firefly2613 Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 I'm in the same boat. We attend the same college and I'm constantly worried that I'll run into her and her new husband. Why? Because the last time I ran into them like that it took all I had to hold myself together and I ended up crying in my car. But, there's no use worrying about it I guess. Maybe at some point we will both be able to go back to those places. Maybe on DATES
Sugarkane Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 I don't think it's unrealistic to never want to see your ex ever again. I don't either, after the cruel way I was treated.
ayudorama Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 I don't think it's unrealistic to never want to see your ex ever again. I don't either, after the cruel way I was treated. I agree with this. It sucks that my ex lives less than five minutes away and I can practically see his house from my carpark (I live in a condo, he has a terrace). I've always pre-empted myself with the sort of punch-in-your-stomach kind of feeling each time a mutual friend speaks about him (we kept our relationship secret, we're both very private that way) and I know the next time God wills that he and I meet out in the vicinity, that sickening feeling will come up again. Hate it. That feeling makes me want to throw up. I'm not waiting on it though. I just know it will be inevitable, not now maybe in the future. I just hope at that point I would have been strong enough to put on a poker face. Nevermind that I know that I will always have a soft spot for him despite all that he's done. Such is the heart. Stubborn stubborn organ.
robbysurfs Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 I had the same problem it has been over 10 months since I seen my ex. I came to this conclusion look at this as a blessing man. This means you are now free to explore new places go where she is not be brave and adventurous go somewhere else out of your comfort zone. See new things meet new people and find out what your made of my man. Trust me there are good days and bad ones and i've had my share but I read your post and if can help with my experience I will. Be brave my man go searching talk to a strangers really I live in nyc and I do it all the time. And I was at a loss with my career and this was the reason we broke up but I found a new one just meeting new people and talking and asking for help. Try it you will be surprised what can happen if you just say "F" it and put yourself out there. Good Luck and you can do it and remember your perception is your reality...
strive Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 This is something I started doing during my first few weeks post-BU, which I still continue to do because I find it effective (for me and my confidence at least). I became superficial. Yes, it's a dirty dirty word, but hear me out first. The first few weeks post-BU, one of the most important advice I got was "fake it until you make it." And for dumpees, self-esteem usually plummet after BU because of the feeling of rejection. So you have to do everything to get back every bit of self-esteem and confidence you have until you're okay again. So why not start with the easiest: physical appearance. Get fit, wear nice clothes, and always look 100% your best. So IF you suddenly accidentally bump into your ex, you can easily fake being okay. They won't see you looking like **** and they'll think you're doing fine without them. Add to that, I used to imagine different scenarios when I bump into my ex and what my reactions would be. It made me confident that if that happens, I could walk away from that unexpected meet up with my head held high. So I don't know, maybe it's all about confidence. No matter what you're feeling inside, never ever show it to your ex. (Oh and so far, I've not bumped into my ex. I still do try to look my damn best everyday, but not for him. This time it's for me.) 1
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