firefly2613 Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 I hate that I keep having to post here. It makes me feel like a burden. But I don't really have anyone else to talk to. Sometimes I just feel so lonely, confused, sad, and betrayed. I had this notion that if my relationship ended it would end differently. But it was so sudden. After two and a half years of extremely high compatibility, very little fights. Just being in love. And then she got to college. We fell apart so fast. She dated someone else so fast. When I think that she broke up with me and married another man all before her first semester ended I just feel horrible. Aren't there supposed to be warning signs? She just makes me feel so forgotten. She doesn't care about me at all anymore.... I'm doing all the right things. Working out. Even trying to get a tan. Looking better than I ever have and I'm focusing on bettering myself. But sometimes when I lay down to go to sleep I just cry. I just cry and I can't stop, because I miss her so much...it's like one day she was there and then she died, but her ghost is still haunting me. Why can't I stop trying to figure her out? Why can't I stop trying to convince myself that it's a rebound or they are moving too fast? Because the fact is she was so cold and indifferent to me...no way it's a rebound. She just happened to meet her soulmate while dating me and that really hurts... I'm sorry to keep posting. 1
sportzhl24 Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 I'm sorry you're in a lot of pain dude. I think the most difficult part of a break up is accepting the fact that they are gone, forever. Accepting the fact that it happened. Sometimes there is no clear reason for a break up. If it's one thing I've learned from reading posts on LS, it's that even the best relationships can go down the toilet. Everyday I read on here about 9, 10, even 11 year relationships that just end out of the f****g blue. ACCEPT IT. You cannot blame yourself for your loss. It sucks that she left you, it really does, but the ONLY thing you can do is move on. Trust me bro, accept the loss into your heart and you will be healed. Time makes it better. Put the days, weeks, months in between you and here. Make time your friend.
Hoosfoos Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 ...and don't apologize for continuing to post. I know exactly how you feel. We are here to listen. Feel free to vent any time. 2
FortunateSon Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 Post/vent here all you want! Almost all of us here have gone through or are going through the same thing. It has helped me tremendously, the amount of healing progress I have made since joining LS has been exponential! 1
True Gent Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 Post/vent here all you want! Almost all of us here have gone through or are going through the same thing. It has helped me tremendously, the amount of healing progress I have made since joining LS has been exponential! Same here, these forums really help. I'm glad other people post on here, just knowing I'm feeling completely normal through such an awful time is a comfort. 2
Author firefly2613 Posted January 18, 2014 Author Posted January 18, 2014 I'm sorry you're in a lot of pain dude. I think the most difficult part of a break up is accepting the fact that they are gone, forever. Accepting the fact that it happened. Sometimes there is no clear reason for a break up. If it's one thing I've learned from reading posts on LS, it's that even the best relationships can go down the toilet. Everyday I read on here about 9, 10, even 11 year relationships that just end out of the f****g blue. ACCEPT IT. You cannot blame yourself for your loss. It sucks that she left you, it really does, but the ONLY thing you can do is move on. Trust me bro, accept the loss into your heart and you will be healed. Time makes it better. Put the days, weeks, months in between you and here. Make time your friend. I know it doesn't seem like it probably but I have accepted it. I know she's gone. It's kind of hard NOT to accept it when she has a big shiny ring on her finger and another man's last name less than three months after dumping you. But that doesn't make it any less sad. I know it's going to be tougher than normal for me because she was my first. It's just like no matter what I do I still feel sad about it and I hate that I'll have to remember this junk for the rest of my life.
Author firefly2613 Posted January 18, 2014 Author Posted January 18, 2014 Same here, these forums really help. I'm glad other people post on here, just knowing I'm feeling completely normal through such an awful time is a comfort. Post/vent here all you want! Almost all of us here have gone through or are going through the same thing. It has helped me tremendously, the amount of healing progress I have made since joining LS has been exponential! ...and don't apologize for continuing to post. I know exactly how you feel. We are here to listen. Feel free to vent any time. Thanks. That really means a lot I guess I feel like this because I'm sick of talking about it myself. Four months out of the relationship and she is living it up and I'm still somehow allowing her to control my feelings, even though I'm in strict NC. Deleted my Facebook, changed my phone number, etc. I know my friends are definitely sick of hearing about it all lol
JDPT Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 Work on rerouting your thoughts. You can train your brain to believe in anything you want it to believe. Just like you had your ex on a pedestal at one point you can also knock her off it. Prioritize things and focus on what truly matters in YOUR life not anyone else's. 2
LostConfused123 Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 I hate that I keep having to post here. It makes me feel like a burden. But I don't really have anyone else to talk to. Sometimes I just feel so lonely, confused, sad, and betrayed. I had this notion that if my relationship ended it would end differently. But it was so sudden. After two and a half years of extremely high compatibility, very little fights. Just being in love. And then she got to college. We fell apart so fast. She dated someone else so fast. When I think that she broke up with me and married another man all before her first semester ended I just feel horrible. Aren't there supposed to be warning signs? She just makes me feel so forgotten. She doesn't care about me at all anymore.... I'm doing all the right things. Working out. Even trying to get a tan. Looking better than I ever have and I'm focusing on bettering myself. But sometimes when I lay down to go to sleep I just cry. I just cry and I can't stop, because I miss her so much...it's like one day she was there and then she died, but her ghost is still haunting me. Why can't I stop trying to figure her out? Why can't I stop trying to convince myself that it's a rebound or they are moving too fast? Because the fact is she was so cold and indifferent to me...no way it's a rebound. She just happened to meet her soulmate while dating me and that really hurts... I'm sorry to keep posting. Like the others said. . . Don't apologize for posting. That's why we're here. . . and you sharing helps other people too. Something you said really hit home for me about warning signs. I didn't have any either and maybe that's why this breakup was so crushing for me. We never argued (not that arguing is bad if it's done fairly) there was no lying, abuse, cheating etc. So I never ever saw it coming It really knocked the emotional wind out of me for weeks. I also understand what you mean by your friends are sick of it but don't take that personally. Everyone has been through it but I think once people come out of it and they see it happening to a loved one, they almost forget how horrible it was. Well not forget, they just aren't emotionally in the trenches at that time. My friends and family think I have been over this for weeks. I think that's why so many people post here. We are all going through this together.. I'm sorry you're hurting so bad but keep posting here and give it time. You will feel much better. Wishing you all the best in your recovery!! ((hugs!!)) 3
Author firefly2613 Posted January 18, 2014 Author Posted January 18, 2014 And just like clockwork I go out to get a bite to eat and drive past a vehicle and happen to notice the guy driving is the guy she left me for. When it rains it pours... Everytime I start feeling like this I run into them in some way
LostConfused123 Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 And just like clockwork I go out to get a bite to eat and drive past a vehicle and happen to notice the guy driving is the guy she left me for. When it rains it pours... Everytime I start feeling like this I run into them in some way Ouch! is there any way you can avoid places that this kind of thing may happen? Just for a while until you get a little stronger? I'm so sorry guy! ((hugs)) 1
Author firefly2613 Posted January 18, 2014 Author Posted January 18, 2014 Ouch! is there any way you can avoid places that this kind of thing may happen? Just for a while until you get a little stronger? I'm so sorry guy! ((hugs)) We live in a very small college town so it would be hard. I already avoid a lot of the places though. I never realised that a happy marriage could start so soon after a breakup. I always thought that the "exes" of both people in a marriage would be people that were messed up, abusive, or crazy. Now that I am that ex I understand how it feels... Apparently a marriage can bloom even if the prior relationship was a great one.
Author firefly2613 Posted January 18, 2014 Author Posted January 18, 2014 (edited) How long have you been apart? Have you been practicing no contact? For me it's been 5-6 months since NC and since accepting it's over. I have to say it has gotten a whole lot easier than day one but there are waves where it gets me down. Truth be told I was lonelier with her than without her. We split on the 18th of September. For a few weeks I did all the wrong things like got real needy. October I decided to go NC. I fooled myself into thinking I was doing it the right way yet I spent a lot of time checking up on her on Facebook. That was how I figured out she wore her prom dress (which contains a lot of our best memories from her junior year of high school when we started dating) as a Halloween costume to go to an event with him. In November I got serious about NC and stopped checking. This is how I did NOT know they were engaged on November 1st. But during that month I changed my phone number and focused on moving on. In December I heard the news that she had married. It set me back. She never even tried to tell me. I broke NC to congratulate her and that was that. I friended her back on Facebook and for the next weeks I never recovered. She was commenting on my stuff and liking it as if nothing had ever happened, and she had started wearing the necklace I had recently bought her again, and they even went to our old Italian place and ordered the same dish.. So I knew that I could not do it anymore. I deactivated Facebook by giving my info to someone else. I don't check up on her anymore save for a few lapses on other sites that she rarely updates. We have not spoken in three months. Edited January 18, 2014 by firefly2613
spiderowl Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 (edited) I'm so sorry, it must be very tough to come to terms with, if one can ever do that. You seem to have fallen foul of the partner going to college situation. I don't think this is rare. People suddenly find themselves in a mixed-sex environment with lots of other people interested in the same things. It's not surprising that relationships are formed and, in some cases, people feel they have met their soulmate. I know this is no comfort. You're bound to go through a period of mourning. In some ways it's could be said to be worse than a death because the person has made a choice to leave and that's hard to understand. The only thing I can say is that if she was the one for you, she would be with you now. When the person is the right one, they won't meet their 'soulmate' and disappear. At the moment, you are thinking of the good things you have lost. Try to remember the bad things too; there must have been some. It's also worth realising that it is not possible to understand some things. Sometimes we have to accept that it's not and even though it makes no sense to us, to let it go. I know what it's like to have things going through your head all the time in a desperate attempt to understand. It is exhausting but feels necessary at the time. Some things just have to be written off as incomprehensible, because fate took a hand. I hope you are getting some rest and looking after yourself. Treat yourself well and talk to sympathetic people. You are on a path to recovery and it does get less painful, honestly. Edited January 19, 2014 by spiderowl 2
Author firefly2613 Posted January 19, 2014 Author Posted January 19, 2014 I'm so sorry, it must be very tough to come to terms with, if one can ever do that. You seem to have fallen foul of the partner going to college situation. I don't think this is rare. People suddenly find themselves in a mixed-sex environment with lots of other people interested in the same things. It's not surprising that relationships are formed and, in some cases, people feel they have met their soulmate. I know this is no comfort. You're bound to go through a period of mourning. In some ways it's could be said to be worse than a death because the person has made a choice to leave and that's hard to understand. The only thing I can say is that if she was the one for you, she would be with you now. When the person is the right one, they won't meet their 'soulmate' and disappear. At the moment, you are thinking of the good things you have lost. Try to remember the bad things too; there must have been some. It's also worth realising that it is not possible to understand some things. Sometimes we have to accept that it's not and even though it makes no sense to us, to let it go. I know what it's like to have things going through your head all the time in a desperate attempt to understand. It is exhausting but feels necessary at the time. Some things just have to be written off as incomprehensible, because fate took a hand. I hope you are getting some rest and looking after yourself. Treat yourself well and talk to sympathetic people. You are on a path to recovery and it does get less painful, honestly. There's not much bad stuff to focus on honestly; I've tried to find some. When I say we were perfectly fine until the month of August, I'm not saying it because I idealize the past. We really were a fine team and that just makes this breakup even worse on me.. And I know that this must have happened for a reason. But when I catch myself crying in the morning and night and in my car, it's hard to see what that reason may be.
spiderowl Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 I do know that feeling. I went out with someone who was a bird watcher and he ended the relationship. In retrospect, we weren't compatible so I shouldn't have been hit so badly, but it was at least 3 months before I could look at a bird without feeling upset. There are a lot of birds around! Some things don't make sense and yet we desperately want to understand, as well as miss the person. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this huge blow.
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