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1. Affectionate. Very important. No cold fish need apply. She needs love me and show me that love. I reciprocate anyway.

2. Communicative. Contrary to what Cosmopolitan writes, men are not mind readers.

3. Sense of humor. Chuckle, snort, wheeze, whatever, just laugh, crack corny jokes, do noises with your armpit, anything as long the woman will have a good time.

4. Responsible. With herself, meaning she combines water and soap and rubs it on herself at least once a day, does not smoke, does not do drugs. Responsible with her finances.

5. Booty. I'm an assman more than boobman. I don't care if she has A cups, as long as she has a cute little butt at a minimum, then I'm good.

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