Hungup123 Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 (edited) So this girl and I have been dating for a few months. We live fairly far away from each other (driving distance) and she said I should come see her and then take her to the airport. I retorted, in a sarcastic way, that she was using me for a ride. She didn't like that. So its all pretty silly, but she was offended and, in my opinion, overreacting to my admittedly unfunny joke. Since we are still in the beginnings of our relationship I don't want to set the precedent of apologizing for things that seem somewhat benign. I know women internalize things much differently then men, so my question to you is: Does this situation warrant an apology? I don't mind giving it since I'd like to move on versus holding grudges, but that would not be very sincere of me. I've heard the best way to handle an argument is to sit down and really listen to what she has to say instead of trying to prove a point. I did that, but she seems insistent on an apology. I've already told her the joke was in poor taste and that I could see her point of view as feeling like she was being accused of wrongdoing. Edited January 18, 2014 by Hungup123
Ruby Slippers Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 Save the sarcasm for your dude friends, and treat your girl with respect and thoughtfulness. I would have been hurt, too. Ideally you'd apologize for being insensitive and move on. But I agree with you that you shouldn't fake an apology. If your sense of being "right" overpowers your feelings of fondness for her, why bother?
Author Hungup123 Posted January 18, 2014 Author Posted January 18, 2014 Save the sarcasm for your dude friends, and treat your girl with respect and thoughtfulness. I would have been hurt, too. Ideally you'd apologize for being insensitive and move on. But I agree with you that you shouldn't fake an apology. If your sense of being "right" overpowers your feelings of fondness for her, why bother? I agree. The tone of the conversation was fairly light-hearted, but the substance of what I said I can now understand someone being upset over. Although, the way she did put it actually made it seem like she was in fact using me for a ride. Its funny, if were to have asked "will you take me to the airport, I could really use your help", I wouldn't mind at all.
Keenly Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 Save the sarcasm for your dude friends, and treat your girl with respect and thoughtfulness. I would have been hurt, too. Ideally you'd apologize for being insensitive and move on. But I agree with you that you shouldn't fake an apology. If your sense of being "right" overpowers your feelings of fondness for her, why bother? Save it for the guys ? Boooooooring. If she can't roll with the punches then she is not on an equal level with me. Never.... ever.... ever apologize just because a woman is dramatic about something. If she wants to pout over a not so funny joke....what else will she have you apologizing for. Not texting back in 5 minutes ? Not telling her she is pretty ? She will be pouty about everything if she can be pouty about nothing. Save the drama stuff for ACTUAL relationship issues and not bad jokes The correct response would be " maybe I am, maybe I am not, but I sure do tip well " 3
InnocentMan Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 If it's your fault-apologise. If it's her fault-apologise. If it's her mothers/sisters/best friends fault-apologise. These 3 golden rules have served me well, and led to a much more peaceful life. The only time you don't apologise, is when you don't want to have sex with her anymore. This is when you tell her what an unreasonable crank she is, and move on. 1
Hopeful30 Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 I don't think you should apologize, but I also think you don't know that this isn't about your remark. The fact that she reacted this way shows that she has deeper concerns. If you joked that she's using you for a ride, then she is offended because deep down she feels that you don't WANT to drive her, or that she think you feel like you HAVE to. After all, she asked you to drive her, you didn't offer. I think this shows that there a deeper problems in the relationship, and my guess would be that she feels you don't want to do these things. Have you joked similarly in the past? If it's a pattern, she might just think you never want to do these things but do so out of obligation or just to impress her. It might be a deeper insecurity she has.
Janesays Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 I think any time you hurt or offend someone, even if it was unintentional and even if YOU don't think it was a big deal, you should apologize. It's called being a decent person. My answer would be the same if you offended your best male friend, your wife, or your Father. If you hurt someone, you apologize and try to make it right. Common sense. 2
d0nnivain Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 It was big of you to admit the joke was in poor taste. If you are unwilling to say the words I'm sorry, how to you feel about reminding her that she is important to you? That's why she's upset by the joke. She heard you say that you don't care about her & that is a big deal in the beginning of a relationship.
Scales Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 Don't apologize for that. If she wants to get all crazy offended and stuff just let her be. Its called banter. You say things like "youre just using me for a ride" as a funny sarcastic comment so she will say "no, its not just that" hoping for some show of affection. She flipped it on you. Don't back down. If she wants all the power she can take emotional hostages else where. I'll be in the back of club not giving a *^%( enjoying me time.
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