Eivuwan Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 We are both 20 years old. And for the past month, he has promised he has not watched any porn because I have been sending him weekly videos to try to help him. He says he loves them more than any porn he could ever imagine and that he feels like he would never watch porn again if he had my videos. I just still have some trust issues and worry, which I assume is normal. What kind of videos are these? I'm worried about the answer.
carhill Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 OP, welcome to LS and I have a couple of questions: Are you and your boyfriend having sex? Why are you 'sending' him videos? Is this not an 'in-person' relationship?
Author ava10 Posted January 19, 2014 Author Posted January 19, 2014 Yes, we are having sex. But, because my parents hate him and think we aren't together, and I am in college 3 hours away, I see him usually every weekend or every other weekend.
carhill Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 But, because my parents hate him and think we aren't together, and I am in college 3 hours away, I see him usually every weekend or every other weekend. Hmm, it appears you have a LDR where your parents 'hate' the guy you're in in a relationship with. OK, I might come back to that later. Do you live at college or with your parents? If you could propose a resolution to this, what would it be?
Author ava10 Posted January 19, 2014 Author Posted January 19, 2014 I live at college, and then come home and stay with my parents over break. What kind of resolution?
somedude81 Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 Yes, we are having sex. But, because my parents hate him and think we aren't together, and I am in college 3 hours away, I see him usually every weekend or every other weekend. And you expect him to wait for you? What bothers you more. Him masturbating or him watching porn? Why? How does him watching porn affect your relationship?
Author ava10 Posted January 19, 2014 Author Posted January 19, 2014 Oh I don't care about him masturbating at all, hahaha I encourage it. We do it together on Skype and try different things because we aren't together. When it comes to porn, it just really makes me feel like I am not good enough. All his past exes are small, skinny as a rail, and blonde. I am 5'8", 160 pounds, and a brunette. I know I'm not "fat," but I am strong and athletic and obviously bigger than these girls. I am insecure about my body and looks, and I feel that he has to turn to porn because I am not good enough for him.
somedude81 Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 Oh I don't care about him masturbating at all, hahaha I encourage it. We do it together on Skype and try different things because we aren't together. When it comes to porn, it just really makes me feel like I am not good enough. All his past exes are small, skinny as a rail, and blonde. I am 5'8", 160 pounds, and a brunette. I know I'm not "fat," but I am strong and athletic and obviously bigger than these girls. I am insecure about my body and looks, and I feel that he has to turn to porn because I am not good enough for him. And now I understand what is going on. You're insecure about your looks and feel that you aren't good enough for him. ava10, that's not why he's masturbating to porn. I highly doubt that when he jerks off to porn he compares you to those women or thinks about you at all. His porn watching simply has nothing to do with you. He just gets horny and wants something to look at while jerking off. That's all it is. 1
Author ava10 Posted January 19, 2014 Author Posted January 19, 2014 And I understand that definitely… but it just still bothers me that another woman other than me makes him have an orgasm. Like.. I don't know, I feel like it is disrespectful to me.
Eivuwan Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 I'm still worried about those "videos" you're sending him. I really hope you're not sending him naked videos of you. That can come back to haunt you. 1
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 We are both 20 years old. And for the past month, he has promised he has not watched any porn because I have been sending him weekly videos to try to help him. He says he loves them more than any porn he could ever imagine and that he feels like he would never watch porn again if he had my videos. I just still have some trust issues and worry, which I assume is normal. Uh... Are you saying that you are making your own sex tapes and then emailing them over to him? If that is the case... Very Bad Idea!
Eivuwan Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 Yeah, even if your boyfriend is trustworthy you never know if he'll get a computer virus or something and get hacked. It's such a bad idea if you're sending him compromising videos of yourself.
TaraMaiden Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 OMG... sending 'self-videos' is perhaps the biggest no-no in the 101 rule book of dating! Bad idea! Horrendous! Doubtless, you will protest at how much he loves you, respects you and would never do anything like that to you, ever.... Well, think again. Every woman who ever sent a picture/video of herself in a compromising situation, would have sworn the same.... Have you seen this thread?? This may come back to haunt you in years to come. And I hate to say it but as a mum.... there has to be a reason your parents don't like him, or approve of him. What would they think if they knew what you are doing?! 1
Lixxy Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 Sending sexy videos of yourself to get your partner off is ONE thing. Sending sexy videos of yourself to get your partner off to "compete" with porn because your self-image relies on your partner and his porn use is another thing entirely. You feel threatened by his getting off to other women, so you are now competing with them more directly by attempting to switch his attention to you. But again, this isn't going to make those vaginas he got off to undesirable or ugly to him. It may not stop his desire to view porn. But you are putting yourself in this position whereby you open yourself to further vulnerability. I do understand where you are coming from though, because I used to feel the same as you. In fact, when my current partner of 6 years didn't want erotic vids and pics of me (as previous boyfriends have done, to varying degrees of demand), I was outright hurt. I didn't understand it whatsoever.. He doesn't get off to standard porn, women masturbating, and so on. Nope, not even me! "What could this mean!?" I thought.. Everything from "He isn't attracted to me", to "He isn't turned on by me". I FELT he loved me, and appreciated me.. more so than any other partner I've ever had (and still do), but I was utterly baffled. And then I found out what his sexual fetish is, and everything made sense as to why "conventional" erotica doesn't really do anything for him sexually. But that doesn't mean he isn't attracted to me, doesn't love or care for me. The issue is with things as superficial as sexy vids and pics being the barometer for actual respect and love. Love is not sexy vids and pics. Love is not fighting to replace porn in your man's life. Love is not what he envisions or looks at when he orgasms. It's your friendship, your companionship, your mutual connection. The issue here is that you are relying on entities other than yourself (your boyfriend and his porn usage) to provide you with self-esteem. If your self-esteem is held in place by the terms and conditions of your partners porn usage, would you honestly say that's reasonable and stable? - Why is the issue with HIM, and what HE looks at? Why is the issue of your self-esteem not with YOU, and what YOU do in your life to keep it healthy?
ChessPieceFace Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 Well, she's already sent the videos. Kinda late to back out now. If he's gonna be irresponsible with them, she's already screwed. If this is working for them, might as well go with it.
Eivuwan Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 Well, she's already sent the videos. Kinda late to back out now. If he's gonna be irresponsible with them, she's already screwed. If this is working for them, might as well go with it. Or she can ask him to delete everything.
Lixxy Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 Have you seen this thread?? This may come back to haunt you in years to come. And I hate to say it but as a mum.... there has to be a reason your parents don't like him, or approve of him. What would they think if they knew what you are doing?! Eh, tbh her parents sound deplorable, and seem to be treating her horrendously. Have you seen her other thread? Parents aren't always logical human beings when it comes to the partners their offspring pick. In fact I'd probably say they're the least reliable when it comes to choosing partners for their offspring, not that such a role is their duty. As for your "What would they think if they knew what you are doing?!", the same applies... I work in porn myself (the difference in my situation from the thread you posted, being that my partner knows and accepts my career choice). **** would hit the fan if my parents knew what I do for a living, but that's a risk I take as an adult. We have to make our own decisions for our paths in life.
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