ava10 Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 6 months into our relationship, my boyfriend admitted he had been watching porn. When we began dating, I told him I was uncomfortable with it and he agreed to not watch it. When he admitted, he told me it was mostly JUST girls masturbating on screen and female orgasm compilations. It has been a few months since, and I still cannot get over this. Is it normal for a guy to watch other women masturbating while dating someone? I feel that is totally inappropriate and a lot worse than normal sex between a man and woman. It has been a few months, but it still haunts me. I still see him masturbating while watching another girl on screen!!! Like another girl's vagina made him orgasm. I cry all the time. I don't know how to get through this.
ChessPieceFace Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 When he admitted, he told me it was mostly JUST girls masturbating on screen and female orgasm compilations. It has been a few months since, and I still cannot get over this. Sounds like you are fundamentally incompatible, then. You are prudish when it comes to porn. He's shown he can't stop cold turkey just to suit your (IMO punitive) requirements. I cry all the time. I don't know how to get through this. Uh ... seriously? Either figure out how to have a sensible mindset re:porn (I doubt you can) or just look for someone who shares your absolutist viewpoint on it. But be warned - even christian guys who are against porn may end up watching it and hiding it. 1
FitChick Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 Is it normal for a guy to watch other women masturbating while dating someone? I feel that is totally inappropriate and a lot worse than normal sex between a man and woman. . So you'd prefer it if he were having actual sex with another woman? Everyone has a different definition of "normal" in a sexual relationship. If you don't like it, find someone else. 1
Trnamakesnse Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 I watch tons of porn. It has nothing at ALL to do with my relationships or women in person. Sometimes I gotta get one off not to be crude by I do and porn doesn't make me consider women in my life any differently. I understand you don't feel that way, but as a man I just wanna sometimes without any effort. Feel how you feel just understand for a guy it's usually just gettin it out and moving on. I personally put no emotional attachment to porn it's porn it means nothing to me.
Eivuwan Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 It's pretty normal for men AND women to watch porn while in a relationship. 2
Conners Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 It's normal for all men and women to watch porn regardless if they are in a relationship or not. Why don't you watch it with him? 2
Arabella Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 Sounds like you are fundamentally incompatible, then. You are prudish when it comes to porn. He's shown he can't stop cold turkey just to suit your (IMO punitive) requirements. Uh ... seriously? Either figure out how to have a sensible mindset re:porn (I doubt you can) or just look for someone who shares your absolutist viewpoint on it. But be warned - even christian guys who are against porn may end up watching it and hiding it. What kind of nonsensical, judgmental answer is this? Seriously... if you're just going to insult her, stay out of her thread. Her feelings are absolutely VALID. She made her expectations clear, he agreed, and then did it anyway. This isn't even about porn at that point, but about deception. If you don't like someone's expectations, you move on. You DO NOT lie to them. OP: I had the exact same thing happen to me. Stop focusing on the porn and understand the fact that he lied to you. It does NOT get better. You will always wonder. Cut your losses while you still can. 4
TaraMaiden Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 6 months into our relationship, my boyfriend admitted he had been watching porn. When we began dating, I told him I was uncomfortable with it and he agreed to not watch it. When he admitted, he told me it was mostly JUST girls masturbating on screen and female orgasm compilations. It has been a few months since, and I still cannot get over this. Is it normal for a guy to watch other women masturbating while dating someone? I feel that is totally inappropriate and a lot worse than normal sex between a man and woman. It has been a few months, but it still haunts me. I still see him masturbating while watching another girl on screen!!! Like another girl's vagina made him orgasm. I cry all the time. I don't know how to get through this. ava10, how old are you? Do you have a religious background? I think it may help us understand your issue better, if we understood YOU better..... 2
Joaquin Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 Rule 1. Guys view porn. Rule 2. If a guy says he doesn't view porn, refer to Rule 1. 11
saltyfishhead666 Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 (edited) 6 months into our relationship, my boyfriend admitted he had been watching porn. When we began dating, I told him I was uncomfortable with it and he agreed to not watch it. When he admitted, he told me it was mostly JUST girls masturbating on screen and female orgasm compilations. It has been a few months since, and I still cannot get over this. Is it normal for a guy to watch other women masturbating while dating someone? I feel that is totally inappropriate and a lot worse than normal sex between a man and woman. It has been a few months, but it still haunts me. I still see him masturbating while watching another girl on screen!!! Like another girl's vagina made him orgasm. I cry all the time. I don't know how to get through this. It's "normal" for every man to watch all different kinds of porn be it in a relationship on not. Your boyfriend lied to you because you aren't comfortable with it but no man on this planet is going to stop watching porn simply because his girlfriend doesn't approve. It may help him and us to help you if you tell us why you don't approve. I don't watch porn personally, I find it mostly tacky and badly made. Watch it together and get down to business rather than him doing it alone. However be warned he will lie about it again he's a man, what else is he supposed to do when you aren't around to play with? Edited January 18, 2014 by mummyjonno add more 1
potsticker Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 However be warned he will lie about it again he's a man, what else is he supposed to do when you aren't around to play with? well.. there are erotic stories technically not "porn", just smutty literature 1
bene Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 I think that trying to control someone's porn watching is as good as trying to control their thoughts. Masturbating is a personal activity and you can't expect to control what the other person does in private. We all may do something with our bodies in private that we wouldn't want to share (even something as innocent as picking your pores or something ) Even when a guy doesn't watch porn he can still think of another woman's naked body, there is no way controlling it. You can agree what actions are off limit in a relationship (like cheating for most people) but you can't make a deal what the other person is allowed to think or dream by himself. Our thoughts are our own and thoughts are not actions. I can think what would it like to be the Queen of England, a famous actress or an astronaut - that doesn't mean that I am going to leave my boyfriend and pursue these things.
henderson14 Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 If your looking for a guy that doesn't watch porn in America, you will be looking for a long time! Better off dating the Amish or a Muslim. Most guys masterbate once a day to porn, unless they are getting sex that day. It's a normal routine. Kind of like brushing your teeth. Here was even a Seinfeld episode about it.
Secret Advisor Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 Your best choice is to end the relationship if this matters so much to you.
Lixxy Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 6 months into our relationship, my boyfriend admitted he had been watching porn. When we began dating, I told him I was uncomfortable with it and he agreed to not watch it. When he admitted, he told me it was mostly JUST girls masturbating on screen and female orgasm compilations. It has been a few months since, and I still cannot get over this. Is it normal for a guy to watch other women masturbating while dating someone? I feel that is totally inappropriate and a lot worse than normal sex between a man and woman. It has been a few months, but it still haunts me. I still see him masturbating while watching another girl on screen!!! Like another girl's vagina made him orgasm. I cry all the time. I don't know how to get through this. Your problem I believe is a common one, but it isn't one that seems to go down when even when speaking to others about it, even though I believe the issue is far more widespread than it seems... I think the issue is rooted in sex education. Poor sex education, to be exact. When we are little girls, we are taught to have unrealistic expectations about men: that one day we shall meet our "prince", and he will be pure and loving and cherish us forever... I was not taught anything whatsoever about porn. So by the time I ended up in a relationship, I was... confused, to say the least. And hurt. I thought that porn gave men unrealistic and unhealthy expectations of women, when in reality, it was me who had unrealistic and unhealthy expectations of HIM. It needs to be taught, I think, that the desire to watch porn is normal and natural and NOT a sign that your partner isn't attracted to you, or doesn't love you, or wants someone else. But really, asking a male partner to stop watching porn because it hurts you, I think is hurtful to him. You are asking him to quit doing something he enjoys, and I think a lot of men in our culture bend over backwards and attempt to squeeze themselves into this very narrow box but their natural temptation is STILL THERE. Even if he says he will quit watching porn for you, doesn't magically take away his urge. A human cannot find something sexy, be told to not watch it, and the sexiness become ugly or undesirable to them. I would advise that rather than asking him to stop, that you should work on this together, and work on yourself to build yourself UP rather than take 9or try to) this AWAY from him. Best of luck 5
d0nnivain Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 Very early on in a dating relationship most people are not going to admit their bad habits to you. He likes porn. You don't. You now have a choice: Stay with him & let him watch his porn or break up with him. You can't force him to stop watching. 2
smudge_320 Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 If you're part of any western culture, then guys watch porn. Asking a guy not to watch porn is like asking him not to breathe. Just think of it as efficiency. As a guy we frequently get the urge to.. you know. It takes A LOT longer without any stimulation.
KatZee Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 It's already been said, but I'll say it again. Guys watch porn. End of story. Tons of women watch porn. I am one of them. I have no problem with it, I actually find that it adds to the excitement of having sex with someone. It's like foreplay. Obviously you have a very rigid view on porn. That's fine. What's not fine is projecting your requirements/way of thinking onto someone else and expecting them to just go with it, change who they are, giving up their way of life, just for you. If you're so rigid and the guy you're interested says he loves porn, you move on. Find someone compatible with your way of life. 4
regine_phalange Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 I'd have no problem at all with him looking at porn if I was not there. But if he did that while I was staying over, I think I would feel a bit.. like his mum? Not sexy.
ChessPieceFace Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 (edited) What kind of nonsensical, judgmental answer is this? I could apply those same labels to your response to me! Touche? Seriously... if you're just going to insult her, stay out of her thread. As opposed to your insults towards me? Her feelings are absolutely VALID. This isn't even about porn at that point, but about deception. Wrong. She was crying about her guy watching porn, and even specific that female masturbation porn offended her more deeply than man/woman sex porn. It wasn't just about the lie. She literally has emotional breakdowns due to her man giving in to his innate desire to see sexuality via porn. If you don't like someone's expectations, you move on. You DO NOT lie to them. Lying is usually bad, but total honesty is often detrimental and a false ideal. It's always about context. It's clear what the consensus is in this thread -- the OP has an unreasonable viewpoint / gets way too personally offended by someone else's porn use. Say the guy knew this. That he shared the very common opinion that some amount of porn use is reasonable/normal, if kept within limits. And he knew his GF was going to have emotional breakdowns over him watching a single porn video. He may have even intended to go 100% porn-free, honoring her unreasonable request. Then, since he's a normal human male, he was unable to go 100% porn-free, and watched some. He has 2 options then: 1.) Keep it under wraps, feeling bad about the lie but knowing his use is normal according to most people. 2.) Tell his GF, knowing she will be unduly emotionally wrecked for what he and most people would see as totally unjustified reasons, and that he may be destroying his relationship, wrecking both of them even further. And you'd pick option 2, huh? People having totally unreasonable reactions to things: one of the many reasons that complete honesty is often a bad idea. PS: I was involved in christian circles, and while she would be well advised to look for a fundamentalist partner due to her viewpoints on porn, it is no guarantee of being 100% free of it. Even christians are human and will falter and often watch porn and hide it. Refer to someone's comment about the unicorn -- it may be her right to expect and demand a unicorn, but since they don't exist, it will only lead to unhappiness. Porn teetotalers may exist, but good luck expecting a man (or anyone) to be perfect their whole life, emotionally breaking down when they aren't. Even if she focuses on christian men, she'd be well-advised to adjust her mindset, and stop taking this issue so personally. Edited January 18, 2014 by ChessPieceFace
Author ava10 Posted January 18, 2014 Author Posted January 18, 2014 We are both 20 years old. And for the past month, he has promised he has not watched any porn because I have been sending him weekly videos to try to help him. He says he loves them more than any porn he could ever imagine and that he feels like he would never watch porn again if he had my videos. I just still have some trust issues and worry, which I assume is normal.
MalachiX Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 We are both 20 years old. And for the past month, he has promised he has not watched any porn because I have been sending him weekly videos to try to help him. He says he loves them more than any porn he could ever imagine and that he feels like he would never watch porn again if he had my videos. I just still have some trust issues and worry, which I assume is normal. Trust issues are normal. Freaking out and crying because you found out that your BF has watched porn is not. Read studies or just read this thread. Pretty much all men in Western society watch porn. That's just the way it is. Deciding to take this personally is an issue that you need to deal with because it's going to sabotage this relationship and future ones. 92% of women masturbate. There's no way to tell what they're thinking of when they do it but I'm willing to bet that some masturbate while imagining someone other than their partner. Were a man to demand that you never think of anyone but him while you pleasure yourself, I'd find that incredibly controlling and a sure sign of insecurity or other issues on his part. Trying to control your partner to the extent you are is a recipe for disaster. I realize that you are young but you're in a sexual relationship now and you really need to set some realistic expectations. You might get him to stop looking at porn for a while but it's going to cause trouble down the line.
lollipopspot Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 OP, there are guys who are reconsidering the use of porn in their lives. See this: 1
Bluefin12 Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 Totally normal.. I don't know of any men (single AND in relationships) who don't watch porn. Lying about it is not ideal, but you can probably understand the purpose of it in trying to save face. Totally not a big deal though, and much better than being with other women (obviously). Have more sex with him and this will very likely decrease his inclination to watch porn!
FitChick Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 And for the past month, he has promised he has not watched any porn because I have been sending him weekly videos to try to help him. He says he loves them more than any porn he could ever imagine and that he feels like he would never watch porn again if he had my videos. What sort of videos are you sending him? I'm almost afraid to ask... 1
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