toostrong Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 Hi there -- So I think I came on too strong and pushed him away and want to know if I should even try to get him back. We met about 10 months ago and he pursued me via email for about 8 until I actually met him for a first date. I had just ended a 3 year relationship and was feeling very vulnerable having just moved to a new town. We had the most phenomenal first date and I have never felt so excited and comfortable with someone. We were both out of town for the next few days, but we texted pretty much all day for those days and saw each other right when we got back. This were amazing for that first couple weeks, and then he started to not reply to my calls/texts and I sent him a message saying that I guess he didn't want to date me anymore. He called right away and was really apologetic. Anyway, the next couple weeks were good, but I didn't hear from him nearly as much as the beginning and we would only see each other once a week and never on weekends, he would be out of contact. He has an extremely stressful job and I really tried to be understanding and give him space, and I would maybe text twice a day to check in and I heard nothing for a few days, and then would hear that he was resting all weekend and having a rough time. When I would see him it was still amazing and I really care for him, but I felt second choice to his work, which I get, it was just hard for me because I was so excited about it being a great new thing! He would still send me messages about how amazing he thinks I am, like when we started talking, but I finally told him I didn't think we should see each other because he was so busy, a week later I had regrets and I said I didn't really want it to be over, his reply "it's over". My gut tells me I need to move on, I guess I just wanted to hear if anyone thinks I should try to contact him in a couple months or if that's creepy for a girl to do. I feel that he is the one for me, and that I wasn't more understanding of all he has going on. Thank you.
Ronni_W Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 No, that's not a creepy thing to do. But it will be futile because he told you it is over. He didn't say it was because you were not understanding enough. If he felt that you were 'the one' for him, he most likely would have offered more than just "it's over." Listen to your gut...it will seldom steer you wrong. My gut tells me I need to move on,
Author toostrong Posted January 18, 2014 Author Posted January 18, 2014 Thanks Ronni, That is what I was thinking. I just keep kicking myself for being such a fool and pushing him to see me, etc, when he very clearly told me he had a very stressful next couple months since he might lose his job. I wish I would have listened better and backed off without giving him the out to fully end things. I guess I thought that he was trying to do the slow fade and I was trying to protect myself from being hurt, which ended up happening anyways. Good lesson for next time to not let my heart get involved too soon. He just came on so strong at first it threw me off my game and now he's over it. Maybe I really hurt him by saying that we should end things when he is in such a vulnerable, difficult time? Or he is just emotionally unavailable right now and we probably shouldn't have even tried to date. Any tips to get over this and stop obsessing and blaming myself? I feel like a hole has been cut from my chest.
emi Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 When a man said its over means its over. There is nothing you can do except back the hell off and give him what he want The more you chase him the more further the run. Its not gonna work. Just let him sort himself out. And about your guilt. To be honest if someone really want to be with you, a '' lets end thing'' doesnt gonna make them drop you, they gonna sit down and talk thing through and try to save the relationship rather than end it 1
Author toostrong Posted January 18, 2014 Author Posted January 18, 2014 Thanks for your candidness. I agree I will just leave him alone and start to rebuild my self esteem. I am just so confused that he came on so strong saying I was AMAZING -- divine, and listing all the things he loves about me to only have him end it so abruptly.
Author toostrong Posted January 23, 2014 Author Posted January 23, 2014 So, I could process the fact that we ended things because he was too busy at work and needed head space to think about that, but why did he need to rub in that he had moved on? I got an email on purpose or accident not sure -- that basically was "We" thank you for having "US" over for dinner last night. This was a week after we have called it quits. Now I feel rejected and hurt that he just didn't like me and I probably just pushed him away. Everyday I think about what we could have been and it is killing me with sadness and now anger.
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