Told his wife

[Aspasia33]

know prayers and time will help heal me, but there is still a part of me that loves this man so much, and i thought he was real....i have been alone for so long, raising my daughter, but this relationship with him, minus the still married part, was wonderful and i loved being with him, the good parts...i know though, that after one year he should have done the right thing and he didn't, which means he really didn't love me the way i needed to be loved. i hope the pain will go away, it is a tremendous loss for me really..when you open your heart and home to someone who doesn't value you...i know i should never have started with him until he was divorced if he ever will be...i know i will get better but it is hard and sad.

we have spoken a few times and he says his wife knew he was seeing someone, but she didn't know it was me, he says his wife loves him unconditionally...maybe since this has happened before, it was not a shock to her and maybe he turned it around to make me look bad, probably so. deep inside, i think he knows he has some responsibility here, but he wants to blame everything on me saying I am impulsive and volatile...after one year of him doing nothing but buying a house with her on the mortgage, tell me who wouldn't be upset or angry? I know it is a situation I should not have gotten into and i know I should have cut it off after the summer when he didn't do what he said he would do, but by then i was so emotionally entrenched and i kept hoping he would do the right, but hard thing...instead he went house hunting, well we went house hunting with him like idiots. maybe if i had been a more "relaxed" person, not trying to control the situation my way, we could have made it, maybe after his son graduated from high school this spring, he would have done something, i don't know...i think when a man wants something, he makes it happen.

 

Just because he wasn't doing things on your time frame or the way you wanted didn't mean he didn't love or value you....

I know you are hurt. But this does not seem to me a case of a mm stringing you along, this is a guy seperared from his wife that wanted a realtiondhip with you, and as you had an argument and couldn't make him do things your way, you set out to hurt him through his wife. She hasn't responded becyse they are not having a relationship anymore, do you see this?

I really am not trying to be hurtful to you here, but you have sabotaged this relationship through your own insecurities... Even if he was married and living with her still, sending her pics of you both is just to hurt them.

Please go and get some professional help, this behavior is not normal, and usually shows a deeper pattern of problems. Tbh, I am absolutely amazed he is still talking to you? If that's not love, I sure as hell don't know what is.

He has done nothing wrong, despite the advice you are getting here.

I wish you the best off luck, this can be sorted with proper counseling.

[Aspasia33]

Just had to add this.. If my husband and I broke up it would take a lot longer than 1 year to disentangle the properties and companies we run together. Actually we probably wouldn't as it would be too hard and we would loose too much finically. A year is not long enough to sort that, and that is their business, not yours. You are impulsive and volatile, you owe him and his ex wife( yes ex) an apology for involving them in your insecurity and childish temper tantrums.

I also don't see where MM has been selfish?

[experiencethedevine]

so it was ok for him to come into my family and shatter us then walk out and his wife remains clueless about his many prior affairs. this guy has done it before with no remorse and she had no clue. there is so much more background. how do these people get away with doing whatever they want and not pay consequences. who wants to be with someone who cheats again and again? the woman who ends up with him gets a guy who has cheated again and again.

at least i escaped.

 

 

 

 

Yes indeed.............

 

 

It must surely make you grateful to 'see' what a dreadful individual you thought was the love you longed for.

[experiencethedevine]

they live in different states and rarely see each other, maybe once every two months, so it wasn't like the typical affair in that sense. they are separated, but had not told their son...he had not moved on div after one year and they are still totally financially entangled esp with her signing the mortgage on his new house. breaking point for me. what wife signs onto a mortgage thinking she is divorcing? maybe some would...

too many red flags for me, i want a committed relationship with someone not capable of multiple dishonesty to his spouse. the guy only cares about himself.

 

 

 

 

I'm terribly sorry that such bad luck has befallen you Alicante, but here are the words that you might want to remit to your subconscious so that you are able to avoid ending up in a similar situation in future.

 

 

The likelihood is that they never were separated, and that she was completely unaware of such a falsehood in her life.

 

 

You have validated this man's disgusting behaviour and given him licence to insert himself into your life, your daughters, and with nothing more than a vague 'promise' that his love for you is real.

 

 

The man is a habitual philanderer and is unlikely to prove himself worthy of any woman with a sense of dignity and self worth frankly.

[Aspasia33]

Kind of a weird comment, why should she care if the loser never looks at her in the eye? I don't get the mentality of wanting to protect the MM. He's brought it all upon himself and I think it's merciful for the betrayed spouse.

 

Becuse if you read the post properly, he's not a mm. He has been separated for 18 months. He had been honest, and the ops mania detstroyed it. His wife has probably moved on already. He hasn't lied about anything. Have you read the posts?

[No Limit]

well, that school is absolutely worng. there is another school that says all innecesary suffereing must be avoided. All therapist will tell you this. No sense in making the other person miserable. Really? What are you expecting the other person will do after you tell them you've been cheating? They will be destroyed, and nothing will be the same.

I don't know, i don't agree with all this, and has nothing to do with my own experience.

 

No, it is not 'absolutely wrong'.

If I was the BS I would want to know immediately. I wouldn't even mind if they'd call me right during the act, I'd just want to be away as quickly as possible to start a life with someone faithful and trustworthy.

 

While this is rather a personal choice - some don't want to know at all, I even know a girl who told her boyfriend she wouldn't want to know if he ever did something "bad"; their relationship is terrible by the way - opening up is the only way to really fix a marriage, if there is anything left to fix that is.

[SunshineToday]

After reading this thread, I'm glad the wife was told. Everyone should have the knowledge in order to protect themselves from possible STDs. And no one deserves to be cheated on.

But it seems to me that Ali's MM wasn't even truly separated. It appears he is there for work and the wife and son think dad is only working away. I mean they co-signed a new mortgage? Any divorce lawyer worth their salt would advise against that right before a so called divorce.

 

I think this guy was never intending on leaving his perfect situation. Wife & son back home. G/F in the work town. And never the twain shall meet! Until uh oh DDay! And where is he now? Probably still with his wife while painting the OW with a bad brush.

[krazikat]

So he is seperared... Not technically married? Has no plans to get back with her?

I'm sorry mdear.. I think you have jumped to some strange and wrong conclusions.

So he hasn't actually lied to you?

I think this relationship is doomed unless you can get some mental help, and that is said in the kindness possible way. He has aready told his ex wife he is having a realtiondhip with someone?

This isn't a man having an affair, this is a man trying to sort his life and for some reason only known to yourself you have chosen to believe the worst and bring unneeded drama into other peoples lives . What did his ex wife say to you, did she even care? They have been living apart for 18 months, maybe they were just waiting for a time to tell there son?

If you really love and want this man, I suggest you get some sort of personal counceling...

 

I have personally known 6 couples (including mine)who have lived seperately for a significant period of time due to work, and they were all very much still a couple.

 

One of them lived apart for a year after the husband took a job in another state. The wife stayed in the home state while they tried to sell the home. The husband would travel back every weekend. He eventually took another position at home state because the house didnt sell, but this was over a year that they waited.

 

Pretty much, work was the reason for all of these situations where H and W lived in different states for an extended period of time. In my own sitch it lasted for 6 months. But I dont need to go thru each one, but just because OPs MM lived in a different state doesnt mean he and his wife were truly seperated. So your comments to OP were quite inappropriate and full of assumption.