DanielFife83 Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 of this conversation of this woman on match.com, what does it mean? revious emails (she sent you 14 emails, you sent her 18 emails) you said 3 hours ago RE: when do you want to thats ok, what about next weekend? she said 3 hours ago Re:when do you want to Sorry- I have my kids during the week... :-( you said 4 hours ago when do you want to when do you want to meet up next week, how about Thursday? you said January 15 RE: how has your week I have facebook too. Always ask people I have conversations that, I am not a stalker, lol. How many times have you been to the new 405 bar before? she said January 15 RE: how has your week I do. Are you a crazy stocker lol you said January 15 RE: how has your week do you have facebook? you said January 14 RE: how has your week I work at 2 restuarants and as a part time janitor. But I am looking for something better like an office job. What do you do for work? she said January 14 RE: how has your week What do you do for work???? you said January 14 RE: how has your week for me dull. she said January 14 Re:how has your week Its only Tuesday??? LOL And so far so-so... Worked outside today for a few hours in that light drizzle lol you said January 14 how has your week how has your week been? you said January 12 RE: When are you next my name is Daniel Fife, fav color is blue and favorite pet are miniature poodles tied with gold fish she said January 12 RE: When are you next Lol- I did sit at my computer all day either... my phone however, is usually in my pocket ;-) Good- so what's your name? SS#, favorite color? And favorite animal/pet? you said January 12 RE: When are you next I am sorry I didnt respond as I wasnt at my computer all day, but we can still keep chatting. she said January 12 Re:When are you next I don't really have a favorite place... I make where ever I am the place to be... I have found having expectations leads to disappointments. When you live in the moment there is no expectation so therefore where ever you go its going to be great... she said January 12 Re:When are you next I was hoping you where going to get back to me earlier, we could have met for lunch or something today. Yes, the kids come back Tuesday but I'm not available tomorrow night and this upcoming weekend I have lots of fun plans with the kids... So we can keep chatting till our schedules free up? Jess you said January 12 When are you next When are you next free as you have the kids next weekend and you said they come back on Tuesday? and glad to hear you had a good time. whats your favorite place to go? she said January 12 RE: what did you end up It was a good time... That might be up to you... I have my kids every other weekend, (obviously not this weekend... ) and they come back Tuesday after school... you said January 12 RE: what did you end up sounds like you had a great night! and when will we meet in person? she said January 12 Re:what did you end up Yesterday- caught up on a lot of things I had been neglecting... laundry, picking up the house, paper work, grocery shopping - then a bunch of us hit the town like it was 1995! It was a great night.... lol
Antares Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 That was a little hard to read. But from the gist of it, it seems like she's super busy with kids, work and life. And it also seems like she's not that interested. And that's kinda your fault, but you can improve for the next girl. I've done plenty of online dating (Match included) and here's my impression: First off: Why are you writing to someone 18 times?!? That seems like a lot to me. Even if someone had a super busy schedule, or kids, emailing back and forth endlessly just seems so inefficient. Even if she can't meet up, get her number. Ask her out from there. Staying on the site, doesn't help you. Remember there are lots of other guys emailing her on that site, and the longer you stay on that site, the more you're just another guy emailing her. And you can't really build a connection with someone thru email where one day you write something, and then a day later she replies back, etc. etc. That's not a real conversation. Real conversations need to be immediate. In the present. Also...don't ask for Facebook. That's where she hangs out. Her friends are there. You're not close enough to know her inner world yet. That comes off scary. Get to know her first. When I've done online dating, I go no more than 2 messages tops before asking for their number, or if they want to IM on gchat. The reason being is to get away from the online site and to someplace more personal. Whether that's personal IM, text, or a number to call/text ask them out. If you keep emailing her back and forth on the site, it sorta makes her wonder why you're not escalating things. Unfortunately you can't ask her out, or even get her number without building some interest first. I don't really see you doing that in any of those 18 emails. Second: All of this seems like small talk and none of it really builds a conversation. Asking how her week was, her day was, her hour was, etc etc. isn't really getting things going, you know. You even mention how DULL your week is. If your week is dull, don't bring it up. Chat about more exciting things in life. You can have an uneventful week, we all do, but try to have somewhat more lively conversations. Third: Nothing in that email chain really asks about WHO she is. Do you understand? It's all small talk. How are you? How's your week? How's the weather? What's your favorite...? You gotta dig a bit more into who they are, and start a real conversation. Find out more about them. Start building that connection so when you do ask her out, she's a bit excited, intrigued, and jumping at the chance. Her responses all seem bored and that's because you're not really attempting to have cool conversation with her. Notice how sometimes she doesn't respond (because she's busy) or how her answers are all short and to the point (because she's losing interest) She had a great line in there about not having favorite places, that where ever she goes is someplace favorite and doesn't like having expectations. THAT was a major missed opportunity for you to build a conversation. Her answer was personal and not at all generic. You could have asked more about that line of thinking, agreed with her, something. You could have asked her how she juggles her work and raising kids, is it stressful. Anything. Any question that doesn't ask for a one word answer. In some cases she'd reply to your question, and then immediately you're on to another different question. Try to follow through on lines of questions which will help to make natural conversations flow. Notice how she doesn't ask you really anything. Except about your job. That's because you're not really allowing her to become interested. Lastly, when asking a girl out, I've found that it works better if you simply ask when their free. That allows them to find out what day works best and they don't have to give you the "I'm busy" answer. If you ask her out and she says, YES... reply with "Great, what's your schedule like, when are you free? She'll say like "Mmmm...Next week, Monday" And then you can say "Perfect, have you heard of that new 405 Bar, lets grab a drink/dinner. How's 7pm work for you" You sorta did this early on in the conversation, but you started pigeonholing her into a date schedule in the last few emails... If you open with "How 'bout Thursday night?" It leaves the possibility for them to be busy. Once a girl gives you the "I'm busy that day", over and over, it enforces a subconscious rejection pattern and cements in her head that she doesn't need/want to go out with you. Hope that helps.
Author DanielFife83 Posted January 18, 2014 Author Posted January 18, 2014 (edited) she told me we can chat back and forth how do I avoid the rejection path? Edited January 18, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Long quote redacted and posts merged.
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