TheUnthoughtKnown Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 I've been seeing my gf now over 2 years now. We live together and I love her very much. Anyone who has read my posts over the last few years will know I suffer from depression and have been in meltdown the last year or so of my life. My gf also suffers from depression; its one of the things that we recognised in each other and helped us relate to each other, but it wasn't the only thing - we share many of the same interests, much of the same humour, and our political and worldview is very similar also. But when she struggles with her depression, I'm not sure I can handle it. This is because I can't deal with someone else's thing when I am dealing with my own thing - particularly since my gf is incredibly defeatist when she's down. All is lost and hope is dead. She talks about killing herself at times, but then again I have also had times when I've spoken about killing myself, so who am I to judge? But I can't help her, because I'm telling her things I don't believe to try and cheer her up. Tell her it'll all be fine? No it won't, how do I know? Tell her crying won't solve anything? Doesn't stop me from crying, why should it stop her? She's on anti-depressants (as am I) but feels they don't work, or have stopped working. I want to help her, help us both, but I just don't know how. Thing is, I love this girl. She gets me. She gets my depression and my bleak attitude and surly behaviour and she is able to snap me out of it pretty quickly. But I can't return the favour and it makes me feel like sh*t. No other girl I've dated has understood me in that way that she has. I don't want to lose her, but I don't know how to help her. What do I do.....
Thegreatestthing Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 I always wondered why starving Africans eating cicadas in Africa don't get depression. You're not depressed. You're selfish. - TomaHaiku
divinegrace Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 Depression is a legitimate illness. Whether you are together or apart, you will still experience depression until you are (more) proacive in dealing with that. You state you love her, I suspect she also loves you. If your medications are not alleviating some of the symptoms, it's time to talk to your Dr. However, it is proven that without therapy meds will only work to a certain degree. Depression is rooted to a great extent in thinking. This means much more than saying things will get better. I think it's time for a good therapist that is well trained in cognitive behavioral therapy. It's an investment in you BOTH. I don't think pulling the plug on someone you love is the answer. I think your heart knows where you want to go. Time to teach your head to follow. All the best in healthy hearts, minds, and spirits. 1
isisisweeping Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 I always wondered why starving Africans eating cicadas in Africa don't get depression. You're not depressed. You're selfish. - TomaHaiku The logical premise fails, but I will simply respond instead with: http://www.diebenow.com/sites/default/files/If-Physical-Ailments-Were-Treated-Like-Mental-Illness.jpg And, this post seems unnecessarily insulting to somebody asking for relationship advice.
Author TheUnthoughtKnown Posted January 18, 2014 Author Posted January 18, 2014 I always wondered why starving Africans eating cicadas in Africa don't get depression. You're not depressed. You're selfish. - TomaHaiku The thing I love about this site is the amount of non-judgemental replies and advice you receive - it makes it a lot easier to talk about your problems and find an answer that you may have been too close to the problem to see. Then people like yourself respond and it saddens me. You can't judge me until you've been in my shoes and even then attacking me will not yield an altruistic response, meaning I have to write your post off as trolling and any point you intended to make is lost. Should you want to make a point in the future, may I suggest forgoing the condescending and arrogant tone and consider attempting to relate to the poster. To everyone else - my thanks. I'm currently in therapy but my gf is not. She was previously but it was short term and, while she felt better during therapy, she relapsed once it was over. She's now waiting to hear from her GP about going back to therapy. I do psychotherapy, while she did CBT. I was worried our issues would lead us to develop a co-dependant relationship but we both have our lives away from each other and we don't rely on each other for absolutely everything. I guess my main worry with her is whether or not I'm good for her. If she were with a stable man who has his life together wouldn't she be better off by proxy? Thank you again for all your replies.
Hopeful30 Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 The fact that you're already questioning your relationship tells me that no, you shouldn't be together. As much as you love each and can relate, it's unhealthy for two people who are depressed to only seek comfort in each other. I don't want to sound mean, but if two people suffer from something, it's best to be around positive people or those who can help lift you up - and this is for your personal benefit. I would recommend you both seek therapy though, not for your relationship but for yourselves. It's like they always say, you can't be in a relationship with someone else if the relationship with yourself already suffers.
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