OLD : Why would guys ask how many messages you get

January 19, 2014

I don't know why men ask about other men when they are supposed to be getting to know YOU. I've had it happen too.

Email real estate is pretty expensive when I'm just getting to know someone. If they use that space to talk about other men, or talk negatively about other people... I dunno... it seems counterproductive and a waste of space. I wouldn't continue talking to a guy who did that.

Like the poster said above... women DON'T have any more REAL options on OLD than the guys do. Just like IRL, most email messages aren't serious. Just phishing.

January 19, 2014

I only ask this in follow-up emails in case the woman didn't respond to me the FIRST time.

I say something in the 2nd email to her, "Hello, considering like most women on here that are inundated with emails constantly, I figured that the decent guys my get overlooked, so I figured I'd follow-up".

Yes that's what I was thinking some combination.i think it's kind of silly to worry about other men or other guys interest,if you like me you like me.

One guy wrote saying "you probably get 40 messages a day" ? So I replied.
The other guy wrote "how many messages do you get"

January 19, 2014

women ask as well.."so the way you look I bet you get tons of messages, no?" and I smile and laugh but dont say anything. and smoothly change the focus to something else.

I dont ask about messages but I do love to hear horror stories from different dates they were on. it always amuses me.. he looked like this. he wanted me to pay. he was short ugly, whatever. I find it very funny. funny one I heard was a guy who works so much he took her to his home and went to sleep for an hour then woke up and drove her home. its not for competitiveness but to see how others behave. not to learn because I have class and tact but to see how much people can be effed up.

January 19, 2014

Like the poster said above... women DON'T have any more REAL options on OLD than the guys do. Just like IRL, most email messages aren't serious. Just phishing.

yep, they go phishing. they try. they send out a message to anyone hoping someone will take interest because the women are not flirting or interested in them.

I get a lot of heavier set women who send me flirts and winks and what not. because its easy for them. they hide behind the monitor and say "crap, I have nothing to lose and everything to gain" you send out tons and tons of messages and see what you can get.

and some women are just fed up and they say im here to find someone and im going to be aggressive cause if im not, theyll take him. and they message over and over and start chat sessions over and over and just dont take no for an answer.

but being a gentlemen always, I take the time to reply to every single one. even if I know it was sent in "lets send him a message for the hell of it and see if it catches, what do I have to lose" way. I look over their profile and find something major I know will be a problem and politely turn them down. I never let a person hang. these are peoples emotions. I dont want anyone playing with mine. treat like you want to be treated.

A lot are not serious. many are looking for affection. a lot are deceiving and are hiding something. many dont even want to date. they just like the attention and many are married.

but what we all know is that many people have old pictures they post that arent updated and dont look like them. thats just a huge blow because you start fantasizing in your mind of how they will look then this person shows up, older and so out of shape. thats not right. I as the man always pay for the first date at least and I now have to sit there and suffer and then even pay. thats not cool.

January 19, 2014

I've gotten the "you must get a lot of messages" comment, and I guess it's somewhat cute but mostly cliche. I don't want my focus to be on other messages - I hope the guy will say something that draws my focus to his message and him. I'm sure they mean it as a compliment - but a simple, direct compliment is preferable to an allusion to other messages or guys.

January 19, 2014

but being a gentlemen always, I take the time to reply to every single one. even if I know it was sent in "lets send him a message for the hell of it and see if it catches, what do I have to lose" way. I look over their profile and find something major I know will be a problem and politely turn them down. I never let a person hang. these are peoples emotions. I dont want anyone playing with mine. treat like you want to be treated.

That's really cool that you do respond, when I started using dating sites I tried replying to everyone, but sometimes it's tough... I've now started ignoring those I have zero interest in but I feel bad not responding. I just don't like feeling beat up sometimes when I say I'm not interested.

A few months ago, a man in another state contacted me. I'm in MN, he was in either SD or ND so not super far away, but I'm definitely not interested in long distance. I don't remember what his first message was but he never actually indicated anything I'd call "date interest" so I assumed, given the distance, he was just looking for someone to chat with. After several messages I was concerned that since it is a dating site, he might actually be looking for a long distance relationship so I politely asked what his thoughts were, & explained that I wasn't looking for long distance, etc. He blew up at me for "wasting his time", he sent multiple angry messages & I eventually had to block him.

Roughly around that same time, someone sent me a first message that was just "you're pretty" and I responded with "thank you, but I'm not interested". His reply was "I just said you were pretty, not that I was interested".

After those two situations happened so closely together I asked on a male-dominated online dating forum I mostly read, but sometimes contribute to - is it better to ignore or respond with a "no thank you" to men when you know you're not interested, or ignore them? The men were pretty split on their preference, so it seems there's really no right answer, no matter what I do there's a 50% chance it'll be the wrong thing.

As for myself, on those few occasions that I do contact a man I'd prefer a no thank you, but 99/100 times I get no reply from them at all.

January 19, 2014

That's really cool that you do respond, when I started using dating sites I tried replying to everyone, but sometimes it's tough... I've now started ignoring those I have zero interest in but I feel bad not responding. I just don't like feeling beat up sometimes when I say I'm not interested.

A few months ago, a man in another state contacted me. I'm in MN, he was in either SD or ND so not super far away, but I'm definitely not interested in long distance. I don't remember what his first message was but he never actually indicated anything I'd call "date interest" so I assumed, given the distance, he was just looking for someone to chat with. After several messages I was concerned that since it is a dating site, he might actually be looking for a long distance relationship so I politely asked what his thoughts were, & explained that I wasn't looking for long distance, etc. He blew up at me for "wasting his time", he sent multiple angry messages & I eventually had to block him.

Roughly around that same time, someone sent me a first message that was just "you're pretty" and I responded with "thank you, but I'm not interested". His reply was "I just said you were pretty, not that I was interested".
After those two situations happened so closely together I asked on a male-dominated online dating forum I mostly read, but sometimes contribute to - is it better to ignore or respond with a "no thank you" to men when you know you're not interested, or ignore them? The men were pretty split on their preference, so it seems there's really no right answer, no matter what I do there's a 50% chance it'll be the wrong thing.

As for myself, on those few occasions that I do contact a man I'd prefer a no thank you, but 99/100 times I get no reply from them at all.

I think its just common courtesy. the person is thinking about you, wondering if youre going to reply. youre keeping the person hanging. sure you dont own them anything, but if you sent a message to a potential person, wouldnt you want the person to at least give you...uh, maybe the right term is "closure" to move on and not expect something?

treat people how you want to be treated. you can even keep a templete with "im flattered and I hope you find the love youre looking for but we are not compatible.." or some crap like that. haha.

it can happen that there are psychos out there. well actually a good percentage are and they use OLD because IRL they wouldnt have success at all. a lot of weirdos and psychos. women and men.

I just think its common courtesy to reply. I mean after all the whole idea is about love and emotions and finding a partner so a simple no thank you is fine. you did your part. if they blow up at you, then its their problem. like those men who say youre so beautiful, im crazy about you, then you say "thank you but no.." and then they blow up "ah, you skank whore, u aint S*** anyway" haha

January 19, 2014

I only ask this in follow-up emails in case the woman didn't respond to me the FIRST time.

I say something in the 2nd email to her, "Hello, considering like most women on here that are inundated with emails constantly, I figured that the decent guys my get overlooked, so I figured I'd follow-up".

That's a unnecessary message to send a woman online

January 19, 2014

That's really cool that you do respond, when I started using dating sites I tried replying to everyone, but sometimes it's tough... I've now started ignoring those I have zero interest in but I feel bad not responding. I just don't like feeling beat up sometimes when I say I'm not interested.

A few months ago, a man in another state contacted me. I'm in MN, he was in either SD or ND so not super far away, but I'm definitely not interested in long distance. I don't remember what his first message was but he never actually indicated anything I'd call "date interest" so I assumed, given the distance, he was just looking for someone to chat with. After several messages I was concerned that since it is a dating site, he might actually be looking for a long distance relationship so I politely asked what his thoughts were, & explained that I wasn't looking for long distance, etc. He blew up at me for "wasting his time", he sent multiple angry messages & I eventually had to block him.

Roughly around that same time, someone sent me a first message that was just "you're pretty" and I responded with "thank you, but I'm not interested". His reply was "I just said you were pretty, not that I was interested".
After those two situations happened so closely together I asked on a male-dominated online dating forum I mostly read, but sometimes contribute to - is it better to ignore or respond with a "no thank you" to men when you know you're not interested, or ignore them? The men were pretty split on their preference, so it seems there's really no right answer, no matter what I do there's a 50% chance it'll be the wrong thing.

As for myself, on those few occasions that I do contact a man I'd prefer a no thank you, but 99/100 times I get no reply from them at all.

You are only supposed to respond to men you are interested in

January 19, 2014

You are only supposed to respond to men you are interested in

Have you seen the many male posters on this site who are unhappy not to get a response to the messages they send? Again, this is why I said that no matter what, 50% of the time it will be wrong.

According to half of the men who answered my question on the other forum, getting a "thank you but I'm not interested" feels like more of a rejection than not getting a response at all. It's impossible to know how the person who contacts you will feel, whether they'd prefer a polite rejection or no reply at all.

January 19, 2014

Have you seen the many male posters on this site who are unhappy not to get a response to the messages they send? Again, this is why I said that no matter what, 50% of the time it will be wrong.

According to half of the men who answered my question on the other forum, getting a "thank you but I'm not interested" feels like more of a rejection than not getting a response at all. It's impossible to know how the person who contacts you will feel, whether they'd prefer a polite rejection or no reply at all.

well if they send another message you ignore it, delete and then block them

January 19, 2014

You are only supposed to respond to men you are interested in

is this one of the 10 commandments? "Only supposed to" you do what you feel is right but since this is about dating (which means finding love which means emotions) I think its just common courtesy to send a short message and you can even block the person right after.

January 19, 2014

is this one of the 10 commandments? "Only supposed to" you do what you feel is right but since this is about dating (which means finding love which means emotions) I think its just common courtesy to send a short message and you can even block the person right after.

Women are not employers so no short rejection message is needed

January 19, 2014

Women are not employers so no short rejection message is needed

nothing is "needed". you understand the difference between common courtesy and feeling the "need" to write back and say no thank you? I dont want to write back but because this is about peoples emotions, I do it.

its something so simple to do. I wrote back to every single women who sent me a message. even the ones where there was no way in hell it was going to happen but I took the tons of time a 7 second reply takes and sent them a reply.

many even said, thank you for writing back. they tried again with the "thats ok, I didnt think you were interested but maybe we can just meet for coffee as friends" and I say no thank you, Im not looking for a female friend. so simple. try it. its very simple.

January 19, 2014

When I was OLD'ing I was getting tons of messages a day but as someone else already pointed out, the vast majority of them were from people who I was not at all interested in dating. Far too many of them were not even in the same STATE as me even though I clearly indicated that I was not interested in a long distance relationship. Many were WAY above or below my age range (sorry not interested in dating someone young enough to be my son or old enough to be my father!). Many of them seemed to be using a generic line that they probably just cut/pasted to a dozen others LOL.

As far as answering the messages... in the beginning I tried to answer all but after awhile it became way too time consuming to do that every day so then I just started answering people who seemed to actually read my profile and send thoughtful messages. I figured if they took the time to do that, then they at least deserved a reply even if I wasn't interested.

So to answer the OP's question: If someone asked me that, I would say, yes I get a lot messages but the quantity doesn't really matter because it's all about the quality!

January 19, 2014

nothing is "needed". you understand the difference between common courtesy and feeling the "need" to write back and say no thank you? I dont want to write back but because this is about peoples emotions, I do it.

its something so simple to do. I wrote back to every single women who sent me a message. even the ones where there was no way in hell it was going to happen but I took the tons of time a 7 second reply takes and sent them a reply.

many even said, thank you for writing back. they tried again with the "thats ok, I didnt think you were interested but maybe we can just meet for coffee as friends" and I say no thank you, Im not looking for a female friend. so simple. try it. its very simple.

Only employers send rejection messages

January 19, 2014

When I was OLD'ing I was getting tons of messages a day but as someone else already pointed out, the vast majority of them were from people who I was not at all interested in dating. Far too many of them were not even in the same STATE as me even though I clearly indicated that I was not interested in a long distance relationship. Many were WAY above or below my age range (sorry not interested in dating someone young enough to be my son or old enough to be my father!). Many of them seemed to be using a generic line that they probably just cut/pasted to a dozen others LOL.

As far as answering the messages... in the beginning I tried to answer all but after awhile it became way too time consuming to do that every day so then I just started answering people who seemed to actually read my profile and send thoughtful messages. I figured if they took the time to do that, then they at least deserved a reply even if I wasn't interested.

So to answer the OP's question: If someone asked me that, I would say, yes I get a lot messages but the quantity doesn't really matter because it's all about the quality!

you don't owe anyone a response if you are not interested

January 19, 2014

When I was OLD'ing I was getting tons of messages a day but as someone else already pointed out, the vast majority of them were from people who I was not at all interested in dating. Far too many of them were not even in the same STATE as me even though I clearly indicated that I was not interested in a long distance relationship. Many were WAY above or below my age range (sorry not interested in dating someone young enough to be my son or old enough to be my father!). Many of them seemed to be using a generic line that they probably just cut/pasted to a dozen others LOL.

As far as answering the messages... in the beginning I tried to answer all but after awhile it became way too time consuming to do that every day so then I just started answering people who seemed to actually read my profile and send thoughtful messages. I figured if they took the time to do that, then they at least deserved a reply even if I wasn't interested.

So to answer the OP's question: If someone asked me that, I would say, yes I get a lot messages but the quantity doesn't really matter because it's all about the quality!

And there isnt much quality. in your eyes you might see all the messages as a compliment but I get tons of messages from unattractive heavy set girls all the time. that means I have options? you women are screwed. there is not much to choose from. the good ones get stolen very quickly. Ive switched my profile to stealth mode and have looked at my competition. and the men, they are clueless when it comes to courting dating or even tempting a woman to take interest. they lack basic skills. I feel bad for the women. there is just crumbs there.

January 19, 2014

And there isnt much quality. in your eyes you might see all the messages as a compliment but I get tons of messages from unattractive heavy set girls all the time. that means I have options? you women are screwed. there is not much to choose from. the good ones get stolen very quickly. Ive switched my profile to stealth mode and have looked at my competition. and the men, they are clueless when it comes to courting dating or even tempting a woman to take interest. they lack basic skills. I feel bad for the women. there is just crumbs there.

I agree and sometimes I think it's a joke when a ugly fat women sends me a message thinking she has a chance with me

January 19, 2014

I agree and sometimes I think it's a joke when a ugly fat women sends me a message thinking she has a chance with me

there are some very pretty heavy set women. and I always say to myself, maybe I can make her sweat it off in bed and get her skinny haha but I cant go out with a women whos wider than me. and im wide. I workout and im tall so its the reason they flirt with me. they dont want to date a skinny guy who wont be durable. haha

we are all shallow and we all want to date someone attractive but I think to myself, what the hell was she thinking sending me a flirt. but she tries. till someone will stick.

January 19, 2014

there are some very pretty heavy set women. and I always say to myself, maybe I can make her sweat it off in bed and get her skinny haha but I cant go out with a women whos wider than me. and im wide. I workout and im tall so its the reason they flirt with me. they dont want to date a skinny guy who wont be durable. haha

we are all shallow and we all want to date someone attractive but I think to myself, what the hell was she thinking sending me a flirt. but she tries. till someone will stick.

I know that, I am referring to the overweight monsters lol

January 19, 2014

I know that, I am referring to the overweight monsters lol

now now..be nice haha

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