Onethirtyeight Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 I get hit on by women I don't want to date from time to time. What's best way to turn them down so feelings don't get hurt? I don't want to lead them on because that is awful when it has happened to me. Not sure if women would rather have me play along but never actually ask them out though.
Keenly Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 Just say that you are at a point in life where you aren't really looking for anything right now, and then say I hope you udberstand. That's what I said not too long ago. It can not be argued with and if they go batty on you for that harmless line, they are truly insane. 1
Author Onethirtyeight Posted January 18, 2014 Author Posted January 18, 2014 Just say that you are at a point in life where you aren't really looking for anything right now, and then say I hope you udberstand. That's what I said not too long ago. It can not be argued with and if they go batty on you for that harmless line, they are truly insane. What happens when they either know that's a lie or see you with someone else?
Keenly Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 What happens when they either know that's a lie or see you with someone else? Who cares what they think. Its YOUR life. You want to let some one you are not even romantically interned ins opinion on that affect your behavior? A polite rejection is still a rejection. 3
Author Onethirtyeight Posted January 18, 2014 Author Posted January 18, 2014 Who cares what they think. Its YOUR life. You want to let some one you are not even romantically interned ins opinion on that affect your behavior? I would just turn them down differently and personally I'd like to take the drama upfront and be done with it. The worst I can see happening is some chick likes me and I don't like her and she calls BS on a "I don't want anyone line" and then I have to deal with her being all persistent and possibly trying to sabotage a relationship I do want.
Keenly Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 I would just turn them down differently and personally I'd like to take the drama upfront and be done with it. The worst I can see happening is some chick likes me and I don't like her and she calls BS on a "I don't want anyone line" and then I have to deal with her being all persistent and possibly trying to sabotage a relationship I do want. I think you are way over thinking this. 1
Author Onethirtyeight Posted January 18, 2014 Author Posted January 18, 2014 I think you are way over thinking this. Naw, trying to perfect this. I've had lots of bad experiences with being too nice and a few from going to the other extreme. I assume somewhere in the middle is about right. I can tell you right now there are probably three different chicks I'm going to have to do this two in the next few months.
InnocentMan Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 Just go on a date with them and act like a twat. Always worked for me.
Author Onethirtyeight Posted January 18, 2014 Author Posted January 18, 2014 Just go on a date with them and act like a twat. Always worked for me. I feel like that would make a mess, but would be pretty fun.
kodakgirl Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 For me personally-- please don't say "I'm just not looking for anything right now," especially if it's the first time we've met and I'm just asking for a number or coffee date (I'm not sure if that's exactly what you mean, but it's what I do if I ever feel brave enough to try). First, it's an obvious lie, even if it's to spare feelings. Second, if a girl really feels determined, it's ambiguous enough to argue with (should she? No. But we're all stupid sometimes). And please don't say, sure, that would be fun and/or give a number if you've already decided no. I would prefer something kind but direct. A smile and a 'thank you, but I don't think so," or a variation. It will be a bit awkward but that beats causing later hurt or confusion or disappointment. 4
MissBee Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 I get hit on by women I don't want to date from time to time. What's best way to turn them down so feelings don't get hurt? I don't want to lead them on because that is awful when it has happened to me. Not sure if women would rather have me play along but never actually ask them out though. Depends on what you mean...do they straight up ask you out/ask for your number? Or do they just flirt with you? If it's the latter it's easy to leave it at that but if they do ask you for your number or ask for a date you can say something like "You're lovely but I'm taken" taken doesn't have to mean in a relationship...when I say this to a man, I mean I am taken with school and other things and in short hand I am not interested. 1
Trnamakesnse Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 When I know they are interested and don't want them to try I ignore their attempts and respond to platonic comments. Never had a woman misunderstand that, not sure it will work for you. I don't have to tell them anything because women are much better at the signals than I am. 1
Author Onethirtyeight Posted January 18, 2014 Author Posted January 18, 2014 Depends on what you mean...do they straight up ask you out/ask for your number? Or do they just flirt with you? If it's the latter it's easy to leave it at that but if they do ask you for your number or ask for a date you can say something like "You're lovely but I'm taken" taken doesn't have to mean in a relationship...when I say this to a man, I mean I am taken with school and other things and in short hand I am not interested. Mostly its just them flirting really hard and its really obvious they want my attention. I feel bad for anyone who is chasing someone who isn't interested. I feel saying I'm taken would imply I'm not open to dating new people. I guess in some situations that would work but I'm not really worried about the chick who checks me out in public. This really becomes more of a concern for me when they know me well enough to have an idea of what my dating life looks like. A really good example is a friend of a girl I was hitting on is now going for me. I can't say "I'm taken" and then go hit on some other girl. She'll know about it and get upset. I think it would be best to just say "hey you're a nice girl but I'm just not interested in you that way". That's what I would want, but then I'm not a woman.
Author Onethirtyeight Posted January 18, 2014 Author Posted January 18, 2014 Tell them you're not interested. Point blank. No need to be a wuss about it or wonder about their feelings towards you. You're over thinking it. For some reason, I got hit on by a single mother a few weeks ago. I told her "I'm sorry but I don't date single mothers." And that was the end of the whole thing there. That works but then their feelings get hurt. I'd say that comes with the territory if they're asking me out and anyone actually taking that step has to accept that possibility. I feel bad for the women who keep flirting even though I don't give them anything special and don't want to just shut them down because they're infatuated.
nescafe1982 Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 "I'm truly flattered, but not interested." I mean, getting rejected hurts. But an honest rejection is always a lot less stinging than a line. 4
Author Onethirtyeight Posted January 18, 2014 Author Posted January 18, 2014 "but then their feelings get hurt". Yes, it's called rejection. Well there is more than one way to get rejected right. Some suck less than others. Personally I want to be told early before I invest any time or energy. IDK if women like that or not. 2
theediblewoman Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 You could just say something like "I'm really flattered but I kind of have my eye on someone else". That way if you do date someone else it just seems like it was that person you had in mind? Or just be honest. "that's really brave of you to say/ask and put yourself out there but I'm not really interested in you in that way." Good luck,too many ladies after you, tough problem to have,eh? 2
Zeroes Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 I get hit on by women I don't want to date from time to time. What's best way to turn them down so feelings don't get hurt? I don't want to lead them on because that is awful when it has happened to me. Not sure if women would rather have me play along but never actually ask them out though. A simple, polite and honest rejection is best. No need to come up with BS excuses or beat around the bush about it. Yes, some women will feel hurt about the rejection, but that's life, and in the long run it's better for all involved. "Sorry, but I'm not interested." If you know/get the feeling a girl likes you (but you don't like her) and is expecting you to ask her out, don't flirt with her or give her any indication that you like her and ultimately don't ask her out obviously, she'll figure it out. 3
todreaminblue Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 A simple, polite and honest rejection is best. No need to come up with BS excuses or beat around the bush about it. Yes, some women will feel hurt about the rejection, but that's life, and in the long run it's better for all involved. "Sorry, but I'm not interested." If you know/get the feeling a girl likes you (but you don't like her) and is expecting you to ask her out, don't flirt with her or give her any indication that you like her and ultimately don't ask her out obviously, she'll figure it out. straight to the point no lame excuse to cover up the rejection ....and still polite.....is honorable actually and respectful of intelligence of the rejected party 2
Els Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 (edited) I don't know about the others, but whenever I hear, "Nah, I'm not really looking for a relationship right now", I know what it really means. I consider it to be a polite and definitive way of saying, "I'm not interested." And I'd never consider 'trying to change' a man's mind after he says that and then blaming him for not being 'more forthcoming'. I don't understand how it can be so difficult to see the meaning behind common types of 'polite talk'. Must we have everything laid out for us in ABC fashion all the time? Yes, that would be technically ideal, but it overlooks the fact that social cues and nuances are a normal and healthy part of human conversation. Edited January 18, 2014 by Elswyth 2
Thegreatestthing Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 (edited) I say I only like Slavic guys ( which is actually the truth), you could say I'm only attracted to Hispanic girls or Asian girls or something. I imagine this would hurt alot less. Edited January 18, 2014 by Thegreatestthing 1
Yur Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 (edited) "I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve." - It's supposed to be for a group but I think it kinda works for a person. Then wander off singing 'The road goes ever on and on...' I would say something like 'Thank you, but sorry but I'm not interested.'. Edited January 18, 2014 by Yur 2
GoreSP Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 If you don' t have the balls to be straight and just say no thank I'm not interested and have to go the easy lie route, say 'no thank you I'm actually seeing someone right now'. 'I'm not looking for anyone right now' is a blatant lie and can only lead to drama - especially when she finds out you are seeing someone else. 1
isisisweeping Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 I would rather somebody be honest, and say, "I'm not interested." UNLESS there is a factor that is unchangeable and really is an issue (Ie, they won't see you with someone like that down the line, or have seen you with a person like that in the past.) If they are younger than you prefer, for example, "I won't date with that large of an age difference." Right now, or anything serious, or anything else you put in there leaves a possible door open if someone is interested enough. The "hurt" feelings of someone not being interested initially is better than the hurt feelings later, plus the realization you were lied to / pitied.
HokeyReligions Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 "I'm truly flattered, but not interested." I mean, getting rejected hurts. But an honest rejection is always a lot less stinging than a line. This. I would much rather hear honesty. Although if someone gave me some transparent lie or long fumbling story I might feel relieved, like I dodged a bullet! 2
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