Am I really here AGAIN??

[DontBreakEven]

Well if you want to know my full story, you can read my older posts. -- But this is the current situation. Warning: A bit long, but please bear with me.

 

Basically I got broken up with last April by my girlfriend of over a year at the time, citing "I love you so much but it just doesn't work". The whole "it doesn't work" was insane. We were perfectly fine, always (at least I was) .. had the ups and downs like any normal couple, but every few months she would seemingly fall in and out of love with me and we would have semi-break ups for a couple of days, but she always wanted me there in her life, and would get feelings again - and then they would go away - it was exhausing .. she never seemed fully happy - with anything - she was like a pit I could just never fill, no matter how much I gave. She was an anixety-filled wreck at most times, but I was always so care-taking of her. I loved her, even though she was all over the place. I just wanted it all to be normal, and smooth, and happy and comforting. She seemed to always cause havoc. It probably was never a healthy relationship because of this, but because my part in it was healthy, I really didn't know how to solve that except not be with her. But I loved being with her so much. She's my best friend.

 

I couldn't imagine her not in my life back then, but I finally let her go when she seemed to be completely serious that she was done trying at that time, and her spark with me was completely gone. And wouldn't ya know it, somehow we were back together less than 2 months after we broke up (her doing - her calling me up, her seducing me - her not letting ME go for real). Not only were we back together, but she promised me to give me everything I needed .. to be totally 100 about it all. Her spark was back; she was all in. Finally!! She was actually showing me that she really was for real, so I accepted it and made us official again. This was in end of May/early June.

 

In my earlier posts I talked about saving to get a place of my own - well, I had saved while we were broken up (I was, at the time, back at my parent's house for financial reasons), so I got a place, and when we got back together, her lease at her place was ending and she wanted to move in with me into my place the next month. I let her. We adopted a dog together, she talked marriage all the time .. basically told me her biological clock was ticking, she wanted kids with me, but we had to be married first and she wasn't going to wait forever!

 

So I started looking into getting her a ring, but didn't tell her (I wanted the proposal to be a surprise). Her best friend went with me to get the ring; a proposal was what she wanted and wouldn't be out of the blue (she was pinning rings on Pinterest, etc), always talking forever with me, told all her friends that was what she wanted.

 

We had planned a vacation out of the country for the week of Christmas, so I decided I would propose then. Everything was great and we were so happy.

 

About mid-October, she started seeing a therapist for her on-going anxiety issues, and she started getting terrible migraines. Then she started saying she was in a funk. The she said it was an all-out depression. Then she stated the depression had become so bad that she needed to take a leave of absence from work and go to a month-long intensive outpatient program. She said she was suicidal. --- It was all very sudden, seemingly tied to nothing, and a LOT to handle, but like always, I was her emotional-caretaker. I was there for her every step of the way. She got on meds, she finally went back to work a week before we left for vacation, she felt a lot better - I figured we were out of the immediate woods and she would continue weekly therapy for some time when we got back. I was definitely bummed that the past couple months had been low points, considering I had been planning the whole time to propose and it was supposed to be an exciting time in our lives, but I figured, marriage is for better or for worse, so the proposal doesn't necessarily have to come at a time when everything in the universe was lined up just right. I even thought it would uplift her spirits since she'd been wanting it for so long; something to look forward to in planning for the happy future.

 

We left for vacation and were having a fabulous time. 3 days into the vacation, on Christmas, I proposed. She was shocked!! But a good shocked. She absolutely loved the ring (I definitely followed the Pinterest inspirations), and she said yes. She did say that we needed to work on our relationship and make sure that it was completely healthy, but I agreed and had no problem with that statement. Who doesn't need to always work on things?

 

The rest of the vacation was wonderful and we came back and she told friends and family that we were engaged and they were elated. She was talking details with her mom about how we wanted to do the wedding, kept saying "the power of the ring" gave her extra energy throughout the day (being silly about the fact that she was wearing thousands of dollars around her finger). It was cute. We were happy.

 

A day or two later when I wanted to put it on Facebook, she got weird about that. That threw up a red flag for me, and we got into a little bit of a fight over it, and I can't remember how it happened but somehow she took off the ring, gave it to me, and stormed out of the room and went onto the couch, and started texting me from there about how she never said she didn't love me but we need to make sure she is healthy, and our relationship is healthy before we can go forward. I said that's fine. I really didn't push it. If she wasn't ready for marriage that's okay .. let's work on whatever the "problem" is. One night she even said, "Maybe I could just wear the ring while we are working on it", and at first I was like teasing her like ohhh no, you took it off, but of course I tried to get her to put it back on .. and then she immediately seemed like she was mad about my joke response and said "NO! Nevermind!" And that was that. I texted her at work the next day and told her that I was totally there for her, and I wanted her to take all the time she needed, and that the ring would be there whenever she was ready. She said she's so happy she could be honest with me, and she just wants to make the relationship healthy and have us be 100.

 

Over the next few days though she became increasingly distant, picking fights, until one night she slept on the couch the whole night. She still wasn't wearing the ring, and I thought we were working on things like she said we needed to be doing, but there was really no "working" happening on her end at all. It was so bizarre, but I didn't think TOO much of it. Really thought we'd figure it out eventually (or SHE'D figure it out - I had no idea what the issue was), and be back engaged within a few months at the most.

 

10 days after we got back from vacation (2 weeks to the day I proposed), she came home from a counseling appointment, walked in the door and immediately told me that she had an "assignment" from her therapist to go stay at a friend's house for the next week, until I could come into their next session for a couple's session (I was always supposed to come in at some point for a family session). I was so shocked, I just watched her pack a bag, give me a hug, and her say, "I love you. You'll come next week, right?? We will work on this!" I said yes I'll come. She walked out the door.

 

I haven't seen her since.

 

I didn't hear from her at all for 6 days, so I finally called to see when this couple's session was going to be. Instead, she suggested we meet up the next night. I knew something was up, so I told her to just tell me what the hell was going on. She told me over the phone that she's sorry, but she tried, and she just doesn't think we are right for each other. And she really didn't have much else to say, as any questions or anger I had was met with "Can we talk about this some other time??" HUH??? I mean clearly she was saying it was over. She asked me what we would do about the dog, and I said well then I'm gonna keep the dog! To that, she got so upset and cried so hard she had to hang up the phone. Hung up the break up call with me because she was SO UPSET about the thought of losing THE DOG!! It was unbelievable.

 

So basically that was 3 days ago. She called me again this morning to tell me that she wass stopping by while I'm at work to get some more clothes (still staying at a friend's house), and that she will probably come move her stuff not this weekend, but next weekend (as she has to find someone to help her move .. she said she's going to store her stuff at her friend's house as she has no idea where she is going to go and is in no place to figure that out right now). She sounds so cool on the phone, it's insane. I haven't heard a tear shed, though that was pretty much how she was when we broke up last year -- seemingly totally aloof.

 

Writing this out is so weird because, the past 2 weeks paint such a different picture than what we actually are. We are (and she will admit) beyond the most important people in each other's lives. We are best friends, lovers, and we live together. We are family. We might as well have been married!

 

And out of nowhere she is acting like a complete and total stranger. I don't even know what to attribute it to -- the depression .. our history of breaking up .. just plain good old freaking out over the thought of being engaged?? (Trust me, if I hadn't proposed we would still be together right now. That, she has basically admitted. But she also said that wouldn't be fair to me either because she's just not 100 about us - though she was 100 in September. She wasn't last May .. but she became again in June .. and then I guess it went away again sometime mid-November, according to her). (Are you still following? If someone could explain to me, that'd be great, because I have no idea).

 

Obviously none of that matters, because here we are. I just proposed to the girl I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with, and now we are acting like strangers. I am so heartbroken right now, but more ANGRY because this isn't the first time she has done this, and I trusted her this second time around. Clearly. And now I'm going through the anguish of waiting for her to just move her stuff out, take our dog, and go on with our separate lives. Just like that. It seems unreal to me. Who knows what stage of grief I am in at this hour of the day. Did they ever add the "complete and utter shock" stage? Perhaps that's still denial. It's Friday night .. I worked hard all week, all while having this running through my head every second of every day, and here I am, posting again on the damn Loveshack forum. If you would've told me 3 weeks ago this is what would be happening I would've called 911 and had you committed. I think I'm too blindsided to even know how to be sad right now. Seriously. But don't get me wrong .. I think my heart is so shattered that it doesn't even recognize it's a heart anymore so it's having a hard time knowing what emotion to feel. UGH!! :(

[oldshirt]

some guys are almost addicted to crazy chicks because of the initial intensity and sexual energy when they aren't holding themselves back.

 

 

The allure wears off real quick though once sexual dysfunctions start kicking in and they start blaming you for the crazy.

 

 

The addiction comes from the drama and intensity that comes from the wild roller coaster ride.

 

 

If you want a life of continuous stellar highs and dramatic heart-wrenching lows and a life of chaos and drama and unpredictability, find yourself a crazy chick and try to pin her down enough to put a ring on it.

 

 

...just make sure you never have any joint accounts, joint credit cards,co-sign any loans or have her name on any of your cars, house or other property.

[oldshirt]

...Ooops, I just read some of your backstory and see that you are a woman.

 

 

Everything I said above still applies only replace the word sexual with the word emotional.

 

 

Crazy chicks hold a certain allure to some people due to all the drama and stimulation and the emotional intensity with all the highs and lows.

 

 

If you want a life of drama and intrique and a never ending stream of emotional stimulation, get you a crazy chick.

[DontBreakEven]

Ha. Thanks Old Shirt.

 

And trust me, there are a ton of crazy chicks to go around in the lesbian community, so I've certainly dealt with my fair share of Borderlines and such in the past.

 

I am currently staying at my mom's house (I'm 31, but yes, I run home to my childhood bedroom when I need a "safeplace"), and I literally just said to my mom, "Is this not the weirdest situation?? What the hell is happening to my life??" She said yeah, it's pretty weird, and asked me what I really thought about it.

 

I finally just screamed, "Well clearly she's crazy."

 

Okay, the red flags are certainly there. Deep-seated childhood issues, totally hot and cold sexually, (sh*t, the first time we broke up, she wasn't even sure if she should date women anymore - even though she was on the prowl for a girlfriend when she met me ... yes, whole other bag of tricks when it comes to her uncertainty about her sexuality. I was her first girlfriend but she will NOT define herself as a lesbian. As she states, "I'm a bisexual who just prefers a woman over a man 10 times out of 10!" It's like she wants to never close the door on saying she could possibly be straight because she hates the fact that it might actually be true she's really gay), she cheated on her ex-boyfriend before me with a woman, told me she would actually lay in bed at night and wish he were a woman - he has no idea to this day - she didn't consider that cheating because they were "unhappy anyway". She clearly has no idea what she wants, ever. She worked so hard to get into her profession (basically defined herself by it) and a month ago had an "epiphany" at group therapy that she actually doesn't want to have that career after all! There was the being a strict vegan for like 9 weeks - always trying to seemingly change something about her life to make her feel content. Okay .. yes .. actually I could go on and on all night about the red flags, culminating in her recent outpatient stint ...

 

However, her kinda crazy is really hard to pinpoint. She's not Borderline, that I know. A few weeks ago she called me crying after a counseling session because she was terrified when her therapist asked her if she thinks she's a narcissist. I'm unclear as to why this was even brought up, as she didn't tell me much about the therapy sessions, but I find it odd that a professional would even casually mention that if she didn't have some inkling. I picked up a book on Narcissism. She meets a little of the criteria, but really not enough for me to read up on it, because a lot of it doesn't explain what happens with her at all. And trust me, if I could pinpoint what is wrong with her, that would be my first line of action in order to get over her: read up on it, and thank the Lord I dodged a bullet.

 

Her kinda crazy just doesn't really fit a standard. Clearly crazy, but more in a runaway and hide type thing, than an extremely hurtful, spiteful, in your face kinda crazy (see BPD). Makes it harder to accept on my end to just cut my losses saying, "phew, dodged that one like the Matrix!" She really isn't THAT bad .. but it does just crop up out of nowhere and bite you when you least expect it, and causes her to abandon me sexually, then emotionally, and ultimately completely, each and every time we have a go around.

 

Man. There's just nothing really to do with this one but just grieve and accept, is there? Hmph.

Edited January 18, 2014 by DontBreakEven

[Exitleft]

Oh dear, it sounds like we were dating the same woman

 

Red flags: cheating on her ex, her ex before you was a man, she was sexually confused and gave no guarantees she was done with men or not attracted to them. Also breaking up and coming back.. I had the same pattern with my ex and I let the last time be the last time. They tend to rinse and repeat this behaviour if they are used to you caving and taking them back.

 

You did dodge a bullet.

 

She's sexually confused and she says her clock is ticking.. not a great combination in my experience. (see my post history)

 

To me it honestly sounds like it could have more to do with her sexuality than you think. Ultimately only time will tell what the reasons were and I think in terms of mental health lots of people have behaviours and traits of certain things but not at the extremes of diagnosed disorders.

 

You said it when you said you could only accept it and grieve. Cut all contact, don't look at any of her social network accounts etc.

 

It hurts hun and may for some time yet, not easy to lose someone we think we are going to spend the rest of our lives with but I can assure you, you are far stronger than you probably feel right now.

 

Best of luck.

[oldshirt]

I'm not really sure how much sexual orientation or sexual identity has to do with this. In practical nuts and bolts terms, crazy is crazy.

 

 

The real problem with crazy is it is contagious. the more you are involved with a crazy person, the nuttier you become.

 

 

This is really all about you. How much does having a stable, healthy, calm, functional, rational life mean to you? if it's important to you, you have to keep the crazy out.

 

 

If on the other hand you crave drama, emotional stimulation, extreme highs, extreme lows and a life of unpredictability and chaos, just keep doing what you are doing. you'll have all that in spades.

 

 

You can't fix her. you can't change her and you can't save her from herself. All you can do is protect your own a$$ and you determine that by how much insulation you put between you and her.

[DontBreakEven]

I do think Old Shirt is right: nuts is nuts.

 

I mean, she's been with many men and she's been with a few women. I have as well. You figure out what you want. She basically knows she wants a woman, but she's still not 100% comfortable in the idea of an alternative lifestyle.

 

At the end of the day, she's never fully 100% on any of her decisions ... always seems like something always drags her way of thinking. She's the type to say "Babe, I really want go out to dinner!" And you would say, "Oh okay, I'll be there in 10 to pick you up. I'll pay. Where do you want to go?" And her response would then be "Eh, or maybe let's just stay in and cook".

 

That exact scenario happened many times, and is an example that explains the way she deals with basically everything in life. It drove me nuts, yes, but I could handle it. I cannot handle it, however, when it comes to her just disappearing from my life once again because she has no idea what she wants (even though she will state what she wants, and you will think that's exactly it, so you will do it for her, only to come to find out once you give it, she doesn't want it anymore ... big example of that is how 2 months ago, her dream was to be proposed to by me, and soon). To change what she wants that fast, when nothing in our relationship changed for the worse, is nuts.

 

Frustrating as hell. Frustrating to accept that that is just how she is, and there is nothing I can do about it, and she will hurt me over and over and over again.

 

I hate being heartbroken. I hate grief more than anything. I work my way straight through it, but each time it happens, it never gets easier, and I just feel so out of control like "What do I do now??". And I know the answer. Nothing. I do nothing. I let it come and someday it passes. It's excruciating. Mornings are the worst.

Edited January 18, 2014 by DontBreakEven

[Downtown]

However, her kinda crazy is really hard to pinpoint.

Perhaps she is crazy, DBE. That is NOT what you're describing however. A person who is "crazy" or "psychotic" has lost touch with physical reality, e.g., believing the news announcer is speaking to her personally.

She's not Borderline, that I know.

Perhaps not. Yet, many behaviors you describe -- e.g., the push-you-away and pull-you-back cycle, suicidal ideation, inability to self sooth and control her own emotions, lack of impulse control, and rapid flips between adoring you and devaluing you -- are some of the classic warning signs for having strong BPD traits.

 

I therefore suggest you read Shari Schreiber's description of a small subset of BPDers that are called "quiet borderlines" because they usually do not exhibit the typical in-you-face, raging, vindictive behavior that BPDers are notorious for. Schreiber calls this subset of BPDers the "waifs" and describes them at BORDERLINE WAIFS AND UNSUNG HEROES; Rescuing The Woman Who Doesn't Want To Be Saved.

 

If that description rings a bell, I would be glad to discuss it with you. If not, I suggest you read about the warning signs for AvPD (Avoidant Personality Disorder) at Avoidant Personality Disorder.

[Panda87]

Ha. Thanks Old Shirt.

 

And trust me, there are a ton of crazy chicks to go around in the lesbian community, so I've certainly dealt with my fair share of Borderlines and such in the past.

 

I am currently staying at my mom's house (I'm 31, but yes, I run home to my childhood bedroom when I need a "safeplace"), and I literally just said to my mom, "Is this not the weirdest situation?? What the hell is happening to my life??" She said yeah, it's pretty weird, and asked me what I really thought about it.

 

I finally just screamed, "Well clearly she's crazy."

 

Okay, the red flags are certainly there. Deep-seated childhood issues, totally hot and cold sexually, (sh*t, the first time we broke up, she wasn't even sure if she should date women anymore - even though she was on the prowl for a girlfriend when she met me ... yes, whole other bag of tricks when it comes to her uncertainty about her sexuality. I was her first girlfriend but she will NOT define herself as a lesbian. As she states, "I'm a bisexual who just prefers a woman over a man 10 times out of 10!" It's like she wants to never close the door on saying she could possibly be straight because she hates the fact that it might actually be true she's really gay), she cheated on her ex-boyfriend before me with a woman, told me she would actually lay in bed at night and wish he were a woman - he has no idea to this day - she didn't consider that cheating because they were "unhappy anyway". She clearly has no idea what she wants, ever. She worked so hard to get into her profession (basically defined herself by it) and a month ago had an "epiphany" at group therapy that she actually doesn't want to have that career after all! There was the being a strict vegan for like 9 weeks - always trying to seemingly change something about her life to make her feel content. Okay .. yes .. actually I could go on and on all night about the red flags, culminating in her recent outpatient stint ...

 

However, her kinda crazy is really hard to pinpoint. She's not Borderline, that I know. A few weeks ago she called me crying after a counseling session because she was terrified when her therapist asked her if she thinks she's a narcissist. I'm unclear as to why this was even brought up, as she didn't tell me much about the therapy sessions, but I find it odd that a professional would even casually mention that if she didn't have some inkling. I picked up a book on Narcissism. She meets a little of the criteria, but really not enough for me to read up on it, because a lot of it doesn't explain what happens with her at all. And trust me, if I could pinpoint what is wrong with her, that would be my first line of action in order to get over her: read up on it, and thank the Lord I dodged a bullet.

 

Her kinda crazy just doesn't really fit a standard. Clearly crazy, but more in a runaway and hide type thing, than an extremely hurtful, spiteful, in your face kinda crazy (see BPD). Makes it harder to accept on my end to just cut my losses saying, "phew, dodged that one like the Matrix!" She really isn't THAT bad .. but it does just crop up out of nowhere and bite you when you least expect it, and causes her to abandon me sexually, then emotionally, and ultimately completely, each and every time we have a go around.

 

Man. There's just nothing really to do with this one but just grieve and accept, is there? Hmph.

 

Dear Breakeven, i am in the same shoes as you. Today she just breakup with me, she also have some kind of depression issues that i cant share the details with you. She breakup with me over text messages after 7 months relationship with me. I am so empty right now, i dont even know what to do now. I actually just book ticket to meet her in thursday, to see if there is still chance with us. because she refuse to talk to me over the phone, i am just emotionally tired now, i feel so numb.

 

I need someone to talk to, to know what should i do. Should i just give up or fight for her. We were good just 3 days ago, now she said its over because i care and worry for her too much. She tends to hurt herself, basically she just hate herself. So of course, if something bad happen to her i get worried. what else can i do? we were in long distance relationship...

 

Breakeven, if you want someone to talk to since your story is similar to mine. I am also a girl , you can email me here [email protected]

 

Hope everything get better for you, now i am obviously not

[ponchsox]

I'll admit, I'm kind of attracted to semi-crazy chicks. I'm not talking full blown bat **** crazy, but just a sprinkle of drama in their lives. I find normal chicks a little dull and boring. The problem is these relationships never work out (surprise, surprise). I'm either going to have to compromise or be single the rest of my life.

[DontBreakEven]

Well, she never seemed to have a problem staying friends with me on social media every time she dumped me. This time seemed to be no different. Though I got rid of her on everything and unfollowed her on Instagram, i still didn't block her. So she stayed following me for 6 weeks.

 

I've posted maybe 5 things since then all friggin knowing she is seeing what I post, which I hate because it's like I'm being controlled. they were basically stupid, boring things.

 

Tonight, I had a good night with a friend and posted a picture of us two smiling, and called it my #womancrushwednesday (everyone including my ex knows it's a joke, this is just my friend, and she is straight .. she and i would never ever be a couple, it's not even a possibility due to our sexualities) ... I wasn't trying to be catty, I was trying to live life the way I normally would if I weren't going through this excruciating pain. Trust me, if I posted what my heartbroken self would post I'd be infesting newsfeeds with sadness.

 

Well, I guess the picture of my face on her newsfeed didn't suit her and she unfollowed me quite fast after seeing it. Part of me is relieved that the last bit of "contact" is gone (save friggin Pinterest .. I mean really ... the world these days), part of me feels vindicated that okay, I obviously do affect her -- the way she left made me wonder if she even missed me at all, sh*t -- but part of me feels bad. Feels bad for making a joke insinuating that I already have a crush (even though my ex knows this girl and knows there is 100% no chance that she is a threat or potential for me .. she is my best friend). And yet I still feel bad for whatever it was that jolted her and made her unfollow me. This is unreal that I am still sitting here, abandoned in our apartment without her or my dog, and I am worried that SHE is upset tonight because of a damn instagram picture. F**K!

[HeartinPain]

Chin up! It was bound to eventually happen. She really did you a favor. Remember that she dumped you and you initiated and got rid of your social media ties first (always the best way IMO). I am in a similar position. I unfollowed my ex after I could not handle seeing him like the pictures of the girl he left me for and them doing activities we used to do together. He is still following me and I don't know why I can't just block him or he would just unfollow me on his own. It bugs me because I know I have the freedom to post whatever I want at this point. However, I feel restricted in posting whatever I feel because I don't want to feel its his way of having a window into my life.

 

Her unfollowing you obviously was caused by a trigger in what you posted. She is trying to move on just like you are moving on. Seriously, post whatever the hell you want! She has no say in whatever you choose to do anymore! I really should follow my own advice.

[picnicinthepark]

...It bugs me because I know I have the freedom to post whatever I want at this point. However, I feel restricted in posting whatever I feel because I don't want to feel its his way of having a window into my life...

 

I hear you on that. I believe my ex is still following me but I haven't bothered to post anything lately. I've gotten rid of all my social media except for instagram (I think its the least obtrusive social media) but I unfollowed my ex after she was posting regularly after our BU as if nothing had happened. Keeping up appearances I suppose...

 

I feel like social media ****s people up and desensitizes them to create real human connections. I suppose it depends how you use it. I got rid of it because it was toxic and I don't trust myself to check up on my ex's life right now.

 

OP bottom line, you shouldn't be concerned with what your ex is doing. Go strict NC and block her out of everything. Focus on YOU! Everything is going to be okay!

[OzHeartache]

Go to their page, click the little arrow up the top right corner and select "block user"

 

Then they can't see your posts and you can post freely...... Problem solved

[TylerDurdenn]

Why didn't you block her in the first place?

[DontBreakEven]

Perhaps not. Yet, many behaviors you describe -- e.g., the push-you-away and pull-you-back cycle, suicidal ideation, inability to self sooth and control her own emotions, lack of impulse control, and rapid flips between adoring you and devaluing you -- are some of the classic warning signs for having strong BPD traits.

 

 

Downtown, I've realized you're right. I dated a full blown diagnosed BPD years ago, so I was SURE this wasn't the issue because it wasn't so overt and in my face.

 

I didn't take the cues when she went into therapy and her therapist suggested DBT. I thought the push/pull was just confusion ... I don't know what I thought. I was wrapped up in it, as we know can happen. It never dawned on me that she was a waif. Thanks for this insight. It makes my mind feel less crazy.

 

 

And as for why I didn't block her on Instagram ... I wasn't ready to accept and let go. I'm still getting there. It's only been 6 weeks. It's still raw for me.

[Downtown]

Downtown, I've realized you're right. I dated a full blown diagnosed BPD years ago, so I was SURE this wasn't the issue because it wasn't so overt and in my face.

DBE, thanks for returning to give us an update. BPDers are filled with enormous anger and shame carried from early childhood and -- when their fears are triggered -- they can release that anger outward or inward. Yet, even when the anger is directed inward, the BPDer's partner will still be punished -- but in passive-aggressive ways that are far different than the raging temper tantrums that are characteristics of most BPDers.

[DontBreakEven]

Thanks Downtown, especially for your link.

 

"but have you ever felt valued and loved for simply being, instead of doing?"

 

Dear God did that line strike a chord with me. No ... not once with her now that I think about it ... it really is amazing how manipulative the behavior can be.

 

I'm actively going to ACA meetings now and getting into therapy. Not only for my PTSD over all of this, but to figure out why I people please and allow it far beyond the point I ever should. Pain is still intense. But time to work on myself.