deathandtaxes Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 This past Sunday, I contacted a woman a dating site. She replied back the same day stating that she was busy with her daughter at the moment but would "love to chat with me later". Later that same day she contacted me again and we sent a handful of emails back and forth for the next couple days. On Wednesday at the end of the email she sent, she asked me what plans I had for the weekend. I told her I didn't have any plans, and asked if she would like to get together. She replied "I'm going camping with the Girl Scouts". That was it… Just that one sentence. All of her previous emails had been an average two paragraphs. I replied and told her to forget about it, because obviously she is either not interested, or expects me to keep asking her out, with no help on her part whatsoever. Is it really that hard for a person to say "Sorry, I can't make it this weekend but I'll hit you up when I get back and we'll make plans" LMAO you folded at the first sign of resistance. And you're so bitter over this it's killing me. Seriously man, chill out. You ****ed things up by telling her to forget about it. Why didn't you respond back with 'Let's get together Monday night for a beer?' or something based on what you learned about her e-mailing over the previous couple of days. But yet you took is so personally and you burned that bridge. 1
Author MrTurk Posted January 20, 2014 Author Posted January 20, 2014 (edited) LMAO you folded at the first sign of resistance. And you're so bitter over this it's killing me. Seriously man, chill out. You ****ed things up by telling her to forget about it. Why didn't you respond back with 'Let's get together Monday night for a beer?' or something based on what you learned about her e-mailing over the previous couple of days. But yet you took is so personally and you burned that bridge. Because I'm tired of asking women over and over and over!!! It's f'n bullsh*t the way many women have an entitled mindset. Why can they harbor gender based assumptions about me(mans job to chase and ask) but if a guy does it about women he gets bashed for being a pig or womanizer, or whatever label they throw on us?? I actually sent my question to 30 other women on the dating site, asking if they would counter with new plans(or at least a general suggestion) or if they would just answer with a drab "I cant I'm busy".....20 women replied, and they all told me they would have definitely asked for a rain check or suggested new plans in one way or another. Edited January 20, 2014 by MrTurk
Author MrTurk Posted January 20, 2014 Author Posted January 20, 2014 LMAO you folded at the first sign of resistance WHY does resistance exist at all? And WHY do men see it as part of the process to overcome?? And WHY do women that put up resistance end up caving, and going out with a guy that they put up resistance against in the first place??
deathandtaxes Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 WHY does resistance exist at all? And WHY do men see it as part of the process to overcome?? And WHY do women that put up resistance end up caving, and going out with a guy that they put up resistance against in the first place?? It makes life interesting? It's part of the game? If it bothers you, just don't waste another thought or message for this chick. Breathe. Relax. Smile. 2
Author MrTurk Posted January 20, 2014 Author Posted January 20, 2014 It makes life interesting? It's part of the game? If it bothers you, just don't waste another thought or message for this chick. Breathe. Relax. Smile. I told her to forget the whole thing as soon as I read her reply. This post isn't about "her"....it's just a generalized observation on interacting with women in general. As you said..... Many men and many women see it as part of the process. For some strange reason most of the general public finds it fun and enticing to live in a grey area of communication, instead of black and white.
Cakess Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 I told her to forget the whole thing as soon as I read her reply. This post isn't about "her"....it's just a generalized observation on interacting with women in general. As you said..... Many men and many women see it as part of the process. For some strange reason most of the general public finds it fun and enticing to live in a grey area of communication, instead of black and white. I wish you would stop saying "all women in general", because if that's clearly how you feel, you cannot date women. I'll tell you, not all women are like that. But MOST women require a man's interest and desire before they put their own emotions forward, it's just a precaution, it's a natural thing. Women do it, men do it, heck, animals do it! That being said, RELAX. You seem like a rushy type of guy that just wants to get chicks on a dating site, take them out for drinks and do whatever, but dating is a bit more complicated than that. Talking and communicating is key, especially for online dating, hence the messages you two had been sending each other recently. You're so upset you gave up an opportunity just to get to know her better, and you showed little interest. I wouldn't be surprised if she decided to move on. My advice to you is to relax next time and just try to get to know the person you're interested in dating. That's what "dating" is all about, right? Just go with it.
mem11363 Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 Mr. T, A couple things. First of all your perception of what occurred is correct, maybe it is not complete. She asked what you were doing this weekend, which is a definite sign of interest on a dating site. It either means: 1. I want you to ask me to go out this weekend. Or 2. I want to get a sense of whether or not YOU are actively dating other women before I invest any further in you. Or 3. Both Next time you get that question, the best response is not: I am free. But rather: Would you like to get together When she says: I am going camping this weekend. That opens a few really good doors for you. For example asking if it's: - Real camping, with tents and without 'indoor' plumbing or - Citified camping with cabins and showers and electricity That question will gauge a few things including her sense of humor. And then - you have two choices: 1. The direct, take no prisoners approach or 2. The dancing the dance approach 1. No prisoners (and how it likely ends) You: Did you misunderstand my question or just duck it? Her: ? You: I didn't ask if you wanted to get together this weekend, I just asked if you wanted to get together? Her: (this is either playing really dumb or being really dumb) But I told you I am busy this weekend You: And so you did, I have enjoyed our chats, good luck 2. Dancing You: Well I hope you have a great weekend and would like to hear about it when you get back. Her: Text me next week You: Dont reply to this because you already asked her out, and she played the 'I'm busy' card. Now she is playing the: I can't be bothered to initiate when I get back from camping. You have to chase me. She will either reach back out to you, or not. If she doesn't, she is more interested in being chased, than in you. WHY does resistance exist at all? And WHY do men see it as part of the process to overcome?? And WHY do women that put up resistance end up caving, and going out with a guy that they put up resistance against in the first place??
Author MrTurk Posted January 21, 2014 Author Posted January 21, 2014 Next time you get that question, the best response is not: I am free. But rather: Would you like to get together Save your energy if you cant be an adult when you reply to my posts. I could care less about your game-playing responses, and how to manipulate word play with her. I would rather hang myself in my basement than dance back and forth with some woman that doesnt know how or doesnt care to speak in an honest straight forward manner.
deathandtaxes Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Save your energy if you cant be an adult when you reply to my posts. I could care less about your game-playing responses, and how to manipulate word play with her. I would rather hang myself in my basement than dance back and forth with some woman that doesnt know how or doesnt care to speak in an honest straight forward manner. Don't let women from OLD work you up like this. If you react this way every time a woman does something crazy, IRL, OLD, etc, you're gonna die from a heart attack. Thinking back, she probably lost interest but didn't want to come out and say it. It is rather unfortunate that people are this way. And there are plenty out there. Anyways.....did you ever contact her again? Did she contact you again?
CaliGuy Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 (edited) But - you do realize that many women want to be chased? It's actually pretty common... Yes and no. They want to be seen as a "prize" to men, but not incessantly chased. That's called "stalking". Relationships are give and take. You give a little, she gives a little. It's back and forth. When it's a chase, the relationship is already doomed. Because one person is putting in a ton of effort and the other is putting in little. And when you have this type of unbalanced interaction, it's game over. If you chase, chase, chase, she'll eventually get bored. And you'll get frustrated chasing her. If no give and take and it's all take take take, all I can say is RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY FAST! Edited January 21, 2014 by CaliGuy
CaliGuy Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Save your energy if you cant be an adult when you reply to my posts. I could care less about your game-playing responses, and how to manipulate word play with her. I would rather hang myself in my basement than dance back and forth with some woman that doesnt know how or doesnt care to speak in an honest straight forward manner. I need to explain something to you. With men everything is black and white. Our yes means yes, our no means no. With women, on the other hand, the world is bit more shades of gray. They are NOT always straight forward. They like to leave the other person with trying to decipher what they just said. Good analogy from Bill Engval. "My wife doesn't communicate like men do. For example if I leave my underwear on the floor, instead of saying "Can you put those away please" she will say "Are these yours?!" Of course they are mine, unless there's some other guy she is talking about that's been in my house!" You see what I am saying here? Shades of gray with women. Never EVER expect a clear, direct answer to anything you ask them. Sometimes they will but more often than not they will put a spin on it that will make you "guess" what they are thinking. I don't know why they do this. Maybe it's an intellectually fun game, but I'm a man -- I think in black and white so when those shades of gray come, I simply ask them to be more direct.
Keenly Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Save your energy if you cant be an adult when you reply to my posts. I could care less about your game-playing responses, and how to manipulate word play with her. I would rather hang myself in my basement than dance back and forth with some woman that doesnt know how or doesnt care to speak in an honest straight forward manner. If you don't play the game, you will not reap the prizes. Best of luck to you. 2
CaliGuy Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 If you don't play the game, you will not reap the prizes. Best of luck to you. Agree in the sense women think in shades of gray. Have to know how to play that game or you will get left behind.
Author MrTurk Posted January 21, 2014 Author Posted January 21, 2014 If you don't play the game, you will not reap the prizes. Best of luck to you. Agree in the sense women think in shades of gray. Have to know how to play that game or you will get left behind. Ive never "played the game" ever before....and never had a problem getting a date or having relationships. Thats was over 10 years ago.....back when I was single, before I got married. Now that I'm divorced and looking to date, its like a different world. I feel like many of the 40ish single women out there are damaged from past relationships. They have zero trust in men and I'm the one paying for it when I try to go out with them.
spiderowl Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 If you feel someone is not being helpful and working with you towards the same goal of meeting up after a reasonable time of getting to know each other online, then drop them. It's a good way of filtering out the lukewarm characters. If someone was really interested, they would say something like 'I'm committed to going camping with the girl scouts this weekend, but would love to get together another weekend, maybe the next or weekend after if you are free.' 1
CaliGuy Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Ive never "played the game" ever before....and never had a problem getting a date or having relationships. Thats was over 10 years ago.....back when I was single, before I got married. Now that I'm divorced and looking to date, its like a different world. I feel like many of the 40ish single women out there are damaged from past relationships. They have zero trust in men and I'm the one paying for it when I try to go out with them. At your age, you should be able to identify broken women and avoid them. I don't see the problem. The dating process is much longer when you are older, but you will be able to select a mentally healthy person if you are determined to do so and are very good at weeding out the bad ones. 1
MixedUpChick Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Yes and no. They want to be seen as a "prize" to men, but not incessantly chased. That's called "stalking". Relationships are give and take. You give a little, she gives a little. It's back and forth. When it's a chase, the relationship is already doomed. Because one person is putting in a ton of effort and the other is putting in little. And when you have this type of unbalanced interaction, it's game over. If you chase, chase, chase, she'll eventually get bored. And you'll get frustrated chasing her. If no give and take and it's all take take take, all I can say is RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY FAST! I guess we have different definitions of the word "chase" when it comes to dating relationships. I was referring to the man being the one to first initiate contact, ask the woman out, etc. In terms of the OP's situation, it's possible the woman he was talking to would have responded better to him continuing to show interest. I do agree with him that she didn't give him much to work with, so it's also very possible she wasn't really interested in him. 1
Author MrTurk Posted January 22, 2014 Author Posted January 22, 2014 I do agree with him that she didn't give him much to work with, so it's also very possible she wasn't really interested in him. What I dont get is WHY in the hell did she even ask me if I had plans the coming weekend????? If she wasnt interested.....WHY ask that.... If she had plans.....WHY ask that..... THIS is WHY men go CRAZY when they talk to women!!!
MixedUpChick Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 What I dont get is WHY in the hell did she even ask me if I had plans the coming weekend????? If she wasnt interested.....WHY ask that.... If she had plans.....WHY ask that..... THIS is WHY men go CRAZY when they talk to women!!! I hate to say it, but we women have some of the same issues with some of the men we talk to. Apparently some people are juggling multiple people & can't seem to be bothered getting back to us - it's annoying, but it is what it is. Just have to keep your chin up & not let it get to you, although some days that's easier said than done. You have to keep a positive attitude or you'll get nowhere. Don't dwell on the ones who jerk you around, just be patient & keep trying. When I get too frustrated with some of this stuff I just shut off my profiles for a while.
spiderowl Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 What I dont get is WHY in the hell did she even ask me if I had plans the coming weekend????? If she wasnt interested.....WHY ask that.... If she had plans.....WHY ask that..... THIS is WHY men go CRAZY when they talk to women!!! Although I've said previously that there's little point continuing with someone who is not working towards the same goal, I do think there are people who are hopeless at communicating and have no idea how their messages might come across. They don't know how to maintain a conversation or show an interest in the other person. If that's the case, then are they likely to be interesting in person? Probably not. 1
CaliGuy Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Although I've said previously that there's little point continuing with someone who is not working towards the same goal, I do think there are people who are hopeless at communicating and have no idea how their messages might come across. They don't know how to maintain a conversation or show an interest in the other person. If that's the case, then are they likely to be interesting in person? Probably not. That OR as was stated previously, they are juggling their prospects. In that case, RUN AWAY! Nobody wants to finish 2nd or 3rd place, do they? If you know they are "prospecting", you should being doing the same. It'll weed out the bad ones and connect you with the one that wants to be with YOU! 1
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