MrTurk Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 This past Sunday, I contacted a woman a dating site. She replied back the same day stating that she was busy with her daughter at the moment but would "love to chat with me later". Later that same day she contacted me again and we sent a handful of emails back and forth for the next couple days. On Wednesday at the end of the email she sent, she asked me what plans I had for the weekend. I told her I didn't have any plans, and asked if she would like to get together. She replied "I'm going camping with the Girl Scouts". That was it… Just that one sentence. All of her previous emails had been an average two paragraphs. I replied and told her to forget about it, because obviously she is either not interested, or expects me to keep asking her out, with no help on her part whatsoever. Is it really that hard for a person to say "Sorry, I can't make it this weekend but I'll hit you up when I get back and we'll make plans"
Keenly Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 This past Sunday, I contacted a woman a dating site. She replied back the same day stating that she was busy with her daughter at the moment but would "love to chat with me later". Later that same day she contacted me again and we sent a handful of emails back and forth for the next couple days. On Wednesday at the end of the email she sent, she asked me what plans I had for the weekend. I told her I didn't have any plans, and asked if she would like to get together. She replied "I'm going camping with the Girl Scouts". That was it… Just that one sentence. All of her previous emails had been an average two paragraphs. I replied and told her to forget about it, because obviously she is either not interested, or expects me to keep asking her out, with no help on her part whatsoever. Is it really that hard for a person to say "Sorry, I can't make it this weekend but I'll hit you up when I get back and we'll make plans" Sensitive a little ? That was your perfect chance to be like " oh what's that like " or " I was in the boy scouts when I was a kid " Who cares if you don't actually care about the girl scouts camping trip, it shows her that you are curious and take an interest in what she does. I mean it sounds like you blew it by being too sensitive and touchy. 4
Author MrTurk Posted January 18, 2014 Author Posted January 18, 2014 Sensitive a little ? That was your perfect chance to be like " oh what's that like " or " I was in the boy scouts when I was a kid " Who cares if you don't actually care about the girl scouts camping trip, it shows her that you are curious and take an interest in what she does. I mean it sounds like you blew it by being too sensitive and touchy. Did you even read what I wrote? The whole point of my post is the fact that she offered no suggestion making new plans. She could have easily offered a rain check. I'm sick and tired of women thinking they are entitled. I refuse to chase.
MixedUpChick Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 I refuse to chase. But - you do realize that many women want to be chased? It's actually pretty common... 6
Keenly Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 Did you even read what I wrote? The whole point of my post is the fact that she offered no suggestion making new plans. She could have easily offered a rain check. I'm sick and tired of women thinking they are entitled. I refuse to chase. You have to actually do some work. You ducked out at the first sign of actual having to do some conversation shifting. If you want a womans interested to be presented on a silver platter , you might want to pay for it. I'm sorry, that's just how it is. 7
xxoo Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 It's not a matter of feeling entitled. It's a dance that many men and women enjoy. If you don't enjoy it, you don't have to dance. But don't expect others to stop enjoying it. 5
Author MrTurk Posted January 18, 2014 Author Posted January 18, 2014 It's not a matter of feeling entitled. It's a dance that many men and women enjoy. If you don't enjoy it, you don't have to dance. But don't expect others to stop enjoying it. I totally get that. And you are correct. But if all the women are bitching and whining and complaining up and down on their profile about games and men not being serious… Then why don't they f'n start by looking in the mirror and stop the game playing themselves?? Don't bitch about gameplaying, and getting hurt, and then get pissed when a guy like me kicks you to the curb the moment you start playing games. The biggest problem are all the men out there that let women act that way, and put up with it....in order to get what they want from the woman.
Keenly Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 What are you even talking about ? Just because some one is bad at conversation does not mean they playing games. you are putting way too much stock in this one person and you are also creating a problem where there isn't one. Relax man, go with the flow. 4
Author MrTurk Posted January 18, 2014 Author Posted January 18, 2014 What are you even talking about ? Just because some one is bad at conversation does not mean they playing games. you are putting way too much stock in this one person and you are also creating a problem where there isn't one. Relax man, go with the flow. It's all the women that I talk to and try to date. They know they have a bunch of guys lined up knocking at their door, so they have become lazy with their communication over the years. But of course I'm the one that's in the wrong for expecting them to be cordial and have simple manners. How come this problem has only presented itself in the past few years? I never had this problem with women my entire life until the last five years. It's the mindset and habits that these women have that's the issue.
Keenly Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 Did you ever think that this " problem " could be easily corrected by taking control of the conversation helm yourself and leading her innto a discussion of your choosing instead of relying on her? 2
Tayla Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 I will be impartial and objective: (1) The lady was glib and that did come off as somewhat "indifferent" . (2) The Guy comes off with a wee bit of a chip based on the "ALL Women" mentality...It just so happens the lady was busy and this rendered him disappointed (which is absolutely normal ) (3) Objectively it would be a win win if folks could be politely direct instead of this song and dance each side is doing. Directly invite her out and see where things go....Or place her in the social friends zone and move on... 1
Author MrTurk Posted January 18, 2014 Author Posted January 18, 2014 (edited) ..It just so happens the lady was busy and this rendered him disappointed ... WOW ?!?!?!?!?! Does Anyone ever pay attention to what I write???? Her being busy has nothing to do with this!!! It's the fact that she failed to counter with alternate plans. That's it! Nothing else! Either she was interested in me and isn't cordial enough to suggest alternate plans since she had to decline my offer… Or she just wanted to chitchat and had no intention of ever meeting me… Whatever the answer is, I want nothing to do with either one of those scenarios. Edited January 18, 2014 by MrTurk
skydiveaddict Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 Is it really that hard for a person to say "Sorry, I can't make it this weekend but I'll hit you up when I get back and we'll make plans" Dude, just go out and actually meet someone for real.
Tayla Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 WOW ?!?!?!?!?! Does Anyone ever pay attention to what I write???? Her being busy has nothing to do with this!!! It's the fact that she failed to counter with alternate plans. That's it! Nothing else! Either she was interested in me and isn't cordial enough to suggest alternate plans since she had to decline my offer… Or she just wanted to chitchat and had no intention of ever meeting me… Whatever the answer is, I want nothing to do with either one of those scenarios. Actually yes, various posters have paid attention. Her being busy DID play a part. What I gather is you would like to write the dialog for how she "Should" have responded by your standards. She didn't, and to some extent that placed you in a state of doubt as to how sincere she was. There is more then two scenarios...Its not as black and white as it seems.... 1
xxoo Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 It's all the women that I talk to and try to date. They know they have a bunch of guys lined up knocking at their door, so they have become lazy with their communication over the years. But of course I'm the one that's in the wrong for expecting them to be cordial and have simple manners. Yes, your expectations are the source of your frustrations. If you change your expectations, you might find that these women are not rude nor entitled, but rather just not reading your mind and communicating exactly as you want them to. It sounds like she put a lot into the conversations. She didn't offer an alternative as you hoped, but that's a small thing in context of the larger communication you enjoyed together. You hyperfocused on the one negative, rather than being enjoying the positives. 1
carhill Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 Tip: Next time, at the point of discussing plans, offer to call her. In your case, when she asked you if you had any plans for the weekend, take charge by 'I'd love to call you. What's your number?' This is reflective of her initial response of 'I'd love to chat with you later'. Yes, you can bang your head against the wall (I did it a lot at your age when encountering dozens and dozens of similar situations) *or* you can try different things and see what sticks. Yep, it's often frustrating. Some of us aren't blessed with the ability and timing to marry and live happily ever after with the first person we meet and find attractive, or the second, or the hundredth. That's just how it is. If you want to generalize about women and beat that dead horse, hey if it makes you feel better, go ahead; the horse is dead and it doesn't care. Up to you. Good luck. 2
Shepp Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 complaining up and down on their profile about games and men not being serious But if you run to easy she'll put you in that category. That said - you shouldn't just keep asking her out because that'd come off as needy, its a fine line, but Id of gone down Keenly's route, stepped back just a little but kept it friendly - talked about camping or scouts or something.
Author MrTurk Posted January 19, 2014 Author Posted January 19, 2014 But if you run to easy she'll put you in that category. That said - you shouldn't just keep asking her out because that'd come off as needy, its a fine line, but Id of gone down Keenly's route, stepped back just a little but kept it friendly - talked about camping or scouts or something. I blatantly asked to meet her. She did not reciprocate. The way to handle the situation is nothing more than individual opinions. How long am I supposed to dance around the fine line? I strongly believe if a woman is truly interested she would have definitely reciprocated with alternate plans, or any sort of suggestion. You have to look at the context as well. It's not like we are just coworkers having friendly conversation, and she didn't pick up on my interest in dating her. She is an adult on a dating website… A guy just asked to meet her in person, and all she replied with is "I can't I'm busy". Think of how crappy it is being on a dating site. If you are interested in someone, and they just asked to meet you, you are not going to drop the ball. I just do not see any other way around it… Either she wasn't interested & stepped the situation on purpose, or she's of the entitled mindset and expects me to ask again, without any help from her.
Author MrTurk Posted January 19, 2014 Author Posted January 19, 2014 If this was a younger woman, then I could totally understand her behavior… But there's no way a 45-year-old woman is going to respond the way she did without knowing exactly what she was doing.
fujidabruin Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 I blatantly asked to meet her. She did not reciprocate. The way to handle the situation is nothing more than individual opinions. How long am I supposed to dance around the fine line? I strongly believe if a woman is truly interested she would have definitely reciprocated with alternate plans, or any sort of suggestion. You have to look at the context as well. It's not like we are just coworkers having friendly conversation, and she didn't pick up on my interest in dating her. She is an adult on a dating website… A guy just asked to meet her in person, and all she replied with is "I can't I'm busy". Think of how crappy it is being on a dating site. If you are interested in someone, and they just asked to meet you, you are not going to drop the ball. I just do not see any other way around it… Either she wasn't interested & stepped the situation on purpose, or she's of the entitled mindset and expects me to ask again, without any help from her. Hey MrTurk, I can relate to your frustrations..... when I first started using OLD sites I was kind of appalled how communications seemed rather discourteous and abrupt. But, as many guys here will tell you, it is a numbers game online. Play the percentages and eventually you can meet someone special if you are prepared and stay positive. To me, the way to approach things is to remember that OLD communication is not at all like "real life/face2face". So I don't try to read too much into things. I just try to have fun with the conversation, put my best foot forward, and get to the "meet & greet" before I start to really size up the potential at hand..... I guess I just started to figure it was bad judgement to base my consideration on a handful of electronic messages. Like me, I think you are more frustrated with the OLD process than the potential women of interest. If you can't shake the feeling that you are having to jump through too many hoops..... maybe its time to change dating resources. But, if you can see past the limitations of OLD communication and just try to make it fun.... you may actually find someone special and the crap you are experiencing now becomes irrelevant. Good Luck dude 1
fujidabruin Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 OP, I just wanted to share a bit more about my OLD experiences in hopes that it might help guide your thoughts... Been on various OLD sites (Lavalife; Eharmony; Match; POF; and OKC) over the last 12 years. Have initiated or accepted possibly 500-600 communications and of those I feel only 6 of those communications became extensive and meaningful before the actual "meet & greet". So, you can do the math here..... I guess I just want to point out that it goes a lot easier if you keep things light and have fun. I feel the initial messaging is all about getting comfortable for a face2face. So, might as well try to make it fun/positive instead of awkward/frustrating until then.... Still wishing you Good Luck, MrTurk 1
Author MrTurk Posted January 20, 2014 Author Posted January 20, 2014 (edited) OP, I just wanted to share a bit more about my OLD experiences in hopes that it might help guide your thoughts... Been on various OLD sites (Lavalife; Eharmony; Match; POF; and OKC) over the last 12 years. Have initiated or accepted possibly 500-600 communications and of those I feel only 6 of those communications became extensive and meaningful before the actual "meet & greet". So, you can do the math here..... I guess I just want to point out that it goes a lot easier if you keep things light and have fun. I feel the initial messaging is all about getting comfortable for a face2face. So, might as well try to make it fun/positive instead of awkward/frustrating until then.... Still wishing you Good Luck, MrTurk I understand what all of you are saying. But it is not a social interaction site. It is a dating site. All of you are telling me to slow down and just have fun interacting with the women. Am I the only one in 2014 that actually wants to meet the person that I'm talking to? All of you keep saying take it easy… How many weeks am I supposed to spend going back-and-forth with communication before we meet? I am not the one in the wrong for wanting to meet. The problem is, that everybody else is conforming to the bull**** and games because they enjoy it as a form of entertainment. Men definitely put up with it, and see it as collateral damage that is necessary to endure to get what they want. I should start my own dating website…and once your first email is sent to each other you have one week to exchange information. After that one week, communication between you and that person is shut off :-) that would solve the hordes of loitering that takes place on dating websites. I swear people use the sites as a sort of social media/Facebook hangout. People that need 2 weeks or more to "get to know someone " or "feel comfortable" before they meet in person… should be banned from dating sites. Edited January 20, 2014 by MrTurk 1
MixedUpChick Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 I happen to be in agreement with you, but whether or not I agree doesn't really matter. We just have to try to work with what's out there, if we choose to use those sites. 2
ponchsox Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 Don't date if go can't handle it. Dating should be natural, not this difficult. 1
Author MrTurk Posted January 20, 2014 Author Posted January 20, 2014 I happen to be in agreement with you, but whether or not I agree doesn't really matter. We just have to try to work with what's out there, if we choose to use those sites. Don't date if go can't handle it. Dating should be natural, not this difficult. Agreed 100% I think a lot of people drag their feet online because they are probably juggling a few potential matches at the same time. I will not back off my standards… hopefully it will pay off in the long run. 1
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