They are getting married?

[Raena]

And Raena, save that text. Screenshot that thing and email it to yourself, as well as your questions.

 

I have screenshots of just about everything. Not sure what I can use and what is useless, but stuff like this is important. I think the judge would like to hear how he'd rather go a year without seeing his son than find a middle ground that can work for both of us.

 

 

...and also see how incredibly difficult he behaves towards me

Edited January 20, 2014 by Raena

[peaksandvalleys]

Raena, I read your posts but it is really hard for me to reply. I am sorry.

[Raena]

SO.. another update to this thread...

 

I haven't heard anything more about them getting married. He has been back in the area from work for 2 1/2 weeks now and she has left her 2 kids in her home state to come be with him.

 

He has made zero effort to call or see his child. I did finally break down 2 days ago and text him telling him he needs to call his son. He did so, but in the conversation told our son that the reason why he can't come spend the night at his Daddy's house is because his Mommy won't let him.

 

I just want to wring his neck! I never told him he couldn't see his child, I simply asked him to not bring her around him. Is it really that hard to make some effort to come spend time with his child? They haven't seen each other since Christmas day. Apparently spending time with some skanky hobo is more important than seeing his child. I mean, it wouldn't take much for him to take an afternoon, come pick him up and hang out with him for a bit. He doesn't have to spend the night to see him.

 

I don't get it. I really don't and it's bugging the heck out of me. How in God's name does a parent go almost 3 months without seeing their child?

 

And how does he have the nerve to tell our child that it's my fault that he hasn't seen him? Yeah, I made a stink about how I didn't want that female around our child just yet, but that doesn't mean he can't see him and I made that very clear.

 

Just like the rest of our relationship, he blames me for everything. He told me the day he was flying home that I can tell our son it's my fault that he can't see him because I refused to run up to the airport and pick him up. Really? I didn't realize that after dumping me that I'm still supposed to be at his beck and call. Find your own damn ride home from the airport!

 

I suspect that the whole "we are getting married" was just hopeful wishes on her part and his behavior is typical of him... lay the guilt on my feet because he can't accept responsibility for what he has done.

 

Half of me wishes he'd go back to Cali permanently... at least when he was out there he called daily and talked to his son. Now that he's only 45 minutes away he's too busy to call.

 

Both of them are being complete morons. She ditched her kids and he ditched his. Must be nice to live in some little fantasy land where they don't have responsibilities.

[Fluttershy]

What have YOU done legally to protect your son? Have you seen a lawyer?

[Raena]

I can't afford a lawyer and I don't qualify for free help. So no, I haven't seen a lawyer.

[No Limit]

I was about to post "4 months later - 'They are getting divorced?'", but sadly the rumors have stopped.

 

Anyway, I don't see too much of a problem here? Sure it's hard for the child, he doesn't understand what's happened after all. But if the father distances himself on his own, why not let him? Tell your son his father is too busy and can't grow a brain... I mean, can't visit you two for a few months... years...

 

I'm just curious about his extreme reaction. Who knows, maybe his sanity always tickled him whenever a woman instead of drugs wearing a wig communicated with him.

[jnel921]

This isn't about wanting him back. That will NEVER happen. What it is about is protecting my child from the craziness. I don't give a hoot what he does with her. What I care about is how he treats our son and who he brings around him. It's important.

 

You do care about what he is doing....you created a post telling everyone!

 

I think I have said this before.... You need to stop listening to the gossips and

Stay off social media.

[jellybean89]

All you can do is keep your son safe.

 

Your ex is a lunatic if he thinks it is okay for your son to be around some crazy b*tch who has a vendetta against you. I can only image the things she will say to your son -- or how she will take her anger at you out on him.

 

Maybe suggest supervised visitation with your ex? I don't think you and your ex were legally married right? I apologize if I am getting you confused with someone else. If you weren't married, won't he have to prove he is the child's father? Is he paying support? If not, DEFINITELY contact your local child services division and get that taken care of. Child support and visitation are two separate things -- keep them that way.

 

When your son asks about his father - tell him his daddy loves him and then divert his attention to something else. I would not offer to have your ex come to your home for visitation -- he will use this against you and accuse you of wanting him and playing games. Maybe offer for him to take your son for lunch? You can go along and sit at another table or offer to drive your son to an agreed upon place, let them eat together and then pick your son up at an agreed upon time.

 

Legally, I am doubtful that you can enforce the skank not being around your son Sadly, that isn't something you can demand if you don't have solid proof that she is unstable and a threat to your son's emotional and physical well being. If your ex was any kind of father, he wouldn't subject his son to his newest squeeze when your son is dealing with his parents separation/divorce. That goes to show that your ex doesn't give a damn about anything but sticking it to you.

 

Good luck -- remember to make this situation about your son. Your ex and the skank will try to unnerve you and upset you -- focus on your little guy and what is best for HIM.

[Raena]

I recently had to get a new phone because the old one wouldn't take a charge. When I got the new phone, it occurred to me that I needed to block his crazy psycho girlfriend again because she had contacted me and been completely inappropriate to me in text messages previously. Well, I didn't have her number written down, so I couldn't block her again. I thought... well, maybe she'll just leave me alone. After all, she does have him now so why would she want to continue to bother me?

 

Boy was I wrong. I only got the phone a week ago and yesterday this is the conversation I had with her out of the blue:

 

Her: How come (ex's name) and I are not allowed to get (our son's name) for the weekend? He hasn't seen his son in two month. Really fkd up you are doing this to him. We are going to VA next weekend so he wanted to spend time with him this weekend.

 

Me: You need to mind your own business. Decisions he and I make about parenting our child are not your concern. And further, do not contact me again. I'm pretty sure I made it clear to you to leave me alone. If I didn't... I'm making it clear now. DO NOT CONTACT ME. and mind your own business. You are not his parent nor will you ever be.

 

Her: I don't want to be bitch have my own healthy kids. Court house it is on Monday morning. I care and love (ex's name) is only reason I asked cuz he misses his son. Still jealous lmao what a shame. Poor (our son's name).

 

Me: What part of DO NOT CONTACT ME are you not understanding? Leave me alone and mind your own business.

 

Her: I am now said what I wanted. And by the way he's busy with me stop texting him.

 

Me: What part of DO NOT CONTACT ME are you not understanding... it means don't respond again. If you choose to do so I will file a restraining order against you. Leave me alone.

 

 

 

Crazy psycho woman. And he wonders why I don't think it's a good idea to have her meet him. I hadn't even talked to him about whether or not our son was going to come spend the weekend. He said NOTHING to me about even wanting him to come visit.

[Raena]

Oh and I immediately blocked her again.

 

Ugh. Wow, that conversation really stressed me out. I so wanted to lay into her...

 

Don't worry about what's going on with my son, worry about your own 2 children that you left in VA for the past 3 weeks while you left the state to go screw your lover.

 

Don't threaten me with court... you can't take me to court you dumb asshat. this is between he and I, not YOU and I.

 

Don't put my son's name in your mouth, he isn't your concern, he's my concern and as long as you continue to act like a complete moron, I will continue to insist that you not meet him

 

You boyfriend is lying to you. I haven't kept him from seeing his son. He's chosen not to speak to or see him for the last 3 weeks because he's been up your ass. That was HIS choice, not mine.

 

Oh and why did you flatten two of your boyfriends tires last night so that he couldn't leave to go see his son? No worries, he got it fixed and got to see his son anyway despite the fact that you tried to make darn sure it didn't happen without you.

 

Stop acting like such a crazy psycho. If you hadn't messaged me like that out of the blue with your stupidity yesterday, I might very well have allowed him to go spend the weekend there. I was all set to do so but your boyfriend chose to ignore me and not respond to me when I texted him about this situation and then you attacked me... so you texting me like that caused me to change my mind. He never asked me to let him come spend the weekend anyway, he knows it isn't a good idea and when he realized that you were texting me, he was PISSED at you.

 

 

Phew... ok... I feel better now after getting all of that off my chest. I'm glad I didn't say ANY of that to her.

[No Limit]

She feels threatened. Fears she will loose her lover, believes you are using your son to get him back.

 

And you didn't even need to move a finger to stress their lives because the human mind can do it itself perfectly. Be proud.

 

But seriously, block her on everything you can and let your ex initiate contact again if he even wants to ask anything about his son. Don't call or text him or else you'll have that crazy failure back gnawing at your toes and throwing lego's into your path. You're capable of handling your son, you're happy with him, so let the ex do his thing in the pink corner of his mind.

[Spark1111]

Wish them well.

 

Send a toaster to their nuptials.

 

Block her and keep him at a very, very safe and detached distanced.

 

For all his shock and denials of her behavior, there are some men who get the ultimate ego wood from having two women fight over them. He may be one of them and he might be playing YOU with and against her to keep this drama alive.

 

I know you hate to think this, BUT what if she is telling the truth? He lies about you, bitches to her, she gets all worked up and....he loves it!

 

take your dog out of their drama, please.

 

Your son NEEDS you to stay neutral and calm. DO IT.

[Raena]

SO here I am again with another update...

 

My ex and I haven't talked at all in months now. He hardly ever calls his son. My son has to call him in order to talk to him. Why he puts this on a 7 year old is beyond me. I tried to set up visitation at his father's house but that didn't go very well. I wrote another post about that elsewhere on here.

 

In the meantime, his skanky hobo posted on twitter today that they are going away on vacation for 5 days together and that they just got engaged. This time she posted a pic of a ring stating that he asked her last night.

 

I'm not sure how I feel right now but what I do know is that I have the paperwork ready to go for court to file for custody. I've had it for about 2 weeks now not sure if I wanted to go that route or not. I don't know why I was dragging my heels. (Well, actually I do know, but that's too drawn out to explain) It's time to take this to court so I'll be filing the paperwork on Tuesday when the court house opens again.

 

I'm going to be ok. It's what I keep telling myself. I have friends, I have a good job, I have my family, I'm happy most of the time. I shouldn't care about what he's doing but I can't say it doesn't hurt. 11 years I spent with this guy. 11 years of memories that I can't just obliterate from my mind as much as I'd like to. Less than a year ago he was telling ME he wanted to get married. I keep telling myself that none of that matters. I've come a long way in the past 7 months and I'm not about to backslide now because of him and his poor choices. I'm more upset for what this whole situation is doing to my child.

[BetrayedH]

Good luck on Tuesday.

 

Stability and predictability is what creates the least anxiety for your son. Get this custody business resolved and have a plan that your son understands.

[jwi71]

SO here I am again with another update...

 

My ex and I haven't talked at all in months now. He hardly ever calls his son. My son has to call him in order to talk to him. Why he puts this on a 7 year old is beyond me. I tried to set up visitation at his father's house but that didn't go very well. I wrote another post about that elsewhere on here.

 

In the meantime, his skanky hobo posted on twitter today that they are going away on vacation for 5 days together and that they just got engaged. This time she posted a pic of a ring stating that he asked her last night.

 

I'm not sure how I feel right now but what I do know is that I have the paperwork ready to go for court to file for custody. I've had it for about 2 weeks now not sure if I wanted to go that route or not. I don't know why I was dragging my heels. (Well, actually I do know, but that's too drawn out to explain) It's time to take this to court so I'll be filing the paperwork on Tuesday when the court house opens again.

 

I'm going to be ok. It's what I keep telling myself. I have friends, I have a good job, I have my family, I'm happy most of the time. I shouldn't care about what he's doing but I can't say it doesn't hurt. 11 years I spent with this guy. 11 years of memories that I can't just obliterate from my mind as much as I'd like to. Less than a year ago he was telling ME he wanted to get married. I keep telling myself that none of that matters. I've come a long way in the past 7 months and I'm not about to backslide now because of him and his poor choices. I'm more upset for what this whole situation is doing to my child.

 

I would urge you to reconsider your plan.

I fear it will only make "this" worse - let me explain.

 

One, I'm not a lawyer. Even IF someone here is - they won't give you legal advice online. You'll get "friendly" generic advice.

 

Two, What has he done, in the eyes of the law and in the best interest of the child, to not have joint custody? Not calling is not enough nor is not visiting enough give the time spans involved (this is from what I remember from my D and in my state). I think its like 365 consecutive days in my state. Clearly that's not the case here.

 

Three, the behaviors of his fiance don't matter in terms of custody unless you can demonstrate she is a threat to the child - you haven't mentioned it if she has/is.

 

Four, if you think its bad NOW - just wait till he gets served. They appear to have more financial resources than you so I hope YOU know more than their lawyer (the one they surely hire to screw you over). Or - hire a lawyer yourself.

 

Five, gather all the verifiable evidence you have of WHY he shouldn't have custody. What threat to his son is posed by allowing him joint custody? Prove it. Document it. This, btw, is where you get killed. You have, I'm certain, delivered written notice to the father saying he cant be with his son around his fiance. That visits cannot happen at his place because his FIANCE is there. Who do you think appears to be using the child as a pawn now? (Its you).

 

I would SERIOUSLY hire a lawyer. You need not quasi-internet law from someone who has been through - but from a trained, licensed and experienced expert in your area.

 

I would also defer this petition.

[Raena]

I would urge you to reconsider your plan.

I fear it will only make "this" worse - let me explain.

 

One, I'm not a lawyer. Even IF someone here is - they won't give you legal advice online. You'll get "friendly" generic advice.

 

Two, What has he done, in the eyes of the law and in the best interest of the child, to not have joint custody? Not calling is not enough nor is not visiting enough give the time spans involved (this is from what I remember from my D and in my state). I think its like 365 consecutive days in my state. Clearly that's not the case here.

 

Three, the behaviors of his fiance don't matter in terms of custody unless you can demonstrate she is a threat to the child - you haven't mentioned it if she has/is.

 

Four, if you think its bad NOW - just wait till he gets served. They appear to have more financial resources than you so I hope YOU know more than their lawyer (the one they surely hire to screw you over). Or - hire a lawyer yourself.

 

Five, gather all the verifiable evidence you have of WHY he shouldn't have custody. What threat to his son is posed by allowing him joint custody? Prove it. Document it. This, btw, is where you get killed. You have, I'm certain, delivered written notice to the father saying he cant be with his son around his fiance. That visits cannot happen at his place because his FIANCE is there. Who do you think appears to be using the child as a pawn now? (Its you).

 

I would SERIOUSLY hire a lawyer. You need not quasi-internet law from someone who has been through - but from a trained, licensed and experienced expert in your area.

 

I would also defer this petition.

 

Wow! I think you completely misunderstood what's happening here. I'm not going to court to ask for sole custody. Would I like that? Yes I would. Absolutely. That's NOT why I'm going. I need to get it in writing for various reasons. I've been told, countless times, that if I don't get it in writing then he could come take my son to another state and there wouldn't be a darn thing I could do about it. I don't expect to get sole custody. I expect it to be joint custody and a visitation schedule set up. I also will be asking that if it is his weekend, that if he needs to work, then my son needs to come home rather than stay at his house with his girlfriend.

 

My only thinking about why I need to get this taken care of NOW is because he's obviously not going to step up to the plate and take care of his son's needs. Maybe if he gets served and has to go to court he'll finally wake up and realize what he's doing to his flesh and blood for some hobo half his age. It's absolutely ridiculous what he's doing to our son.

 

Yes, I HAVE told him he isn't going to go to his father's to spend the night BECAUSE of what happened the one time that I DID allow it to happen with HER there. He dumped our son off on her while he went to work all day, didn't pay him no mind, didn't have a bed for him, asked him to LIE to me and tell me that he wasn't left alone with her and she insulted my child and made him cry by calling him fat. My son came back from that weekend an absolute WRECK. He was bawling his eyes out, told me he hates his father, is mad at the gf for calling him names, mad at his father for lying to him (he had told our son that he had a bedroom all set up for him with toys and a bedroom set), mad at his father for asking him to lie to his mother, mad at his father for leaving him alone with her all weekend and completely ignoring him. YES, I THEN told him that he wasn't going to keep him overnight anymore that if he wants to see him, he's welcome to take him out other places or to have him only when he's going to actually be there to take care of him. He has chosen to IGNORE him instead. So yea, I'm pissed about the way he's treating his son.

 

That's a far cry from what you've described. I'm already well aware that my rights in determining what is best for my son are limited. I think it's absolute bull**** to be honest with you. His father is a lying cheating bastard who ditched his family for some hobo half his age and has acted like an idiot since he left. He's living in some little fantasy land where neither one of them have custody of or visitation with their respective children. Neither one of them are being parents to any of their kids (between the two of them, there are 5, she has 2 by two different fathers, he has 3 by 3 different mothers.) He has chosen to ignore his child for the past 7 months and it's had an impact on him. My only hope is that court will settle all these issues, force him to be a parent and limit my need to have contact with him. I'm not using my child as a pawn. For what purpose? I'm not getting anything out of it by saying no he can't go. It doesn't make my life easier and it doesn't make me happy. I wanted my son to go and have a good time and have us be able to work things out like adults. That didn't happen.

 

He's made zero effort to be a father to his child or to have a reasonable discussion with me regarding parenting at all since he brought this bozo to live with him 3 months ago. She sticks her nose in everything and causes all sorts of problems. None of it is necessary but yet it happens and I'm done sitting around waiting for him to do the right thing. He's obviously NOT going to. He's too busy living in his fantasy land.

[me85]

" Apparently I forgot to wear my rain-x today because the crap storm is sticking to me today instead of rolling off my back. "

 

This made me lol

[jwi71]

Ohhhhhhh - yeah, I clearly missed some REALLY important and pertinent details. Oops. I'll just go stand in the corner and feel dumb.

 

 

Wow! I think you completely misunderstood what's happening here. I'm not going to court to ask for sole custody. Would I like that? Yes I would. Absolutely. That's NOT why I'm going. I need to get it in writing for various reasons. I've been told, countless times, that if I don't get it in writing then he could come take my son to another state and there wouldn't be a darn thing I could do about it. I don't expect to get sole custody. I expect it to be joint custody and a visitation schedule set up. I also will be asking that if it is his weekend, that if he needs to work, then my son needs to come home rather than stay at his house with his girlfriend.

 

Well, as I opened with above - oops. Yes, this is far better in the long term - imo.

 

My only thinking about why I need to get this taken care of NOW is because he's obviously not going to step up to the plate and take care of his son's needs. Maybe if he gets served and has to go to court he'll finally wake up and realize what he's doing to his flesh and blood for some hobo half his age. It's absolutely ridiculous what he's doing to our son.

 

Does he know this is coming?

To me, ints never a good idea to serve the unstable w/o warning. Though I wonder if warning doesn't have a downside....tough call. Maybe something about "routine paperwork" will be served by the court...I like to minimize drama.

 

Just a thought.

 

And, clearly, I am a STRONG believer in joint custody. And yes, there are certainly cases where it doesn't make sense - and no, the one incident, to me, doesn't qualify - I'd look for an established pattern.

 

Yes, I HAVE told him he isn't going to go to his father's to spend the night BECAUSE of what happened the one time that I DID allow it to happen with HER there. He dumped our son off on her while he went to work all day, didn't pay him no mind, didn't have a bed for him, asked him to LIE to me and tell me that he wasn't left alone with her and she insulted my child and made him cry by calling him fat. My son came back from that weekend an absolute WRECK. He was bawling his eyes out, told me he hates his father, is mad at the gf for calling him names, mad at his father for lying to him (he had told our son that he had a bedroom all set up for him with toys and a bedroom set), mad at his father for asking him to lie to his mother, mad at his father for leaving him alone with her all weekend and completely ignoring him. YES, I THEN told him that he wasn't going to keep him overnight anymore that if he wants to see him, he's welcome to take him out other places or to have him only when he's going to actually be there to take care of him. He has chosen to IGNORE him instead. So yea, I'm pissed about the way he's treating his son.

 

I do believe that it is REASONABLE and ACCEPTABLE for you to DEMAND to see your child's room...and you have already addressed the custody when he works the weekend - its a good idea and one he will have little rebuttal with - he can't demand those "working weekends" and not be there.

 

That's a far cry from what you've described. I'm already well aware that my rights in determining what is best for my son are limited. I think it's absolute bull**** to be honest with you. His father is a lying cheating bastard who ditched his family for some hobo half his age and has acted like an idiot since he left. He's living in some little fantasy land where neither one of them have custody of or visitation with their respective children. Neither one of them are being parents to any of their kids (between the two of them, there are 5, she has 2 by two different fathers, he has 3 by 3 different mothers.) He has chosen to ignore his child for the past 7 months and it's had an impact on him. My only hope is that court will settle all these issues, force him to be a parent and limit my need to have contact with him. I'm not using my child as a pawn. For what purpose? I'm not getting anything out of it by saying no he can't go. It doesn't make my life easier and it doesn't make me happy. I wanted my son to go and have a good time and have us be able to work things out like adults. That didn't happen.

 

Lying cheating bastard does not necessarily make for a bad father - although its not looking terribly promising here. His fiance has no real legal rights so let her go. She has no bearing here unless she is harmful to the child...

 

He's made zero effort to be a father to his child or to have a reasonable discussion with me regarding parenting at all since he brought this bozo to live with him 3 months ago. She sticks her nose in everything and causes all sorts of problems. None of it is necessary but yet it happens and I'm done sitting around waiting for him to do the right thing. He's obviously NOT going to. He's too busy living in his fantasy land.

 

And it'll come crashing down around him.

But I would be VERY cautious of doing/saying anything to wedge your son from his father. Let the boy's father do it on his own - otherwise your father will simply blame you and have the legal documents to back up (provided you go the no custody route). He will have, for some period and to some degree made you to be the bad guy. Don't let your xH do that.

 

Your son will figure it out in time - stupid he isn't - he'll know who looks after him and who does not.

 

So...to 180 myself - go Tuesday and serve him. Perhaps a quick note upfront that they are to expect some normal and routine papers from the court this week?

[jellybean89]

File.

 

Get it legal and documented.

 

It always amazes me when a 'father' chooses his new g/f over his child (and I will also say it boogles my mind when a 'mother' does the same thing).

 

He shouldn't be shocked that you are filing -- it is a natural event once parents split. If he is blindsided, then he is stupidier than I thought.

 

I would find out if you can have it added to the custody papers that the child is not to spend the night with his father and his g/f if they aren't married. Many courts grant this request. it is improper for a child to be privy to 'sleep overs' of adults. Courts still have conservative values (thank goodness) and have been known to grant petitions that include the no-overnights clause. He can do whatever he wants with the g/f; as long as the child isn't stuck in the middle of it.

 

Quite frankly, I'd go for sole custody. Why not? Before people get all wound up; check out the legalities of sole custody:

 

Sole Custody

 

One parent can have either sole legal custody or sole physical custody of a child. Courts generally won't hesitate to award sole physical custody to one parent if the other parent is deemed unfit -- for example, because of alcohol or drug dependency or charges of child abuse or neglect.

However, in most states, courts are moving away from awarding sole custody to one parent and toward enlarging the role both parents play in their children's lives. Even where courts do award sole physical custody, the parties often still share joint legal custody, and the noncustodial parent enjoys a generous visitation schedule. In these situations, the parents would make joint decisions about the child's upbringing, but one parent would be deemed the primary physical caretaker, while the other parent would have visitation rights under a parenting agreement or schedule.

It goes without saying that there may be animosity between you and your soon-to-be ex-spouse. But it's best not to seek sole custody unless the other parent truly causes direct harm to the children. Even then, courts may still allow the other parent supervised visitation.

and

 

It's tempting to request sole custody rights, especially if there are extreme bitter feelings towards your ex. But before you head off for a long and unpleasant custody battle, you need to understand how and why such a custody arrangement is reached. To start off, you first need to realize that there are two different types of sole custody.

Sole Legal Custody: One parent has the right and responsibility to make major decisions regarding the child’s welfare, including matters of education, medical care and emotional, moral and religious development.

Sole Physical Custody: The child resides with and under the supervision of one parent, subject to reasonable visitation by the other parent, unless the court determines that such visitation would not be in the best interest of the child.

Given these two variables, custody can be arranged in a number of ways. One parent may be awarded full legal and physical sole custody rights. One parent may have legal sole custody rights, but share physical custody through a visitation agreement. One parent may have sole physical custody, but the other parent may share in decisions about the child.

It is rare for the courts to award sole physical and legal custody to a parent, unless the court deems that one parent is unfit. Examples of what might make a parent unfit include: a history of violence, mental instability, drug or alcohol abuse, or neglect of the child. Even then, visitation rights might be granted under a supervised visitation agreement.

 

I know of several women who have sole custody and I know of 2 fathers who have it. it isn't that rare (all of these instances are in my county).

 

If you can show the court that the father has neglected the child (as in no contact, no visitation, etc), you have a good chance of sole custody. Be able to prove to the court that co-parenting with your ex has proven to be a nightmare and he (the ex) refuses to work with you regarding decisions for your son (medical, schooling, etc). I can never understand how a judge can award "joint custody" to two people who have shown they cannot get along and cannot work together regarding their child.

 

DO NOT respond to the crazy woman anymore. Do not respond to her to tell her to not contact you. Do not respond to tell her to suck eggs. Do not respond to her, period. She is not a legal part of your son's life...she is daddy's flavor of the moment. She has no legal custody of your son.

 

With that in mind, remember that while your son is with your ex, you do not get to decide what happens there (such as who watches him, what he is fed, etc). You have to just suck that up and ensure your son knows he is loved and cared for. If you can, prove that the g/f is calling him names and harming him with words. Document these instances. Don't tell your ex what evidence you have. Just collect it and you will know when the time is right to use it (in court).

 

Most importantly, MAKE SURE YOUR EX IS PAYING C/S!! That is a top priority. Child support and visitation are two separate things - do not mix them together. He is legally bound to pay child support. Get that taken care of. Make that the priority over visitation/custody.

 

Good luck. Continue moving forward and put your ex and his g/f and their drama behind you. Do not get yourself mixed up in a pissing contest with them. Focus on your son.

[Hope Shimmers]

Unfortunately, I have too much experience in the same situation as you are in.

 

I tried to do the same thing as you from a legal perspective - when my (physically and emotionally) abusive husband thought it was okay to have his girlfriend (who he cheated on me with, and who - it turns out - was also married and had yet another OM plus my ex-husband)... I tried to legally make it so that this woman had no access to my kids. At this time we had already been divorced with joint physical and legal custody of our kids.

 

There is legally NOTHING you can do to control what happens when the kids are at their dad's... unless you can PROVE abuse. Even my being able to prove spousal physical and mental abuse did not prove abuse to the kids. I had no ability to control the fact that my ex-husband chose to keep this skanky double-cheating woman around. It didn't matter that I could prove that he cheated with her before our divorce.

 

It is depressing as hell.

[Hope Shimmers]

Oh - and in terms of custody - in most states, affairs don't enter into the decision or I could have gotten physical custody.

 

Also, verified spousal abuse does not matter in custody issues unless you can prove the same with the kids. He fought for (and got) joint physical and legal custody of our kids.

 

The only thing that you can hold onto is that when kids are considered old enough to make their own decision where they want to spend time (13 in my state), the judge considers their testimony first.

[AmyBamy]

OP - this is one of the saddest things I have read here. I am so angry about how your son was treated when he spent the weekend at your ex husband's! Who says stuff like that to a kid?

 

Sometimes as sad as it is kid's parents aren't really good for the kids to be around. This sounds like it might be a case of that. He has three different kids with three different women you said does he parent his other children? I'm assuming that they are older than your son since he's been with you for 11 years? How do their mothers handle the custody and visitation with him?

 

I hope that you can get something sorted as this sounds like a major mess. And especially since your son has already suffered for it. I can't imagine not having any say in who my children were around what a horrible situation.

[BetrayedH]

Oh - and in terms of custody - in most states, affairs don't enter into the decision or I could have gotten physical custody.

 

Also, verified spousal abuse does not matter in custody issues unless you can prove the same with the kids. He fought for (and got) joint physical and legal custody of our kids.

 

The only thing that you can hold onto is that when kids are considered old enough to make their own decision where they want to spend time (13 in my state), the judge considers their testimony first.

 

There's a lot of truth to this where I live as well.

 

One thing that I did learn, however, is that A LOT depends on the judge for your case. Some lean towards 50/50 custody in every case, some don't believe in 50/50 custody at all, and some of them just shoot from the hip in making their own quick gut decision about who is the innocent in the situation (and take measures to protect them). As far as I can tell, this is the ONE real purpose that your attorney can serve. The judge for your case is typically established right when you file and you keep that judge throughout. If you know the tendencies of your judge from previous family law cases, that can really help to decide how much you want to keep fighting.

[No Limit]

Feeling sad for the OW a bit. Another woman naive/stupid enough to fall for this crap, get impregnated and there he runs again.

[Raena]

Feeling sad for the OW a bit. Another woman naive/stupid enough to fall for this crap, get impregnated and there he runs again.

 

I have thought that myself more than once. I don't like her because of the way she has treated me...at all... she's been downright disrespectful and hurtful. But... I kind of feel a tad bit sorry for her too. She has no idea what she's getting herself into. She thinks I'm some crazy psycho because that's the portrait he's painted of me but I'm really not. He will do to her what he did to me. Yet again... she's a grown woman who is well aware of how they met and what went on so I don't feel THAT sorry for her. She chose to be with him and she chooses to act like a psycho towards me.