They are getting married?

January 17, 2014

So the latest update on my crazy azz drama is that apparently my ex and his OW that he cheated on me with are getting married.

I don't know if this is true or not, it's a rumor that's been told to me through various people. Apparently she's been tweeting nonstop about it and said some other crap about me on there too. My ex has denied that's it's true, but I have not asked him about it recently. This is something she's been saying since he and I split up.

I seriously suspect that it's just more of her dramatic childish behavior because I don't see him making that step with her. I mean, he has dumped her 3 times since he and I split up in October. That doesn't sound like a relationship on the way to the altar to me. Then again, I really don't know, he's done some pretty stupid things in all of this. He might just be that dumb.

I fully suspect that this has all come about because I told him my concerns about her being around my son. I asked him to give it at least a year to see where their relationship goes. I mean, he tells me she does drugs, that he has been physically abusive to her and that it's "just something we do", has dumped her 3 times and then begged her to come back and on top of that, she's been very disrespectful to me for no reason other than the fact that he and I were in a committed relationship for the first year of their affair.

He knows how I feel about her being around him but his son wants to see him and spend the night at his house. If they get married, lord have mercy, I'll have zero say in whether or not my child is introduced to this completely unhealthy relationship they have going on.

Ugh.

Apparently I forgot to wear my rain-x today because the crap storm is sticking to me today instead of rolling off my back.

January 17, 2014

I am really sorry this is happening to you. I went through some of the same mess. My xW moved immediately in with the OM. I fought as well as I could to keep him out of the picture as far as the kids go but I was not successful. I do have custody of my kids. I would just push for a really slow transition into that. Even if you have to take it back to court. I don't see this being unreasonable.

Once again I am really sorry.

Clay

January 17, 2014

I hope the rumors that you hear are not true.

However, if she will cheat with him, she will cheat on him.

(and the same for him)

I hope you do have better days, and that your ex will be careful with your child. Your child has been thru too much as it is right now.

January 17, 2014

Get proof there are drugs going on and abuse, get a lawyer and make sure your son is no where around them. If wants to visit his kid, then it's through the courts and OW should be no where nearby!

January 17, 2014

Get proof there are drugs going on and abuse, get a lawyer and make sure your son is no where around them. If wants to visit his kid, then it's through the courts and OW should be no where nearby!

I have no way to get proof of any of it. It's all just what he told me. I wish I had gotten it on audio tape but I didn't honestly expect to have any kind of conversation with him about it at all that day.

As for getting a lawyer... I can't afford one. I checked several places around here and it's all more than I can pay. He left me taking care of all the bills by myself and what he's been giving me isn't enough to cover anything beyond the basics.

January 18, 2014

I have no way to get proof of any of it. It's all just what he told me. I wish I had gotten it on audio tape but I didn't honestly expect to have any kind of conversation with him about it at all that day.

As for getting a lawyer... I can't afford one. I checked several places around here and it's all more than I can pay. He left me taking care of all the bills by myself and what he's been giving me isn't enough to cover anything beyond the basics.

Sometimes the court will make one party pay the other's legal fees...

January 18, 2014

Oh wow! Sounds like the crazy train is still careening down the tracks full tilt!

However, if she will cheat with him, she will cheat on him.

(and the same for him)

A popular phrase, but a very untrue generalization. Varies per person.

January 18, 2014

Oh wow! Sounds like the crazy train is still careening down the tracks full tilt!

Yep. You'd think it would crash and burn quickly but nope... still carrying on... being just as ridiculous as it was months ago.

smh at the stupidity of it all.

January 18, 2014

Quite honestly, I don't know what the heck I'm doing.

I was so strong in the beginning. I thought to myself, screw him, there are plenty of other men out there, I'll find the one who is right for me.

Problem is, there isn't, at least not yet.

Tried OLD, got 3 hits. One was a man 10 years older than me who said "wanna meat for coffee?" as his first communication. Yes. He spelled meet as meat. Umm yeah, no I don't think so. I'm a teacher dumbass, read my profile. Grammar counts!

The next was a guy a year younger than me who grilled me with more questions than an interrogator. He wanted to know EVERY LAST DETAIL. I'm surprised he didn't ask me what my last stool looked like. Honestly! I mean really, do you really expect me to disclose my entire dating history to you in my second email to you?

The third, well he just winked at me. Nothing more. "Oh I'll wink at you but you'll have to make the first move." Forget you buddy.

Then I had to deal with this dude I was texting with telling me that yeah, he likes me but he's "in and out of something" right now so we can't be more than friends.

WTH!!!

I swear, I feel like I'm just sinking deeper and deeper into this pit of despair. Nothing I do seems to make a difference.

I'm still just that poor girl who got dumped for some mousy looking 20something who sticks her boobs out and cries "Oh whoa is me, I need help, come save me prince charming"... along comes my ex who says "oh I'll save you princess buttercheeks... oh don't worry about my ex, she and I have been done for years... yeah YEARS I say (oh what do you mean she doesn't know this?)"

Maybe I should just cry "Oh whoa is me... I need help, come save me prince charming!"

Think that will work?

January 18, 2014

No. It won't. You might be a teacher but you've got plenty of learning to do.

First off, it's too soon for you to be dating. Are you divorced yet? That isn't the worst of it though, because you're not ready. It's clear from your words you have a competitive 'thing' and there's plenty of adolescent drama going on too. If you're not careful, you'll end up with another loser.

Don't waste this precious freedom you have been given. This is your chance to make life right. To succeed. To meet someone willing and capable of improving your quality of life. Genuine men hide Raena.

For a reason.

Tell him that you will not tolerate drug use around your child. Period. A friend of mine was in the same exact position as you (separated, finances tight, hubby living with a new girl, who used) and solved the problem by simply booking an appointment with a local police officer. She explained her problem and asked for advice. He kept an eye on them and one day...

The story had a good ending.

Stop trying to control him and her. You can't. Be smart.

January 18, 2014

No. It won't. You might be a teacher but you've got plenty of learning to do.

First off, it's too soon for you to be dating. Are you divorced yet? That isn't the worst of it though, because you're not ready. It's clear from your words you have a competitive 'thing' and there's plenty of adolescent drama going on too. If you're not careful, you'll end up with another loser.

Don't waste this precious freedom you have been given. This is your chance to make life right. To succeed. To meet someone willing and capable of improving your quality of life. Genuine men hide Raena.

For a reason.

Tell him that you will not tolerate drug use around your child. Period. A friend of mine was in the same exact position as you (separated, finances tight, hubby living with a new girl, who used) and solved the problem by simply booking an appointment with a local police officer. She explained her problem and asked for advice. He kept an eye on them and one day...

The story had a good ending.

Stop trying to control him and her. You can't. Be smart.

Oh dear GOD, the last thing I need is another loser. I just don't want to feel so damn ALONE. That will be my downfall.

Yes, I know I need not date. I'm not ready. Yet I yearn.

I do actually have the name of a police officer in the area where they live. I might just go talk to him and see what he has to say about this situation. He is already well aware of her and her stupidity. He saw it first hand. It might be a good idea for me to go talk to him and see what he thinks I might be able to do.

January 18, 2014

Your child can also be his/her best protector. When old enough to carry a cell, give explicit instructions about what is and isn't allowed. You can't control them through your child though Raena; only against what's unlawful. Being an a-hole is not unlawful...it isn't right, but not against the law. You can't keep your child from its father and frankly, you shouldn't want to. Kids need their dads...unless they are totally unfit. You know that isn't the case.

Breathe. I speak from experience. You've got to be smarter and wiser.

January 18, 2014

I'm not trying to keep him from his father at all, I just want to protect him from the craziness of his father's new relationship.

So, I'm not keeping him from him. I've offered to let him come here or to just come pick him up and take him places on the weekends. My only request is that he wait to introduce her to him until he is 100% sure it's going to last. He doesn't even seem sure it's going to last either.

The tough part about this is that his father has been out of town or unavailable to him for the most of the time since he moved out. He can't see him right now. The first 2 weeks, he was shacked up with that girl and wouldn't answer the phone when his son called him daily. Then he had to go to Cali for 3 weeks, dumped her before he left and then spent the day with our son before he left. He video chatted with him every night while he was gone.

He came back for 2 weeks over Christmas break and did come spend the night here twice so he could see his son, do some Christmas stuff with him and take care of some other things he and I needed to take care of. That went pretty well. But the day after Christmas, he paid for his gf to come up here again and again ignored his son while she was around.

Then he left for Cali again right after New Years and is still there. He dumped her again before he left. He is again calling him every night and video chatting with him.

It's when he returns in 2 weeks that I don't know what we will do. I asked him what his thoughts were on it, but he hasn't responded to me. I've since realized that he has patched things up with the gf and this is why she is posting all over twitter that they are engaged, that she's coming back up here when he gets home to get married to him and live with him.

Ugh. It's just non-stop drama. I don't think my son should be exposed to that just yet. I don't want him to not be able to see his father but why does she have to be there when he does?

As for my other arrogant post about OLD and dating... well I have the flu and for whatever reason thought it would be a good idea to have a glass of wine too. It didn't go over well. It went straight to my head and I ended up on here whining about it all and crying my eyes out. At least I wasn't bothering my ex with all of it. So thanks for listening, sorry I came across as so foolish though. This isn't easy on me. I want what is best for me and for my son, but I can't make it happen either. I can't control what he chooses to do or how he decides to be a father to his child. I wish I could, but I can't. I feel like my hands are tied and there isn't a thing I can do about any of it.

January 19, 2014

I'm not trying to keep him from his father at all, I just want to protect him from the craziness of his father's new relationship.

So, I'm not keeping him from him. I've offered to let him come here or to just come pick him up and take him places on the weekends. My only request is that he wait to introduce her to him until he is 100% sure it's going to last. He doesn't even seem sure it's going to last either.

The tough part about this is that his father has been out of town or unavailable to him for the most of the time since he moved out. He can't see him right now. The first 2 weeks, he was shacked up with that girl and wouldn't answer the phone when his son called him daily. Then he had to go to Cali for 3 weeks, dumped her before he left and then spent the day with our son before he left. He video chatted with him every night while he was gone.

He came back for 2 weeks over Christmas break and did come spend the night here twice so he could see his son, do some Christmas stuff with him and take care of some other things he and I needed to take care of. That went pretty well. But the day after Christmas, he paid for his gf to come up here again and again ignored his son while she was around.

Then he left for Cali again right after New Years and is still there. He dumped her again before he left. He is again calling him every night and video chatting with him.

It's when he returns in 2 weeks that I don't know what we will do. I asked him what his thoughts were on it, but he hasn't responded to me. I've since realized that he has patched things up with the gf and this is why she is posting all over twitter that they are engaged, that she's coming back up here when he gets home to get married to him and live with him.

Ugh. It's just non-stop drama. I don't think my son should be exposed to that just yet. I don't want him to not be able to see his father but why does she have to be there when he does?

As for my other arrogant post about OLD and dating... well I have the flu and for whatever reason thought it would be a good idea to have a glass of wine too. It didn't go over well. It went straight to my head and I ended up on here whining about it all and crying my eyes out. At least I wasn't bothering my ex with all of it. So thanks for listening, sorry I came across as so foolish though. This isn't easy on me. I want what is best for me and for my son, but I can't make it happen either. I can't control what he chooses to do or how he decides to be a father to his child. I wish I could, but I can't. I feel like my hands are tied and there isn't a thing I can do about any of it.

I know how hard it can be. Raena, no dating right now! None! Focus on yourself...surround yourself with friends and family, exercise, find other hobbies to keep you busy. Don't let this ass get you down...you are better without him...let him and his trainwreck enjoy themselves protect your child and other then that kick that asshat out of your mind....and maybe no more wine for a while....

January 19, 2014

I know how hard it can be. Raena, no dating right now! None! Focus on yourself...surround yourself with friends and family, exercise, find other hobbies to keep you busy. Don't let this ass get you down...you are better without him...let him and his trainwreck enjoy themselves protect your child and other then that kick that asshat out of your mind....and maybe no more wine for a while....

I know Krazikat, you keep telling me the same thing! I must be thick headed because I need to keep hearing it! Thanks!

Really though, this thread wasn't supposed to be about me dating, but how to handle this situation with them. I don't know if I'm even allowed to protect my child from this situation.

January 19, 2014

Quite honestly, I don't know what the heck I'm doing.

I was so strong in the beginning. I thought to myself, screw him, there are plenty of other men out there, I'll find the one who is right for me.

Problem is, there isn't, at least not yet.

Tried OLD, got 3 hits. One was a man 10 years older than me who said "wanna meat for coffee?" as his first communication. Yes. He spelled meet as meat. Umm yeah, no I don't think so. I'm a teacher dumbass, read my profile. Grammar counts!

The next was a guy a year younger than me who grilled me with more questions than an interrogator. He wanted to know EVERY LAST DETAIL. I'm surprised he didn't ask me what my last stool looked like. Honestly! I mean really, do you really expect me to disclose my entire dating history to you in my second email to you?

The third, well he just winked at me. Nothing more. "Oh I'll wink at you but you'll have to make the first move." Forget you buddy.

Then I had to deal with this dude I was texting with telling me that yeah, he likes me but he's "in and out of something" right now so we can't be more than friends.

WTH!!!

I swear, I feel like I'm just sinking deeper and deeper into this pit of despair. Nothing I do seems to make a difference.

I'm still just that poor girl who got dumped for some mousy looking 20something who sticks her boobs out and cries "Oh whoa is me, I need help, come save me prince charming"... along comes my ex who says "oh I'll save you princess buttercheeks... oh don't worry about my ex, she and I have been done for years... yeah YEARS I say (oh what do you mean she doesn't know this?)"

Maybe I should just cry "Oh whoa is me... I need help, come save me prince charming!"

Think that will work?

Maybe it wasn't misspelling and he did want meat you. Lol. Well I read somewhere that people feel a need to bring their new R to the same level as the old R. If they were engaged before they almost immediately press for engagement. It's not always the case, but people want back what they are familiar with. If being married is the familiar situation they push for marriage etc.

I understand you wanting company, just understand that you could easily hurt an innocent person. He WOULD be a rebound.

I hope I didn't have any grammatical errors I never proofread.

January 19, 2014

Maybe it wasn't misspelling and he did want meat you. Lol. Well I read somewhere that people feel a need to bring their new R to the same level as the old R. If they were engaged before they almost immediately press for engagement. It's not always the case, but people want back what they are familiar with. If being married is the familiar situation they push for marriage etc.

I understand you wanting company, just understand that you could easily hurt an innocent person. He WOULD be a rebound.

I hope I didn't have any grammatical errors I never proofread.

HAHA. Oh I don't care about grammar/spelling THAT much. I was pretty crabby when I wrote that post. lol.

I hear what you are saying though. I know I need to suck it up and be alone for a bit. I'm just afraid that's what it will be for a long time, not just a short time. I remember how hard it was to date when I was much younger, thinner, and somewhat pretty. So more more difficult now with all this emotional baggage.

January 19, 2014

It is painful, but why would you care about that? It is their life they can do as they choose. To heal you have to stop thinking about your ex-spouse and live your life. Ask yourself, do you really want your ex-spouse back? If you do, then make some steps. If you don't... then hell with him - just let it go.

January 19, 2014

It is painful, but why would you care about that? It is their life they can do as they choose. To heal you have to stop thinking about your ex-spouse and live your life. Ask yourself, do you really want your ex-spouse back? If you do, then make some steps. If you don't... then hell with him - just let it go.

This isn't about wanting him back. That will NEVER happen. What it is about is protecting my child from the craziness. I don't give a hoot what he does with her. What I care about is how he treats our son and who he brings around him. It's important.

January 19, 2014

HAHA. Oh I don't care about grammar/spelling THAT much. I was pretty crabby when I wrote that post. lol.

I'm totally anal about grammar. If a guy doesn't know the difference between your and you're, there will be no future for us.

January 19, 2014

I know Krazikat, you keep telling me the same thing! I must be thick headed because I need to keep hearing it! Thanks!

Really though, this thread wasn't supposed to be about me dating, but how to handle this situation with them. I don't know if I'm even allowed to protect my child from this situation.

Lol...I will keep saying it as long as I have to, girl! Ending a long term relationship is hard, but made worse when he cheated and the ow is a crazy biatch....so dont beat yourself up.

You are allowed to prptect your child...but it will be a challenge with asshat donkey face living with her...I honestly really like the idea of getting law enforcement involved...didnt that one cop give you his number to call if there were any more issues? Call him! He has seen her brand of.crazy. If she does something to harrass you put a restraining order on her for you and your son...talk to the cop....

January 19, 2014

I'm totally anal about grammar. If a guy doesn't know the difference between your and you're, there will be no future for us.

Mistakes happen sometimes. If they happen consistently I might reconsider though.

January 20, 2014

So my ex finally responded to my questions regarding how we are going to handle this when he returns home and Hobo is living with him. I asked him several days ago, he ignored me. Then last night he promised our son on the phone that as soon as he gets home that he can come for a sleepover. After they talked I told him it isn't a good idea to make those kind of promises when he still hasn't talked to me about how to handle this. I told him again that our son is NOT going to spend the night there with her there. He ignored me.

Here's is response to me texting him today and saying"I'd really like it if you would answer my questions and discuss this with me"

He said "Wtf do you want from me? You want to punish me? Well punishing our son is not the way to with that, if that's the way you want it to go then just tell him right now that it will be a year before he sees me again and get it over with! But I don't have to explain myself to you anymore and I will not. So take whatever steps you want to take. I really don't give a f$ck anymore, and if you think I would ever hurt him or put him in a situation where there could be trouble then just explain that to him and leave me the f$ck alone about it."

All I said to him was that I do not want him to meet her, that they need to be together for at least a year before I'll consider it and that in the mean time, perhaps he can just come pick him up on the weekends to take him to do stuff or come here to our house to spend time with him. I mean for cripes sake. He has acted like an idiot, she has acted like an idiot, between the two of them they might have half a brain. On top of that, they have actually only "lived" together for a grand total of 2 weeks since he moved out.

He works 7 days a week. It's not like he's going to have an awful lot of time to spend with him anyway unless he takes time off of work. If he does choose to take time off of work and wants to spend time with him, then I feel he needs to do it alone, not with her. Not with me even. I even offered to leave the house so they could spend time alone together.

Do you see what he does to me though? He makes it seem like I'm doing this to hurt HIM. This isn't about him... it's about what is best for our son. I can't believe he would really choose to go a full year without seeing him just so he can spend time with that crackhead hobo instead.

January 20, 2014

I your WH doesn't really give a F about whatever you do then it is probably in your son's best interest to see him either. I'm not saying he doesn't love him, but those statements show little concern. If she is using heacy drugs it is not sfe for your child to be around her.

You need to take legal action and full custody. Allow your H to see your child as you have stated before, but I wouldn't recommend sleep overs with a crack head under the same roof.

January 20, 2014

I your WH doesn't really give a F about whatever you do then it is probably in your son's best interest to see him either. I'm not saying he doesn't love him, but those statements show little concern. If she is using heacy drugs it is not sfe for your child to be around her.

You need to take legal action and full custody. Allow your H to see your child as you have stated before, but I wouldn't recommend sleep overs with a crack head under the same roof.

And Raena, save that text. Screenshot that thing and email it to yourself, as well as your questions.

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