Sarabi Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 Well...erm... I was watching TV/half falling asleep yesterday and then...text came through. "Hello S, how are you? Its A...wondering if its possible to talk? Just text back yes or no and I'll be out of your hair..." What the hell??? :confused: Ok! So...so many things went through my head. First...whatever. I can text back but can't be bothered. Secondly what is that...is he still trying to hide with the "yes or no" thing...? Third...felt like saying yes on the condition that its infront of the wife and she gives her approval for us all to chat together. Then of course the missing him/wondering what he wants and why came to me... I don't think I can go to that place again. I am single and not seeing anyone so I guess he's not trying to destroy a budding romance but in the end...I kept quiet and didn't reply because he technically doesn't know that its still my number... Hope I did the right thing...can't be driving therapist/friends/myself mad again over this whole situation. Am kind of a little upset too that after all my hard work to get over this person he is trying to get me back to square one ...
whichwayisup Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 Ignore it. No good can come of this so don't let any curiosity make you answer back. You've come a long way with recovery and healing, opening that door will bring you pain. He is testing the waters. if he was divorced and wanting to start something up with you, his text would say just that! "I am divorced now, please call me." or something along those lines. Stay strong and keep focused on the good friends you have in your life. Leave the past (exMM) in the past. PS Block his number if you can! 3
Author Sarabi Posted January 17, 2014 Author Posted January 17, 2014 Thanks for the advice! I want to keep quiet...I left him in 2013 and I think(for my part) he should stay there... 3
whichwayisup Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 Thanks for the advice! I want to keep quiet...I left him in 2013 and I think(for my part) he should stay there... Great! Try your best to put that text (delete it! and block him) out of your head. Who cares what he wants!
psm04 Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 It's so funny. They all say the same things. 'Is it possible to talk?'. H NO!! whichwayisup is right. He is testing the waters. If something was drastically changing in his life, he would say that. He wouldn't keep you wondering what his text is about. I got something similar very recently, and paid the price for it by responding. Don't respond!!
hippetyhop Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 Well...erm... I was watching TV/half falling asleep yesterday and then...text came through. "Hello S, how are you? Its A...wondering if its possible to talk? Just text back yes or no and I'll be out of your hair..." What the hell??? :confused: Ok! So...so many things went through my head. First...whatever. I can text back but can't be bothered. Secondly what is that...is he still trying to hide with the "yes or no" thing...? Third...felt like saying yes on the condition that its infront of the wife and she gives her approval for us all to chat together. Then of course the missing him/wondering what he wants and why came to me... I don't think I can go to that place again. I am single and not seeing anyone so I guess he's not trying to destroy a budding romance but in the end...I kept quiet and didn't reply because he technically doesn't know that its still my number... Hope I did the right thing...can't be driving therapist/friends/myself mad again over this whole situation. Am kind of a little upset too that after all my hard work to get over this person he is trying to get me back to square one ... So..what happened?!?! If you let him in once, he'll just float in and out. He'll appear when it is convenient for him.
SunsetRed Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 All the OWs always lament "will I ever hear from him again?" after a devastating break up w MM where he runs back to the wife. To that, I always say YES, you will hear from him for the rest of your life or until you put a stop to it. Wait until he knows you have a bf and then you'll really hear from him, along w promises to leave the wife and marry you. What you wont ever see are divorce papers and what you'll never hear is "ive left her" in the real sense of leaving. He may call you from a bar when he's drunk and horny and say that, but he really wont have made a permanent leave. If you are over him, then consider yourself lucky to have dodge a bullet and don't answer that text. NOW, he's expecting you to respond, so when you don't, its going to mess w his control issues and he's going to keep contacting you until he gets a hold of you. Just be strong, as he'll never give you anything real and will only waste your time. 1
MissBee Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 Well...erm... I was watching TV/half falling asleep yesterday and then...text came through. "Hello S, how are you? Its A...wondering if its possible to talk? Just text back yes or no and I'll be out of your hair..." What the hell??? :confused: Ok! So...so many things went through my head. First...whatever. I can text back but can't be bothered. Secondly what is that...is he still trying to hide with the "yes or no" thing...? Third...felt like saying yes on the condition that its infront of the wife and she gives her approval for us all to chat together. Then of course the missing him/wondering what he wants and why came to me... I don't think I can go to that place again. I am single and not seeing anyone so I guess he's not trying to destroy a budding romance but in the end...I kept quiet and didn't reply because he technically doesn't know that its still my number... Hope I did the right thing...can't be driving therapist/friends/myself mad again over this whole situation. Am kind of a little upset too that after all my hard work to get over this person he is trying to get me back to square one ... Good for you! I think it's actually easier to answer when you're in a relationship, as if you are in a genuine new relationship you will not care about what he has to say if he comes back with nonsense about restarting the A. Whereas if you're single and/or lonely it is easier to get sucked back in. Great for not entertaining him! 1
MissBee Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 It's so funny. They all say the same things. 'Is it possible to talk?'. H NO!! whichwayisup is right. He is testing the waters. If something was drastically changing in his life, he would say that. He wouldn't keep you wondering what his text is about. I got something similar very recently, and paid the price for it by responding. Don't respond!! This reminded me of my exAP. He came back after a year of NC and emailed me on my birthday and sent me a card and in the email asked if he could call and speak with me. I had changed my number so apparently he tried to call my phone and of course didn't get me. I had just broken up with my new bf and was really not interested but grudgingly gave him my new number. He said he would call on whenever day. He didn't. Emailed some excuse. This went on for about 3 more times where he had some excuse of how come he couldn't call until I told him look I don't have time for this...if you want to call me you better do it by X day or forget it. He did.... claimed he was scared, didn't know what to say, maybe so, but point is as another poster said: you can't allow that person in at their convenience so it's best to ignore as nothing they have to say is beneficial to you most likely and the urge to call you/text you is for their benefit.
Nothisgirl Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 I really really admire your strength!! W ae in LC riot now...I'm going to go back and read some of your posts to see how you broke things off and became no strong! I admire you!! Good for you!! Thanks for sharing, gives me hope
hippetyhop Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 Oh, it's a married man? Why waste your time?? How do these married men get the single girls anyway. What a cruel world. most start as eas. 1
BruisedBNBroken Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 No no no no no, this is all wrong. S, you are my inspiration. I go back and read your posts all the time when I'm feeling the urge to break NC. Do not respond to this a$$. He has nothing on offer you could possibly be interested in and he has no right to pop back in and try to ruin all the amazing progress you've made!!! Read your old posts if you have to, especially the ones from the early NC days. And stay silent!! 3
Rollercoaster Rider Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 Well...erm... I was watching TV/half falling asleep yesterday and then...text came through. "Hello S, how are you? Its A...wondering if its possible to talk? Just text back yes or no and I'll be out of your hair..." What the hell??? :confused: Ok! So...so many things went through my head. First...whatever. I can text back but can't be bothered. Secondly what is that...is he still trying to hide with the "yes or no" thing...? Third...felt like saying yes on the condition that its infront of the wife and she gives her approval for us all to chat together. Then of course the missing him/wondering what he wants and why came to me... I don't think I can go to that place again. I am single and not seeing anyone so I guess he's not trying to destroy a budding romance but in the end...I kept quiet and didn't reply because he technically doesn't know that its still my number... Hope I did the right thing...can't be driving therapist/friends/myself mad again over this whole situation. Am kind of a little upset too that after all my hard work to get over this person he is trying to get me back to square one ... Oh my!! How long has it been since you ended things?? I just had a conversation in my head today about what I would say to my XMOM if he contacted me. 5 weeks NC and going strong :-) :-) :-) Good for you not responding!!! 1
sunburned Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 Sarabi, I think BruisedNBroken's signature quote says it all. Keep on keeping on. I think you've toughened us all up a bit today -- thank you! 2
Author Sarabi Posted January 18, 2014 Author Posted January 18, 2014 Oh my!! How long has it been since you ended things?? I just had a conversation in my head today about what I would say to my XMOM if he contacted me. 5 weeks NC and going strong :-) :-) :-) Good for you not responding!!! It all ended in june...I got him into trouble and was told not to speak to him ever again...so I am doing exactly that Except for a couple of weeks ago when I ran into him at the supermqrketbut that was unexpected... 2
Author Sarabi Posted January 18, 2014 Author Posted January 18, 2014 So..what happened?!?! If you let him in once, he'll just float in and out. He'll appear when it is convenient for him. Well, what happened after that is I fell asleep...lol. Woke up, watched a bit of telly...fell asleep again. Woke up, went to work...came home. Cooked. Ate...watched telly...then fell asleep Oh yeah by the way I did not reply and have no intention to... 6
Author Sarabi Posted January 18, 2014 Author Posted January 18, 2014 Well. I woke up and an hour or so later I got this: "Well S, all i wanted to say was, i didn't actually mean any of those angry things i had said sent to you in messages early last year. . But it was rather because of the situation i was in at the time i had little choice. Anyway It was nice to see you leading up to Christmas. . You look well. I think that i was meant to bump into you that day. I never intended to loose your frienship x " He never intended to lose the friendship...what-the-f@!k-ever What about never intending to lose his wife? 2
hippetyhop Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 Well. I woke up and an hour or so later I got this: "Well S, all i wanted to say was, i didn't actually mean any of those angry things i had said sent to you in messages early last year. . But it was rather because of the situation i was in at the time i had little choice. Anyway It was nice to see you leading up to Christmas. . You look well. I think that i was meant to bump into you that day. I never intended to loose your frienship x " He never intended to lose the friendship...what-the-f@!k-ever What about never intending to lose his wife? Ha! Classic lines. Unfortunately, I'm learning the hard way-- so long as his wife (if he has one) is making it convenient for him to get away; he'll stray. 2
TaraMaiden Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 "Your message was not delivered, as the recipient has blocked your number."
Author Sarabi Posted January 18, 2014 Author Posted January 18, 2014 "Your message was not delivered, as the recipient has blocked your number." True...but...then he will have confirmation that it is indeed my number...especially as I didn't send it instantly after his first text. My silence is intended to give the impression that this is NOT my number anymore thereby making me unreachable(I don't make voicemail messages either so he can't find out that way either) 1
Snipercatt Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 I think that i was meant to bump into you that day. Like there's some big cosmic force drawing him to the grocery store!?! LOL! 5
hippetyhop Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 True...but...then he will have confirmation that it is indeed my number...especially as I didn't send it instantly after his first text. My silence is intended to give the impression that this is NOT my number anymore thereby making me unreachable(I don't make voicemail messages either so he can't find out that way either) I hope I have the same willpower as if you my xMM ever contacts me again; you know, when its convenient for him to get away.
Author Sarabi Posted January 18, 2014 Author Posted January 18, 2014 I hope I have the same willpower as if you my xMM ever contacts me again; you know, when its convenient for him to get away. Trust me its not easy at all. I still think about him/them regularly BUT...I respected his wishes by not contacting. Anyway I deleted his number and email so I could never be tempted. And I eventually learned to think of me a bit more...& was reading more positive affirmations and thinking positive more often...that is the only way I have survived. Don't get me wrong, I wish him and his family well but I can't go back to being the way I was. I remember the horrible things he said too and that gives me a bit of strength to keep my mouth shut ...
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