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Is a man more desirable if he already has a Girlfriend?

barbossa

By barbossa
in General Relationship Discussion

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Woggle Established Member

Woggle

Posted
Posted
Lots of men assume just because a woman is nice to them, that she is hitting on them.

 

 

Hence the myth that having a girlfriend makes them more desirable.

 

 

I agree with the other poster, that a guy with a girlfriend is generally happier and more pleasant. Less likely to try to get my phone number or hit on ME when I'm just trying to be nice... which makes it easier for me to relax around them.

 

 

If someone is happy, it makes it easier for other people to talk to them. Not to be construed with hitting on them romantically.

 

 

I've never competed for a man, and don't imagine I ever will. Even when he is single, I don't compete with others. He needs that kind of attention, he can get it elsewhere.

 

Asking me for a quick romp in her hotel room on a business trip because our spouses would never find out is blatantly hitting on me.

Barbarossa Established Member

Barbarossa

Posted
Posted

Studies have shown people will find someone more attractive if they have a very attractive person holding their hand. I once dated a pretty attractive woman and could not believe the attention I got from other women.

Frank2thepoint Established Member

Frank2thepoint

Posted
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I disagree. I am single male and I am already desirable.

  • Like 3
Mrlonelyone Established Member

Mrlonelyone

Posted
Posted (edited)
Lots of men assume just because a woman is nice to them, that she is hitting on them.

 

 

Hence the myth that having a girlfriend makes them more desirable.

 

 

I agree with the other poster, that a guy with a girlfriend is generally happier and more pleasant. Less likely to try to get my phone number or hit on ME when I'm just trying to be nice... which makes it easier for me to relax around them.

 

 

If someone is happy, it makes it easier for other people to talk to them. Not to be construed with hitting on them romantically.

 

 

I've never competed for a man, and don't imagine I ever will. Even when he is single, I don't compete with others. He needs that kind of attention, he can get it elsewhere.

 

 

No this was overtly and blatantly sexual stuff.

 

 

 

 

Yeah I doubt any women on here would admit it.

 

Any guy will tell you if you go out with a girl or two to the bars/clubs you will see a radical change in your treatment by other girls (vs going out with the guys). I think I figured that out by my first junior high dance.

 

Just pay attention and observe what is going on around you, guys. This stuff ain't rocket science. Dang.

 

 

It is just a matter of observing what people do not what they say. Love is a battlefield and as one of the great but underrated generals of the 20th century said...

 

 

"Don't listen to what the <s>Communists</s> women say, but look at what they do." - Nguyen Van Thieu

 

 

Scientist call this mate poaching and it is seen in all monogamous or semi-monogamous species. It is less expensive to steal some one's pre selected mate than to find a good single one. Taken men are better than single men therefore the good ones are all taken.

Edited by Mrlonelyone
Philosopher Established Member

Philosopher

Posted
Posted

In my experience a definite yes. Even if I am on a date with a women or meeting up with a female friend, I do seem to get a lot more women looking at me, smiling, being more friendly, etc.

 

As well guys with girlfriends or wives being more desirable, I have often noticed that gay men similarly often seem to be more desirable to women. This makes me think that both men and women are more attracted to those that they can not easily get.

Mrlonelyone Established Member

Mrlonelyone

Posted
Posted (edited)
This makes me think that both men and women are more attracted to those that they can not easily get.

 

 

Exactly, why are Gold and Silver so much more valuable than Copper or Iron? Supply and demand. If the taken guy is also more physically attractive, he becomes even more valuable of a commodity. He's a prize to be won.

 

 

Maybe it is a harem forming instinct of sorts?

 

 

We humans are like every other great ape when it comes to mating. It is generally agreed that our earliest hominid ancestors were not monogamous. Even in the bible the earliest patriarchs had multiple wives and concubines. Ever since Hagar's belly was big and pregnant with Ishmael, while Sara hadn't yet had Issac and long before then we've lorded sexual power over each other. Being sexy enough, to take someone else's mate is one way we display dominance.

 

This is just not something good girls and nice women ever admit.

Edited by Mrlonelyone
  • Like 1
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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One of my best guy friends calls his wedding band The Ring Of Power. He swears that women who wouldn't have given him the time of day when he was single flirt with him now. My husband said he also experienced an up-tick in female interest after we got married. Heck, some girls hit on him while we were on our HM.

 

 

To me, once I find out a guy is taken, it's like a switch in my brain flips. No matter how desirable I thought they were initially, once they are off the market they become sort of a-sexual to me.

  • Like 1
MrCastle Established Member

MrCastle

Posted
Posted

What human beings say and what they do are often two different things.

 

In my experience, whether women want to admit it or not, or if they're even conscious that they're doing it -- they respond better to men who are seen as being popular with women. Whether that means a steady girlfriend or multiple partners, getting girls leads to more girls.

 

Is that an exact science? No, but it's happened more often than not.

  • Like 3
kodakgirl Established Member

kodakgirl

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If a guy is in a relationship but flirting with me, even he is otherwise exactly what I'd want, my attraction will drop to zero. I have no interest in someone who disrespects his girlfriend, whatever the circumstances (ie, if he isn't happy with her-- have the maturity to end it!).

 

Some of the responses though made me think-- I might come across as a bit more friendly and open to a guy I know is in a relationship. Not because of interest, but because it's 'safer'-- there isn't (or shouldn't be) romantic tension, or the worry that one of us will seem interested romantically when we're not. I know a relationship isn't actually a guatentee of these things not happening, but at least to idealist me it seems a lot less likely.

  • Like 3
fujidabruin Established Member

fujidabruin

Posted
Posted
If a guy is in a relationship but flirting with me, even he is otherwise exactly what I'd want, my attraction will drop to zero. I have no interest in someone who disrespects his girlfriend, whatever the circumstances (ie, if he isn't happy with her-- have the maturity to end it!).

 

Some of the responses though made me think-- I might come across as a bit more friendly and open to a guy I know is in a relationship. Not because of interest, but because it's 'safer'-- there isn't (or shouldn't be) romantic tension, or the worry that one of us will seem interested romantically when we're not. I know a relationship isn't actually a guatentee of these things not happening, but at least to idealist me it seems a lot less likely.

 

To me, this is where a lot of confusion and naivete' starts. When I am in a relationship, I tend to be very careful not to be allowing a single women sidle up and be "open & super-friendly". Unless, my GF/wife is present or the single female has been my platonic friend regardless of my status, then I tend to have my guard up.

fujidabruin Established Member

fujidabruin

Posted
Posted
If a guy is in a relationship but flirting with me, even he is otherwise exactly what I'd want, my attraction will drop to zero. I have no interest in someone who disrespects his girlfriend, whatever the circumstances (ie, if he isn't happy with her-- have the maturity to end it!).

 

Some of the responses though made me think-- I might come across as a bit more friendly and open to a guy I know is in a relationship. Not because of interest, but because it's 'safer'-- there isn't (or shouldn't be) romantic tension, or the worry that one of us will seem interested romantically when we're not. I know a relationship isn't actually a guatentee of these things not happening, but at least to idealist me it seems a lot less likely.

 

Sorry, but I have a hard time accepting this statement. To say that the attraction or feelings of flattery are ZERO is simply BS in my opinion. Yes, your morals should control your behavior and actions. The fact that you reject advances from an already attached person is proper.

 

However, for 99.9% of men and women there is going to be some sort of natural attraction regardless of whether the other person is attached or not. Those that will not admit it are either lying to themselves or in denial about their natural, human emotions. What one chooses to actually DO about these predicaments is obviously a different story.

 

BTW... the OP is simply asking about "attractiveness of an attached guy"... so lets not confuse the thread by bringing flirting and cheating behavior into the equation.

Mrlonelyone Established Member

Mrlonelyone

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Notice that no man is saying. They have a girlfriend, wife, etc, and then go out looking to flirt with other women. No. The women will come to a man who has a girlfriend or wife or indications of such and offer themselves to him.

 

The period when I was still mourning my last relationship and wearing that simple hair clip of hers on a chain, with my keys I got plenty of totally unsolicited female attention.

 

If a guy is in a relationship but flirting with me, even he is otherwise exactly what I'd want, my attraction will drop to zero. I have no interest in someone who disrespects his girlfriend, whatever the circumstances (ie, if he isn't happy with her-- have the maturity to end it!).

 

Some of the responses though made me think-- I might come across as a bit more friendly and open to a guy I know is in a relationship. Not because of interest, but because it's 'safer'-- there isn't (or shouldn't be) romantic tension, or the worry that one of us will seem interested romantically when we're not. I know a relationship isn't actually a guatentee of these things not happening, but at least to idealist me it seems a lot less likely.

RedRobin Established Member

RedRobin

Posted
Posted
Well its odd this one. When i am in a relationship, (Like now). I do get huge amounts of attention from other women. Yes Robin i understand what you are saying about it been mistaken for something else. But to me the signals are pretty clear. `You are with another girl but i want you`. But thats just my experience, others may be completely different. But i am never swayed i am by all accounts loyal and faithful. (I am, no irony intended)

 

 

 

... and for those who would actually SAY that, there is really no pressure to follow through. It's a test to see if YOU would... not that they would take the next step... and if you did flirt back, um, then you become one of those guys who flirts with others while in a relationship. See how that works?

 

 

Flirting and game playing. Doesn't mean anything.

 

 

In any case, people who have a life, seem happy, are relaxed and don't come across as desperate for attention are generally seen as attractive. I don't see how that necessarily equates with whether they are single or in a relationship... albeit, it can be a lot tougher to be all the above for some people when single.

  • Like 1
MissBee Established Member

MissBee

Posted
Posted (edited)
If a guy already has a girlfriend and talks to you/ flirts with you is he more desirable than a single guy?

 

1 girl already can stand him and wants him to be with him-- so he must be somewhat desirable VS the single guy that no one wants?

 

We all want things we can't seem to get so, if a guy is unavailable (to you) Is it not more of a challenge to see if you can get him?

 

Guys have you experienced this?

 

For some women yes, some women genuinely only get attracted to men committed elsewhere.

 

For me: I might be attracted to a guy with a gf and think damn why does he have to be taken but it's not the fact of the gf that makes him attractive, it's because I'm attracted to him anyway. It's not at all as though I will meet a guy I'm in no way attracted to and then find out he has a gf then all of a sudden I am attracted to him.

 

When I was younger I might have felt "special" if a guy with a gf was flirting with me, but as I have grown in self-awareness and know what I want and need, what's valuable and not valuable, I am absolutely turned off by this and if I KNOW you are taken but you're coming on to me, I lose respect for you instead of soaking it up and acting like it's so great.

Edited by MissBee
sugarpea Established Member

sugarpea

Posted
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No, to me he is less desirable.

 

Having a gf there is basically a no entry sign. For me I would even find it difficult to be friends with him in case the gf gets jealous or goes psycho crazy on me.

 

I mean why go for someone that has already formed feelings for someone else. Why ruin their relationship. You wouldn't like it if someone did that to you.

 

Also guys who have gf after gf are even more undesirable for me. It just means he's had many sex partners, so potentially more std's, has potential difficulty forming emotional connections, has potential commitment issues, is potentially dependent on others for potentially happiness, self-worth, and confidence.

 

Seems a bit of a harsh assumption, but that's the way I feel about it.

Ryan R. Established Member

Ryan R.

Posted
Posted
What human beings say and what they do are often two different things.

 

In my experience, whether women want to admit it or not, or if they're even conscious that they're doing it -- they respond better to men who are seen as being popular with women. Whether that means a steady girlfriend or multiple partners, getting girls leads to more girls.

 

Is that an exact science? No, but it's happened more often than not.

 

It is true. That's why people who are players get more action than not. It's kind of like getting a job. The more experience you have, the better and more valuable you appear. But how can you get experience when no one will give you a chance in the first place...

Pyro Established Member

Pyro

Posted
Posted
If a guy already has a girlfriend and talks to you/ flirts with you is he more desirable than a single guy?

 

1 girl already can stand him and wants him to be with him-- so he must be somewhat desirable VS the single guy that no one wants?

 

We all want things we can't seem to get so, if a guy is unavailable (to you) Is it not more of a challenge to see if you can get him?

 

Guys have you experienced this?

 

I have been married just over 2.5 years and my ring on my finger plus my actions have made me less desirable.

 

My actions being that when I am out I don't go out of my way to initiate conversations with random women, nor do I purposely look around trying to make eye contact and smile like single guys tend to do when out.

 

I have a feeling that many of the guys who get more attention while being in a relationship seek it out themselves.

  • Like 1
ChrisPA5126 Member

ChrisPA5126

Posted
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To a lot of women, yes. I believe so..and this is typically because humans desire things that they can't have.

 

Personally? If a guy is in a committed relationship, or a relationship in general, it's in my best interest not to interfere with that. Take that guy/girl off the goddamn pedestal! There's plenty more in the sea!

Revolver Established Member

Revolver

Posted
Posted

It's like a job application, the people who are already in a job or have tons of experience are seen as more desirable

Aquanut Established Member

Aquanut

Posted
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My experience is that it's definitely true that women are more attracted to me when I'm dating someone else. I get approached more often when I'm involved with someone else. Where were you last month when I was looking? :-)

 

Besides the in person experience, I re-activated my OLD profile briefly to get a copy of the messages women had sent me. We were having a discussion about OLD messages. Because I am engaged I marked the status as seeing someone and even put a comment in the profile not to waste your time sending me a message. I got two messages on the first day. Both messages referenced my non-single status and asked me whether that meant I was committed or was in fact available to the right person. It's a very small sample, so it proves nothing but when I was last on OLD I used to get a message every two or three days on average. Then I get two messages on the first day as a guy who is seeing someone.

RedRobin Established Member

RedRobin

Posted
Posted

Well, I guess the take away from this thread is that every guy out there should lie about having a girlfriend or start wearing a wedding band and see if that helps him attract more women and get more dates.

 

 

I dunno... maybe some of you guys can try that. Just make up a fake girlfriend.

 

 

:rolleyes:

Revolver Established Member

Revolver

Posted
Posted

There are men who actually wear wedding bands when they go out

Aquanut Established Member

Aquanut

Posted
Posted

I always wore mine- even after we split up I kept wearing it for a few months- but on the right hand. I felt naked without it. I was caressing a woman after sex and she asked me to take it off because she thought it was a buzz kill. She knew it was my wedding ring. Didn't stop her from wanting sex but she didn't like the idea afterwards.

Ryan R. Established Member

Ryan R.

Posted
Posted
Well, I guess the take away from this thread is that every guy out there should lie about having a girlfriend or start wearing a wedding band and see if that helps him attract more women and get more dates.

 

 

I dunno... maybe some of you guys can try that. Just make up a fake girlfriend.

 

 

:rolleyes:

 

I don't think it's as simple as making up a fake girlfriend. Other women actually have you SEE you with her rather than you just making something up.

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