freebird31 Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 This numb feeling seems to consume my everyday life. I maintain a good attitude and I fake my smiles. My ex is fading away from my mind. I can't even understand fully what it is that kept us together, I just know I remember feeling happy with him. It used to be him that I missed, then it was the memories that I missed....now, now I just miss the way I felt. I need to start fixing my life. I went into grieving mode for these last 9 months. I was depressed and still might be, and I haven't helped myself really. Now, I think it's the right time that I pick myself up and improve myself. Before, I wanted to improve myself mostly to impress my ex after the BU. now, I can care less what he might think of me. I know that right now has never been a better timing to do all the things i need to do: apply to internships, new job, go on adventures, meet new people, get in good shape. Now is the time. I have been strong these last 9 months, but not as strong as I would have liked to be because I wish I would have done these things sooner. I was in a sort of limbo. But now I'm out of it. And my ex isn't my main concern anymore or a concern to me at all really. I don't know if it is that I lost all my feelings for him? Or they have faded? Or what exactly is happening to me...but I don't feel much anymore. I will always have a soft spot for him, but I don't know if I even have feelings for him anymore. I hope he doesn't come back when my feelings have gone.....I pray that does not happen...that will make me so sad.:/ I never wished to get over him, but it's just happening. How does this even happen. It's just been too long now....he's a faded memory now...I just don't feel anything anymore...I miss the happy moments...but they are gone. I just have grown too much now too. I have matured a lot this past year. And I don't think it would work out if we even were to get back together...I think I've matured too much already..I've grown too strong already. I might even have outgrown my ex , and I just don't think I have the patience or tolerance to deal with immature guys anymore. Idk how I became so strong. I'm not the wisest or the strongest, but I have learned too much already. I just think I might be too mature for my ex....maybe this was going to happen down the line anyway.. 1
lofi_tokyo Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 It looks like you're on the cusp (or are) taking a big step in moving forward. Wanting to move on and beginning to truly let yourself move on is HUGE! Keep it up! You're over the worst of things, even if stuff is still hard now.
iworthmore Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 great realization freebird,, it's time to be really free and get the hell out of that cage. start flying and reach the highest skies. u r thinking positive, great start , our life worth more than to be freezed for someone who dont want to be part of it. now go on and do that ****!!! we all hold ur hands. LETS START!!
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