moonpies Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 I pretty much have zero contatc with my dad. He cheated on my mom multiple times and emotionally and mentally abused me. I could never do anything right hen I was younger. He would call me stupid or dumb and would even tell people I was gay(though I'm not). My girlfriend knows all this and understand I have some resentment towards him. Now that I have gotten o;der and have moved out the past couple years he has tried being nicer to me. I blow it off though. Sometimes I feel bad, but then I think how he acted towards me and I then don;t care. My girlfriend said I act like an ******* towards him and I should forgive him. I told her he should have though of this when I was younger what should i do? should i forgive him?
Shosh Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 what should i do? should i forgive him? I don't think this is a dating issue, so maybe post in the family thread? But to answer your question, I would not forgive him, but that is just me. You have to make your own decisions based on whether your life is better or worse off with him in it.
d0nnivain Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 You have to do whatever is going to allow you to go to sleep at night & look yourself in the mirror. Your GF wasn't there when you were younger. She didn't live through what you did. Certain kinds of behaviors don't merit forgive & forget. If you are not rude or intentionally mean to your dad, your GF needs to back off. 4
todreaminblue Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 (edited) you should forgive him for this fact alone....(quote)sometimes it makes me feel bad(end quote)......that badness is your natural desire to forgive....its ingrained.......move on with your life and forgive him doesnt mean you have to behsi best buddy or condone and accept what he did was just or right or good....he is your dad....whether he was a great parent or a bad parent...respect that...forgive him.......live you life with no regret.... a lot of people dont understand how i can forgive my rapist or people who have beaten me.....or abused me.....its easy.......i just leave it and move on....its their baggage not mine their guilt and conscience to deal with mine is clear......god will have his say...i hope all asked for forgiveness at one time or another maybe that their hearts were shown, they needed to ask for the lords help to be truly forgiven......and see and feel true remorse that they did something harmful to another..i dont need an apology......i forgive because i want to be forgiven too if i hurt someone...god guide me not too......ill make new memories..not casting stones....a bit more uplifting ill hold onto snap shots fo brighter times and know with m y heart i will always be forgiven if i myself forgive....and say sorry where i can if o something that isnt right or hurts another.....deb Edited January 17, 2014 by todreaminblue
nescafe1982 Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 You have to do whatever is going to allow you to go to sleep at night & look yourself in the mirror. Your GF wasn't there when you were younger. She didn't live through what you did. Certain kinds of behaviors don't merit forgive & forget. If you are not rude or intentionally mean to your dad, your GF needs to back off. This. It's an understandable impulse that she would want there to be no conflict between you and members of your family. Honestly... she probably wants you to have a great, healthy, supportive relationship with your father. But at the end of the day, your father may or may not be a person who can give you that relationship. And your GF, even though she loves you and wants what's best for you, might not be able to see that or accept it. I don't speak with my father. I've seen him once, at a wedding, in 8 years.. and I avoided him. He was abusive, dismissive, and neglectful of me growing up. He never changed, but of course once I moved out, the daily conflicts, bullying, beatings ended. I had a couple boyfriends who (bless their hearts) suggested I make the first move in patching things up with this man. what they couldn't see is that my dad was not going to change, and to subject myself to him would do nothing but open me up to his abuse. So, if I were in your shoes, I would talk to your GF, acknowledge that she probably has very supportive, loving reasons for wanting this conflict to end, but relay to her that you need her to support your decisions regarding your relationship with your father. You are allowed to change your mind about how you interact with your dad (no contact, limited contact, or intimate contact), but you need your spouse to support whichever decision you make. Your spouse can't make this decision for you.
Keenly Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 Your girlfriend has no right to tell you how to think / deal with issues of your past. Especially something So personal like a father son relationship. Soon she will be telling you how to live other aspects of your life if she already thinks she has a say in this issue. WAY out of line for her to even think this is her territory.
FitChick Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 What kind of relationship does your girlfriend have with her parents?
Recommended Posts