Author btfly803 Posted January 18, 2014 Author Posted January 18, 2014 Unfortunately, you played into his game when you responded to his first text. it sounds to me like this guy is just fishing - - to what end I have no idea. If anything he's curious as to how you're doing and quite possibly is looking to hook up. But it's certainly doesn't sound like he's looking to get back together. At this point your curiosity as to what he wants has been piqued - - so not answering the phone when he calls may not be an easy - - or viable option at this point; although I would strongly recommend that you don't. If you must - - try your best to emotionally prepare for the fallout because something tells me you aren't going to hear what you're hoping for... I read your post just before he and I talked and I started doubting myself. No emotional fallout yet. I'm not sure what the next couple of days or weeks will be like, but I feel really good now. I wasn't hoping for anything and therefore wasn't let down by him.
Zahara Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 At least now you can put Bozo behind you and close that chapter. You did what you had to do and it gave you closure. Someone that just ignores and disappears on you can't be much of a friend. Good for you for being firm and solid in your decision. 2
radiodarcy Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 I read your post just before he and I talked and I started doubting myself. No emotional fallout yet. I'm not sure what the next couple of days or weeks will be like, but I feel really good now. I wasn't hoping for anything and therefore wasn't let down by him. Knock wood - - you may not have any fallout. I read your post about the phone conversation you had with him and it sounds like going NC really helped you hold your ground and let him know how his behavior made you feel. Not only that, you explained to him why you could no longer be friends with him. That's a win if you ask me It sounds like he wanted to try and worm his way back into your life by being friends so he could have you on standby;which most likely would have been his version of closure. But in the end - - you were the one who got the closure - - and on YOUR terms. 2
TaraMaiden Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 The fact that you referred to his attempt at contacting you, as a 'breadcrumb' indicates that you are actually completely aware that he is fishing and wasting your time. Read the No Contact Guide (see my signature) and ignore all and any further approaches. if this middle-aged guy is relying on his momma to dictate what's best for him, then really....? I mean to ask - REALLY? 1
Author btfly803 Posted January 20, 2014 Author Posted January 20, 2014 Knock wood - - you may not have any fallout. I read your post about the phone conversation you had with him and it sounds like going NC really helped you hold your ground and let him know how his behavior made you feel. Not only that, you explained to him why you could no longer be friends with him. That's a win if you ask me It sounds like he wanted to try and worm his way back into your life by being friends so he could have you on standby;which most likely would have been his version of closure. But in the end - - you were the one who got the closure - - and on YOUR terms. 48 hours later and I still feel pretty good. NC was extremely hard, but necessary for me. He was trying to worm his way back in. I'm now alternating between vomiting at the thought of him and going WTF was I thinking ever getting with this guy in the first place. I do want love, eventually, and I have no idea who he will be or what he will look like, but I know it's not this guy. Glad I can laugh about this now after so many tears months ago.
Author btfly803 Posted January 20, 2014 Author Posted January 20, 2014 The fact that you referred to his attempt at contacting you, as a 'breadcrumb' indicates that you are actually completely aware that he is fishing and wasting your time. Read the No Contact Guide (see my signature) and ignore all and any further approaches. if this middle-aged guy is relying on his momma to dictate what's best for him, then really....? I mean to ask - REALLY? He and I talked a lot over the course of a few months and had gotten pretty close, he said at that point he considered us best friends. I just have to keep telling myself that he's immature, very unsure of himself, and not at all the person I thought he was. Talking to him a couple days ago, he even sounded differently. The funny thing is that he kept saying how he has dated at least 4 different women in the last couple months, how much they wanted him, etc. If I were quick-thinking enough, I would have asked him why the heck he was calling me if he's so busy and entertained by all these other ladies! I will never contact him again. No desire for me to do that ever. If/when he contacts me, I'm alternating besides ignoring or just telling him to leave me the heck alone or asking why is he calling me when he's got all these other ladies flaunting all over him.
Author btfly803 Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 I got an email saying "I've been calling and texting with no answer only going to voicemail, are you okay?" There's some backstory, that I will try to link my old post below, but after our last conversation where he offered to have sex with me - I decided to block his calls and texts. After the way he did me, I don't think I owe him any explanation but not sure how to respond. I was thinking something like "I'm okay but don't see a need for us to talk about anything anymore" What do you guys think?
mammasita Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 I didn't read your back story, but I think no response is just fine....we don't owe our dumpers any explanations. Why don't you go one step further and block him! 2
Author btfly803 Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 I'm on my phone so I can't, but if someone could post a link to my original post from last week I would appreciate it.
Zahara Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 I got an email saying "I've been calling and texting with no answer only going to voicemail, are you okay?" There's some backstory, that I will try to link my old post below, but after our last conversation where he offered to have sex with me - I decided to block his calls and texts. After the way he did me, I don't think I owe him any explanation but not sure how to respond. I was thinking something like "I'm okay but don't see a need for us to talk about anything anymore" What do you guys think? Look, he eliminated you from his life when he broke up with you. He even had the nerve to rub it in your face that he dated four different women. I wouldn't want to deal with him anymore. No need to say anything anymore. He doesn't get to know how you are doing. All that is over. It's a break-up. The only thing you need to be doing is staying NC. 2
TaraMaiden Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 I got an email saying "I've been calling and texting with no answer only going to voicemail, are you okay?" Translation of this message: I have been calling and texting with no answer only going to voicemail. I'm going to ask if you're okay, but what I really want is some acknowledgement that you are still hearing me, I'm getting through to you, and I'm important enough for you to reply; that way, I know I'm still significant in your life, which after all, is a great ego boost. So let me know I can still do it to you...." 5
Selkie Girl Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 (edited) You don't owe him anything. Stay NC. Edited January 26, 2014 by Selkie Girl 1
Author btfly803 Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 Look, he eliminated you from his life when he broke up with you. He even had the nerve to rub it in your face that he dated four different women. I wouldn't want to deal with him anymore. No need to say anything anymore. He doesn't get to know how you are doing. All that is over. It's a break-up. The only thing you need to be doing is staying NC. The part about him dating didn't bother me too much. I'm smart enough to know that if he were really dating and had met someone, that he wouldn't have time or worry about what I'm doing. The only reason I've thought about sending a quick "I'm okay" is because this guy knows about the history with my psychotic exhusband and that I always worried that exhusband would get violent.
Author btfly803 Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 Translation of this message: I have been calling and texting with no answer only going to voicemail. I'm going to ask if you're okay, but what I really want is some acknowledgement that you are still hearing me, I'm getting through to you, and I'm important enough for you to reply; that way, I know I'm still significant in your life, which after all, is a great ego boost. So let me know I can still do it to you...." Probably very true. I believe my exhusband was narcissistic and borderline, so I got very good at giving ego boosts. Nothing wrong with that when in a stable relationship, but I certainly don't want to give that to this guy anymore. Again, if he's doing so well with online dating he would have no need to contact me about anything.
Zahara Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 The part about him dating didn't bother me too much. I'm smart enough to know that if he were really dating and had met someone, that he wouldn't have time or worry about what I'm doing. The only reason I've thought about sending a quick "I'm okay" is because this guy knows about the history with my psychotic exhusband and that I always worried that exhusband would get violent. If that were the case, how long do you keep letting him know you're okay because he's worried everytime there's a lapse of silence you're in danger. Once you break up, it's over. You go your separate ways. You mourn, you heal, you move on. Your well being is no more his concern because when he chose to let you go, he forfeited the option of knowing if you're okay or not. You have friends and family for that. Not him. And you wanting to say you're okay is you need to keep communication going. You need it. It gives you a little bit of security, comfort and an ego boost. Cutting him off completely means you have to face the pain of finality. 1
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