Zoe Lilith Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 I have been doing fine and have accepted the fact that it is over, and to be honest, I am glad that it is. However, every now and then, I have that urge to sent an email to ex, expressing my anger towards him. I am also aware that he wouldn't care, even if I sent or say anything. I know that it's over and I wouldn't want him back. I think that he is the disgrace to every man in the world! I tried to "analyze" myself and to think reationally, it made me wonder if I am really OK with the break up?!! I can't find an answer. It's really confusing. I don't want him back, no way, but why is he still "here"?! Is there anyone dealing with similar emotions and when does this end?
jphcbpa Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 write him that letter (DO NOT SEND IT). put pen to paper. keep the letter and if future anger (things you remember) come up down the road you can add to the letter. share it with a close friend. keep it as a reminder of the truth so you never forget or if you want you could burn it or bury it as a way to move on. from a friend of mine... "Anger...This is a critical step in healing. Sadness and then anger. Feel it. It will assist you in being crystal clear in your next relationship. You won't avoid the tough questions out of fear of loss, doubt about your abilities, or not wanting to hurt someone. Agape love demands clarity and accuracy. We step into a person's world, create a safe place, establish trust, walls come down. We also may discover something we do not want to be involved in or with. Agape love is God's love--seeing someone the way God sees them--clearly. It is not about naive kindness. Let the anger be your wakeup call--wish I had known this before kind of anger. It will make you a better man. It is simple. You served her--you truly did--and we love those we serve. And miss them terribly when they are gone--and so abruptly. It is like she died in a car accident. You get to mourn the loss and love the memories. Just don't let anyone tell you to just get over it" 4
sugarpea Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 I have been doing fine and have accepted the fact that it is over, and to be honest, I am glad that it is. However, every now and then, I have that urge to sent an email to ex, expressing my anger towards him. I am also aware that he wouldn't care, even if I sent or say anything. I know that it's over and I wouldn't want him back. I think that he is the disgrace to every man in the world! I tried to "analyze" myself and to think reationally, it made me wonder if I am really OK with the break up?!! I can't find an answer. It's really confusing. I don't want him back, no way, but why is he still "here"?! Is there anyone dealing with similar emotions and when does this end? Hi I think a lot of people deal with similar emotions and I have relapses where I have expressed my anger mainly because he's triggered it. We're sort of trying friendship, it's awkward, but anyway I think the way I've tried to deal with it helps, although I suppose everyone's different so it might not work for you but here it is...I have basically said to myself that all the things he did, and all the things he's done are in the past. It can't be changed, even if we wanted to change it, we can't. It's done, and really there's no point thinking about it, or thinking of 'what if's?', as it is ultimately a waste of time. Time that you're wasting thinking of him, being angry with him ultimately but still it's about him. This time could be spent doing something else and really should be spent on you. I find that this helps me to deal with it. Hope it helps you too. 2
Haydn Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 Hi Zoe, nice to see you again. Anger is normal. I still harbour anger sometimes towards my ex. But i cannot right all the the wrongs and slights as i see them by emailing her. You know how it works. She will assume i was still thinking about her and no amount of explaining would convince her otherwise. So hold on to the anger and let it go slowly. It will. Missed your posts. Hope new year was good for you friend. Haydn 1
saltyfishhead666 Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 I have been doing fine and have accepted the fact that it is over, and to be honest, I am glad that it is. However, every now and then, I have that urge to sent an email to ex, expressing my anger towards him. I am also aware that he wouldn't care, even if I sent or say anything. I know that it's over and I wouldn't want him back. I think that he is the disgrace to every man in the world! I tried to "analyze" myself and to think reationally, it made me wonder if I am really OK with the break up?!! I can't find an answer. It's really confusing. I don't want him back, no way, but why is he still "here"?! Is there anyone dealing with similar emotions and when does this end? It does end eventually, you won't think it will, you can never guess when it will happen but it will. Oneday you'll wake up and think **** this and be done with it entirely! I used to take my anger out at the gym. I would think god I wasn't worthy, I wasn't hot enough so now I'll make him regret what he lost. Come forward 6 months - I have a rocking body, I couldn't care if my ex jumped off a cliff and he's on some horrific dating site trying to catch someone who wants his old ass... I think I got the better end of the deal 2
mtnbiker3000 Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 Yeah, our minds are our own worst enemy It will end. Slowly but surely. You won't even notice it, and then it will just be gone. Letting go of the anger is one of the hardest parts. Well that and the rejection. That was tough too!! Keep NC. Keep moving forward and all will work itself out. 1
Xemyd Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 I'd like to know when the feeling of anger starts. It's much easier for me to forget people I'm mad at.
ponchsox Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 Zoe, I'm going through the same emotions and I'm going on 4 months post BU. I definitely don't want her back, but I do get angry once in a while at her and blame her for the failure of our relationship. I also feel like I wasted my time. But it is what it is, and I'm moving on. I'm talking to other women now and it feels good to be wanted again
hippetyhop Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 Time heals all wounds. One ex took me longer to get over than another. There may be future exes I may never be over. There is no time table. Best thing is to keep yourself occupied and sane. 3
Author Zoe Lilith Posted January 18, 2014 Author Posted January 18, 2014 Hi Zoe, nice to see you again. Anger is normal. I still harbour anger sometimes towards my ex. But i cannot right all the the wrongs and slights as i see them by emailing her. You know how it works. She will assume i was still thinking about her and no amount of explaining would convince her otherwise. So hold on to the anger and let it go slowly. It will. Missed your posts. Hope new year was good for you friend. Haydn This is more than just anger, it's almost to the point of hate..I never felt such anger before..
Author Zoe Lilith Posted January 18, 2014 Author Posted January 18, 2014 Yeah, our minds are our own worst enemy It will end. Slowly but surely. You won't even notice it, and then it will just be gone. Letting go of the anger is one of the hardest parts. Well that and the rejection. That was tough too!! Keep NC. Keep moving forward and all will work itself out. you're absolutely right. I am an oxymoron at the moment. I just want this stop so that I can move on with my life and never look back.
Author Zoe Lilith Posted January 18, 2014 Author Posted January 18, 2014 Zoe, I'm going through the same emotions and I'm going on 4 months post BU. I definitely don't want her back, but I do get angry once in a while at her and blame her for the failure of our relationship. I also feel like I wasted my time. But it is what it is, and I'm moving on. I'm talking to other women now and it feels good to be wanted again I KNOW it was the time wasted. I always knew it, but didn't want to believe it. I ignored it. I mean, what are the chances of a LDR surviving?!
Author Zoe Lilith Posted January 18, 2014 Author Posted January 18, 2014 I'd like to know when the feeling of anger starts. It's much easier for me to forget people I'm mad at. It's not really a nice feeling. It's sickening because you are not able to express it, you have to keep it for yourself, which can be really frustrating.
Author Zoe Lilith Posted January 18, 2014 Author Posted January 18, 2014 It does end eventually, you won't think it will, you can never guess when it will happen but it will. Oneday you'll wake up and think **** this and be done with it entirely! I used to take my anger out at the gym. I would think god I wasn't worthy, I wasn't hot enough so now I'll make him regret what he lost. Come forward 6 months - I have a rocking body, I couldn't care if my ex jumped off a cliff and he's on some horrific dating site trying to catch someone who wants his old ass... I think I got the better end of the deal Wow, I am glad you are over that worthless piece of c*** and that you finally moved on. I just want this to be over already.
Author Zoe Lilith Posted January 18, 2014 Author Posted January 18, 2014 Hi I think a lot of people deal with similar emotions and I have relapses where I have expressed my anger mainly because he's triggered it. We're sort of trying friendship, it's awkward, but anyway I think the way I've tried to deal with it helps, although I suppose everyone's different so it might not work for you but here it is...I have basically said to myself that all the things he did, and all the things he's done are in the past. It can't be changed, even if we wanted to change it, we can't. It's done, and really there's no point thinking about it, or thinking of 'what if's?', as it is ultimately a waste of time. Time that you're wasting thinking of him, being angry with him ultimately but still it's about him. This time could be spent doing something else and really should be spent on you. I find that this helps me to deal with it. Hope it helps you too. I don't even bother thinking about him, but he just keeps "popping up" into my head and I get mad, then I think of all the things he said and I get really mad. One thing is for sure, this person caused me such pain that i will never forget.. I will keep it as the warning for the future that not everythig is as it appears to be...I fell for the "talk", I guess I am mad at myself more than I am at him!!
saltyfishhead666 Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 Wow, I am glad you are over that worthless piece of c*** and that you finally moved on. I just want this to be over already. Your time will come Zoe don't you worry about that. I know at the time you'll feel you'll be hurt and angry forever (when I was in your position I'd stick his face on a punchbag and beat the living hell out of it) I literally saw red!! Then one day nothing... still nothing now... I know he's out there and I know that he made a ****ty choice. He can't take it back now but I know he know's I'm doing exceptionally well 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 I KNOW it was the time wasted. I always knew it, but didn't want to believe it. I ignored it. I mean, what are the chances of a LDR surviving?! NO! It was absolutely not!!! I know this is hard to see now, but this was not a waste of time. It was a lesson that needed to be learned. It was an education. It was an in-valuable experience. Took me a long while to see this myself, and I don't think I really did until I was passed anger. Seems like the 'time wasted' feeling and anger go together. But you will get passed this. It might take a few more weeks / months, but you will see some good from all of this. You will be a better, more improved you. I promise 1
Author Zoe Lilith Posted January 18, 2014 Author Posted January 18, 2014 Your time will come Zoe don't you worry about that. I know at the time you'll feel you'll be hurt and angry forever (when I was in your position I'd stick his face on a punchbag and beat the living hell out of it) I literally saw red!! Then one day nothing... still nothing now... I know he's out there and I know that he made a ****ty choice. He can't take it back now but I know he know's I'm doing exceptionally well That might help! I have to find a way to let all the anger out and that just might do the trick. Although, I don't really care what my ex thinks of me, I just would like to get that face out of my head, because it makes me really angry! I'm really glad that you're doing more than fine.
Author Zoe Lilith Posted January 18, 2014 Author Posted January 18, 2014 NO! It was absolutely not!!! I know this is hard to see now, but this was not a waste of time. It was a lesson that needed to be learned. It was an education. It was an in-valuable experience. Took me a long while to see this myself, and I don't think I really did until I was passed anger. Seems like the 'time wasted' feeling and anger go together. But you will get passed this. It might take a few more weeks / months, but you will see some good from all of this. You will be a better, more improved you. I promise I have the feeling that, if I somehow could smash that head/face of his into a brick wall I'd be just fine and never think of him again! ) I never wanted to harm anyone, neither psysicaly or emotionally, this is a whole new feeling/experience for me..I always thought that people who are intentionally causing others any sort of pain, are psychopaths of some sort.. 1
Haydn Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 You are not crazy. Its a comfort thought. I know where you are coming from. Sometimes what they did seems so so so cruel that if we cannot find an answer then it would be good to punch them. But only in our minds. Try to forget him Zoe and i will do the same. Look after you. Haydn. X I have the feeling that, if I somehow could smash that head/face of his into a brick wall I'd be just fine and never think of him again! ) I never wanted to harm anyone, neither psysicaly or emotionally, this is a whole new feeling/experience for me..I always thought that people who are intentionally causing others any sort of pain, are psychopaths of some sort..
saltyfishhead666 Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 That might help! I have to find a way to let all the anger out and that just might do the trick. Although, I don't really care what my ex thinks of me, I just would like to get that face out of my head, because it makes me really angry! I'm really glad that you're doing more than fine. Hahahahaha!! It worked like a dream. I may or may not have drawn a bad moustache and a penis on his head too... LOL
John83 Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 With my first breakup the anger lasted a long time. I think when the anger finally stops and you dont care one little bit anymore is when you are truly over them
SoonMyFriend Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 Zoe, I am about 6 months post BU and my anger stopped about a month ago. I did a few things to deal with my anger - writing helped a lot, and then venting to my best friends (to a point) and my therapist. One thing I dreaded was a mutual friend's Christmas party. I was also always half hoping he'd come up to me at that party, tell me what an idiot he was for leaving me and wanted me back. But then, he didn't even show up to the party. He came up with the lamest excuse ever to miss it. And it was then I realized **** him and his BS. He's a loser and doesn't deserve my time anymore. It was just a "click" moment where things changed. It also helped that I met someone very attractive at that party and we flirted the whole night and it was a great ego boost. Helped me realize there are so many better options out there. So keep writing, keep getting the anger out and keep dealing with it. Eventually you will have your moment where your mind has had enough and is ready to move on. But make sure to move forward. Good luck
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