The fading fog............

[experiencethedevine]

Having recently had an interesting discussion about the methods, framework and time periods of managing the initial discovery, my question to you all is your reflection on the experience of what is now commonly termed, the affair 'fog'.

 

 

Do you also agree with the description of immediate events or would you offer an alternative description of what occurs?

 

 

How long did it take to come out of this fog?

 

 

How did you navigate and manoeuvre it, or did you let it simply ebb and flow like a tide?

[cocorico]

Having recently had an interesting discussion about the methods, framework and time periods of managing the initial discovery, my question to you all is your reflection on the experience of what is now commonly termed, the affair 'fog'.

 

 

Do you also agree with the description of immediate events or would you offer an alternative description of what occurs?

 

 

How long did it take to come out of this fog?

 

 

How did you navigate and manoeuvre it, or did you let it simply ebb and flow like a tide?

 

There was no fog. We both had our eyes wide open and took responsibility for our choices.

[waterwoman]

After my EA many many years ago it took me a year maybe to get clear of 'the fog' - and in my case it was fog - I was bewitched by the magic of feeling admired and flattered, there was no real love for the man at all but he made me feel special. I will admit I used the memory of the affair to ease my self-esteem at times when life became hard. Stupid coping strategy.

 

As far as I could see H really did love his OW - he said he did at the time and why should I not beleive him when it would have been easier for him to tell me it meant nothing. It took 18m for him to tell me (without any prompting) that he wasn't sure he ever really loved her. It hurt him to realise that because it changed the dynamic of the affair - he became just a daft man in a MLC who nearly effed it all up for a bit of flattery and a younger woman. And only a real muppet would dothat?

[katielee]

it took both of us about a year to stop making stupid decisions. It really didn't have much to do with our APs, but probablly the thought that we wondered if we married the wrong person or if we wanted a different life.

when you think you know yourself and then you make a choice that is meant to destroy your marriage, you wonder if you've been making poor choices all along and if you're not really living the life your supposed to.

Of course, this isn't true and it takes a while to get the head clear enough to see that.

 

It isn't falling out of love at all.

 

It made me crazy how long my husband was in the fog considering he had two affairs for roughly 3/4 weeks each and they started the day he met these women. It wasn't about them, it was about him.

 

However, I think that sometimes, if the BS is strong enough, WS can be forced out of the fog. If we would have kicked each other out I can tell you the fog probably would have been shorter. He was afraid I would run to AP, I was afraid to live without him. I suppose that's why it's pretty important that the BS be healthy. We were not.

 

When I look back at all the crap we put up with I shake my head.

[tiredofitall2]

Having recently had an interesting discussion about the methods, framework and time periods of managing the initial discovery, my question to you all is your reflection on the experience of what is now commonly termed, the affair 'fog'.

 

 

Do you also agree with the description of immediate events or would you offer an alternative description of what occurs?

 

 

How long did it take to come out of this fog?

 

 

How did you navigate and manoeuvre it, or did you let it simply ebb and flow like a tide?

 

Anatomy Of an Affair: How Long Do Affairs Last? | Marriage AdvocatesMarriage Advocates

 

This is a good article. I think it varies so much, but the fog, infatuation, limerance or "love" always fades. The question is can the affair produce a long lasting R after the infatuation dwindles? Good lasting relationships are based on a strong foundation. Are affairs a strong foundation for a long lasting R? Lies, betrayal, drama, etc. NOPE

 

A good foundation? I don't think so.