Radio Silence!

[smudge_320]

So I moved to a new city for a job where I don't know many people. Since I'm in my early 30s, I decided to get more serious about dating. Maybe I've been lucky (or maybe just sheltered), but I just got radio silenced for the first time.

 

I met a very smart, beautiful, professional woman. I thought we had a good time on our fourth date. Since our third date was before Christmas, I gave her a small Christmas present (box of chocolate). We went out to eat, and for a walk afterwards. I held her hand and I walked her back to her car. We made non-concrete plans to see each other again, and we shared a kiss. The next day I sent her a follow-up text, and no response!

 

The thing that sucks about radio silence is that if you're a gentlemen, you have to send a second text. Just in case she wasn't able to respond because something tragic happened... maybe she lost her phone, in a car accident, family member died.. etc! So I sent another text a few days later, and of course no response!

 

Anyway, now I've had a few days to think about it, I'm glad that this has happened. She didn't seem like the type of person that would give the silent treatment. At least I found out before it got too serious.

 

What do you think about radio silence? Is this a normal part of dating? I've personally never done it. I can't imagine not responding to someone if they reached out to me, unless they were absolutely mental! Maybe it's easier as a guy, if I'm not interested, I just won't ask for another date.

[Shashasha]

That's mean... I think it's very common in dating! I say you move on and chapter closed. She's not worth your time if she's not polite enough to respond to you.

[GemmaUK]

I met a man just as Friends only once for lunch.

I was very very clear it was just friends.

 

For the next two months he was asking for a relationship and wouldn't go away.

 

I wished I had gone radio silent or had a block option on my phone at that time.

I do now though and he is blocked.

 

Many choose radio silence because people won't take no for an answer.

Just going radio silent means they don't have to say they are not interested, they do so by their actions.

[Trnamakesnse]

I always think of it as inaction. Sitting down and breathing isn't much of an action.

[Lansing]

Most annoying thing about dating in my books. I would much rather a "I don't think this is going to work out" from a girl vs. just disappearing!

[mammasita]

I think the only explanation is that she was seeing someone else and it picked up and got serious. Rather than have to explain that to you and to her new "man" she chose to erase/block/delete you.

 

I hate to say this, but I've done it

 

I know, I know - burn me at the stake.

 

Now that I'm older - I take the "I've met someone and we're seeing where it goes" route so don't be too harsh. Some people aren't as mature as I am though

[angel.eyes]

She's not interested. I wouldn't get worked up about how someone conveys disinterest. Focus instead on the fact that you weren't strung along because the person couldn't say no. At least you don't waste time in pursuit of a dead end when someone gives you clear-cut feedback early on...which she did.

[BikerAccnt]

I think that after 3 or 4 dates, she should tell you up front that she doesn't want to see you again. However, this is pretty common. I haven't done this to anyone since I was in my early 20's, I tell them if I am not interested in continuing the relationshop. However it's just recently happened to me again, a woman I'd been dating just did the fade. I'm now in my early 50's. So, some things never change.

 

 

You did the right thing, one follow up text. Don't send anymore. Even if you really like her, sometimes people are just too much work to worry about them.

[Teraskas]

Truth told, I lost count of how many times women pulled this trick on me.

Possibly the worst ones were when they started asking me about personal stuff, personal experiences, I told them that in the past I had cancer.

Talking about 2 different women I was seeing at different times here, don't want to give people the wrong impression.

 

After that, one never responded or even bothered to send me an explanation as to why she dropped off the face of the earth.

The other labeled me as 'Scarred / unhealthy / broken'.

Such people don't deserve to breathe air imo. (The latter portion that is. )

[LuvsTrucks2]

I've never done this to anyone, however, it has happened to me. I just wish the guy could have big enough you-know-whats to just say hey something along the lines of there was no chemistry or that they aren't interested, etc., it gives a lady closure. The real reason is likely that they other person is more interested in someone else.

[nescafe1982]

I've had this happen to me a couple times.

 

And I hate to admit this, but I did this to a man who was probably a pretty good person a few years back. When I think about it, I still feel disappointed with myself for not getting the guts to be honest with him.

 

I can tell you that, at least, when I did this, it was because I had met someone so amazing that I wanted to pursue exclusivity with that person. I felt genuinely bad and guilty about not wanting to pursue guy #1 any further (we were 2 dates in but he was very persistent), but I just didn't find the guts to be forthright about it.

 

Basically, I went radio silence because I thought to myself "how do I tell this person that it's legitimately 'me' and not 'him,' without it seeming like it's not genuine?" I couldn't come up with an answer for that... so I just did nothing.

 

I totally looked him up on Facebook last year, and he's since gotten married.

 

Mammasita's honest approach is what i should have gone with.

[saltyfishhead666]

So I moved to a new city for a job where I don't know many people. Since I'm in my early 30s, I decided to get more serious about dating. Maybe I've been lucky (or maybe just sheltered), but I just got radio silenced for the first time.

 

I met a very smart, beautiful, professional woman. I thought we had a good time on our fourth date. Since our third date was before Christmas, I gave her a small Christmas present (box of chocolate). We went out to eat, and for a walk afterwards. I held her hand and I walked her back to her car. We made non-concrete plans to see each other again, and we shared a kiss. The next day I sent her a follow-up text, and no response!

 

The thing that sucks about radio silence is that if you're a gentlemen, you have to send a second text. Just in case she wasn't able to respond because something tragic happened... maybe she lost her phone, in a car accident, family member died.. etc! So I sent another text a few days later, and of course no response!

 

Anyway, now I've had a few days to think about it, I'm glad that this has happened. She didn't seem like the type of person that would give the silent treatment. At least I found out before it got too serious.

 

What do you think about radio silence? Is this a normal part of dating? I've personally never done it. I can't imagine not responding to someone if they reached out to me, unless they were absolutely mental! Maybe it's easier as a guy, if I'm not interested, I just won't ask for another date.

 

 

Radio silence SUCKS!!! I was in a 6 month relationship (exclusively) and engaged and every time he didn't like something I said (we used to argue about his ex and his inability to let go) He would go cold as ice.

 

Literally one minute we would be talking them boom anything upto 6 weeks would be silence.

 

You can never pick these people out. He was a warm, kind, generous man and he had the ability to do that to someone he claimed to love.

 

Be glad she didn't reply, if she replies after now ignore her. You don't need to be put in a situation like that. If she doesn't appreciate you someone else will!

[deathandtaxes]

It is the coward's way out.

 

 

It's for passive people. The assertive person will tell you they do not want to see you again, even if it would have been a second date. It is common enough in today's dating scene.

 

 

All it takes is a 'sorry, but I'm just not that into you' or 'I don't think we're compatible' or some other reason, but at least the IDEA is communicated that the other person does not want to see you again.

[smudge_320]

Well.. it's been a few more days and clearly this is affecting me a lot more than I could have expected. Probably because I've dated about 20 women since I moved out here, and she was the only one that I found really attractive. Also, she's the only one that I pursued a second date with.

 

I think I realized why this is so painful. By not responding, she's not saying she doesn't like me, she's saying I don't matter. I suppose apathy is worse than outright dislike.

 

I haven't heard anything from since our last date, a week and half ago. At this point, there's no way to undo what's happened. So I'm trying to move on. I asked another girl out today, hopefully it will go well!

 

I'm also going to be more mindful in the future. I can't recall ever ignoring someone like this, but I'll be doubly sure not to in the future. It's awful thing to do someone.

 

Anyway, thanks for reading. I don't really have anyone I can talk to about this type of thing.

[deathandtaxes]

You dated twenty but found none attractive? Why did you ever pursued a date in the first place? I'm scratching my head on this one. I've been radio silenced a few times. The first person it was kinda ****ty. I've since learned to take in stride and not take it personally. And then I go find more dates and forget about the prior ones.

[smudge_320]

You dated twenty but found none attractive? Why did you ever pursued a date in the first place? I'm scratching my head on this one. I've been radio silenced a few times. The first person it was kinda ****ty. I've since learned to take in stride and not take it personally. And then I go find more dates and forget about the prior ones.

 

I'm pretty much the only single guy in my office. My coworkers know that I'm trying to meet someone. Most of them were blind dates set up by colleagues.

[deathandtaxes]

I'm pretty much the only single guy in my office. My coworkers know that I'm trying to meet someone. Most of them were blind dates set up by colleagues.

 

 

 

Did they show you pictures at all? That's a lot of dates to unfortunately not find any of them attractive enough for a second. Hmm are your physical standards too high? Any that you wanted to kiss? Any that you had common interests and could converse with easily?

[Eau Claire]

The '20' and finding none attractive puts up a red flag.

 

We women have antenna...to move forward or to back away. I would like to have her perspective on the situation.

 

We can sense when to withdraw to avoid any confrontation. Better to disappear than to deal with certain types of male personalities. She may be inconsiderate but just as likely felt uncomfortable.