Murtz Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 My situation is similar to this and a few have you have helped in a couple of my threads, but I had a general questions that sort of relates to my personal situation. Do you think there is a good chance of reconciliation if in a long term relationship, in my case 3 years, if she broke up with me because she didn't think I put enough into the relationship? After she broke up with me I spent the next month showing her how much I cared and doing various grand gestures that she took to heart. I told her that I am truly willing to try and she said that she has to think about it so we are going NC for awhile. It annoys me that she never told me that she was unhappy with the way I treated her. If she would have told me and I didn't correct my behavior, I would understand the behavior. She always was so heads over heals for me that I felt like there was nothing I could do to hurt the relationship, apparently doing "nothing" was actually what I did to hurt it. So how chances of reconciliation? If she doesn't contact during NC should the dumpee ever contact her? I am afraid if the dumpee keeps NC too long the dumper will think the dumpee actually doesn't care and their suspicions were right in the first place.
Grumpybutfun Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 1. Of course there is hope until she moves onto someone new. However, you can't just put in half the work and expect to get her back, and you also can't stop doing the work once you get her back. You do what you two need to do to make this a relationship that works for both of you. Don't do anything that you do not believe is who you are and what you believe because it will not stick in the long run. 2. Are you absolutely sure that she didn't tell you and you just didn't listen or take her seriously? If you are annoyed over this then maybe you aren't really in this anyway, at least that is how she is going to react if you tell her you are annoyed especially if she did and you didn't listen or take her seriously. 3. If you have already contacted her and said your piece and apologized for your part in the break-up, then let her come to you. I don't know what suspicions you are talking about but honesty is the best policy even if it hurts both of you right now. If you dumped her over some silly ego thing, get this thing worked out or you might just make whatever silly suspicions you had in the first place come true. Women aren't playthings and you cant toy with their feelings because you have self-esteem and ego problems. Best, G
Author Murtz Posted January 17, 2014 Author Posted January 17, 2014 I think you misunderstood me. She broke up with me with. She was always in charge of the the relationship and would initiate everything. I also got really distracted by stupid things in life, like video games, and did not have my priorities straight. She has always had a difficult time talking to me and when I asked why she didn't talk to me she said it was because she didn't think things would change. What hurts me the most is that I feel like she just suspected all these things about me and I am afraid that if I give her the time and space that every says I need to give, then she will continue to think that "oh ya that guy didn't even try to fight for me, he really didn't care". I was referring to her suspicions of me not caring, not any suspicions I had of her.
MrMeh Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 I think you should consider what you could do to better the relationship if you anticipate in being in with her so you can be even more caring when the situation dictates it. If you can honestly pin-point a time/times when you could have been more loving or affectionate, then work on it. Last, talk to her once you have established how you can be more loving. Communication must also come from within yourself to solve these delicate problems.
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