allikowski Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 (edited) Me and my ex were dating for a year and everything seemed almost perfect. Of course we would argue quite a bit but it was small stuff that every couple goes through. We both loved each other very much and never lied to each other or anything like that. Sadly my dad passed away from brain cancer and it took a toll on our relationship. I wasn't able to be there for him and I became depressed. We had a small argument on December 19th and he told me he was done with me. I told him I was so sorry for everything and that I would try harder but he didn't want me anymore. He said he was doing it for me and that he wasn't able to be there for me, he aslo said he wanted to fix himself. I told him multiple times how sorry I was and that I realized I was not there for him. I told him how much I loved him and that I wanted to be there for him now and that I regretted everything I did. He said he still cared about me but he just couldn't be with me anymore but maybe in the future. A couple days later he tells me that he is over me and that he has moved on and I should move on. Then a couple days later he tells me he still has feelings for me again and that he wants to love me. Then he popped by my class two days in a row and we had lunch together and he asked for a hug. Only to have him ignore me again. It seems that he is constantly changing his mind about how he feels about me and ignoring me. I finally sent him a message about how angry I was that he was constantly changing his mind and told him to talk to me when he made a final choice and that I still loved him. I also told him I would always be waiting for him because I dont want anyone else, he was a big part of my life. I told him that if he never messages me after that I will message him in June to see how he is. It hurts because he was able to move on so quickly and all I want to do is love him and be there for him. He never replied to the message and I know he read it. I feel so confused because he would message me and see me and then ignore me again. I dont know what to do I love him so much and I know he is going through a lot right now. He even admitted he keeps pushing me away because he feels numb right now and doesnt care about anything. He also said he couldnt keep going on knowing how much he is hurting me right now. Is their even a possibility we could get back together? I feel like a part of me is missing I just care about him so much. Edited January 27, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
wordisbond Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 in my opinion... there's plenty of possibility of you getting back together aslong as you give him space and go no contact for a bit so he can clear his head... it sounds like when he has you wrapped around his finger he'll push you away but when your not there he swings past asking for a hug? if you ignored him for a while he'd come running back i think... you just need to stay strong and not talk to him untill he's telling you he wants you back he has all the power right now you need to take some of it back
Author allikowski Posted January 17, 2014 Author Posted January 17, 2014 Thank you! You are so right I think I will just give him his space. I made the mistake of messaging him a bunch. I didn't take being ignored by him very well since we talked all day everyday even before we were dating, he never ignored me until now. I'm scared he might forget about me though and find someone else. How long should I not message him? I know I said June but I was thinking about messaging him after 30 days to see if he is okay. I really am worried about him and I wish he would let me be there for him.
Simon Phoenix Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 Thank you! You are so right I think I will just give him his space. I made the mistake of messaging him a bunch. I didn't take being ignored by him very well since we talked all day everyday even before we were dating, he never ignored me until now. I'm scared he might forget about me though and find someone else. How long should I not message him? I know I said June but I was thinking about messaging him after 30 days to see if he is okay. I really am worried about him and I wish he would let me be there for him. You shouldn't put a number on it. 30 is way too few though. Probably 90 minimum. 1
Author allikowski Posted January 17, 2014 Author Posted January 17, 2014 Do you think he would forget about me in 90 days though? I just want to understand why he is constantly changing his mind and he never replied? Do you think he really is over me already he said he was letting go and moving. I told him how sorry I was and how I wanted to change and be there for him. I feel so hurt and sad
Simon Phoenix Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 Do you think he would forget about me in 90 days though? I just want to understand why he is constantly changing his mind and he never replied? Do you think he really is over me already he said he was letting go and moving. I told him how sorry I was and how I wanted to change and be there for him. I feel so hurt and sad You dated him for a year. Do you honestly think he'd forget about you in 90 days? I mean, if you dated twice he wouldn't forget about you in 90 days. Get your head straight -- that's awful thinking based primarily out of fear. And there is no way you are going to attract anyone, be it your ex or anyone else, with an awful, awful, awful mentality like that. The fact that you asked that shows that you are nowhere ready to be in contact with him. I don't know why he does what he does. No one does but him and trying to figure it out is a waste of time. And if you really want to "change", the only way to do that is letting go of this toxic fear and self-defeatist attitude you have. Don't say you are going to change -- actually do it.
Author allikowski Posted January 17, 2014 Author Posted January 17, 2014 Thank you I needed to hear that. I have been pretty negative lately and every time we talk it gets pretty emotional and I start telling him how sorry I am. I just need to move on and get my act together before I talk to him normally. Thank you so much! When I do contact him again though or if he contacts me what should I say?
wordisbond Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 Thank you! You are so right I think I will just give him his space. I made the mistake of messaging him a bunch. I didn't take being ignored by him very well since we talked all day everyday even before we were dating, he never ignored me until now. I'm scared he might forget about me though and find someone else. How long should I not message him? I know I said June but I was thinking about messaging him after 30 days to see if he is okay. I really am worried about him and I wish he would let me be there for him. he won't forget about you! don't worry about how long you shouldn't message him because by the sounds of your original post he will almost deffinantly contact you at some stage he's confused right now... im going through the same thing with my ex and i caught up with her at the gym today and she told me how hard it's been for her aswell... we as dumpees think that they're all cool with it and are moving on without a care in the world but they actually do care deep down (if that makes sence)
wordisbond Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 (edited) oh and when he does contact you don't tell him how much you missed him or loved him... treat him like a normal friend just be positive polite and nice and don't say too much and don't give too much about your feelings away... if he tells you he misses you don't be like omg i miss you too just say something like oh howcome or something just play it cool that's what i'd do but yeah just take this time to work on yourself, make yourself the best version of you. nobodys attracted to a sad person. be positive, go to the gym, for a run do something you've always wanted to do! make time for yourself like he has for himself it will help you Edited January 17, 2014 by wordisbond
Simon Phoenix Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 Thank you I needed to hear that. I have been pretty negative lately and every time we talk it gets pretty emotional and I start telling him how sorry I am. I just need to move on and get my act together before I talk to him normally. Thank you so much! When I do contact him again though or if he contacts me what should I say? Don't contact him anytime soon -- like I said, go 90 days, then re-evaluate then. And if he contacts you, either a) don't answer or b) be short, polite, and tell him it's best that you don't talk for a while. 1
Author allikowski Posted January 17, 2014 Author Posted January 17, 2014 Thank you so much! I am so grateful for your responses. I have more clarity now on what to do. I hope I didn't damage my chances to much since I did message him a lot telling him how much I missed him. I feel better now though so thank you, thank you, thank you! He does like or reblog things I post on Tumblr everyday so I think that means I am still on his mind hopefully. I will definitely focus on myself from now on and try to better myself! Thank you so much!
Author allikowski Posted January 17, 2014 Author Posted January 17, 2014 So it turns out he posted that he is making a trip back to were he use to live. When we were dating he had just moved there and a lot of girls from his old town would flirt with him a lot. I wasnt to worried because they were far away. I know he is going to do things with them. I feel so hurt and angry. I cant help but cry because I really know now that he moved on. I also feel like he lied with me by telling me he wasnt ready for a relationship right now and wanted to be alone. Maybe im being obsessive but I just feel so hurt. I already had guys interested in me but I turned them down thinking my ex would want me again. I was feeling perfectly fine until I saw him post that. What should I do? :,(
Simon Phoenix Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 So it turns out he posted that he is making a trip back to were he use to live. When we were dating he had just moved there and a lot of girls from his old town would flirt with him a lot. I wasnt to worried because they were far away. I know he is going to do things with them. I feel so hurt and angry. I cant help but cry because I really know now that he moved on. I also feel like he lied with me by telling me he wasnt ready for a relationship right now and wanted to be alone. Maybe im being obsessive but I just feel so hurt. I already had guys interested in me but I turned them down thinking my ex would want me again. I was feeling perfectly fine until I saw him post that. What should I do? :,( Stop following him on social media right now. Block, delete, do whatever. Your goal in the next 90 days is not to interact with him or know a single thing about what he's doing with his life. 1
Author allikowski Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 I know I was suppose to go no contact for 90 days but I had a moment of weakness. I messaged him "I really miss you I hope you've been doing well u.u" I honestly thought he wouldn't reply because any message I sent him he would ignore me. I can't believe I only lasted two weeks not messaging him. He did reply though and said " I do to,it's okay. Hope your doing better." I know he's uninterested I want to reply but I don't even know what to say. I miss him a lot but I know he's moved on and is just being polite. I dearly want him back but I don't know what to do.
pickflicker Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 You've hit the reset button. NC, day one, from the beginning.
RS5T Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 It's going to be hard, but you have to refrain from sending any more messages. Each time you send a message it will be like opening up the wound again. Let it heal. I'm in that position now with my ex girlfriend. It's only been a week but I've come close to messaging her several times. As much as I would love to see her name come up on my phone, it'll just put me back to the start of my healing process. Stay strong and things will get better. 1
Author allikowski Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 I really want him back though :,( I don't even know why he said it's okay
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 I know I was suppose to go no contact for 90 days but I had a moment of weakness. I messaged him "I really miss you I hopeclear been doing well u.u" I honestly thought he wouldn't reply because any message I sent him he would ignore me. I can't believe I only lasted two weeks not messaging him. He did reply though and said " I do to,it's okay. Hope your doing better." I know he's uninterested I want to reply but I don't even know what to say. I miss him a lot but I know he's moved on and is just being polite. I dearly want him back but I don't know what to do. Polite 100 percent. If he wanted to actually be with you, he would be currently. He isnt texting you or trying to be in your life, so the signs are clear. No more texting. Keep moving forward 3
RS5T Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Alli - I know what its like. I've spent the last week thinking of every possible way I could get my ex-girlfriend back. The more I thought about it the more I realized that if she's going to come back, its going to be on her own. You can't force or convince him to come back. Only time will tell if he does. Even then, would you really want to chance being hurt again? That's what I keep asking myself. Sure, I would take her back in a heartbeat right now but time heals all wounds. 1
LostConfused123 Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 There is nothing you can do though. I know how bad that feels. I'm so sorry. The best thing you can do right now (and the hardest) is NC. If he loves you and wants you back, you will know it without a doubt. If not, then you can start healing faster. Either way, you win. Although right now it doesn't seem that way. We're here for you. You're not alone! ((hugs!)) 1
Author allikowski Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 I know it just hurts so much that he doesn't want me anymore nor does he miss me. I wish I could be like him and turn my feelings off and not think of him because I know he's not thinking of me. :,(
Keii Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 I know what you mean by wanting to quash those feelings As many of the members have mentioned, stick to NC, and if you have an urge to text him, text someone else (a friend) instead. Or get up and move around, read a book, or an article online. Or update us and we`ll be here to support you! 3
Author allikowski Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 I just wish he wasn't so polite so I could be mad at him and not want to talk to him if that makes sense. Thank you everyone for the replies I will try to stay no contact but it is very difficult, especially since I still love him. He's such a nice guy but I took him for granted and I thought he would always be there. I guess the only thing I can do now is learn from my experience and move on even though it's so hard to do. :,(
Haydn Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Yes he is nice. But he left you. No more communication. NC does begin again right now as Pickflicker says. 2
Keii Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Everything happens for a reason. I'm a firm believer in this. It will hurt (and maybe hurt like ****ing hell) for now, and perhaps for a while, but if we examine it, and understand how WE can become better people for US, and no one else, then we will have taken something good from the relationship, right? My ex was the same, he was caring, even to the end, which made it so much harder to accept the break up. But shouldering up, crying when I needed to, relying on friends, myself and family really helped. Am I still in love? Yes, and I will be for a long time, but each day is a new day. Think about all the good that is in the world, even if it's something small. and remember, you are not alone <3
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