swordsmen121 Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 So this single mother I have been seeing for two weeks (about three dates so far) said to me last night she rather be friends first and see where it goes from there. We already made out and held hands too. She said it might stay there or even move forward. Her story is that she had a bad experience with previous guys and thats the reason. I want to talk to her and ask her to take one of two options: 1. Either see me as more than a friend and slowly learn to trust me and open up to me naturally. 2. Or see me as a friend knowing that it won't go anywhere. (I'd be friendzoned) We talk for 2 hours or so every night on the phone.
angel.eyes Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 Her story is that she had a bad experience with previous guys and thats the reason. I want to talk to her and ask her to take one of two options: 1. Either see me as more than a friend and slowly learn to trust me and open up to me naturally. 2. Or see me as a friend knowing that it won't go anywhere. (I'd be friendzoned) We talk for 2 hours or so every night on the phone. The third option is the one she provided--take things slowly and see where it leads. If you care about someone and are genuinely interested in a relationship, that's a common approach. It makes perfect sense given her reasoning. If her request isn't acceptable to you, I would suggest moving on. You aren't compatible. 2
tricolors Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 There is nothing wrong or abnormal with what she's talking about. 1
newmoon Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 just my perspective. a woman can say she wants to be just friends with a guy BEFORE any physical contact and mean it, and it might even go much farther down the line. but if you are asked to be 'just friends' after any kissing/physical stuff then it's because chemistry on her part is missing. the conversations are for her own self-esteem (knowing you like her) and if you continue to provide that she gets attention and you get nothing in return. don't give her the benefits of having a bf (long talks all night) without anything in return from her. she's waiting for someone better and you're filling that spot until he comes along, and by saying to be 'just friends' it's a hook to keep you around. 1
tricolors Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 just my perspective. a woman can say she wants to be just friends with a guy BEFORE any physical contact and mean it, and it might even go much farther down the line. but if you are asked to be 'just friends' after any kissing/physical stuff then it's because chemistry on her part is missing. the conversations are for her own self-esteem (knowing you like her) and if you continue to provide that she gets attention and you get nothing in return. don't give her the benefits of having a bf (long talks all night) without anything in return from her. she's waiting for someone better and you're filling that spot until he comes along, and by saying to be 'just friends' it's a hook to keep you around. Yeah, I missed that part. Saying she just wants to be friends after being physical isn't so good. Maybe not the end of the world, but not ideal.
MrMeh Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 If you have an intelligent and prudent woman on your hands then I believe she is being truthful. She could have leaped for other guys at similar moments in the past which clearly left her with a cautious attitude for future predicaments. I insist you talk to her and take from there. Good luck! 1
todreaminblue Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 mayeb just maybe she wasnt ready to get physical yet and is pulling in the reins a little...with kids its hard when things dont work out.....because it isnt just the two of you who might have feelings to deal with...taking it slow seems the go......you know and learn what you are in for...i seem to chuck guys in at the deep end.......i dont go slow....my family getting to know a partner of mine is important to me....i like to watch interactions......my decision i make on becoming a family unit not just a couple.......poor guy......smilin......deb
RedRobin Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 This is pretty much my approach, except I don't tell guys any more that I want to be 'friends first' because of all of the misunderstandings those words cause. I tell him that I need to get to know him, and it takes me awhile to make a romantic decision about them. I don't continue dating guys that I don't see romantic potential with... but I'm also not moving forward on physical intimacy until I get to know him. If I'm not interested in a man romantically, I will say so straight out. That I don't see us as a couple. If I like him as a person, I will say, "I'd love for us to stay in touch and get together occasionally." That's my idea of a guy friend. I don't use my male friends as my nightly chat buddy, so there is no confusion. 1
angel.eyes Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 Yeah, I missed that part. Saying she just wants to be friends after being physical isn't so good. Maybe not the end of the world, but not ideal. If she wasn't feeling it and just wanted to be friends, a typical response would be, "I think you're a nice guy, but I just want to be friends." Just because a woman doesn't rush immediately into sex or she tries to slow down the pace, doesn't automatically mean that she isn't interested in him romantically. Same goes for some guys.
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