alazlam Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 Ok, I know this is kind of weird, and I feel awkward asking, but...I want to break up with my boyfriend, but I'm worried about whether or not he will be ok financially...Is that like...normal? Has anyone else ever worried about that? I mean I know he is a grown man, has a job, but he doesn't make much and has student loans, etc.. like...it'll be tight...I really don't know if he'll be ok. It's none of my business, I guess...once we break up, but I care about him still and would really hate to put him in any hardship..
pickflicker Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 Living on the skint is something we all do, and should learn how to do, at least once. You shouldn't stay with someone just because it might inconvenience them if you break up. What do you want? Why do you want to break up with him?
Ordinaryday Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 fact is no matter what it is not your problem anymore. I used to get surprised/hurt when some of my exes never contacted me again, even though they knew I had several problems and it seemed like them not contacting me seemed like they just did not care. maybe that is true but I realised that it is the lesser of two evils. I would prefer them not contacting me at all than contacting me to say "hi, have you been okay since I dumped you" and as soon as I say "yes" their conscience is cleared and they go back to ignoring me. if you dump him his problems are no longer your problems. and WHATEVER YOU DO do not offer to help him out financially with a loan. I am not saying you would have, but sometimes exes do this and most people hate it, it can come across as smug, condescending, as if they are saying "you NEED me". I would rather starve than ask my ex for help, I am serious, 100%. one good thing about my ex dumping me is that she had a lot of financial problems before she dumped me and she sort of hinted that she might need my financial help in sorting them out. I would have done it if she had asked, but when she dumped me her financial troubles ceased to be an issue for me. only good thing that came out of the breakup 1
Author alazlam Posted January 17, 2014 Author Posted January 17, 2014 I get what you guys mean... And I probably wouldn't want people, especially exes, pandering to me either. I have to break up with him due to some emotional abuse problems in the relationship. He wants to stay together but neither of us are happy - I think breaking up is the right thing to do. Despite the impending breakup, I still genuinely care for the guy and wouldn't want anything bad to happen to him. He's just like...all alone. I mean, he has friends but he never shares any personal things with them or anything like that. Whatever help, if any, he would ever need, I'd still be there as a friend, always. I don't know, maybe it'll be character building or what have you. I should give the guy more credit, right..? He's a smart dude, just kind of childish sometimes I guess..
Chi townD Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 I get what you guys mean... And I probably wouldn't want people, especially exes, pandering to me either. I have to break up with him due to some emotional abuse problems in the relationship. He wants to stay together but neither of us are happy - I think breaking up is the right thing to do. Despite the impending breakup, I still genuinely care for the guy and wouldn't want anything bad to happen to him. He's just like...all alone. I mean, he has friends but he never shares any personal things with them or anything like that. Whatever help, if any, he would ever need, I'd still be there as a friend, always. I don't know, maybe it'll be character building or what have you. I should give the guy more credit, right..? He's a smart dude, just kind of childish sometimes I guess.. Hey, if breaking up with him is what you need to do, then just do it. If that's what it's going to take to make you happy, then you need to pull the trigger. However, you are not his friend. Hard to read, I know. But, he didn't get into a loving and caring relationship for the end result is that he's nothing more than a really good friend to you. When you pull the trigger, you need to let him go. You cannot contact him again. Not for a LONG, LONG while. And it's not you being a bitch, it's just that he has to heal and move on. He will have a hard time doing that if you are constantly in his life. It's going to fill him with false hope. Also, it's just cruel. You're constantly in his life and you're waving something in his face that he can't have anymore and that would be YOU! So, when you leave, you leave for good. You're making the choice to have him out of your life. He's not your friend, he's not your boyfriend....essentially, he's nothing to you anymore. And you have to leave him in the past. NOW! Don't get me wrong. There is a possibility of a friendship that could happen. But, that should only happen when HE is fully healed and has no romantic feelings for you any longer. But, until that happens, you need to go strict NC on him. He may try to text you, call you, email you...you respond to nothing. He may say hateful things. That's just going to happen. He may think that you're a heartless and uncaring bitch. But the truth is, you're caring enough to let him go and giving him the room and space to heal from the demise of the relationship. One day, he'll realize that. And as far as men doing childish things? PLEASE! Welcome to dating men! ALL GUYS DO STUPID THINGS! The guy you date could be intelligent as hell and have a PhD. He'll still do something to make you scratch your head and say to yourself, "What the hell was he thinking?"
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