Does My Boyfriend ACT gay, or is He REALLY gay??

[Chanislovesyouu]

Okay, so I've been with Kelvin, my boyfriend, for a couple months now. He's a talkative person, friends with a lot of people. I've noticed circumstances that led me to believe he could be gay, like saying "I love you bro" to his guy friends, or "You're cute". Half of the time they would say it back & laugh. It makes me feel uncomfortable really. I pushed these feelings aside because he could just be playing around, although I feel that he isn't. It sounds sincere.

 

One time a guy friend of his came up to me & said ; "It's okay if you're lesbian, because he's gay." Then he laughed as Kelvin was there beside me with an odd mixture of anger whilst laughing. Then not too long ago, Kelvin was talking to a friend & his other guy friend barged in & warns him ; "Just don't get too close to Kelvin, he can be on some extreme gay ****." Then he laughs.

 

Whenever I sarcastically hint at my beliefs that he's gay, he would look at me as if I'm messing with him, or sometimes he would say that he's not gay, he just appreciates good looks that's all. One time as I was texting him I hinted at me thinking he was gay, & he said nothing that opposed it, just basically changed the subject

 

He can say some pretty gay things, but I don't know if he's playing or not. When he's with me & talks to me , I know that his feelings for me are real . If it wasn't , I doubt he would go through all the work he did to be with me. It's just that when he's with these guy friends, I am convinced he's gay , or bisexual.

 

I'm just really confused.

[whichwayisup]

What do you mean he says some 'gay' things? Can you give an example?

 

It is possible his bi sexual.

 

Are many of his friends gay?

[gaius]

His gay is leaking out all over the place.

[Chanislovesyouu]

He would say a male actor is sexy (which he "took back" once I gave him a weird look) , & also one time he commented on a guy having a nice ass.

[Chanislovesyouu]

Oh yeah, & none of his friends are gay, which makes me question it b/c they could just be messing around.

[Keenly]

Some circles of friends will intentionally push boundaries until the other person becomes uncomfortable.

 

 

Harmless every time I have seen it, if that is what is going on.

[Smthn_Like_Olivia]

It's possible he's bisexual, and just not ready to explore that side of himself yet. Who knows?

[nescafe1982]

He's your boyfriend? Are you sexually active?

[angel.eyes]

Perhaps he's joking around with his friends. Perhaps he's still coming to terms with his sexuality. Perhaps he is bisexual or even gay. Who knows? Some gay (not bisexual) men marry women, and only years later divulge their sexuality.

 

Only he knows the truth. We (and you) can only guess at it, although to be honest, I don't typically hear straight guys noticing cute rumps on other men. Why don't you have a thoughtful, non-judgmental conversation with him rather than hinting and beating around the bush. Good communication is critical in any relationship. Also, trust your intuition. In my experience, it's always been spot on.

[Chanislovesyouu]

I've actually tried to speak to him about it , like when he took back what he said when he found an actor sexy. I told him that not to take it back if he's really thinking about things like that & to tell me what's on his mind. But he avoided it . It probably made him feel uncomfortable & maybe he didn't want to defend himself further, just wanted to get off of the subject.

[OpheliaSong]

No, it doesn't mean he is gay, but it does mean that he either jokes a lot with his friends or he is sharing an inside joke about liking c0ck with them. To bad you were sarcastic about the subject before or he might have talked to you about it.

[MrMeh]

If he is intimate with you and you notice he is stimulated, then I don't see a problem if he also likes males.

[angel.eyes]

I've actually tried to speak to him about it , like when he took back what he said when he found an actor sexy. I told him that not to take it back if he's really thinking about things like that & to tell me what's on his mind. But he avoided it . It probably made him feel uncomfortable & maybe he didn't want to defend himself further, just wanted to get off of the subject.

 

Just trying to help. Was that a thoughtful, non-judgmental discussion? Not trying to criticize you, but using sarcasm to tackle a difficult subject is counterproductive. It puts the other person on the defensive. No one wants to feel judged or attacked. The other person has to feel safe talking to you if you want him to be open and honest. That's not the impression I have from your description of your interactions. I could be wrong. I wasn't there. Perhaps you were warm, supportive, loving, and accepting in your conversation with him, and engaged in an open-ended two-way discussion.

 

The other thing I suggest is just observing someone in their social context.

[angel.eyes]

To give you a concrete example:

 

When he mentioned that a particular male actor was hot, I would have asked what made him hot. What else he liked about that particular actor? Who else did he find attractive? Turn it into a conversation about what you both find attractive and what turns you both on, rather than going the route of "Are you gay? Please tell me if you're gay." plus the sarcastic comments you said you made. The latter approach leaves the person defensive, if he is gay, or offended if he isn't.