MontyCarlo Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 Long story short. I was in a relationship with my ex for 5 years, I ended the relationship on 20th August 2013 for different reasons. I felt as though I had got tired of the relationship, was annoyed at her high usage of Facebook, also, which I had not shared on my last post, I was in a high level of debt, she had taken loans out for me (which I have paid for and continue to do so) plus I have other high interest loans that I am currently sorting out. If I also admit, I started to imagine life with other women that I work with. (GIGs) Anyway, we have had limited contact since we broke up, a few texts back and forth sept/oct/nov about how we broke up initially and I told her we should go NC for her sanity as I wasn't sure where the texts were leading. Wished each other Merry Christmas on boxing day (she initiated this). NC over new years but her birthday was Jan 5th which I text her to wish her Happy Birthday. We have been 'friendly' not friends during the almost 5 months we have been split up. We see each other in work (different departments, She, I and the women I imagined life was like was also a different company). I have gone out on nights out with this other company were the women I GIG'd over had also gone out. Nothing has happened at all, I haven't tried to initiate anything at all even though on some level I would like to, as it feels like I would be cheating on my ex if I did so. Usually I've gone out, had more than I should to drink, then just as I think I should 'make a move' I get all upset about my ex, go outside to have a smoke whilst I think things through then just end up going home early. I'm starting to realise that 'you don't know what you've got till its gone'. I've realised that I don't want to try and initiate anything with other women. I now work two other jobs in addition to my normal job (taxi driving and delivering fast food) to try and stamp out my debts and repay my ex as early as possible. With the intention of begging my ex to take me back. Horrible part is, I don't believe at this moment it would take much right now if I asked for forgiveness right now. I believe (or hope) that she would. However, I've come to the conclusion that at least part of the reason I split up with her is because I was unhappy with my own financial situation, I could never afford to take her out, buy her impulse presents and that currently hasn't changed. However, I'm terrified that by time I do sort myself out, she will have moved on, I even said that to her at the time we split. That if in the future I regret my action and she has moved on, that it will be my tough luck. I'm the one that ended the RL but I can't move on, I want to move back but can't right now. I know I've brought this upon myself, its all my own doing. One of my texts from 5/12/13 went as follows "If you still trust me not to hurt you. You shouldn't! I already have 4 months ago. I didn't mean it then and I can't guarantee that it won't happen again. I don't know what I want. So try your best to not let me do it again. Your best option is to try and move on, forget about me as best you can. If roles were reversed I'd be forced to do the same." I don't know really what I'm doing writing this on here, I'm not really asking a question, I know I'm not going to ask her for forgiveness at least not yet anyway. But I may as well post it. I know a lot of people hate people like me on here, I got flamed enough on my first thread, it beats breaking her heart whilst I stay in limbo.
RDawg Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 Oooh a wishy washy dumper.. bring out the pitch forks lets burn him at the stake!! You sound really confused. If you love this girl you would never let her go. Sounds like you just need to leave it alone for a while, but I think you know that. Good luck man.
iouaname Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 I think that you need to be sure of what you want before you do anything. From reading your post, you still seem very unsure. It would not be fair to her if you reached out and attempted to reconnect with her when there seems like there's a good chance that you'll just end up doing the same thing to her again.
sugarpea Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 I think since you're still in the same situation you're in that made you break up in the first place - financial issues, even if you were to be back together again you'd still feel the same way that you would be unable to provide her with gifts and take her out the way you want to, so ultimately because of that feeling you would not be happy and it wouldn't work. Sorry! I believe it would be useful for you at the moment to really concentrate on you and get yourself to a place you want to be and to be that person you want to be for her. But having said that it is important for you (if you do really want to consider getting back into a relationship with her that is) to highlight all the good and bad points of the relationship, just to be sure that you really want to get back into the relationship. We tend to focus on all the good things we lost when we lose someone and forget all the issues for doing so in the first place.
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